“I’ll be okay, Case,” Ben whispered. “Just another bad dream. Stay. Go back to sleep.”
Casey put his head on his paws again, but Ben sensed those watchful brown eyes on his back as he walked away. He found his way into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. He reached blindly for the jug of water in the painful light and fumbled with the cap. At last, he tipped the bottle back and let the frigid liquid slide down his throat.
“This has gotta stop,” he muttered. He swallowed the rest of the water and closed the fridge. “That’s three times in a month.”
He wandered into the wide living room and turned on the lamp beside the couch. Despite the nausea that still quivered in his gut, he smiled when he picked up the picture on the end table. His mother had taken it years ago, at a picnic just after his graduation. Aelissm stood behind him, reaching up to give him rabbit ears, and in his arms, he held a laughing June. He’d swept her off her feet, and the surprised smile on her face was one of his most cherished memories of that day.
There were other pictures of the three of them scattered around his house, and he walked around, glancing from one to the next, allowing the fond memories to envelope him and chase away his nightmare.
“The Northstar Gang,” he murmured. “That’s what my mother used to call us.”
Like a breath of cool wind on a stagnant summer day, understanding embraced him. He knew what he wanted. No, what he needed. He pictured the Northstar and Crystal Valleys in the southwest corner of Montana and realized that staying here in Western Washington wasn’t an option anymore. He had to escape the constant reminders of what he’d done that night. And June and Aeli were in Montana. He’d missed June, especially, in the past week since the last nightmare. How long since he’d seen her? Four and a half years. The last time he’d seen her had been that wonderful night before the shooting. No, that was wrong. He’d seen her briefly a week or so after the shooting, but he didn’t think that counted because they hadn’t spoken more than a handful of words.
He really could have used her friendship; she would have known what to say and do to unclutter this mess he’d gotten himself into. He could have called her or visited her at any time, but he hadn’t, afraid that he’d find his own assessment of what he’d done reflected in her laughing blue eyes. Now, he wondered if there was anything left but to chance losing one of the best friends he’d ever had.
He shook his head to dispel the morbid musings. Climbing back into bed, he closed his eyes, determined to finish the night in peace. Keeping June’s smiling face in his mind for reassurance, he spent the remainder of the small hours of the morning pondering his options. As dawn slowly lightened the world, he settled on a course of action, and there was a blissful lessening of the tension in his chest.
Maybe he’d just walk up to the manager of Donovan’s Bar and Grill and give his two weeks’ notice. So what if it seemed rash? The owner had thought the same three years ago when Ben had turned down a promotion to manager. To be honest, Ben hadn’t planned to stay at the restaurant a year, let alone four.
He sat up, amazed it hadn’t occurred to him sooner that he could just leave. Of course, there was still the chance that he wouldn’t be able to stay in Montana. What if he couldn’t find work? What if it wasn’t what he expected? It had been almost twenty-two years since his family had moved to Washington, and though he said Northstar was still his home, Poulsbo was his home, too, and he honestly couldn’t say if he would be able to leave it for good. He didn’t want to think about the real reason for his hesitation—the fear that June would turn away from him in disgust. So, he’d be smart and keep up on his rent and bills. Just in case.
* * *
Two weeks later, after his final shift at Donovan’s, Ben stopped by his landlady’s house. She greeted him at the door with a wide, warm smile, dancing green eyes, and a big hug. With flaming red hair—now nearly silver—and one of the sweetest dispositions Ben had ever encountered, Jeanie Miller had become a friend of his family’s when they’d first rented from her after the move from Montana to Washington.
Waving her hand in a come-hither motion, she invited him in and closed the door. She ushered him into the kitchen and promptly poured him a cup of coffee. Ben couldn’t help smiling. Jeanie was a one-of-a-kind sweetheart who’d known him before the shooting and didn’t judge him one way or the other for what he’d done. To her, he was still the same old Ben Conner, and for that, he was more grateful than he could find words to express.
