by Amber Garza
“He’s coming over today? Like for dinner?” I had to admit I was actually excited. I was tired of being alone every night.
“Are you kidding me?” Mom laughed. “I don’t want to scare him away with my cooking. Remember how sick Roger got after I made him that chicken dish?”
“That’s because you served him raw chicken. You’re lucky he didn’t keel over.”
“Seriously. A trip to the ER is not the best way to end a date. I’ll never forget the look on his face when I asked when I’d see him again.”
I laughed. “I’ll bet that was funny. Okay, point taken. So where is Drake taking you?”
“Not sure. He said it would be a surprise.” Her cheeks were flush with anticipation.
Jealousy coursed through me. I remembered when Isaac took me to Fat’s over the summer. It was such a romantic night. If only we could go out tonight. Instead, I would be alone with a giant sculpture and a box of mac’ n cheese.
“So, what does he do for a living, anyway?” I asked eyeing the black monstrosity looming over me, and wondering how I would make it through the night alone with him. I shivered. It really was creepy.
“He’s a doctor.”
“Really?” I raised an eyebrow. Not my mom’s usual type. “What kind of doctor?”
“Plastic surgeon.”
“Are there really that many people in Vancouver getting plastic surgery? The guy seems loaded.”
“He just moved here from Beverly Hills.”
“Why would he leave Beverly Hills to come here?” I was astounded.
“He was tired of the craziness. He wanted to be somewhere quiet.”
“Well, he picked the right place then.” A thought struck me. “Hey, did you meet him because you were planning to have work done?”
“Don’t be silly. Carol and I met him last week when we went out bar hopping.”
“You met him at a bar?” I was expecting a more romantic story. Not that I was surprised. It was my mom’s usual hang out spot. I guess I was just hoping for something different. Ever since I had changed I was praying that she would too. I was starting to wonder if that would ever happen.
While holding the phone between my shoulder and cheek, I poured powdered cheese into the pot of macaroni noodles on top of the stove. “So, now we have a giant black sculpture filling up our already freaky family room.”
Isaac chuckled. “That’s crazy.”
I pulled open the silverware drawer, practically yanking my arm from its socket. The drawers always stuck and were almost impossible to open. Extracting a spoon, I said, “I know. But you should see this guy. He’s rich and handsome. I have no idea what he’s doing with my mom.”
“Rich and handsome, huh? Should I be worried?”
I stopped stirring the macaroni and giggled. “About me liking him? Whatever. He’s old.”
“Oh, so if he was young I would have to worry?” Isaac teased.
“No, I only want you,” I assured him. Even if he was joking, I wanted to make sure he knew I only wanted to be with him. I wasn’t stupid. I knew long distance relationships were tough. But I loved Isaac and I was determined to make it work.
“So, have you talked to Haley?”
I spooned the macaroni and cheese into a bowl. “No, she’s not answering my texts. I guess she’s avoiding me.”
“Maybe that’s best.”
I froze. “Why?”
“I’m not sure she’s a good person for you to hang around with right now.”
I carried the empty pot to the sink, and dropped it in. “She’s my best friend.”
“I know, but it sounds like she’s making bad choices right now. You should try to make some new friends at church.”
Irritated, I said, “I don’t want to make new friends, Isaac. I just want things to go back to normal with Haley.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be telling you what to do. I’m just worried about you, that’s all.”
The irritation dissipated. “I know. I didn’t mean to snap. It’s just that Haley and I have been friends for so long. I can’t imagine my life without her.” I picked up my bowl of mac n’cheese and carried it to the family room. I almost bumped into the sculpture. It would take some getting used to. As I settled on the couch, its shadow blanketed me in darkness.
“I get it. But things are different for you now. You need a support system that understands that.”
“You mean other Christians?” I set the bowl on the coffee table, and tucked my legs up under my body. My stomach hurt. I didn’t know if I was ready to make new friends. Especially people who were all into church and stuff. Everything seemed easier when I was at Grandma’s.
