Zach scooched over on the couch, making room for her on his other side. In a gruffly voice, he begged Suzie not to turn the page, because that would bring them closer to the monster at the end of the book. This close, the rumble of his voice reverberated through her. Then feeling Zach pretend to quiver with fear, Tara realized she and his frightened monster had a lot in common. For the past fifteen minutes, she’d rehashed how Earl had betrayed her, worrying that Zach would do the same if she gave him the chance. Why couldn’t she simply enjoy this time together and leave the future in God’s hands?
She smiled at the realization of how natural thoughts about God’s hand in her life had become since meeting Zach.
As if he’d read her thoughts, Zach squeezed her hand. He turned the final page of the book to reveal the same silly character smiling up at them. “‘And you were so scared,’” Zach said in his monster voice.
Tara couldn’t help laughing. Maybe she’d be pleasantly surprised to find that nothing scary was waiting for her around the next page, either.
The instant Zach finished reading the story, Suzie begged for another.
Tara rose to choose a short one, but to her surprise, Zach said no.
“We agreed on three. It’s way past your bedtime.” He tweaked Suzie’s nose. “You don’t want to turn into a pumpkin.”
Tara smiled to herself. Maybe he wanted their alone time as much as she did. She held out her hand to Suzie. “Zach’s right. We have an early day tomorrow. Come on... I’ll tuck you in.”
Suzie launched herself into Zach’s arms. “I want Dak to.”
Zach looked to Tara for permission, and the apology in his eyes nixed the momentary twinge of jealousy her daughter’s request had sparked. After all, she should be grateful that Suzie adored him as much as she did.
Tara followed them to Suzie’s bedroom, where Zach prayed for her daughter. Tara’s heart warmed at the sincerity and affection in his voice. Then Suzie took a turn praying. From the first day she’d met Zach, Suzie had added “Dak” to her bedtime prayer. When Zach glanced at Tara, his eyes moist, her throat clogged. Was he thinking of the daughter he’d lost?
The thought had niggled at her more than once over the past couple of weeks, and with it, a fleeting wariness she didn’t want to begin to decipher.
Tara kissed Suzie good-night, and then silently led the way back to the living room.
“She’s a sweet girl,” he said, his voice husky with emotion.
“I think so. But then I’m her mother, so I might be biased.” Tara grinned. “Can I get you a cup of coffee?”
He caught her hand, his grip playful but firm, and tugged her toward the sofa. “It can wait. We need to talk.”
Tara tensed at the terse edge to his tone. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Whittaker’s accusation earlier, but I didn’t think the hospital hallway was the best place.”
“No, I understand. What else did he say?”
“Nothing. But I think McCrae suspects he’s up to something.”
Zach turned to face her. “How so?”
“When I asked him why Melanie wanted to see him instead of Whittaker, he said that Melanie knew he had her best interests at heart. That Whittaker was too distracted by other things.”
“Did you ask him what he meant?”
“No, the implication seemed clear. Whittaker’s always on the lookout for more recruits to his drug trials. And it’s no secret that McCrae’s not a supporter.”
Zach’s gaze drifted to the window, and Tara could almost see the gears turning.
“What are you thinking?”
Zach tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and then trailed his finger down her cheek, sending electricity skittering through her chest. “For your own protection, I’d rather not say.”
She pursed her lips, swallowing her protest. She didn’t like being kept in the dark, but she understood why he felt it necessary. “What’s going to happen once you have the evidence you need?” They’d never talked about the future, yet she wanted to believe that he wouldn’t leave.
He cupped her face in his hands. “You’ll have to testify.”
She jerked back. “That’s not what I meant.”
He squeezed her hand. “I know, but you need to know what to expect. The defense will try to have the evidence thrown out. They’ll accuse you of feeding me information from private medical records. They’ll make a big deal about our apparent relationship.”
“Apparent?” The word stung. She yanked her hand free and hunkered into the corner of the couch, hugging her knees to her chest. “Is that all this has been? A masquerade?”
He gave her a lopsided grin with enough wattage to melt an iceberg. “Absolutely not. You can’t get rid of me that easy.”
The tension in her muscles began to ease, except... “For the past few weeks, you’ve been posing as an IT consultant in Miller’s Bay twenty-four hours a day. Are all your assignments like this?” Embedding himself in a fake identity for weeks on end wasn’t exactly conducive to a fledgling relationship, let alone a stable family life. How had she let her heart get so far ahead of her brain?
“They can be.” Zach rested his hand on her knee and gently urged her to lower the legs she’d barricaded between them. “But not if I have a reason to turn the assignment down.”
“Such as?”
The soft light from the lamp behind her twinkled in his eyes. “Such as, if there were someone I wasn’t willing to be separated from.” His hand lifted to her chin, and he brushed his thumb across her bottom lip. “Someone special,” he added, echoing the words he’d used to describe her the night before. “Because I wouldn’t want you to worry that I wouldn’t come home.”
“Hmm.” She smiled. “That’s good to know.”
Suzie padded into the room, rubbing her eyes. “Mommy, I’m hungwy.”