“How are you, dear? You look a little piqued today.”
“I’ve been better, but I’ve also been worse. Woke up dark and early again this morning from a dream about the shooting.”
“How many times is that now, in these last two months?”
“Six. Seems to be getting worse, and I don’t know why.” Ben took a sip of his coffee. “How long’s it been since you talked to my folks?”
“Oh, about twenty minutes.”
“What did they have to say?”
“James is going to put off retirement for another couple years, but it sounds like they’re really planning to go back to Northstar after.”
“Really.” Frowning thoughtfully, he let his gaze wander out the window of her cheerful kitchen. He caught a glimpse of sparkling water through the trunks of the towering Douglas firs and wondered if he would miss the tall trees and thick underbrush when he traded them for the more open and shorter forests of the Northstar Mountains.
“Ben, you really shouldn’t keep yourself so apart from your parents. They love you.”
He sighed. “I know they do, but it’s just difficult. After what my father said….”
“He didn’t mean it then and he certainly doesn’t believe it now. The whole situation caught him off guard. That’s all. He knows you were just doing your job. What happened wasn’t your fault, Ben.”
Ben hadn’t spoken to his father much since James Conner had called his part in the death of John McKindel a heinous act. His father had come over to apologize the next day, but the damage was done, and Ben had agreed too completely with James’ initial assessment. So, it wasn’t that he hadn’t forgiven his father for the comment, rather that he didn’t concur with his father’s altered opinion, and it had become a wall between them. The reason why he rarely spoke to his mother was a less complex. He’d simply gotten tired of her trying to cheer him up when it couldn’t be done. He hated the pain he caused her when she failed to ease his guilt and depression.
“I know it’s not my fault. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty, but my heart won’t believe my brain. I don’t think it ever will unless I find out that kid is alive and okay.”
“Have you ever thought to search for him? I’ll bet Bill probably knows where he is.”
Ben shook his head. “I haven’t been able to bring myself to ask, or to look for him myself. Honestly, I’m afraid of the answer.” He inhaled slowly to settle his skittering heart. “I need a change of scenery, so I’m going to be taking a vacation. A long one.”
“Oh? Would you like me to watch Casey for you?”
“No. He’s coming with me. I gave my two weeks’ at Donovan’s. I finished my last shift this morning.”
Jeanie straightened, her silver brows lifting. “I take it you’re not planning on coming back?”
“I honestly don’t know yet. But I don’t know how long I’m going to be gone, and let’s face it, Donovan’s was always only a temporary solution.”
“May I hazard a guess as to where it is you’re going?”
“I don’t think you need to guess.”
“Northstar. What brought this on?”
“I think a visit with my old friends June and Aelissm is long overdue. I don’t know if you remember them, but—”
She smiled. “I do, actually. Sweet girls, both of them.”
“I talked to Bill a few weeks ago, and he mentioned that they’re both in Northstar. Maybe that’s what got me thinking about it in the first place.”
�
�With so many reasons to go home, I hope you find what you’re looking for.” Jeanie placed a soft, cool hand to his cheek. “You deserve happiness, Ben, whether you believe it or not. I remember how you used to look at June, and I see that same light in your eyes again now, just at the mention of her name. Go home and find peace, Ben. But by God, you’d better keep in touch, young man!”
Laughing softly, he leaned down and kissed her cheek. “You bet I will.”
“What do you want me to do about your house?”
“I’ll keep it for now. I’ll mail the checks for rent and the bills. Just in case.”
“Always the practical one,” she remarked. “But this time, I think it’s a waste. You won’t be coming back.”
* * *
As the final bell rang, June smiled at her students and told them all to have a good weekend. When the last had filed out of the room, laughing and talking, she sighed and gathered the towering stack of schoolwork she needed to take home with her. And the kids thought answering all of the end-of-chapter review questions was a lot of work. She had six class periods’ worth of quizzes, vocabulary, end-of-chapter reviews, and labs to grade, and she wouldn’t get to start on it until late tonight after she got off work at the Ramshorn. She cursed the new kid, who’d decided waiting tables and cooking meals wasn’t his idea of proper summer employment for a future geologist.
