“Upstairs.” It’s her voice again.
“I’m going,” I mutter under my breath. I look up at the wooden stairs that extend to the third floor. “The bedrooms?” I whisper.
I glance over at the grandfather clock standing next to the staircase. The ticking of the clock reminds me of the beating of my heart, which is thrumming in my ears. I quickly make my way up to the third floor. My previous general uneasiness has become an overwhelming terror in my throat. I’ll never be able to explain snooping around upstairs.
I gasp. “Tell me, what do you want me to know?”
The first door on my left pulls at me. I put my hand on the doorknob and say a little prayer as I step inside. The door makes a loud creak as it slides open. I cower, not sure what to expect.
I think it’s Jocelyn’s room. There is a queen-sized bed in the center of the room, covered with a quilt that looks handmade. The room is painted white and there are only a few other small pieces of furniture. A large dream catcher hangs over the bed and the table next to the bed is covered with prescription pill bottles and crystals. They remind me of the crystals she brought to the hospital, after my transplant.
I step inside the room and quickly walk over to the nightstand. The first bottle of pills is haloperidol.
“Is this what you wanted me to see?”
I stop and listen, hoping Cas will hear my plea. I quickly put the bottle back on the nightstand and leave the room, closing the door behind me. I cringe when I hear it creak again. My nerves are beginning to take a toll, and I can feel my body start to shake.
“Come on, Cas, help me out here!”
I take a few more steps toward another room. Behind the door, the walls are painted a pale pink. Two twin beds are set parallel to one another, and a small bear is propped up on a pillow. I step closer to the bed, about to reach for it, when I hear Jocelyn call my name.
“Elle?”
I freeze. I’m about to sneak back downstairs, but the bear rolls off the bed. I blink my eyes, not sure if I can believe what I saw. The bear had been nowhere near the edge – there was no earthquake or other force to propel it. It had to be Cas. I pick up the bear and tuck it into the front pocket of my sweatshirt, feeling like a mother kangaroo. “Elle?” Her voice is louder now, echoing up the stairs from the main floor.
I press my back against the wall at the top of the stairs and look for Jocelyn. I slither down the steps like a snake stalking its prey. When I reach the bottom step, Jocelyn is nowhere in sight, so I sneak out the front door and sit on the porch swing.
“Elle?”
I take a deep breath and open the front door. “I’m here, Jocelyn.” I step back into the house.
“What are you doing outside? Is everything okay?”
“Yes. I’m sorry, I should have told you but… I needed some air.” I reach for the wall and pretend to balance myself. “I felt a little lightheaded in the bathroom.”
Jocelyn looks at me skeptically and swipes her long red hair off her shoulder. I wonder for a second if she knows I was upstairs.
“Elle, take my hand and have a seat on the sofa.”
I follow her into the living room, where she sets me down on a blue couch that feels like velvet. I watch as she walks toward an archaic looking phone hanging from the wall.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m calling Scott, of course. He needs to have a look at you.”
“I’m fine, really. This happens from time to time. I think it’s from the meds.” I stand and smile, my right hand still tucked inside my pocket. I give the bear a gentle stroke. “Look, I’m not dizzy anymore. I’m okay!”
She walks over and has a seat on the couch. She reaches for my hand and pulls me back down. “Elle, I want you to know that I care about you. You can trust me. Please tell me exactly what’s going on with you. Are you having visions again?” Her voice is deliberate and her tone is shaky. She appears desperate.
“No. Like I said before, I haven’t noticed anything else. Just a couple of weird dreams, here and there.” I decide to throw her a bone, in case she senses I’m hiding something.
“Really? You should have said something before! You know, dreams are another gateway to the other side. Spirits love to communicate through dreams.” She suddenly appears optimistic again. She stands up and takes my hand in hers. “Let’s have a seat in the kitchen. I’ll make us some lemonade and we can talk.” Her long hair waves from side to side as she walks. Her aqua tunic is the perfect backdrop for her flaming red hair.
