Standing this close, he was having a hard time maintaining his composure. He took a step closer still, until they were almost touching. These irrational feelings were new to him.
She drew a shuddering breath, then slid away from him and snatched up the tea pitcher out of the refrigerator. “So, when are they going to start construction?” she asked, her voice betraying her breathlessness.
Fighting not to reach for her, Dan watched her pour tea into glasses. He wondered if she realized she hadn’t asked him if he wanted any. She was shaken, all right. As shaken as he was.
Again, the worry that had dogged him all week hit him like a wrecking ball. “In a couple of weeks,” he said, focusing on her question. “The contractor I’m using is finishing up a couple of other projects before he can get started on mine. That means you’re going to have to put up with me as a neighbor for a while.” He tried to make his voice light.
Placing the tea glasses on the table, she sat down and studied the plans. Drawn to her, he sat down beside her, close enough to catch the sweet scent of her hair. He inhaled deeply, leaning closer to her.
“I-I’ve noticed you seem to seek out Stacy all the time,” Ashby said, her eyes darting to his, then away.
Not exactly the conversation he’d been expecting. Her words distracted him from studying how graceful the curve of her neck was from her earlobe down to her shoulder.
Pulling back, he focused on her words. “I love it when Stacy talks,” he said, proud of the headway Stacy had made. “Not that she says a whole lot. But we’re making progress. With someone who has suffered what she has, patience, persistence and love are the key to getting her to come out of her shell. It does my heart good to see it happening.” He was startled by how neat it felt to share that with Ashby.
Her green eyes filled with compassion. “You really care for her, don’t you?”
He cared. “Yeah, I do.” He rolled the glass between his palms and watched the ice bob as he made a decision. “I know firsthand what she’s going through. My—” He cleared his throat as it threatened to close off. But he wanted to share this with Ashby. “I lived at a shelter for almost two years, starting when I was six. And even after we got our own place, we volunteered at the shelter. So we remained connected to the women and other kids coming through the shelter.”
There were only three people who knew his background: Emmett, Brady and Dottie. Ashby was reacting as he’d suspected she would—with great empathy. He felt comfortable revealing his past to her. He’d been afraid he’d see pity, but that wasn’t the case at all.
“I’m glad the shelter was there for you,” she said. “Your mother must have been a remarkable woman.” She blinked hard.
“She was.” He took a deep breath, feeling the familiar ache when he thought of her.
“Tell me about her.”
He smiled. “She was very much like Stacy. She was a timid woman. I never heard her say a harsh word. Her voice was soft….” Even when things were at their worst, the quietness of her voice remained more vivid to him than the rage in his father’s. “She hadn’t wanted me to remember the anger, or the blows. It took more guts than I can even begin to imagine, and more love for me, for her to escape to the shelter. Violence is often handed down from father to son, if the cycle isn’t broken early enough. My mother feared for my life and the lives of my children, if I lived to have any.”
Tears welled in Ashby’s eyes. “I can’t bear to think about it. And you and your mother lived it.”
“She always said loving me gave her the strength to trust that the Lord would take care of us. That He was in control, and she just had to choose the path we were to follow. I look at Stacy and Rose and the others and see her.”
“Why would you let me think such horrible things about you?” Ashby asked him, anger flaring in her voice.
His throat felt as tight as his chest. He took a swallow of tea. She waited, watching him. Dan had never tried to explain it before. He rammed a hand through his hair.
“Why?” she asked again, the anger dissipating somewhat.
He realized he wanted to share his past with Ashby. “My mother taught me to minister to others. I used to love to make her smile. I found out early that I had a knack for teasing a smile out of her. I soon learned I could do it with the other ladies at the shelter.”
Ashby laid a soft hand on his arm. Her touch warmed him instantly and he met her gaze.
“I can just see you as a little boy. You learned to flirt early, didn’t you?” The look in her eyes made his heart melt.
“Yeah. I did.”
He told her how he’d soon become the shelter’s resident clown. And how he would go with his mother later on to help minister to the families that came after them. He’d learned a slow, easy smile and a kind word didn’t always get him a smile in return; he had to keep going back, and pushing for that smile. “Winning the ladies’ trust was all-important to me.”
He stopped talking, aware that Ashby’s hand still rested on his forearm. It was a simple touch, but he was amazed at how comfortable he felt with her. Looking at her, he’d never felt so connected to anyone.
Gazing at Dan, Ashby was ashamed of how she’d misjudged him. Hearing about his childhood highlighted the sharp contrast to her own. He amazed her. And his mother…God bless her for what she’d done to give her child a better, safer life.
“What happened to your mom?”
Ashby knew she should take her hand off his arm, but their conversation had turned so serious, she felt a need to comfort him. Her question brought pain to his eyes and he suddenly covered her hand with his. Ashby couldn’t explain the feelings that rocked through her. She felt guilty that she’d asked the question that brought pain into his eyes, and yet she was undeniably attracted to him. To the man she’d not realized he was.
