by Martin Tays
Moses looked over, a little embarrassed. “Don’t ask.”
The girl on the screen turned to look at Ami. She turned back to him, nodding toward the redhead as she spoke. “This the one Rafe told me about? Your cradle bait? She’s a hottie, all right.”
“Yep. That’s me.” Ami smiled a bit tightly and raised her hand in acknowledgement. “The horribly wronged youth. Fuck you, by the way.”
Madeline laughed. “You just might do, sweetie. Tell me… does he still snore?”
“Oh, dear Lord. Don’t get me started.”
“You realize I am standing right here.” He lifted his hand from the console to point to himself, drifting away in the process. “Um, metaphorically speaking.”
She shrugged. “Sorry, Moses, but you do. You sound like a hog getting humped by an elephant.”
“Now that’s an image that’ll linger. Won’t work, though… haven’t you heard that song by Loverboy? ‘Pig and elephant DNA just won’t splice.’”
Ami and Madeline looked at each other, blinking. Finally, Ami gestured toward Moses, an exasperated look on her face. “Has he always been like this?”
“Long as I’ve known him, sweetie. You have my sympathy, if that helps.”
“Actually, yeah, it does. Thanks.” Ami smiled at the woman in the screen. “You’ll do, too, I think.” Madeline grinned in response.
Moses cleared his throat. “Ahem… as much as I’m fascinated by the interplay between current and former flames, I think we’ve got some work to do.”
“Spoil sport.” Madeline snorted. “Fine. Let’s go juggle some antimatter, then.”
“Please try not to drop any. You’ll be very briefly regretful.”
“Piece of cake.” Madeline looked down at her instruments. “We’re about a klick off your starboard beam. Tell Cath to open up.”
“Stand by.” Moses keyed the internal comm system and paged Maneuvering. “Cath? Fuel truck’s on the pier.”
Another vid window appeared. The engineer looked out at him, exasperated. “Well, it’s about time. We’ve only got about a one hour window before they’re missed.”
“Let’s get started, then.” Moses hesitated. “Oh, and just a warning, Cath… Madeline’s driving.”
“Oh.” The engineer looked like she’d licked a particularly angry lemon. “Goody.”
Moses grinned and cut the connection. He pulled the intership vid window back over. “Cath’s standing by for you, Mad. She still remembers you, by the way.”
“Oops.”
“I’m sure you two have lots of catching up to do. If you decide to throw anything at each other, try to make sure it’s not anything that’ll explode when it hits.”
Madeline turned off screen to speak to someone, then turned back. “I’m sure she won’t be… I mean, I think we’ll be… does she still work out?”
Moses grinned again, enigmatically, and cut the connection. Ami looked at him speculatively. “So… should I ask?”
He hooked a foot under the restraint and rotated toward her. “Cath was hot for Madeline for a while there. Mad, on the other hand, was hot for someone who was hot for Cath. It was great drama while it lasted. Especially for Rafe.”
“You’re kidding. The weasel fucking son of a bitch? He was hot for Cath?”
“Oh, yeah. It was sad.” Moses didn’t look particularly saddened by it ― in fact, he looked positively gleeful. “A hoot to watch, though.”
She snickered. “Oh, that’s just… wonderful.” Then she sobered a bit. “You think they’ll be okay back there?”
Moses waved his hand dismissively. “Oh, yeah, sure, they’ll be fine. They’re professionals… they’ll confine the cat fight to icily polite words that could peel paint off the bulkhead, that’s all.”
“I feel like I’m back in high school.”
“Close. Now, picture spending almost thirty years in that environment.” Ami shuddered. Moses nodded. “Exactly. It was like living in a bad romance novel.”
She looked puzzled. “There are good romance novels?”
“Probably not.” He safed the communications panel, then turned toward her. “Think the kids are okay?”
She cocked an eyebrow at him. “What, our diversion? My guess is that they’re having the time of their lives.”
“Let’s just hope they don’t go overboard.”
“Doug? Go overboard? How could that possibly happen?” Ami asked, innocently.
“Okay, now you’re scaring me.”
She smiled and patted him on the arm. “Welcome to my world.”
☼
“May I have ten thousand marbles, please?”
Doug was enjoying himself immensely. The toy store was their fourth stop of the day, and by the time they were done here the fueling should have been completed. He smiled at the confused looking clerk and continued. “Oh, and do you have any of those… what do you call those wire things that go down the stairs?”
“Um. A Slinky, sir?”
“That’s it! We’re going to need…” He turned to Fiona. “What, a hundred of ‘em?”
“Better make it a hundred and twenty.” She replied seriously. “Never hurts to have spares on hand.”
He nodded. “Good idea. Oh! And do you have any of those really super high bouncy balls? You can’t run a spaceship without balls, you know.”
“Of course not. I’ve often said the same thing, myself.” The clerk shook her head and gamely plowed on. “So, exactly how many do you need?”
“How many do you have?”
Behind Doug, Fiona quietly groaned.
☼
“They ordered a what?!?”
“A camel, sir. Specifically, a genetically modified one.”
