How could a man feel like yelling with joy and groaning with despair at the same time? He closed his eyes and drew on his determination to do what was right for Ashby. “That’s not a wise thing. I can’t make you any promises. My heart’s not there when it comes to giving you your dreams. I should have pulled back the minute I knew how much you wanted children…. You’re a very special woman, Ash.” He touched her hair briefly, then let his hand drop away. “I wouldn’t be much of a man if I told you I loved you and then told you I couldn’t give you the babies your heart craves.” He hadn’t meant to say all that. To expose himself that way. But his defenses were too weak near her, especially since she’d admitted that she loved him. Especially since he could see it shining in her eyes.
“Dan, I’ve been driving around all afternoon trying to come up with a solution to this and I finally realized, children or no children, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. If you’ll have me.”
Dear Lord, he prayed desperately, give me some help here. Give me some strength.
He stepped away from her touch, backing toward the door. “I can’t ask you, or allow you, to do that. You want babies. I thought by the time I found the right woman for me I’d have resolved all of my issues. But it hasn’t happened. God hasn’t given me any peace about this. I’d rather die than hurt my kids. And I shouldn’t have put you in this position.” He turned to go, needing desperately to get out before he folded.
“You wouldn’t hurt your child or anyone else’s,” she said from behind him.
He paused at the door, but didn’t look back. “You don’t know that.”
“Dan, stop. You were the one who told me to slow down and trust the Lord. What about you? Does trusting the Lord not pertain to you?”
Heart pounding, he tightened his grip on the doorknob as he wrenched open the door. “I’ve been dealing and praying about this issue all my life, Ash. I can’t get it out of my head. If God gave me some peace about it, maybe I could reconsider. But for now, I’m not stealing your dreams. You deserve a man who doesn’t have a violent past. You deserve better.”
“You don’t have a violent past. You were the victim. You were the one hurt. You didn’t do the hurting.”
“Don’t waste any more time on me, Ash.” He crossed the hall in three strides.
“Don’t do this,” she pleaded.
He hardened his resolve and closed his door between them, praying she wouldn’t try to follow him.
Tomorrow, after he got back from making an early-morning cattle run, he would figure out a different place to live until his home was rebuilt. There was no way he could continue to live across the hall from Ashby. Not when the weak part of him wanted to break down that door and run back to her waiting arms.
At six sharp the next morning, Dan walked into Sam’s with a heavy heart. He’d spent the better part of the night pacing his apartment praying for the Lord to give him some clarity.
He’d told Ashby to trust the Lord, yet she was right—he wasn’t doing it. Where she was concerned, he needed unequivocal assurance that he could be everything she needed. He was a flirt, just as she’d said he was. He’d dated and flirted his way through life and had been able to silence the fears inside him while he waited for the Lord to deliver him from the pain. He’d thought he was in control of the situation until he’d run headfirst into love with Ashby.
He was going to need a strong cup of coffee before he hit the road. Maybe distance would help.
Applegate and Stanley were setting up their checkers as he strode into the diner.
Sam was pouring them coffee, but all three paused to watch Dan coming through the door.
“You don’t look so good this morning,” Applegate said. “Stanley, ain’t that right?”
“Don’t look good at t’all,” Stanley agreed. Both of them watched him stalk to the counter and take a seat.
“Sam, I need a big cup to go,” Dan announced.
Sam rounded the counter, plucked a paper cup off the stack and filled it. All the while, Dan could feel App and Stanley staring at his back.
“You got troubles this mornin’?”
Dan met Sam’s shrewd eyes. “Yup.”
“Women troubles?” Applegate almost shouted.
Dan heard chairs scrape against the hardwood floor, and the next instant he was flanked by the two old codgers.
“Ashby got you tied up in knots?” Stanley asked. His hearing aid whistled as he fiddled with the volume.
Dan wondered what had possessed him to come to Sam’s before he hit the road to East Texas.
“Yup. I’m in a mess, fellows,” he admitted, knowing full well that he wouldn’t hear the end of this anytime soon.