“Really, Jocelyn, you don’t have to do that,” I say, trailing behind. “My mother will be here soon. We can just finish up our session.”
She pulls open the dual refrigerator doors. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be doing any physical activity right now, not even yoga. Sit down and tell me some more about your dreams.”
I have a seat on a wooden chair with one broken spindle and stare at Jocelyn’s shoulders as she slices lemons. “There isn’t much to tell. I mean, I sometimes have these strange dreams where I can see someone.” Jocelyn puts the knife down and rests her hands on the counter. I can’t see the expression on her face, but I think I know what it is. “Jocelyn, what’s wrong?”
“You are going to be fine.” I turn in surprise and see Scott standing in the kitchen doorway. His hair is tousled and he’s wearing a blue suit. His tie is hanging loosely from his neck.
“Scott, sweetheart, I didn’t expect you home so early.” Jocelyn drapes her arms around him like he’s just returned home from war. “Elle and I were just about to have some of my homemade lemonade. I’ll pour you a glass.”
“Sounds good.” Scott places his briefcase on the table.
“So, tell me, Elle, how are you feeling today?” He leans back on his chair and folds one leg over the other. I suddenly feel like I am sitting in his office. But instead of an Ivy League diploma hanging behind him, there is a large sign reading, “Kiss the Cook.”
“I’m feeling…” I’m about to say “well,” but then I remember the episode I feigned for Jocelyn. I look over at her as she pours water into a large blue pitcher. I can tell from her body language that she is tuned in to our conversation.
“I feel okay now, but a little while ago I got a bit dizzy. I think it was just from my medication, that’s all. I’m fine now.”
Jocelyn turns to me and gives a disapproving glare. “Perhaps you should check her out, just to be safe.”
“Elle, I think that’s a good idea. Why don’t you let me have a listen to your chest?” Scott sits up straighter and looks deep into my eyes. I suddenly feel self-conscious.
“Perhaps you should take her out to your office and run some tests there.” Jocelyn hands me a glass filled with lemonade. There’s a lemon wedge and piece of mint garnishing the top. Jocelyn shoots Scott a look that seems to order, rather than suggest.
“I’m fine. I don’t need any tests.” As if on cue, I hear my mother’s horn outside. A sudden sense of relief floods through me.
“Elle, before you go, please let me have a listen to your chest.” Scott wraps his fingers around my arm, pulling me toward him.
“I’m fine, really.” I take one step away from Scott and one step closer to the door.
“Promise that you’ll call me if you feel dizzy – or feel anything unusual.”
“I promise.” I tap his arm and give a less than genuine smile. “Goodbye, Scott, Jocelyn.”
“Take care of yourself,” I hear Jocelyn call before I step outside.
***
“So, how was the session?” Kate reaches for the iced coffee that’s nestled inside the cup holder.
“It was fine.” I rub my hands along the fur of the teddy bear, which is still hidden inside my pocket.
“Anything interesting happen?” She puts the straw between her lips and takes a long sip of coffee. She’s been drinking it the same for years – decaf hazelnut with a drop of skim, no sugar. I look at Kate, who is focused on the roa
d, and wonder what secrets she’s been hiding. But maybe I’ve just been jumping to conclusions. I stare out the window and watch rows and rows of trees whiz by, until the leaves are nothing but a blur.
I pull the bear from my pocket and tuck him between the corner of my seat and the passenger door, feeling suddenly foolish for hiding him from my mother. The tag indicates that he is 100% polyester. Hand Wash Only. There’s some faded writing on the other side of the tag. I bend my head closer to get a better look, and gasp.
“What’s wrong?” Kate slams on her brakes.
“It’s nothing. I just thought that car was going to swerve into you!” I point to a beaten-down Toyota.
“That car way over there?” Kate points down the road. “He’s nowhere near me. I wish you wouldn’t gasp like that. You could cause me to have an accident.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, although I’m really not listening as she mutters on about the importance of road safety and keeping your cool behind the wheel.