Celestine Grace leaned back in his chair and looked up at Sam. He finally shook his head and stared down at the data. “I’m going to regret asking how it was modified, aren’t I?”
“They, um… it’s going to have gills, sir.” The tech waved her hands in the air, as confused as her boss.
“An underwater… camel?”
“And monkeys. They wanted water breathing monkeys, too.”
“Chimps, I suppose?”
“Capuchin, actually. Purple ones.” She pointed at the image on the open vid window, now paused. “Honestly, they sound kind of cool looking.”
“I don’t CARE how cool looking they sound. Where did they go next?”
She consulted her pcomp, then keyed up the appropriate surveillance footage. On the screen, Doug was speaking in low, earnest tones to a sales person as she continued. “The next stop for the subjects was a real estate agent. They have placed a deposit on an old factory in Palmer Grove.”
“Interesting. What does the factory make?”
“Shoes.”
“Shoes?”
“Shoes.”
He looked back at the vid window. “What the hell do they want with a shoe factory?”
“Considering that a household fabber can make any pair of shoes you might want in about fifteen minutes? You’re guess is as good as mine, sir. Shall I continue?”
Grace stood abruptly. “What are they up to? Damn it…” He reached and poked her in the chest. “You’re the security expert. You tell me.”
Sam took a step back and unconsciously brushed off the front of her tunic as she looked back up at Grace. “Have we considered the idea, sir, that they’re just fucking with us?”
“They’re up to something.” Grace was absently chewing his knuckle as he stared at the display. “All these tie together, somehow.”
“Camels, marbles, shoes.” She shook her head, exasperated. “This is a Byzantine plot?”
“It has to be.” He considered his chewed finger for a moment, then turned to look at
her from under lowered brows. “Marbles, huh? Okay, figure it out. Figure out what they’re doing. You can be replaced, you know.”
“Too true, sir.” Sam replied brightly. “Shall I order you a water breathing monkey?”
Grace stormed out without bothering to reply. After a moment Miles, the tech who had been researching the personnel files, came over. He was shaking his head.
Sam looked over at him. “Don’t say it.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it, ma’am.” He paused, staring at the display, then continued in a conversational tone of voice. “They’re yanking our chain, aren’t they?”
“Duh.” Sam rolled her eyes. “Of course they’re yanking our chain. And we had all of our active surveillance watching the chain yankers.” She cocked an eyebrow at the young tech. “What were they distracting us from, do you think?”
He shrugged. “Honestly? I haven’t the faintest idea. But I’m starting to like them.”
“Monkeys and all?”
Miles grinned. “Monkeys and all.” He glanced back at the door. “Why do you work for him?”
She sighed. “It’s a job. I’m good at what I do, and people like Celestine Grace are the only people out there willing to pay me to do it. You’re one to talk… you’re taking his dime, too.”
He grimaced. “Guess I deserved that.”
“Yep.” Sam dropped into her chair and began sorting through the displays. “Now, what do you say we cut out the bullshit and earn that dime?”
☼
“Moses, you putz.” Cath’s voice cut like a buzz saw across the intership conversation Moses was having with Sher. “I can’t believe you ever stuck your dick in that.”
“Refueling’s done, I take it.” Moses turned and replied as the complaining engineer stormed into the bridge. “Went well?”
“She’s still alive, if that’s what you mean.”
“Honestly, that’s the best I could expect.” He turned back to input a series of commands into the console, then looked up at the open vid window. Sher looked back out at him, a confused look on her face. “Okay.” He said. “I’m getting viable readings on the air plants. Is that the last of them?”
Sher looked down at a readout. “Um, yeah, that’s it. Give ‘em about a week, and we should be in the green.” She looked back up and asked, in a tone of horrified curiosity, “Just what did you stick your dick in, anyway?”
“Who.” He shook his head. “Don’t ask. Long story.”
“We’re going to have to get you drunk to find out, aren’t we?”
“And good luck with that. I formally terminate all discussion about my dick. Make sure all of the tanks are locked down before you leave. We need to be getting back.” He cleared the connection and turned to the still livid engineer. “She means well, you know.”
“Oh, horseshit. But we got it done. The ship’s fully fueled, and Uncle Vanya’s none the wiser.” She paused, then looked down at Moses. “Damn. We’re really going to pull this off, aren’t we?”
He unstrapped from the console and rose up beside her, grabbing a hand hold. “Yeah. Maybe. I don’t know. There’s still a lot of things that need to get done. Many a slip ‘twixt the cup and the lip.”
“That’s what I’m worried about.”
“Yeah. Me too, Cath.” He changed the subject. “So… how’s Sandar doing?”
“Oh, she’s doing great.” She smiled, her first since entering. “She’s not a physics maven, or anything, but she’s really diving into this. She’s working on learning the drive, and at this point I think she knows more about navigation than you and I put together. She’s a bright kid.”
“Good. Not what I meant, but good. I meant, well, you know…” He pointed a finger at the engineer. “How are y’all doing?”
“I really like that kid.” Cath pushed off and drifted to a nearby grab bar. She stared off into the distance, then looked back toward Moses as she continued. “I do. Moses, I, I don’t want to screw this up.”