Normally, Marvin and Mary Struthers, who owned the Ramshorn, made sure she had Fridays off to get a jump on her grading, but that wasn’t going to happen. Tonight was bound to be busy, too, and she doubted she’d have much opportunity to sneak in some grading between serving and cooking. The Marsh Ranch and the Crystal Peak Ranch were moving cows from winter pastures to spring allotments, so the ranch hands would likely be stopping in for dinner and coffee after. Then there was the large group arriving from Oregon for a rustic corporate retreat and they would need to be checked in and fed as well. Of all the nights for someone to quit!
And where was her son? Glancing at the clock, she saw that ten minutes had already passed. He was usually here by now. Why’d he have to be late today?
Right then, he popped through the door, grinning, and her resentment vanished. It was rare that she could stay angry with him for more than thirty seconds—not that he ever gave her much reason. She wasn’t mad at him, anyhow. That smile was so open and infectious and was all the more sweet for having been so rare in the first months after he’d come to live with her.
“Sorry I’m late, Mom. Mrs. Ellsworth wanted to talk to me about my paper.”
“What did she have to say?” Ruby Ellsworth was notoriously difficult to please, especially where Luke was concerned because he preferred science to her subject. By the way he was grinning, however, the English teacher must have said something good.
“I got an A on the paper. Best grade in the class. She said she was really impressed.”
“About time,” June muttered. She hugged her son. “What’d her prodigy get?”
“A-minus.”
June indulged herself with a smug smile. “So, that means you have an A in her class now, right? Since you were only a percentage point below.”
Luke nodded. “Yup. Straight As, Mom.”
She happily hugged him again. “I am so proud of you!”
“Thanks. I am, too.”
She playfully swatted his arm. “Smug about it, too, aren’t you?”
“Why not?”
“Why not, indeed. C’mon, we need to get out of here. I have to work at the Ramshorn tonight.”
“What?”
“Mary called about an hour ago. Damon quit.”
“I’m not surprised, but that sucks,” Luke replied. “Need any help? I don’t have much homework, and isn’t that group coming in tonight? Besides, it’s better than sitting around the cabin by myself.”
“Yeah. I’d appreciate it, and I’m sure Mary will be all right with that.”
By the time they reached the cabin, it was already five o’clock. It took only a couple minutes for June to change and let Cheyenne out, though the golden retriever was not pleased to be left home alone again. They made it to the lodge by five-thirty and were greeted by a very relieved and harried Mary Struthers. June glanced around the dining room. There were no guests, and the thickly lacquered log tables were all clean and waiting for diners, but she knew the lull wouldn’t last long.
“June, Luke, thank you both so much. Marvin was going to give you a hand tonight, but he had to help Matt Carlyle unload. The cows he bought at the auction in Great Falls will be here tonight instead of tomorrow, and everyone else is enlisted to help elsewhere. Oh, the party from Oregon called a little bit ago. They should be here within an hour. I was running chicken fried steak as the special, but if you want to do something else, you go right ahead.”
“Chicken fried steak is fine. Anything else?”
“I hate to ask, but would you mind doing a little dusting, if you get a chance? I was going to earlier, but it was busy, and then I got side-tracked by bookwork….”
“We’ve got it covered, Mary,” June replied. “Go home.”
“I’m so sorry to take your grading night, but—”
“It’s okay, Mary. Go.”
The pepper-haired older woman smiled gratefully, jotted down her time on the sheet behind the bar, grabbed her lightweight jacket, and zipped out the door before June had a chance to change her mind. With a laugh, June took the duster out from the storage closet and went to work. There were a lot of places in the lodge dining room to dust and she doubted she’d get it all done. She could ask Luke to help, but she’d rather he get his homework out of the way first. He promptly took up residence on the couch to finish what little he hadn’t gotten to during the ride home from Devyn.
