by Meg Collett
“I tried to warn you!” I said feverishly. “I did. So many times. But the Commander turned on you because you were helping the university. They’re all bad men. And bad men must die.”
“The Commander didn’t turn on me.”
“He tortured you,” I said, drawing in a deep breath. “For weeks, he tortured you.”
“No, Zero.”
I was crying. I was drowning. Tears blinded me. The white place flickered across my vision. The shadows were too distant. Too far. Too bright. Why was the room so bright? I trembled beneath the light.
“He’s here. He’s here. He’s …” Was he here? Didn’t I feel him? Didn’t I hear him? “Commander?” I asked the too-bright room. “Commander, tell them. Help me. Please.” I cried harder. He wasn’t here. He’d gone into the shadows. “Come back! Come back!”
Ollie’s arms tightened around me. The fearless girl, the one with brown skin and dark hair and deep eyes full of nothing, crouched beside me. She put a hand on my shoulder. “You need to listen to us,” she said, her words falling against my ears like raindrops. “You need to listen before you fall against the sharp edge of your fear. Do you hear me? It will kill you. You can’t live in that dark place forever.”
On the other side of the room, Thad stood, using the wall as support, his bare feet slipping against the concrete. “Tell them,” I told him again. “Tell them how the Commander hurt you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. He hurt me too sometimes. But he’s helping us. He’s helping us take out the bad men.”
“He didn’t hurt me, Zero.”
“No.” I couldn’t see. “Come back,” I asked the Commander. “Come back and take me with you. Take me with you again.”
“When I told you I didn’t know about the other children in that lab and couldn’t save them, you turned on me. You started talking to the Commander. And you hurt me, Zero. You tortured me with your shadows in my head. You made me feel pain until I could feel nothing else. You are the Commander.”
Zero. Nothing. Zero. Nothing.
“You made him up. The Commander never existed,” he said. He wouldn’t stop talking. “You need help. You’re not okay.”
The shadows peeled back from my mind, and I saw everything.
I saw everything.
T W E N T Y - F I V E
Ollie
Sunny and I walked back to the university, each with one of Thad’s arms slung over our shoulders, his limp body dragging between us. Ironically, the sun was just rising, spilling flower-blossom hues across the melting snow, which dripped from the trees around us onto our jackets. Neither of us spoke.
I figured Sunny was crashing from her high, and I was just crashing.
Finally, Sunny spoke. “Where do you think she went?”
“I have no idea. Probably somewhere far, far away from here.”
Zero had fractured before our eyes. Literally. Darkness had splintered throughout her form, swallowing her into a void none of us could reach, even Thad, who’d shouted her name as she’d collapsed. Then she’d just vanished.
Her mind was broken from her time in the lab. And worse, she’d had no idea. She’d been so isolated her entire life that no one had seen how far gone the young girl was.
“Do you think she’ll be back?”
“I hope so.”
Sunny let out a tired laugh. “Even now, after all that, you still think she can be saved.”
I adjusted Thad’s limp weight and shot my best friend a small smile. “Especially after all that.”
Sunny returned the smile, and I knew we were okay. If we could still smile at each other then we were okay. “That’s what I’ve always loved about you. Your optimism and compassion.”
I snorted. “Yeah, right. That’s it.”
We walked a little farther down the road that led straight to the university’s front gates. Thad occasionally groaned and shifted, but he was too out of it to do much else. I wanted to ask him more about the halflings in Anchorage, but he hadn’t woken since leaving the slaughterhouse. And right now, I had more pressing issues.
“Are you okay, Sunny?”
She didn’t answer for a long moment. I figured she had to think about it, and that broke my heart. I didn’t want her to think about it. Before all this and even during, I’d wanted nothing more than for her to hear a question like that and instantly laugh, brush it off, and say, “Of course I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be?” But she did have to think about it. Things had changed since the night I’d arrived to find a quiet, young nurse gawking at me, her questions rushed and scared, her doe eyes wide behind her glasses.