Applegate nodded solemnly. “It’s about time. I been wonderin’ when you were gonna wake up and smell the coffee,” he said.
Dan needed some help here, and the Lord hadn’t given him much peace about anything. “What do you mean?”
“We been a-wonderin’ when the love bug was going ta hit you two. Y’all been dancing around each other fer a year now. That’s why I told ya at the barbecue you needed to get your act right before someone else stole your woman.”
“That is sure-nuff the truth,” Sam said. “So talk. Why the long face?”
Applegate and Stanley huddled close.
“Well,” Dan said, not believing that he was about to ask them for advice. “She wants kids right away and I don’t think I’m going to have any of my own. I don’t think I can—” He stopped himself before telling them of his troubled past.
“Sure you can,” Sam said.
“There are things about me y’all don’t know.”
“What? That you’re scared ta have kids?”
Dan looked sharply at Stanley. “What makes you say that?”
Applegate leaned toward him. “Question is what makes you think it? Them ladies at the shelter is always talkin’ about what a good daddy you’ll be. They say when you go out thar and help Brady around the place you are always patient and kind to them babies.”
Dan took a deep breath.
“You know, the sins of the fathers ain’t always the sins of the sons,” Applegate said.
Dan’s heart thundered and he met App’s knowing gaze. “But there is that chance.” It no longer mattered to him that they knew. He needed to talk to someone. He’d planned to talk to Brady later that morning, but maybe these three could help.
Sam crossed his arms and stared hard. “You cain’t sit thar and seriously tell us that you are afraid to have kids ’cause you think you could hurt them like yor pa hurt you.”
Dan looked at each man. “How do y’all know about my dad?”
“We might be old as the hills, but we ain’t blind,” Sam said.
Applegate grumbled. “We been sittin’ in that thar window playin’ checkers fer years. We wuz here the day that van pulled in and them sweet women got off looking like Mule Hollow was their last great hope. And we been watching you come and go down thar at that candy store like clockwork ever since they opened.”
Sam and Stanley were nodding in agreement.
Stanley cleared his throat. “We watch you at church, too. You got an extra burden fer them women. We kin see it in yer eyes.”
Applegate slapped the counter. “We put two and two together. Until jest a second ago we didn’t know fer shore that our hunch was right. But now we do. And if thar is one thang we know, you ain’t the kind of man who would put pain in a woman’s eyes like we seen in them ladies’ eyes when they got to Mule Hollow.”
“’At’s right,” Sam snapped. “You are a good man, Dan Dawson. The kind of man ’at gets their eyes ta shinin’.”
Dan’s chest tightened. In his heart he believed he was a good man. That he was a godly man. “Why can’t I feel confident that I’d be a good father?” he asked, his words quiet. Stan and App heard them despite their hearing problems. Both men reached out and clapped him on the shoulder. Sam did, too.
“Satan will br
ing a good man down with any lie he can make him believe,” Applegate stated.
“The good book says, ‘As in water answereth to face, so the heart of man to man,’” Stanley murmured.
“’At means like water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man,” Applegate said. “Just so you know.”
Dan smiled at that. First time since yesterday. God had made him a new heart years ago, when he’d asked the Lord to come and dwell in him.
“You might have had a sorry sodbuster to call a dad here on earth, son, but you are now a child of the king. And that’s what counts,” Stanley said.
“Do you love her?” Sam asked.
Dan nodded. “I do. With all my heart. I haven’t actually told her. I told her I couldn’t see her anymore.”
“Then what are you sittin’ in here with us fer?” Applegate bellowed. “Why ain’t ya over thar knockin’ on her door?”
“Yeah,” Stanley said. “Go on, get over thar and tell her you was jest mixed up, but we done set ya straight.”
“It’s not that easy,” Dan said as he stood, dug change out of his pocket and laid it on the counter. “Thanks for the good advice. I’d appreciate it if you’d pray for Ashby. And for me. I’ve prayed all my life for the Lord to ease my mind where this was concerned. That’s all I’m asking.”