June made her way efficiently around the lodge’s dining area, making better time that she’d thought she would. Rustic was a good descriptive for the place that had first been imprinted in her mind the summer after her freshman year of high school. The walls were paneled with vertical, hand-peeled log halves, the carpet was a durable gray-blue, and the light fixtures were simple wrought-iron chandeliers with six lights each.
When she got around to the mantle over the fireplace, which sat directly across from the door, she paused to enjoy the dozen photographs placed there to give the lodge a homey feel. There was a picture of her and Luke that Mary had taken last year at the high school state championship game. Luke looked so handsome in his football pads and navy and gold home jersey with his blond hair mussed from his helmet and a brilliant smile igniting his eyes. He had his arm around her shoulders. In the photo, she’d still been a couple inches taller than Luke, but she wasn’t anymore. In fact, she was beginning to feel rather short around him.
At the moment, Luke was still stretched out on the couch in front of the dark fireplace, diligently finishing his homework. Life had changed a lot with him around, but only for the better.
She finished the worst of the dusting and walked behind the bar to pull out the guest log and get the packets ready. Mary had left her notes about who was staying where, what activities to explain to them for their week stay—June was a little disappointed she couldn’t go on the trail ride on Monday. Luke should be done with his homework by the time the party arrived and could show them to their lodgings. Everything would be just fine, she promised herself.
No sooner had she put the guest log back in its place than seven people walked in the door for dinner. She glanced briefly out the window when she heard more vehicles and saw several cow hands pull up. Calm before the storm indeed.
“Welcome to the Ramshorn Lodge,” she greeted the diners. “I’m June. Have a seat wherever you like and I’ll bring over some menus.”
And so it begins, June thought as she grabbed the menus from the bar.
* * *
Four years ago, JP had been certain his prize was lost when Adam Winters strolled through the doors of the Bedspread Inn to confront Aelissm Davis and Patrick O’Neil. He
’d spent a tense hour standing in the back corner of the dining room, waiting to be singled out as the events that had brought Winters to Montana simmered to a conclusion. Alternately shaking his head at Winters’ spineless forfeit and praying the man would continue to ignore him, JP had finally found the opportunity to escape the crowded dining room. He’d spent the rest of the night in a cold sweat, fighting to maintain control. He couldn’t shrink away like a coward again. If he did, he’d lie down and let his chance to claim his woman roll right past him like he had before. He’d ruined it once and he was damned if he was going to let that happen again. Still, until the threat of discovery was gone, it was probably best if he laid low because, right then, there had been too many variables. So, he’d given in and stepped back to wait and assess the situation.
In the intervening years, he’d slowly come to realize there was no danger. Adam Winters had either forgotten about the man with whom he’d spent so many nights drinking in the lounge of the Paradise Motel in Devyn or had kept his promise to not broach the subject with either Aelissm Davis—Aelissm O’Neil, he corrected—or her best friend, June Montana. His deluded companion had since moved to Bozeman, married the young woman who’d diverted his attention from Aelissm, and if the rumors he’d heard were true, they’d recently added a little girl to their family. Perhaps things hadn’t turned out so badly for Adam Winters. A wife and daughter were nothing to complain about, certainly. But JP still thought Winters had taken the coward’s way out by settling for Amber instead of fighting for Aelissm.
That was something JP refused to do. He wanted June Montana, and no one was going to stop him from getting her. Besides, one thing he’d learned in the last few years was that there was no Amber for him. June was the only woman who could fill the gaping hole in his heart. For that all too brief time years ago, she had. He smiled at her as she brushed past on the way to the Ramshorn’s kitchen, shivering a little inside when her lips curved in response. Taking another sip of his coffee, he watched her saunter out of sight around the corner into the kitchen. Damn, she was beautiful. Tall and graceful with an athletic build and slim, elegant curves. And oblivious of her appeal.
Mountain Angel (Northstar Angels, Book One) Page 34