Tara got up from the couch and ushered Suzie to the table. “I saved the sandwich you didn’t finish.”
Zach caught her gaze and frowned.
Tara hurried to the fridge. Did he expect her to let Suzie starve?
Zach slipped into the galley kitchen, blocking the opening to the dining table.
Tara veered around him and set the plate in front of her daughter, then started on the coffee.
Zach crossed his arms, his frown now a scowl.
Tara yanked a couple of coffee mugs off the hooks under the cupboard. “What?”
Zach stepped in behind her and massaged her shoulders. “Nothing.” His body turned toward Suzie and then back to Tara. “Nothing.”
Tara tensed, despite his hands gently kneading her shoulders. “I think I know what’s best for my child.”
“Of course you do.” His hands dropped down to her arms and then fell to his side. Even though he agreed with her, Tara felt patronized.
Tara reached into the fridge for the milk. It was Earl all over again. Whenever he thought she’d done something stupid, he’d frown and scowl and say it was nothing when it was clearly something. Did Zach think she was a bad mother because she’d saved Suzie’s supper?
She pushed past Zach with the glass of milk. “Excuse me.” Suzie had scarcely begun the sandwich. “Hurry up and eat,” Tara said more harshly than she’d intended.
Suzie gulped down the glass of milk and took a big bite of the sandwich.
A twinge of guilt knotted Tara’s stomach. She’d been the one who’d let Suzie taste test while they’d baked. It wasn’t Suzie’s fault she wasn’t hungry at dinnertime. But why should she have to justify herself to Zach?
Tara stole a glance over her shoulder to where Zach was still leaning against the counter, observing them with an unreadable emotion in his eyes.
“C’mon,” Tara said to Suzie, “I’ll take you back to bed now.”
“I wan
t Dak to.”
The emotion in his gaze transformed to unmistakable affection, but he said, “You be a good girl and go with your mom. Okay?”
Suzie’s bright smile crumbled.
“Hey, what’s with the long face?” Tara took up the tickle-monster pose that never failed to delight her daughter.
Squealing, Suzie scrambled toward her room.
Tara scurried after her, but before she could tickle her, Suzie clambered into bed and yanked the sheets to her chin. Tara chuckled as she kissed Suzie on the forehead.
“Mommy?”
“Yes?”
“Why Dak mad at me?”
“He’s not mad at you, honey.”
Suzie’s bottom lip quivered. “I sorry I didn’t eat my supper.”
Tara stroked Suzie’s hair. “I know you are, sweetie.” She also knew that Zach meant well. He clearly adored her daughter. Maybe she was the problem. But after three years of defending her parenting decisions to everyone from her mother to the little old lady in the playground, the last thing she wanted was to have to defend herself to Zach.
“Dak’ll come back. Won’t he?”
A sigh escaped Tara’s chest. Of course that would be her daughter’s greatest fear. She kissed Suzie’s forehead. “You don’t need to worry. Okay?” Tara could worry enough for both of them. Zach’s words—I wouldn’t want you to worry that I wouldn’t come home—whispered through her mind, but Earl’s You say that now, try living with her outshouted them. Maybe she just wasn’t ready to let someone else into her life, to let him have a say in Suzie’s life. Maybe she’d never be.
When she returned to the kitchen, Zach offered her a cup of coffee. “Double cream, no sugar, right?”
“I’ve lost my appetite.” She dumped the coffee down the sink.
“Tara, please—”
She shook her head and wandered to the sofa. This evening wasn’t going the way she’d hoped.
Zach took the seat at the opposite end of the sofa and searched her eyes. “I’m sorry I upset you. But don’t you think letting Suzie go to bed hungry and experience the consequences of her choices would’ve served as a better lesson than feeding her?”
“And have to listen to her whine half the night? No, thank you.”
“I get that. I’m just concerned that by indulging her you’re setting a precedent you’ll regret.”
“I do not indulge my daughter.”
“You gave her cake for supper!”
“She helped bake it! She’d been looking forward to sharing it with you all afternoon.”
His expression turned contrite. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to spoil that for her.” He closed the distance between them and reached for her hands. “You’ve got to know I love Suzie as if she were my own daughter.”
“Are you sure that’s what you’re feeling?” No matter how much it might hurt, Tara needed to know the truth before she and Suzie grew any more attached to him. She withdrew her hands from his and pressed her arm against the ache building in her chest. “Because I’ve seen the tears Suzie brings to your eyes.”
Zach bowed his head. He rubbed the bare ring finger of his left hand, no doubt remembering the wife and child he’d lost.
The ache in her chest intensified as his face contorted with pain. Stinging pricks arrowed to her eyes and throat and heart. Biting her lip, she blinked back tears.
Silence stretched between them like a widening gulf.
Why didn’t he say something? Anything?
But she knew why. Because he was only in love with the idea of a family. Of recapturing what he’d lost.
Tara hardened herself against how much that hurt. As much as she wanted Suzie to be happy, they both deserved more—a man who could love them for themselves.
Before she could talk herself out of ending things, Tara sprang to her feet and grabbed Zach’s coat. “You’d better go. Goodbye, Zach.”