“My mom…” His smile was full of love and regret. “She finally found a good man. A missionary, and she was so in love with…” Dan’s voice trailed off and his eyes held Ashby’s. “She found a man she could trust with her fragile heart. I had to relinquish the role of her protector to Jeff, and for a man who’d taken it on with serious intent as a young kid, that was a big deal. But seeing her so happy, I was pleased to hand that responsibility over to him. They were on a trip to the mission field when their plane went down.”
Ashby gasped and tears filled her eyes. “I’m so sorry,” she said, her voice cracking with emotion.
He traced his fingers across the back of her hand distractedly, almost as if he didn’t realize he was doing so. “God has a plan. He’s in control—that was Mom’s favorite phrase. When things were at their worst, she’d look me in the eye and tell me that God has a plan for all of us. That He had a special plan for me.”
Dan drew a deep breath and held Ashby’s gaze for a long moment. Her breath deserted her.
“He has a plan for you, too, Ashby. And it’s on His timetable.” He lifted her hand and kissed it. The motion was as unexpected as the kiss on the stairs had been. “You don’t need to rush your life. I think, watching you sometimes, that you’re so focused on what you want, you can’t fully enjoy today….” His expression turned solemn and he looked away as he stood up. “I think it’s time for me to go.”
Ashby watched him roll up the plans and slide them into the cylinder. They had just crossed into new territory. He knew it as well as she did…. He looked as conflicted about that as she felt.
Needing something to do, Ashby picked up the glasses. Her hands trembled as she carried them to the sink. She had all kinds of explanations for the emotions that he’d ignited inside her. The man was such a contradiction in so many ways, and she understood him now. Understood and admired him very much. But where did that leave them? Where did she want them to be?
He startled her when she turned around and found him standing there. “You’re a good woman, Ash.”
He was so near she could almost hear his heart beating. Or was that hers, pounding out a staccato rhythm?
“Some man is going to be lucky to call you his wife one of these days.” One corner of his lips lifted and then he took a deep, shuddering breath. “You just need to slow down and wait.”
He turned and strode to her door. His long-legged stride had him there within the blink of an eye, and just like that he was gone.
Chapter Seventeen
Ashby felt as if she’d been turned topsy-turvy and shaken. Up was down and down was up and she felt certain that she’d run into a few walls before she made it to work the next day.
“Hey, are you okay?” Rose shot her a hard look the minute she walked into the shop.
“Fine. I’m fine.”
“You are not. Look at you. You look like you’re carrying mail for the Pony Express with those bulging saddlebags under your eyes!”
“Aren’t you sweet this morning.”
Rose laughed. “Sorry, I’m tired, too. I was up late helping Max with some homework. Talk about making me feel old.”
“I can only imagine. Did you get it done?”
“Finally. Math just isn’t my cup of tea. Nive came in and helped us. That girl is so smart. Like you, trying to avoid my question. What’s going on? The grapevine has it that Lance Yates has been asking questions about your relationship with Dan. Word is Lance’s interested.
Ashby marked a price on the tag she was holding. “Lance…” she said. Handsome, Christian, a hard worker. She’d thought of the rather stilted conversation they’d had in the hallway at church a few weeks earlier. She’d thought then that Lance was the perfect guy to fall in love with…. Funny what a difference a few weeks could make. “He’s a nice guy.”
“But?”
Ashby’s brow creased as she looked at her friend and lifted one shoulder. There were things about Dan she couldn’t explain to Rose. Things he’d confided in her that she knew instinctively he hadn’t shared with many people. How could she tell Rose that he might not want children? She couldn’t, because she suspected that the things he’d suffered through in his childhood had something to do with this indecision. She couldn’t expose that confidence.
He’d shared his past with her and then he’d told her they had no future together.
She’d heard the message loud and clear when he’d told her that some man was going to be lucky to call her his wife “one of these days.” And had implied it wasn’t going to be him.
Ashby knew God had a plan, and a timetable. But there were such things as detours. Was this a detour?
“But,” she said, echoing Rose, “I’m in a big mess. I’m falling for Dan, it’s true, but it’s complicated and I don’t believe anything can come of it.”
Rose’s teasing grin turned to one of comfort. “God can work anything out, Ashby. No matter how complicated.”
Ashby took her words to heart. “I know you’re right.” But the question was, would He? And could she give her heart over to a man who might not want the same things in life that she did? Could she sacrifice her dreams of a family for a man who might not be able to overcome the way his past was holding him back? God forgive her, but she wasn’t sure she could.
And it might not be a question left up to her. Dan clearly had his own thoughts when it came to this.
“Trust Him, Ashby. Let go, and trust the Lord.”
“I keep thinking I am, only to realize I’m floundering again.”
“Believe me, I understand completely. It’s much easier for me to tell you to trust the Lord when you’re the one in the midst of the turmoil. I’ve had my share of moments and I’m sure I’ll have more. But as I’m certain you already know, God is very patient and gracious.”
Ashby was still thinking about Rose’s words hours later when she was alone in the store. Rose had left for the day to pick up Max from school, having hugged Ashby before she left. The woman was a walking, talking blessing to Ashby, and by the time she’d left for the day Ashby was feeling better. She was just going to keep doing what she’d been doing and trust the Lord to show her the way.