I smiled at the memory.
“Your name’s really Sunny? Did your parents hate you?”
“Uh … it’s more like a nickname, I guess.”
She was the best friend I’d never dared to hope for, and when my entire world had fallen apart and I’d realized I was the big, bad monster of the night, she was the one who’d made me realize it was okay to love myself again.
Sunny Lyons was everything.
“I will be,” she said. “Okay, that is. At least, I think so.” She leaned forward, our boots crunching through the snow, and met my eyes. “I want to fight, Ollie. I want to be your partner. Like Luke and Hatter, but less crazy. I can be a nurse too, but I want to fight. I feel it in my heart. It’s what I’m meant to do.”
My eyes pricked with tears, though I was still smiling. I wished I had even one ounce of her bravery. Just one. I’d be invincible then. But I heard the truth dripping from her words. She believed them with her entire heart. Luke had been right: the person to stand between Sunny and her calling would be left behind, left out. And I couldn’t be left out of Sunny’s life. She was the best thing in the world.
“I know,” I said, my voice tight. “I understand now. You’re the only partner I’d ever want, Sunny.” A tear spilled down my cheek, but I couldn’t swipe it away without dropping Thad. “I won’t stand in your way anymore.”
“Thank you,” she whispered. The new day’s wind almost stole her quiet words away, but I caught them.
“What will Hatter think?”
She shifted Thad’s weight between us, stalling. “He won’t like it.”
I knew he wouldn’t, especially if he lost that arm. My stomach roiled at the thought of him bloody on the ground and Luke’s cold cheek against my hand. But I said, “He loves you. You two will figure it out.”
“Maybe.” Sunny didn’t sound so sure.
“So, it’s not a doctor anymore, huh? You’re training to be a nurse?”
“My parents might not like it, but I think I can help more people as a nurse. That’s all I really want.”
“That makes sense.”
There wasn’t much to say after that. Not after the night we’d had. My father’s blood stained my clothes, and I couldn’t shake the image of his body on the ground at my feet as his old pack called me queen. Queen. I shuddered.
But it wasn’t from fear.
It felt right.
Not the name. The name I couldn’t care less about. But having a pack’s allegiance. Having fought for it and earned it. Though it had come at an awful cost. The worst cost.
A.J. and Squeak.
More friends dead to the cause. Good people who shouldn’t have died. My fault, a voice in the back of my head whispered. My fault.
The guilt would never leave. I needed to get used to it, like I’d told Luke. It was what we deserved for doing the things we did. It should all weigh heavily on us. If it didn’t, then we’d already lost the war.
When we were within eyesight of the university’s gates, Sunny and I shuddered to a stop and almost dropped Thad.
“Oh no,” Sunny whispered. “Please, no.”
The gates of Fear University stood open. No guards patrolled the fence.
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. We shouldered Thad back into position and double-timed it to the gates. There was no way to stop the barrage of images from assaulting me. All my dead friends
. Dead students. Dead hunters and professors and everyone who should have lived but hadn’t. Another thing that would weigh on me. Another thing I could have changed.
I didn’t know if I could handle this.
But as we stumbled through the sprawling wrought-iron gates, we saw them.
They weren’t dead, thank God, but there wasn’t enough of them. I recognized Eve and Haze and Mr. Clint and the hunters who’d pulled doubles and triples on the fence and the older professors and some of the fourth-years and fifth-years. Jolene stood among them, her pretty face strained with fear. They were huddled in the courtyard, preparing for something, but when they saw us, they collectively let out a breath as if we were the missing element, the lost piece.
From the middle of the group, I spotted Squeak’s crop of perfectly styled auburn hair and the big brawn of A.J.’s massive shoulders. I almost fell to my knees as they surged toward me, the rest of the group at their heels.
I deposited Thad into Haze’s arms and pulled A.J. and Squeak into a massive hug. I realized a moment later that I was babbling incoherently. I laughed, a choked sob of a sound, and said, “I thought you two were dead. He said you were dead.”