His head snapped up, confusion swirling in his eyes. “Goodbye? You’re ending this?”
“Yes.”
“Over chocolate cake?”
“Don’t make this more difficult than it has to be,” she choked out.
“It doesn’t have to be difficult at all.”
Tara clenched the leather jacket in her fist and shut down the thought that she was ending the best thing that would ever come along. “Yes, Zach, it does. You’re in love with the idea of an instant family. But you can’t recapture what you lost. Not at our expense. I won’t let you hurt us that way.”
Instead of snatching the jacket and storming out as she expected, Zach closed his fingers around hers. His gentle touch tugged at the frayed edges of her resolve. “I would never hurt you, Tara. Never.”
I know, she wanted to say. More than anything, she wanted to lean into his arms and let his promise wash over her. Wanted to picture them together as a family. The words almost made it out of her mouth, too, but with Earl’s taunt resounding in her head, she could only picture disaster. For a little while, she’d let herself believe Earl was wrong about her. That the problem wasn’t with her at all. That maybe the worst wouldn’t happen if only she’d trust Zach enough to give him a chance.
Her longing must’ve filled her eyes, because Zach curled her hands against his chest and gave her a hopeful smile. She wanted to offer her own in return. He’d brought to life dreams she’d never intended to resurrect. He’d made her feel that she could overcome anything.
Anything, except the ghost of his wife and child, that is.
For a moment, she closed her eyes and savored the beat of his heart beneath her palm—steady and strong. Then she slipped her hands from beneath his and wrapped her arms around herself. “You wouldn’t deliberately hurt us, Zach, but you will hurt us. You will. Because one day you’re going to figure out that you were only in love with a dream.”
He opened his mouth as if he might refute her words—how she wished he would—but as their gazes connected, he pressed his lips into a grim line.
She held her breath. Too scared to utter a sound.
He took his jacket and walked toward the door.
Her breath swooshed out, and she had to grip the sofa to keep from running after him, telling him it was all a mistake. Because she couldn’t. She couldn’t risk raising Suzie’s hopes another day. If Zach’s leaving hurt this much after knowing him only a few weeks, how much more would it hurt a month from now?
She couldn’t put Suzie through that.
Zach opened the door and looked back at her. “I’ll wait in the truck until Kelly gets here.”
Tara swallowed a lump in her throat. “Bye, Zach.”
He nodded, sadness in his eyes. The door clicked closed.
Tara twisted the dead bolt and laid her head against the cool steel.
It was over.
SEVENTEEN
“I’ve got information you’re gonna want to hear,” Rick said with more enthusiasm than Zach could muster.
Time may heal all wounds, but eighteen hours hadn’t taken the edge off the pain knifing through his chest since Tara had cut him out of her life. “Meet me at my apartment in ten.”
Outside the hospital, Zach watched Tara and Suzie pile into Kelly’s car, then shifted his own into Drive and peeled out of the parking lot. All day, every time he came within sight of Tara, she’d retreated into a patient’s room. Not even her interest in the case had been enough to overcome her determination to stay away from him.
The first drops of rain splashed his windshield. Seconds later, the rain descended in torrents, pelting the glass so hard and fast the wipers couldn’t keep up.
From the moment he’d met Tara, she’d reminded him of his wife, while Suzie had inspired dreams of what his own little girl might have been like if she’d lived. He scrubbed his hand over
his face. Maybe the emotions churning inside him were just the by-product of a desire to recapture the happiness he’d lost.
He clenched the steering wheel. Usually, he was so careful to act in the best interest of others. Suzie’s sweet voice mispronouncing his name chimed through his thoughts. Suzie liked having him around.
He gave his head a swift shake. He’d come between a mother and her daughter. No wonder Tara had gotten so defensive.
Given how her ex had treated them, Tara’s concerns about his affections were understandable, maybe even valid.
Zach pulled into the lot behind the bakery. Rick drew a rain slicker over his head and jumped out of his truck. His huge grin said they were on the brink of a major breakthrough.
Good, the sooner they wrapped up this case, the sooner Zach could give Tara what she wanted—him out of her life. He took the stairs to his apartment three at a time, but was still soaked by the time he pushed through the door. He motioned Rick toward the couch that came with the place and, stripping out of his wet shirt, headed to the adjoining kitchenette to put on the kettle. “What did you learn?”
“I visited the company that makes Coley’s Fluids and had a powwow with the head honcho.”
Zach turned from the cupboard, mugs in hand. “And?”
“The four-hour drive paid off big-time. Turns out the company had a lot of inventory stolen a while back. They never caught the thief, but they suspected an inside job. His secretary will email a list of employees in the morning.”
Zach poured two instant coffees and joined Rick on the sofa. “Okay, I’ll need search warrants to cross-reference both McCrae and Whittaker’s phone records with the employees’ numbers, and bank records, while you’re at it.”
“You’re not convinced McCrae’s acting alone? Whoever’s selling the stuff has to be making a good haul. And a medical resident would have a load of debt to pay off.”
“I know it doesn’t look good for him, especially with Melanie testing positive for staph and strep, but he seems to genuinely care about his patients.”
Critical Condition Page 18