“We’ll pray fer you,” Sam said. “We’re gonna pray you come ta your senses and put us all outta our misery. Dan, you got a chance ta get married and have a passel of kids. Kids you can bring up to love the good Lord. Why in the world do you want to throw that away? The Lord is givin’ you a blessin’.”
Dan had no answer and headed toward the door.
Applegate stepped in front of him, his skinny chest bowed out. “It’s almost like spittin’ in the good Lord’s eye, if ya ask me.”
Dan hesitated, then sidestepped App. “Thanks, fellas.” He walked outside, pausing to stare across the street at Ashby’s store. She’d be at work in a couple of hours. He wondered how she was. Wondered if Applegate was right—was Ashby his miracle and he was spitting in God’s eye by holding out for iron-clad clarity?
Chapter Twenty
Ashby was sweeping the plank sidewalk in front of her shop, watching each car and truck turn onto Main Street. She’d spent a long night tossing and turning. And praying.
She loved Dan. How could she fix this? What if he didn’t come to his senses? She was upset with him. How could he tell her to trust the Lord, and yet he didn’t? How could he tell her all that beautiful stuff about his mother and yet he was destroying her every wish and hope for him by giving in to a completely irrational fear? Yet she couldn’t judge him on that. She hadn’t been there. Her childhood had been a fairy tale in comparison to his. While she’d been complaining about dressing up and not being taught to ride a bike, he’d been suffering at the hands of a monster…. She blinked back tears as her anger flared toward his father. Taking a deep breath, she said yet another prayer for Dan. And looked longingly down the street wishing he would materialize.
She was about to go inside when she saw Emmett striding across the street toward the candy store. When he reached her, he stopped.
“Hi, Ashby. Nice day.”
She smiled. “Yes, it’s a real nice day. Are you okay?” Up close she could see beads of perspiration on his forehead. It wasn’t even ten o’clock, and though Texas summers were hot even at this hour, Ashby didn’t think that was his problem.
“Dan tells me I need to talk to Stacy more, but I’m not the best in the world at polite conversation.”
“You’re doing well right now.”
He smiled sheepishly. “Nah, it’s Stacy I get all tongue-tied around.” He nudged a pebble with his boot. “I’d wait a lifetime to have her love me if I had to. But Dan tells me I need to make a move. That I need to take it slow and easy, but keep upping her trust level.”
Ashby could visualize Dan’s handsome face, all earnest and sure as he encouraged Emmett. She’d fallen in love with that side of him. He was a remarkable man. Not at all the man she’d first thought. “I think that’s sound advice,” she said.
Emmett nodded. “Dan’s a good man.”
Ashby met Emmett’s penetrating gaze. “Yes, he is.”
“Well, I’m gonna go in here. You have a nice day.” He tipped his hat and strode toward the candy store. Ashby took a deep breath, then said a prayer for him and Stacy. With Stacy’s past it might take a little while, but Emmett was all in.
How about you? Are you all in, Ashby?
Stacy could be a fortunate woman. Only time would tell. For Emmett’s sake, Ashby prayed he’d succeed.
Ashby loved Dan. He hadn’t said he loved her. He’d never made her any promises. But she knew suddenly that she was in. All in. As Lacy and the gang had told her before, if it was in God’s plan for her to have children, she would. In God’s time. Her heart hurt at the possibility that children weren’t in His plan for her. Emmett had said he’d wait a lifetime for Stacy to love him…that was how she felt about Dan. God had finally sent her an answer through the shy cowboy. She would wait patiently for Dan to heal. She would show him how much he meant to her.
She took a steadying breath and placed her trust at the throne. Like Emmett, she was just going to have to put her love and her faith out there and see if her dreams came true.
Taking one last look down the street, she went inside the shop. She had work to do.
Her love life might be in shambles, but that didn’t stop the world from turning. God was in control; she was going to stop fighting Him over it.