Moses nodded. “That’s a good thing to worry about, sure…” He made a ‘duh’ gesture at the engineer, “but you don’t want to fuck around too long and let this one go, Cath. She’s a keeper.”
She looked over at Moses and nodded jerkily, but before she could reply Ami spoke from the entry hatch. “Who’s a keeper?”
Moses glanced back at Cath, then pushed over to Ami. “Anyone ever tell you it’s impolite to eavesdrop?”
“Yeah. But otherwise, how do I learn all the dirt?”
“No dirt, and it’s not important, and never mind.” He reached out and grabbed her hand. “But if you’re a good girl, later I’ll tell you about Rafe and the twins. Now that’s good dirt.”
“Yay!”
He grinned. “So, any problems?”
“Not a bit. The vats are primed and running. We should be able to whack off a prime hunk of meat within a couple of weeks.” She smiled.
“Chicken and beef, right?”
Ami nodded. “As close as you can get with culinary tissue regen. And the last of the dry stores are coming aboard tomorrow afternoon. Arnie’s bringing them up. He’s crazy, you know.”
“True.” Moses agreed. “Thank God we’re sane enough to balance it out.”
She looked at him skeptically. “Aren’t you worried about him giving this away?”
“Nah. I honestly don’t think he gives a damn. He comes in a couple of times a week, clears up my paperwork, shuttles stuff around for me, and in return he gets to grill me about the twentieth century.”
“He’s a nut.”
“You like the twentieth century.”
“True, but I…” She pointed at herself. “… have a healthy interest in history. He, on the other hand, is obsessed about that Osborne guy.”
“Oswald.”
“Whatever.” She waved her hand dismissively. “He’s still a nut.”
Moses reached over and patted her on the head. “Yes, dear, he’s a nut.”
Cath cleared her throat loudly. “If you two are through ― and I hope to hell you are ― I need to take Moses down to engineering. We’ve got some things to go over.”
“Sure. Don’t let me stop you.” Ami replied. She reached out, pulled Moses in, and gave him a quick kiss. “See you later, cutie buns.”
“I’m just never going to hear the end of that, am I?”
She waggled her eyebrows. “Oh, it’ll be a while, I think.”
“Great.” He looked over at the engineer. “You could help, you know.”
Cath just shrugged in reply. “Why? She’s doing just fine. Cutie buns.”
Moses shuddered. “Okay, now, from you it’s just wrong.”
Cath grinned and gestured with exaggerated politeness toward the hatch. Moses shook his head, grinning in return. They moved off into the ship.
☼
Vanya Valentine stood, hands locked behind him, as he stared out over his city. Behind him, Celestine Grace stood nervously, pcomp in hand.
Valentine turned. “So what do you think it all means, Mister Grace?”
“I wish I could tell you, sir. I mean, I could have put it all together yesterday, but this new information is just…” He hesitated, then shrugged. “Weird.”
“Weird. Yes. Shoes, you say?”
“Yes, sir. And monkeys, and marbles. And don’t forget the camel.”
“Indeed. The camel.” He turned back from the window and stared at his nervous subordinate for a moment before continuing. “You are an idiot, Mister Grace.”
Grace nodded. “Thank you, sir.”
Valentine walked over to his desk and threw himself into his chair, fuming. “What…” He continued, “Has our Mister Deppner been doing?”
“Meetings, mainly, sir.” Grace looked at the chair
in front of the desk longingly, but didn’t dare go over to it. “He’s been having a long series of meetings with a number of people. People that it wouldn’t normally make any sense for someone in his position of authority to meet with.”
Valentine fingered his chins thoughtfully. “All former crewmates, I gather?”
“Yes, sir. We haven’t been able to get a surveillance tap into his office, so we don’t know the contents…”
“But we can guess.”
“He’s — they’re ― going to try to take the ship.”
The Governor of Haven smacked his palm down angrily on the surface of his immaculate desk. “Of course they’re going to try to take the ship, Mister Grace. We know that. We’ve known that for WEEKS. The question is… when?”
Grace shrugged, uncomfortable. “Soon, I would think, sir. There’s been a lot of unscheduled shuttle runs between the facility on Romulus and the yard out at the Lagrange point, so I think they’ve been stocking her. I don’t know how much more they lack, but they’ve got to be pretty close to being done.”
“What about fuel?”
“Sir, antimatter is one of the most carefully guarded items in the system. Obviously. I’ve been keeping a close eye on all fuel shipments, and so far there doesn’t seem to be any missing.”
Valentine snorted. “Deppner controls the manning roster for all of the bunker ships, right?”
“Um, well, yes sir.”
“They’re refueled already.” He tapped the desk top for emphasis. “I guarantee it.”
Grace blinked. “You think so, sir?”
“I know so. I think we’ve probably only a few days before they make their move.” Shaking his head, he looked over at his subordinate curiously. “Just what am I paying you for, anyway?”
“Intelligence, sir.”
Valentine spread his hands. “And the irony in this is?”
“Self evident, sir. Sorry, sir. We do have all of the old vets under twenty six hour surveillance, sir. Any time we’re ready we can just pull ‘em all in.”