“Yeah.”
I thought about how most of Isaac’s friends were Christians. Then again, he’d been raised with them. It’s all he’d ever known. I bit my lip. “We’ll see. I started going to a church near my house. Maybe I’ll meet someone there.”
Chapter Five
Haley wasn’t waiting for me at her locker before lunch. We always met each other there and walked to the cafeteria together. I stood with my back against the cold metal locker for a few minutes. I hadn’t seen her all day but I was really hoping she wasn’t mad at me anymore. I never should’ve opened my mouth about Ian. What kind of hold did this guy have on her, anyway?
The minutes ticked by at a snail’s pace. Students hurried past. A few of them glanced over at me with a curious look. I’m sure I looked like a total loser; like I’d been stood up or something. I guess in a way I had been.
Finally, I decided to head to the cafeteria and find Haley. Surely, once we talked things out everything would be fine. We never stayed mad at each other for long. I pushed open the cafeteria doors. Loud conversing and laughing spilled outside. I walked in, and spotted our regular table. No Haley. I scanned the room and finally found her red hair. She was sitting at Caleb’s table. My stomach dropped. She leaned over and whispered something in Ian’s ear and they both started laughing.
I contemplated going over there and demanding an explanation, but I wasn’t sure I could handle Caleb’s leering or Ian’s smart remarks. So, I trudged over to an empty table and plopped down. Taking deep breaths, I warded off the tears that threatened to penetrate. This was the first time I found myself eating alone at school. I took my brown lunch bag out of my backpack and set it on the table. Keeping my head down, I pulled out my sandwich. I didn’t dare look up because I was afraid people would be staring at me. Perhaps if I barely moved, no one would notice me at all. I reached for the phone in my pocket. Maybe I could just text Isaac all lunch period.
“Hey, want some company?”
My head snapped up. My eyes widened. “Tanner.” I pushed the phone back into my jean’s pocket.
“You were expecting someone else?” He smiled.
“No, it’s just…I was sort of hoping…” My gaze flitted over to Haley. She didn’t even glance my way. Her attention was glued on Ian.
Following my eyes, he said, “She’ll come around.”
I sighed. “I hope so.”
“So, can I join you?” Tanner held up a brown lunch bag. “I mean, unless you’d rather eat alone.”
The last thing I wanted was to spend any more time by myself. Still, I couldn’t figure out why he was there. “Shouldn’t you be sitting with your friends?”
He shook his head. “Nah. It’s just the same old thing over there. Besides, just between you and me, that Ian dude is annoying.”
I giggled. Maybe Tanner wasn’t so bad, after all.
“So, that’s a yes?” He cocked an eyebrow.
I nodded. He slid onto the bench next to me, bringing with him the scent of musky cologne.
“So you and Haley got into a fight, huh?” He unscrewed the cap of his water bottle.
“She told you?”
“No, Ian sort of mentioned it to the group.”
Man, I really didn’t like Ian.
I opened my can of soda. “Yeah, well he’s the re
ason we’re not speaking.”
“It’ll blow over. Everyone can see he’s just the rebound guy.” Tanner brought his sandwich up to his mouth, and took a large bite.
“That’s what I thought too, but now I’m not so sure.”
“She was staring at Derek the whole time I was over there. If you ask me she’s just trying to make her ex jealous.” Mayo stuck to the corners of Tanner’s mouth. It made him seem so vulnerable. I turned away.
“I sure hope you’re right because I don’t want to lose my best friend to him.”
“Trust me.” He smiled.
I nodded. I wasn’t sure if I should or not, but oddly enough I did trust him.
“Haley!” I called after her when I spotted her in the hallway between classes.
She turned around, her lips pursed. “Yeah?” She raised her eyebrows.
“You gonna stay mad at me forever?” I gave her a wry smile.