When the door opened at four o’clock and Dan walked in, she felt such gladness inside that she couldn’t deny it.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hello.” She glued her eyes to the computer screen, trying to keep her wits about her.
“Busy, huh?” he commented.
“Mmm-hmm,” she mumbled, scanning numbers she was no longer seeing.
“Look, I was on my way through town. I have on my farrier cap today and I’m heading out to fix up a couple of Jack Newman’s horses. I was wondering if you would ride out to my place with me when I get back into town. I wanted to ask your advice about something.”
Ashby should have told him no immediately. “What is it you want to know?” she asked. She was amazed that she sounded so normal. She didn’t feel normal at all.
“It’s a secret.” That trademark smile bloomed across his face, sending Ashby’s heart into a nosedive. “You have to come with me to find out.”
“Okay,” she managed to say.
His eyes lit up and the smile grew warmer still. “Good,” he said, backing toward the door. “Great. I’ll be back.”
Ashby knew she’d lost her mind. Straight up, as Applegate Thornton would say.
Dan bumped into a clothes rack. “I’ll be back around closing time,” he said, thrusting a blouse back into its slot before reaching for the door. She understood suddenly that he was struggling with feelings just as much as she was—or at least it appeared that way.
Ashby watched him go. It was as if she’d just dived off the end of a pier. The problem was she couldn’t swim.
“A barbecue.”
Ashby stood in the center of the newly cleaned concrete slab and surveyed the area. Cleared off, it looked huge.
“Yeah, to thank everyone for all they’ve done. Don’t you think this would be perfect?”
Ashby walked to the center of the slab to put distance between them. Obviously, he’d gone home and showered before coming to pick her up at the shop, and as he had the day before, he smelled of spicy soap and a light, appealing aftershave that did things to her concentration. Thus the distance. Who was she kidding—she needed the distance simply for the fact that she couldn’t think while standing near him. Aftershave had nothing to do with it.
“That sounds like a wonderful idea.” It did. And like something the man she was getting to know—the man she was falling in love with—would do.
“So will you help me?”
“Help you?” The question took her by surprise.
He looked uncharacteristically sheepish. “Yeah, I figure with all that fancy upbringing, you could help me put on a great party. I don’t know a thing about doing something like that.”
Ashby had to laugh. “You mean you want a barbecue spread set with crystal and silver? Pretty fancy stuff.”
He blushed. She actually saw the pink beneath his tan.
Adorable.
“Not exactly what I had in mind,” he said, his eyes twinkling. “But will you help?”
Ashby swallowed, feeling the lump in her throat. “Certainly.” She spun away and studied the area, her thoughts spinning. “You want to have the party before Thursday?”
He came to stand beside her. “Is that asking for the impossible?”
She looked up at him and shook her head, as much for her sake as his. He wanted her advice. That was all. “Okay, let’s envision this.” She started to walk away again, but his hand on her arm stopped her, tugging her into his arms. She leaned her forehead against his shoulder and his arms tightened.
“Thank you,” he whispered, and kissed her hair.
The tenderness of the gesture caused a sadness to fill Ashby, knowing there were so many reasons this might never work. It felt right being in Dan’s arms. She closed her eyes and lived in the moment. There was a protest going on inside her head, but she let it go. Reality would return soon enough. For now, as Rose had urged her, she lived in this sweet moment with Dan.
As i
f sensing her sadness, he hugged her tighter. “I have another surprise,” he said. She thought she felt his arms tremble and she felt a sense of loss as he dropped one arm, but felt happy again when he tucked her beneath the other one and started toward the barn.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for more surprises,” she said, fighting back a sense of longing. The moment felt so perfect. But she feared it couldn’t last.
He laughed and rubbed her arm as he hugged her, then continued walking.
Once there, he opened the door and tugged her inside.
“All the way down here,” he said, leading her to one of the stalls. “Ash, meet Gracie.”
It was a foal. A gangly, adorable black foal that couldn’t be more than a few days old.
“When did this happen?” Ashby asked, her voice hushed in awe.
“Last week. She was over at Clint’s so I could keep an eye on her, back when I was staying out there. We didn’t transport them here until this morning.”
Ashby reached in and called to the baby. Her mother made a gentle snorting sound, and to Ashby’s surprise, nudged the foal toward her. Ashby met the mare’s eyes and wondered if they were kindred spirits. “What a proud mama you have,” she murmured, running gentle fingers down Gracie’s forehead.
The mare lifted her head as if preening, and Ashby laughed softly.
“She likes you.”
“The feeling is mutual.” Ashby glanced over at Dan. He was watching her and she had to force her attention back to the young colt, feeling as gangly and unsteady as Gracie. “This was a nice surprise,” she managed, hoping it sounded less vulnerable than she felt.
“Oh, Gracie isn’t the surprise. She’s just standing beside it.”
His teasing words had Ashby looking around. There wasn’t anything in the stall beside Gracie. Ashby looked at him with questioning eyes. “So are you going to pull whatever it is out of your hat? There isn’t anything here.”
He nodded. “Oh, yes, there is.”
He moved past her and went into the empty stall beside Gracie. In a second, he came out with the bike he’d ridden in the race.
Her Baby Dreams Page 13