She’d just opened the door when she heard the bawling of cattle and looked down the road. Dan’s truck was coming her way. He was pulling a trailer packed with cattle who were making all kinds of noise.
Her heart was galloping as Dan came to a halt in the middle of the street. He jumped out of the cab almost before the wheels stopped turning.
“I am a selfish man, Ashby Templeton. And an incorrigible flirt. And I’ve been as blind as they come for the last few weeks. God sent me a miracle and I almost turned you away.”
Ashby expected him to halt at the sidewalk, but he didn’t. He kept right on coming. One minute he was talking, and the next he’d enveloped her in a hug and lifted her off the ground. “This is me, Ashby,” he said against her ear. “I’m all of those things. You told me you loved me and I didn’t know what to say. I got over an hour down the road and something three very wise men told me this morning finally got through to me. I didn’t think I was good enough for you. Or that I would be a good father.”
“You’ll be the best father ever.”
“I want to be more than anything. But like they said—” he nodded toward the diner where three sweet men could be seen peering through the open door “—I have a responsibility to live up to. I can wipe away the past by bringing my babies up in a home with a dad and a mother who love them and the Lord. The fellas reminded me that Satan is the master deceiver…and I finally realized I was letting him make a fool of me by keeping me from grabbing on to God’s blessings. You are my blessing. Oh, Ash, I was a certifiable fool. Please say it again. Please tell me you love me.”
Ashby laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I love you. And you are no fool. There’s no point in slowing down life, though, unless I get to enjoy it with you.”
He pulled back and looked deep into her eyes. “You sure about that?”
She nodded, knowing in her heart that none of her past experiences mattered. Dan was a man of substance and fun, all wrapped up behind that beautiful smile.
“Well, darlin’,” he drawled as he lowered his head toward her. “Will you marry me?”
She sighed against his lips. “In a heartbeat.”
Down the sidewalk, above the bawling of the cattle, Ashby heard a cheer.
“It’s about time,” Esther Mae called.
They turned to find Ashby’s favorite ladies standing outside of Heavenly Inspirations, and the gals from th
e candy store stood watching, too. Ashby had come to Mule Hollow because she thought her time was running out. What she’d found was that it was just beginning.
She looked up at Dan. “Yes, it is,” she said, laughing.
“You got that right, darlin’,” he said, then kissed her.
And in his arms, Ashby knew she’d found her place.
The place where all her dreams would come true.
Dear Readers,
Thank you for reading Her Baby Dreams. I hope you’ve enjoyed spending time in Mule Hollow with me and the gang!
I loved writing Ashby Templeton and Dan Dawson’s love story. Like Dan, I believe with all my heart that nothing in our lives is wasted if we use it for God’s glory. Whether it’s something joyous, something painful, a horrible injustice done to us or some terrible mistake we’ve made in our past—God has a purpose for you and for me. Our past makes us into who we are today, and if we lean on God, all things are possible. We can utilize our experiences to fulfill our calling in a way uniquely our own. I love verse 1 Corinthians 7:7, “Each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.”
Dan Dawson’s past gave him a heart for at-risk women, and his own experiences and natural personality led him to help in his seemingly shallow way. Maybe I was stretching it a bit, but I loved writing this big flirt’s story and watching Ashby fall in love with him. I hope I gave you a few hours of entertainment, as well, maybe even a chuckle or two.
Until next time, live, laugh and seek God’s purpose for your life with all your heart.
P.S. I hope you’ll join me back in Mule Hollow in July for The Cowboy Takes a Bride, when Hollywood dreams and small-town dreams collide!
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
Discuss all the reasons why stepping out of her comfort zone during the pig scramble was a positive action for Ashby. Share an experience with the group that you may have had while daring to step out of your comfort zone.
Dan didn’t mean to cause Ashby to make a bad impression on all the eligible cowboys when she first came to town, but he did. How did he try to fix the problem? Given all you eventually learned about Dan, were his actions realistic?
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