“He wishes,” Squeak hissed, his mouth pressed against my shoulder. For all his squirming, I didn’t release him. I couldn’t. He was my pack. A part of me. My friend.
“They circled us, but never came close. By the time we realized the others had circled back, it was too late. What happened, Ollie? Where’s Hex?” A.J. asked, his rumbling voice beside my ear as he endured my hold.
I gave them a final squeeze and stepped back. The rest of the group was waiting. “He’s dead,” I told A.J. and the others. “Hex is gone—for good.”
“But then you—” Squeak started.
“Yes,” I said to him and A.J. They both knew what I’d gained from the fight. From killing Hex. My father. The Alpha. “I did.”
“How’s Hatter?” Sunny asked Eve.
“In surgery. Your mother and father are working on him.” Eve’s face shuttered. “They can’t save his arm.”
Sunny lifted her chin and squared her shoulders. She nodded. “I’ll go join them. They might need my help.”
I grabbed her arm before she could hurry off. “Check on Luke for me. Tell him I’ll be back soon.”
Sunny frowned. “Where are you going?”
“It’s time to save those kids,” I said, mentally adding and my halflings. “Zero might already be there. She might need help.”
“You might need help,” Sunny countered. “That lab has, like, Mission Impossible security.”
“I have a feeling we won’t be breaking in,” I said. I turned to Mr. Clint. “What happened? Why are the gates open? Where is everyone?”
His face was grim as he said the words I already expected. “He took them. Dean had been planning it for weeks. He gathered support from the families and other professors. He took most of the students and left. Fear University doesn’t exist anymore.”
I smiled. And this time, the gesture didn’t mean I wanted to kill someone.
I glanced around at the others in the group, the ones who’d stayed, the ones who wanted to protect the world against the real monsters, both human and aswang and everything in between. They all stared back at me, waiting. I was their leader. Their true leader. I would rather have this group, even with Jolene, than an entire school full of people who only cared about their last names and the number of kills in their ledgers.
“Fear University hasn’t gone anywhere. We are Fear University. Not this place. Not this island. Not this state. We are. Dean is running because he knows we’re right, and the people who support him don’t care about doing the right thing. They’ve lost their way.” I nodded at the others, exhausted but more fulfilled than I’d ever been. This was what my mother had fought and died for. This was Fear University. “But we haven’t. We can be the protectors of the night.”
A few people cheered. Some looked scared. But most were ready. That was all I needed. My mother would have been proud. She would have been proud of me.
That? That was all I needed.
“You’ll bring back those kids?” Sunny asked.
I nodded. “Them and the halflings out there who need a safe place to stay.” The group stirred at this. They’d heard of halflings, but no one knew of my dealings with them, not even Haze and Eve. That would all change. No more secrets. I lifted my chin. “Halflings like me. My father is—was—Hex. I’m a halfling.”
I expected gasps. Maybe some screaming. Stones being thrown my way. But no one spoke. They didn’t even really look all that surprised. Maybe they’d always known. Or maybe, they were just in shock.
“We’re with you, Ollie,” Eve said. Beside her, Haze nodded. “You will always have friends in Barrow.”
I tried to smile. “I could always use more friends.”
Eve’s return smile was slight but it was there.
“We don’t define what a monster is,” I told everyone. “There is no strict definition. It’s human or aswang or whatever, and we will hunt down all of it.”
No one cheered at this, and they still looked scared, but they nodded. They trusted me, even knowing what I was. I took a deep breath. “Get the gates closed and guards back on the fence. I’ll be back in a couple days.” To Mr. Clint, I added, “You’re acting president. Be prepared for thirty kids who’ve been tortured their entire lives. Be prepared for anything and anyone I might bring you.”
Mr. Clint gave a sharp nod. “We’ll be ready, Ollie.”
“We’ve got your back,” Eve said. Haze stepped forward with her.
A.J. and Squeak nodded too.