I pull the tag closer to my face and swallow hard. There is no doubt about it – the tag has four letters written on it in blue pen.
L-I-L-Y.
Chapter Fifteen
Rob doesn’t get home from school for two hours! I walk over to the kitchen counter and flip through my math book. Worksheets and books with post-its stuck to the pages have been piling up on my kitchen counter for weeks. Kate is always nagging me not to fall behind in school, even though it seems I’m in the hospital half the time. Over the years, she must have spent a small fortune on private tutors just to make sure I kept up with my classmates. She says I need a good education so I can support myself the way she does. Although she’s the first to admit that education didn’t play a role in her success – much of it had to do with luck. She entered the real estate business at just the right time, and made some affluent contacts who introduced her to several high-end clients. She worked hard and got great referrals. My father, on the other hand, wasn’t as lucky. He tried his hand at a lot of different jobs, but never got a break. Even so, my mother always says he still managed to make others think he was the richest guy in any room.
I sigh and look at the practice worksheet that goes with this chapter. I’ve never even heard of this stuff before. I go back to the chapter, reading more closely. After a minute, everything starts to become more clear. I’ve gotten used to teaching myself, after all these years of missed classes. It was hard to pay attention during lectures. In Mr. Bender’s math class, this collection of white foam would ball up along the edges of his lips. It stretched each time he opened his mouth. It was completely gross. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t look away. Claire and I once looked it up on the Internet, and diagnosed him as having Xerostomia, or really bad dry mouth.
“Should we start a GoFundMe Page?” Clair joked.
“Maybe I should give him my spot on the donor list?” I played along. “I’m sure someone will be willing to donate a moister mouth.” Clair would burst out laughing. I smile to myself, now. We would laugh at the stupidest things. It was nice to forget about my own condition for a while, though. I miss those moments.
A few hours later, I look at the clock and slam my books closed. It is 3:40, and Rob got out of school almost an hour ago. He must be home by now.
When I reach Rob’s floor, I walk down the hall and knock softly on the hunter green door. I wait nervously, bobbing up and down on my tiptoes. So many thoughts run through my head. I’m not sure where to begin.
“Hey, what’s up, Elle?”
A sense of relief washes over me. To be honest, it’s not only because he is here for me – in part, I’m glad that he is not with Jessica.
“Is it a bad time?” I ask. My eyes feel heavy. I must look pathetic, standing on his doorstep like a lost dog.
“No, not at all. Come inside.” Rob looks genuinely glad to see me.
I step inside and take a quick look around. The apartment looks clean, yet cluttered. Souvenirs and artifacts from his aunt’s travels are displayed everywhere: African masks and gold-plated disks adorn the living room wall. A large antique desk in the center of the far wall is crowded with family photos.
“Let’s go to my room.” Rob takes my hand in his and my stomach sinks a little to my toes. Rob’s room is a mess. The floor is shrouded with clothes and towels and we have to kick our way through the front door.
“Um, have you ever seen that show, Hoarders?” I frown in disgust as my eyes scan the room.
“Funny,” Rob answers. I push a pile of clothes to one side of the bed and sit down.
“I found something when I was at Jocelyn’s yesterday.” I pull the bear from my jacket pocket and hold it out to Rob. “Cas led me to it. Look at the tag.”
Rob takes the bear from my hands and brings it close to his face.
“Does that say…?”
“Yes, it was hers.”
“Why would the Carmichaels have her bear?” Rob scoops up a pile of clothes from his bed, throws them on the floor, and sits beside me.
“I have no idea.” I shake my head and take the bear back from Rob.
“Why don’t you just ask them.” Rob shrugs.
I scoff. “What am I supposed to say – I found the bear while I was snooping around your house?” I glare at Rob, and he shakes his head. “Besides, there’s more. In Jocelyn’s room, I saw a bottle of pills on her nightstand. I looked up the name of the prescription – they are used to treat schizophrenia!”
Rob crosses his legs and chews a hangnail. “So I guess the yoga wasn’t the only thing making her feel good.” He smirks to himself.
