by Sophie Stern
I was 21. He was older. We were a little drunk and a lot in love. We knew we wanted to be together. We knew we were mates, but he didn’t bite me that night. He didn’t seal the deal. He didn’t give me a mate scar: a mark on my wrist to show the pack who I belong to. We were going to wait for that until after the wedding, until after we had a little more time together.
So many wolves just rush into mating, but Tony and I were hesitant. Tony and I wanted to be sure, wanted it to be special. Perfect.
Part of our hesitation was because his parents were divorced. They went through a nasty breakup when he was a teenager. Tony and I met shortly after their split, and we both saw up close just how divorce can affect a kid, just how much it can affect a community.
Tony was scared of getting a divorce. He didn’t want to rush into anything and to be honest, neither did I. That’s why we waited until I was 23 to get married. We waited an extra two years, just to be sure, and then everything still went to hell.
“Thank you so much,” Rebecca says to Uncle Herb. “We really appreciate you letting us stay here.”
“Of course,” my uncle nods. “Heather can’t go in the morning. She’ll stop by to check on your dad around lunchtime. She told me to tell you that visiting hours start at 8:00. You should leave around 7:30 if you want to get there right at the start of visiting time. There’s paperwork, you know. You have to fill out a form and all that.”
“Thanks, Uncle Herb.”
My uncle gives me one last hug and heads out the door. As he walks away, I watch him, wondering exactly what’s going to happen tomorrow. Things can’t be as bad as I think they are. They can’t be as bad as Heather said. They just can’t.
My dad has to be okay.
He has to be all right.
Rebecca closes the door to the motel room and locks it. Then she kicks off her shoes, yanks off her clothes, and climbs in the bed. I strip down, turn off the lights, and join her in the bed.
“Why, hello,” Rebecca says cheerily.
“Hello, bunkmate.”
“How you doing?”
“Better now.”
“Now that you’re naked in bed with your best friend?”
“Pretty much,” I chuckle. Rebecca and I are both bisexual, but we’ve never fooled around. Somehow, we’ve always been with other people, and to be honest, I’ve been pretty hung up on Tony. Still, being shifters means we’re completely comfortable with our bodies. Nudity isn’t weird or strange to us and sleeping naked comes naturally. Both of us find it impossibly uncomfortable to fall asleep with clothes on, so we sleep in the nude.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“About my dad?”
“About anything: him, Tony, what it feels like to come back here.”
“Normally I would tell you to fuck off, but to be honest, I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. It’s been a long time since I was here. It’s been a long time since I had to face the consequences of my decisions.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Anything.”
“Do you regret leaving?”
Her words hang in the air while I think about them. Do I regret leaving Wolfe City? Part of me says yes. Part of me says that I never should have left, that I should have found a way to work through all the issues Tony and I had. Part of me says I should have fought harder for him, should have found a way to make things work.
But there’s another part of me that’s selfish.
There’s another part of me that is glad I got to live in a world away from my family, away from people I know, away from people I have a history with. Part of me is happy I got to experience the world for myself. Part of me is happy I got to grow up.
“I regret leaving the way I did,” I say honestly.
“What do you think you should have done differently?” Rebecca’s words don’t hold any sort of judgment, which I appreciate. She’s genuinely curious, so I don’t mind talking to her. The realization hits me and I wonder when that changed. When we first met, I refused to talk about anything.
Now, just look at me. I’m in the middle of a hotel in my hometown and I’m talking about my feelings. Is this what personal growth feels like? I’m not sure what I think about that.
“You know, what? I probably should have just talked to him. I could have given him my blessing to be with Cynthia. I could have told him that his choice hurt me, but that I understood.”
“Or maybe you would have found out you were wrong about him and he didn’t love her, after all.”
“Maybe,” I say, but I’m still not so sure. She was completely certain they were involved. She was completely sure of their relationship, and she wouldn’t hurt me like that. Cynthia and I were friends. What reason would she have to lie?
Chapter 4
Tony
When I wake up the next morning, I’m ready to start the day. I get up early and head to the restaurant to prepare. Something about kneading dough and making pasta is relaxing. It’s hard work, but it calms me. Maybe it’s because I’ve had my restaurant for three years now and it’s something I’m good at. It’s something I’m comfortable with. I opened it before my failed wedding attempt and during that time, making pasta was all that got me through the darkness.
Well, that and screwing my way through Wolfe City.
I’m no saint.
I’ve never pretended to be.
There was a lot of darkness in my heart in the days after Dana left. Sleeping around took the edge off, at least for awhile, but it never stopped the pain. It never stopped me from missing her. It never made me feel better.
It never made me feel complete.
No, in all of my years, the only thing that’s ever made me feel complete is being near Dana. The only thing that’s ever made me feel real is being with her. She’s always been the only woman for me. She’s always been the sun in my sky.
So why does the thought of seeing her this week bring up so many mixed emotions? I know she’ll be in town. I’m not sure when. Will she come by the restaurant? Will she want to talk to me? Will she want to catch up?