“You might not like the company I keep,” I warned Eve and Haze.
Eve simpered at me, her gaze slinking toward A.J. When she looked back at me, she all but winked. “I haven’t been disappointed yet.”
“Go get the truck and shut up.”
As I waited and the group disbanded, I drifted back through the open gates. The sun spilled reds and purples across Tick Tock Bay. The waves sounded like home. Like peace. Like purpose.
I didn’t need to glance back at the woods along the water. I already sensed them out there. Hundreds of them. Countless eyes on me. Watching me. Waiting.
Hex’s pack combined with all the rogues of Kodiak and southern Alaska.
My pack.
I was their queen.
Yes, it felt right.
* * *
The night breeze whipped cool and low across the cracked parking lot. Across the way, the Subway’s open sign was dark, along with the shoe store’s. The lights in the unmarked, empty “store” were off, but I knew better.
He was here. He thought he’d beaten me to it, but he was just doing the work for me.
I’d checked. The lab’s security was tight. Tough. The latest government tech to protect the subjects inside.
Dean Bogrov thought he was being so sneaky. He thought I hadn’t known he was the one festering fear among the professors and the students’ families. He thought I’d been on my merry way this entire time, not waiting for him to betray our truce. He thought I wouldn’t be ready, but I’d learned my lesson about that already.
From now on, I would always be ready.
It was Dean who wasn’t ready for me. The fool.
Inside the lab, a bright pop flash went off. There were no sounds. No sirens. No screams. I trusted him to be careful, or at least instruct his hunters to be careful. The subjects inside were more priceless than diamonds to Dean. He wouldn’t want them harmed. As for Lieutenant Milhousse and his techs, I couldn’t care less.
But they would safely extract the kids because Dean needed them. They would be his army. His new school. His future.
Too bad for him he wasn’t getting them.
In the distance, I heard the crescendo of sirens building. We would have visitors soon.
But I waited. In the parking lot, with the breeze rustling my hair, I stood. Eve and Haze had
my back, their guns waiting across their chests, safeties off. A.J. and Squeak were farther back in the shadows.
The only cars in the parking lot were a broken-down Chevy and a food delivery truck for Subway. Or so it appeared from the outside. We’d already taken down the hunters inside the delivery truck and tied them up behind the shoe store, where they could shiver until morning.
Across town, the sirens grew louder. Not much longer. Dean would have accounted for the motion detectors. Even I hadn’t figured out a way around them, and I doubted he had either, given the sirens.
Almost on cue, the front door banged open. Dean’s hunters spilled out, oblivious to us. They were a small stealth unit, barely ten in their ranks, plus the hunters we’d taken out earlier. Behind them, the kids filed out, their sleepy eyes blinking up at the night sky like they’d never seen it before.
They wore thin scrubs. I saw more than a few shiver. Dean hadn’t remembered to bring jackets. Behind the kids, my halflings from the sanctuary followed, their hands tightly bound.
We waited until they were all loaded into the truck. When the back door rolled closed and locked, I stepped forward, my hair blowing across my face. I felt Haze and Eve at my back and practically sensed their sloppy grins and their bright eyes burning for a fight.
Haze fired a warning shot into the air. His verbal version of a “Hey, assholes. Time to pay attention.”
The hunters scrambled, ducking and dodging. When they finally peeked out from their hiding spots, they spotted me standing in the middle of the parking lot, my hands on my hips and a smile on my face.
I waved. “Hey, guys! We’ll be taking those kids, so just step away from the truck, lower your guns, and no one will get hurt. Got it?”
They all cocked their guns and aimed at me. I laughed.
In my head, I felt them. Their thoughts were quiet but united.
Queen.
They closed in around me. Hundreds. Their fur glinted beneath the moon. Their curved ears twitched toward the hunters. They were behind the truck, around it, in front of it. My aswangs, my pack, were everywhere. A.J. and Squeak moved among them, circling and relaying my instructions.