“Not funny. Rob, I need to figure out what this all means.” I look down at my shoes, chewing on my bottom lip. “I’m not sure if Cas even wanted me to search Jocelyn’s room – I just kind of found it on the way. Maybe the pills don’t have anything to do with her.” I look at Rob, wide-eyed, like a naïve deer staring into the headlights of a car. “You don’t really think those pills belong to Jocelyn, do you?”
“Elle, you need to take it easy.” Rob exhales loudly, ignoring the question, and places his hand on my thigh. “You don’t want to get too upset about all this. You did have major surgery.”
My eyes narrow. “I’m so tired of people telling me not to get upset. I have a new heart, now. The whole point is that I can start having a normal life!”
“Elle, I didn’t mean…” Rob’s eyes soften and he reaches for my hand. He puffs his cheeks with air. “I just want you to be okay.”
“I am.” I smile. “You don’t think I’m crazy with all this, do you?” I feel the sting of Rob’s lingering gaze.
“Actually, I think you’re a nut!” I shoot him a suspicious glare. “Kidding.” He holds up both his hands, fingers spread. “I think you’re completely sane… you’re actually one of the sanest people I know.”
“Thank you.” I try not to smile, but my own lips deceive me.
“However,” he continues. “I do know a lot of really crazy people, so it’s actually not much of a compliment.”
“Gee, thanks!” I laugh. “Seriously, though, I don’t know how I could get through all this without you.”
“Stop! You’re making me blush.” Rob crosses his legs and bats his eyes like a bashful girl.
“You are such a goofball.” I push him down onto the bed and we both start to laugh. After a few seconds, his goofy grin is replaced by a sultry glare. I swallow hard and sit up straight on the bed. Rob moves closer to me.
“What’s the matter?” He must sense my sudden trepidation.
“Nothing.” I smile. I turn to look at him and notice a piece of hair has fallen over his eye. I brush it back with my index finger.
“Thanks,” he whispers. He scoots closer to me. I look into his eyes and notice his irises are etched with golden flecks.
“What is it?” He giggles.
“Your eyes,” I whisper. “They sort of remind me of our good china.”
“What?”
“Tha
t’s a compliment.” I smile, suddenly realizing how strange I must sound. “I just mean they’re really nice.” Rob’s smile fades and he inches closer to me. I think he’s going to kiss me.
I panic and jump from the bed. Rob falls forward and pounds his fists into the soft plush.
“What’s going on with us, Elle?” He sounds completely frustrated. I’m glad he finally asked, although I don’t know what to say. I look at him like a deer in headlights, like the idea of ‘us’ has never crossed my mind.
“I mean, if we’re just friends, that’s fine. I’m okay with that. But I sometimes think you’re giving me mixed signals.”
“Signals?” I’m suddenly appalled. “What kind of signals?”
“I dunno, like the way you brushed the hair out of my eyes all seductively.”
“Seductively?” I’m in complete defense mode. “I’ll have you know that I don’t make passes at someone else’s boyfriend!”
“What? What are you talking about?” I could hear the agitation in his voice.
“I heard that you and Jessica Wilson are together now.”
“Who told you that – Riley?”
I nod my head.
“That girl is always getting her facts wrong. Jessica and I hooked up a few times, but that was it. I heard that she was going around telling people that we were together, but it’s definitely not true. I mean, when would I even have time to date her? I spend all my free time with you!”
“Is there something wrong with that?”
“No, there’s nothing wrong. Except that I can’t concentrate on anything but you!”
“I’m sorry,” I say sarcastically. “Maybe I shouldn’t have got you involved with this?”
“You don’t have to be sorry. I told you I want to help you and that hasn’t changed.” Rob grabs my hand.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Just follow me… and don’t forget the bear.” He points to the small plush toy and I swipe it up with my free hand. Then Rob hurries down the hall with me in tow. He pulls open the drawer of a small table beside the front door and reaches for his car keys.
The Divine Heart Page 12