Will she finally explain why she left me?
Will she finally tell me why she broke my heart?
In the grand scheme of things, two years is not a long time, but to me, it’s been an eternity. It’s been forever. Twenty-four months without Dana. That’s been enough time to grow my business and see my best friend mated to the woman of his dreams.
How will Dana have changed?
I’m not so naïve I think she’ll have waited for me. I’m sure she’s slept with plenty of people and had several relationships in the time we’ve been apart. What I want to know is if she missed me. What I want to know is if she cared about me. What I want to know is if she longed for me the way I longed for her.
I pined for Dana.
The wolf inside of me cried for her. For months, anytime I shifted, I could do nothing but howl. Adam finally asked me to stop shifting until I was ready to cope with the break-up because he was tired of hearing me cry out to the moon for my lost mate.
Shifters always feel everything more deeply in animal form. It’s one of the best and worst things about us. Being in our animal forms gives us advantages. We’re faster, smarter. We can hunt better and see better, but we also feel more deeply. We experience greater happiness but we also experience greater devastation.
And there’s no doubt that Dana broke my heart completely.
Finally, I finish my work for the morning. Normally, I’d stay, but I took the day off and Adam is going to run the show today. He shows up at eight, which is early for him, and gives me a pat on the shoulder.
“It’s going to be okay,” he says. “No matter what happens, everything is going to be fine.”
“I appreciate the sentiment, but there’s no way you can know that.”
“Problems with our mates have a way of working themselves out. You’ll see, brother. You’ll see.”
Adam met his darling mate unexpec
tedly. After years of searching, hoping, and waiting, Amy crashed into his life and I’ve never seen him happier. Her car broke down just outside of Wolfe City and while her original plan was to go start a new life in Honeypot, destiny threw a curveball and now the two of them have an incredible life right here in Wolfe City.
And I want that for me.
I want that with Dana.
I don’t want to admit I still crave her, need her, love her. I don’t want to admit that I still miss her constantly. I don’t want to tell anyone just how much she broke my heart when she left.
What kind of man would that make me?
The thing about wolves is that we’re sensitive. We’re rough and tumble, but we have these frail little hearts that beat only for our mates, and Dana is mine. She’s mine and I want her and I miss her and I need her.
“I should get going to the hospital,” I finally say. I’m going to bring food to Jasper and Belinda. Later I’ll drop off more meals at their home so they won’t have to worry about grocery shopping or hunting this week. With Jasper injured, they’re going to want to rest as much as possible.
“I think Brandon is going to be there, too,” Adam says, handing me a container. I start loading them into a bag to bring with me.
“Makes sense. He’s the alpha.” Brandon runs the pack. He’s not mean or evil, but he’s the man in charge. Before him, his father was the pack leader. Before that, it was his grandfather. Any good wolf pack has an alpha. It’s simply the way of wolves. Brandon is the one who handles any sort of disturbance between rival packs and who helps break up petty arguments and problems within the pack itself.
In some ways, he’s kind of like a mayor.
In others, he’s like an overbearing father.
Brandon and I are close. I’m not his second-in-command, but that’s because I turned the position down. His right-hand man, Adrian, doesn’t mind how close Brandon and I are, which is good. I’d hate to lose a friend because of jealousy. Growing up, Brandon and I were the best of friends. When he took over the pack after his father’s death, everyone thought he was too young to handle so much responsibility, but he’s proven himself time and time again and now he has not only the pack’s respect, but the town’s respect. The humans and bear shifters who live in Wolfe City love Brandon.
“Maybe you should talk to him,” Adam suggests with a shrug.
“Because if I won’t open up to you, I should open up to someone?”
“Basically. You’ve been carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders for two years, buddy. Maybe it’s time you let some of it go.”
“Honestly, at this point, I don’t even know how to do that.”
“You should talk to Brandon. Hell, you should talk to Dana if you see her. I’m sure you’ll run into her at some point. It’s a small town and it’s going to be hard to avoid her, no matter how sneaky she tries to be.”
I laugh because he’s right about one thing: Dana is sneaky. She always has been. She has a way of getting what she wants and a way of making things happen on her terms.
“I don’t really want to talk to Dana.”
“I’m sure you don’t. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. It’s been a long time, Tony. You’ve changed. I’m sure she has, too. Maybe you can sit down and have a civil conversation.”
“And if we can’t?”
“Then shift and fight her, Tony, because you’ve got to get this girl out of your system one way or another.”
Chapter 5
Dana
“Are you ready yet?”
“No.”
“Okay. How about now?”
“Dude,” I glare at Rebecca. “Give me some time, okay? This is my dad.”
“Yes, I know, Miss Drama Queen. It’s your dad and you’re sad and hurt and blah blah blah blah. You know what, buddy? We’ve been sitting in this car for twenty minutes. The hospital isn’t going anywhere, and neither is your pops, so let’s go.”
I’m about to protest when Rebecca gets out of the car and slams the door. She makes it halfway to the hospital doors when I finally catch up with her.