She didn’t smile back. “Maybe.”
“C’mon, Hales. Don’t be like that.”
“I have to go. The bell’s about to ring.” She started to turn.
“Haley, I’m sorry.”
She turned to me briefly, her face unreadable and then walked away. Shocked, I stood frozen in place. The bell rang. A few students straggled behind, their shoes squeaking on the linoleum. I couldn’t believe Haley was staying mad at me. Having no idea how to fix things, I walked to class with a hollow feeling in my heart.
Chapter Six
“Where are you going so early?” Mom called to me as I opened the front door. A rush of cool air hit me in the face. My sundress billowed around my legs. I shivered.
“Church.” I turned to Mom. Her hair stuck out all over her head in a mess of tangled curls. She wore her flannel pajama pants and a large ripped t-shirt.
“Why don’t you stay home today? I’ll make eggs for breakfast.”
“We don’t have any.”
“Well, then I’ll make pancakes.” She hugged herself. “Close the door. It’s freezing in here.”
“I’ve gotta go. Service starts in ten minutes.”
“What about pancakes?”
“I already had some cereal.” I took a step forward. “I’m gonna be late.”
“C’mon, stay home with me. We haven’t spent any time together lately.” She stuck her bottom lip out in a childish pout.
“And whose fault is that?” I snapped before I could stop myself.
“I know I’ve been spending a lot of time with Drake. But honey, I’ve never gone out with anyone like him before. I think I’m falling in love.”
“Good for you.” I couldn’t hold back the irritation. My mom fell in love as often as other women changed their socks.
“But I’m home today and I was hoping you and I could catch up.”
I hesitated. A part of me did want to spend time with Mom. But I couldn’t just drop everything the minute she was ready to be with me. I’d been doing that my whole life. At some point I had to draw the line. I flashed her an apologetic smile.
“Sorry Mom. We can hang out when I get home. I’ll only be gone an hour or so.” As I walked out the door, I caught a glimpse of disappointment on her face. Without thinking about it, I raced to my car.
I pulled into Grace Bible Church with only a couple minutes to spare. I cut the engine and bolted from the car. The parking lot was filled with cars. Only a few families still lingered outside. A young couple dragged a screaming toddler past me.
I had chosen this church because it was close to my house. But I also liked that it reminded me of Grandma’s church with how small it was and how the pastor was kind and soft-spoken.
I hurried inside, my strappy silver sandals clicking on the pavement. Just as I stepped into the foyer, a familiar face beamed at me. I took a step back in surprise.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“The same thing as you I suppose,” Tanner teased.
My face warmed. I guess it was a stupid question. “It’s just that I’ve never seen you here before.”
“Have you been coming here long?” He adjusted the collar on his blue shirt. His hair was spiked with gel, and his face was smooth. He smelled like aftershave lotion. My heart sped up.
“No, just since I got back from my Grandma’s.” Memories of my summer surfaced. I thought of Isaac and, even though I’d done nothing wrong, I felt guilty. Why did Tanner have to keep showing up everywhere I went?
“This is my first time. But I went to the youth summer camp and that’s when I accepted Christ.”
“You became a Christian over the summer?”
He nodded.
“Me too.”
“I heard.” Music started in the sanctuary.
“We better get inside,” I said. “Do you need to find your family?”
“They’re not here.” Disappointment crossed his features.
“Mine either.” I knew exactly how he felt.
A man, wearing a nametag , handed us a bulletin as we entered the sanctuary. We found two seats in the back row and sat down. As worship commenced, I tried not to think about how close Tanner was, or how cute he looked all dressed up. Instead, I closed my eyes, and attempted to focus on the lyrics and God. Only it was a losing battle. My thoughts drifted to Isaac. Was I betraying him by standing with another boy in church? Was it cheating if I found myself attracted to someone else?