“Glad you decided to join me,” she says.
“You bitch!” I say, but there’s no malice in my words. She knows I’m teasing. “I wasn’t ready.”
She chuckles, but just shakes her head.
“That’s the thing about you, Dana. You’re sweet, but you’re never ready. You’re going to have to get past this idea that you’ll ever be ready. None of us are. If anyone ever waited to be ready to do something, no one would ever do anything.”
“Everyone is more ready than me.”
“No one is ready, darling. There’s a newsflash for you. We’re all scared and we’re all afraid, but the people you see doing things are the ones who choose to ignore that fear and do it anyway.”
The hospital doors open automatically and we walk inside and head directly for the elevators.
I met with my aunt over coffee this morning and she talked with me about where to go and which nurses to check in with. She’s got a meeting this morning, but she’ll be stopping by later to see my dad. Even though we didn’t talk for long, it felt good to see her for a little while. She didn’t seem to hold any anger or judgment that I’ve been gone so long. Instead, she just held me for a long time and promised me everything was going to be okay.
We find the elevators easily, press the button, and wait.
“I shouldn’t be so scared of everything,” I finally concede. “I know my fears aren’t based in reality.”
“I think you’re just scared of being rejected,” Rebecca shrugs. “You feel like Tony rejected you and even though you’d never admit it, I bet you’re a little hurt he didn’t chase after you.”
That stings, but hits close to home. Part of me wonders why he never did chase after me, why he never did follow me. Was I not good enough to be chased? Was I not good enough for that? Shouldn’t he at least have called or tried to visit?
Then again, I figured he was making his new, happy life with Cynthia. I figured he was having adventures and experiences with her and didn’t have time for little ol’ me.
“Stop the pity party,” Rebecca warns. “We’re almost there.”
“I’m not having a pity party,” I protest.
We reach the nurses’ station and I check in as a visitor. The entire process is really simple and luckily, the nurses don’t complain I brought a friend.
“It’s usually family only,” one says. “This is your sister, right?” She looks pointedly at me and I nod.
“Yes,” I say. “My sister, Rebecca.”
“Wear these,” she hands us each a badge that reads VISITOR. Then she points down the hall. “Third door on the right.”
“Thank you,” we both say.
Then we turn to go see my parents.
This is it.
This is the moment I’ve been dreading and looking forward to at the same time.
I’ve missed my dad. I’ve missed my mom. I’ve missed being part of the family. Having time to myself was nice. Having a break from reality was nice, but maybe there’s more to life than “nice.”
Maybe it’s time for me to start thinking about people other than myself.
Maybe it’s time for me to finally be an adult.
“You ready for this?” Rebecca asks.
“Not at all.”
I knock on the door and I hear my mother’s voice.
“Come on in,” she calls out.
I push the door open and step inside the sterile hospital room. My dad is sitting up in bed. He’s pale, and he looks a little older, and he looks very tired, but it’s my dad. My mom is sitting next to him, holding his hand.
“Dana?” They both say, obviously surprised. “You came.”
“Of course I came.” Suddenly, it’s hard to find words and the tears start falling. My mother rushes to me and wraps her arms around me.
“You’re home, baby,” she says. “You’re home, and we missed you so much
.”
“Let me hug her,” my dad says. “Come hug me, cub.”
I kiss my mother on the cheek before turning to my dad. I gently lean down and hug him, but he’s having none of that. He gives me a tight hug, pulling me close. I’m careful to avoid pulling on any of the many IVs and monitors that are hooked up to him. Right now, my dad looks more like a robot than a shifter.
My heart breaks just a little as I hold him. I’ve always thought of my dad as big and strong and completely incredible. Immortal. Invincible. I’ve always thought of him as someone who couldn’t be torn down or destroyed. I’ve always thought of him as amazing.
Now, looking at him in the hospital bed, he looks weak. Tired. He looks old.
And I’m filled with regret that I’ve missed the last two years of his life.
“Dad, I missed you,” I say. He pulls back and just looks at me then.
“I missed you, too, cub. I missed you, too.”
“I think it’s safe to say we all missed you,” a new voice says, and my entire body goes rigid.
“Oh, shit, is that Tony?” Rebecca’s voice says from behind me. I completely forgot she was here. I also didn’t see Tony from his spot in the corner. “You didn’t tell me he was so fine,” Rebecca whistles.
“Who are you, sweetie?” My mom asks, lowering her voice, and I hear Rebecca start to explain that she’s my roommate and she looks after me, but all I can focus on is Tony.
All I can focus on is the fact that he seems even bigger than he was before. He’s stronger, more muscular, and his eyes are even brighter.
“I…I…” My mouth goes completely dry and I can’t move. I knew I would have to see him eventually, but I didn’t think it would be like this. I figured I’d bump into him in the grocery store or at the library or some random, mundane place where I could easily slip away.
I didn’t think Tony was going to be in my father’s hospital room.
I didn’t think I was going to have to face him today.