These were the thoughts swirling through my mind all through the service. Several times I almost got up and ran out, but I knew that would be immature. Besides, the last thing I wanted to do was cause a scene. When service ended, Tanner turned to me.
“Wanna go grab a coffee or something? We could go to Thatchers.”
It sounded so nice. Certainly better than heading home. It wasn’t like I had my pick of friends to hang out with now that Haley wasn’t speaking to me. But going to coffee sounded too much like a date.
“No thanks, I better head home. Mom wants to spend time together today.”
Tanner nodded. “I understand. Maybe another time?”
“I don’t know.” I bit my lip.
I saw disappointment in his eyes. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt his feelings.
“It’s just that I sort of…well…I have a boyfriend.” People walked past us as they filed out of the church.
“Really?” His eyebrows raised. “I had no idea. Who is he?”
“Oh, you don’t know him. I met him over the summer.”
“So, he lives in California?”
The sanctuary was almost completely empty now. An older gentleman walked around, picking up stray bulletins off the pews.
I nodded.
“That’s cool. I only wanted to hang out as a friend anyway.”
Of course he did. I felt silly for thinking otherwise.
“Friendship sounds good.” I smiled.
After saying goodbye, I drove home. Orange, yellow and rust colored leaves blew across my windshield, scuttling like insects. I loved fall. I loved how the colors changed, how the air shifted. When I pulled into our house, I noticed that Mom’s car was gone. Seriously, she couldn’t wait for me for one hour? I raced home to be with her and she was gone? Now I would have to spend a long and boring afternoon alone. Anger rising in me, I stormed to the front door. After unlocking it, I stepped inside. The first thing I noticed was the smell. Something was definitely burning.
I raced into the kitchen. What had happened in there? Flour covered the already messy counters, dirty pans filled the sink.
The front door flew open. “Oh, I was hoping to make it back before you got home.” Mom rushed in, out of breath. In her hand she held several bags. She hoisted them up onto the counter. “I tried to make pancakes for you but as you can see it didn’t go so well. So, I went and bought more stuff. I thought we could make breakfast together.” She pushed her bangs out of her eyes. “What d’ya say?”
I smiled, my heart bursting. I couldn’t think of anything I’d rather do. But I couldn’
t say that. So instead I shrugged and said, “That’s fine.”
“Great. Well, change out of that dress. This is going to get messy.” With a cheesy smile on her face, she held up a giant bag of pancake mix.
I giggled and headed back to my room to change. Suddenly this day didn’t look so bleak after all.
Outside my bedroom window, the sun sunk below the clouds. The sky was painted in streaks of pink and purple, morphing together and resembling an abstract painting. I stepped over a mountain of dirty clothes and plopped down on the edge of my bed. Mom’s laughter drifted down the hall, causing irritation and jealousy to thread around my heart.
“We were having such a great time,” I whined into the phone. “And then Drake just showed up unexpectedly.”
“I’m sorry,” Isaac replied.
“Now they’re out there watching some horror movie he brought over. Mom doesn’t even usually watch horror movies.” I rested my head against the headboard of my bed, and let out a frustrated groan. It was one of the best days Mom and I had spent together in a long time. She even said we might go get ice cream or something later. But then he had to show up. “It’s almost like he planned to interrupt our day.”
“I’m sure he didn’t mean to do that.” Isaac was always so reasonable. I was just being oversensitive.
“You’re probably right. I think he did want to hang out with both of us. I just had no interest in watching a scary movie. I’ve already lived one.”
“Isn’t that the truth?” Isaac’s voice was serious.”Hey, how was church this morning?”
“Good.”
“You make any new friends?”
Tanner’s face flashed through my mind. “Sort of.”
“What do you mean sort of?”
“I did make a friend. I’m just not sure it’s someone I should hang out with.”
“Of course you should. You made a friend at church. That’s great news.”
“Yeah, I guess.” My stomach dropped at how happy he sounded. Would he be as happy if he knew the friend was a guy?
