I look up at Knox with pained eyes. His glum expression confirms my assumption. Gavin isn’t going to like this one bit.
“I should call him.” Knox nods and leaves the studio, leaving me alone to make a dreadful phone call.
“Hey,” Gavin answers after a couple of rings. “How are you?”
“Hey, we need to talk. Is there a chance you can meet somewhere? I know you’re working.”
“What’s going on?” Worry laces his voice.
I cover my eyes with my hands and take a deep breath. “I rather talk in person.”
“Sutton, tell me.” His demand comes out forceful, and I wish I were in person to look into his eyes.
“A new article came out. There aren’t any new photos, just the same recycled ones, but they published your name, Penny’s, and…” I pause to take a deep breath before I say the one word that will take away the possibility of a deeper relationship with Gavin. “Hadley’s,” I finish.
I’m met with silence, and I’m desperate to beg him to speak, but I don’t want to push.
“How did they find out?” Gavin grits out.
“Apparently, they spoke to someone in town who told them you were married to Hadley, and it was such a devastating time in your life when she left you and Penny.” I might as well tell him the entire truth.
“Fuck,” he growls.
“I’m so sorry, Gavin. I didn’t think… I never thought someone from Everton would actually talk to them about you.” My eyes well with tears. With a racing heart, I say aloud what I’ve been avoiding.
“I would understand if you want to break things off.”
“I don’t need Hadley seeing this and thinking she can come back and take Penny. I can’t lose her.”
“I know,” I whisper. Stubborn tears roll down my cheeks. Instinctively, I wipe them away, although it’s no use because more fall.
“I like you a lot, Sutton. I wish…” his words trail off.
“Yeah,” I interrupt him and hold in my emotions.
“I need to protect Penny.” The pain in his voice matches the one stabbing my heart. I was so close to having it all.
“Gavin, I understand. I’m giving you an out. This career isn’t for everyone, especially for those people close to the artists that didn’t sign up to be in the spotlight.” My voice breaks, and I take a deep breath.
“I… I don’t know what to do. I’m torn in two.”
“Your life and protecting Penny are the most important things. Do that. Continue to be a great dad for her and such an amazing man to everyone around you. We’ll always have sunset picnics and cupcakes.”
“Sutton—”
“I gotta go,” I don’t let him finish. “Bye, Gavin.” I hang up the phone and drop it on the couch, covering my face with my hands and sobbing into my palms.
I knew this career would be a hell of a lot harder than it seemed, but I didn’t realize it would interfere with my heart. Gavin is everything I’ve wanted in a man, but I won’t let him be with me if it’s not the life he truly wants to live.
“Hey,” Knox walks into the studio with his hands in his pocket, and his lips pressed into a straight line.
“How’d it go?”
I look up at him from beneath my lashes with an annoyed look. “I broke up with him, gave him an out. They printed Hadley’s name, his private history. It’s not fair to him or Penny to be put in the middle of that because of my career.”
“I learned the hard way that this career comes with many sacrifices. It’s why Harris and I created Bentley Records. We didn’t want our artists to go through some of the demands and corruption other record labels incorporate into their business. Unfortunately, though, the media is one thing we can’t control. As soon as you become a public figure, you make a choice to surrender most of your privacy.”
I nod as I listen to him speak. Although I’m aware of all of this, it’s still difficult to accept it when it happens. It’s one thing to understand a theory and another thing to live it.
“The good news is that soon, someone else will break-up or date a married celebrity, and you’ll be old news. It’s what happened to me. It was hard for a few months, but then they moved on. Everton doesn’t have much to keep them entertained with juicy media. Besides, fans want your music. Give them that, and they’ll forget the rest.”
I snort and wipe my cheeks. “I doubt they’ll forget the rest.”
Knox finally smiles. “They’ll always want to know what’s going on, but because they admire you and want to celebrate milestones with you.”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“There’s not one artist I’ve met that hasn’t suffered this at some point in their career. It’s always uncomfortable to be talked about and photographed, but with people’s short attention span nowadays, the media needs to move quickly, or they’ll lose their audience.”
“So, what do I do in the meantime? As soon as I start dating again, their interest will be piqued. Am I just supposed to allow them to share my private relationship and then drop it when they get bored?” I roll my eyes.
“You push through it. You try to stay as private as possible. You give them something new to talk about, like music or tour dates. You manipulate them by making them think they’re serving the juiciest news.”
“Well, it’s different when Gavin has a daughter, and they’re invading her privacy and stirring up the past. What if this causes Hadley to come back?”
“Does that worry you more for Gavin or for yourself?” Knox arches an eyebrow and stares at me.
“Both,” I admit. If Hadley returns and wants to be one big happy family again, I’m not too sure Gavin will turn her down. She’s the mother of his child and his first love.
“Maybe I’m also protecting myself,” I admit and look at Knox. I bite down on my lips, and my eyes water.
“That’s important, too, but your happiness is a priority. I’m proof you can have both your dream career and the person you love by your side. It’s not always easy, but you don’t have to be a celebrity for that. No relationship is always smooth. How hard you fight for it just depends on how badly you want it.”
I thank Knox with a small smile. I don’t feel much better after our talk, but it shows me that I’m not alone. I’m surrounded by people who understand what this situation is like. Even if the one person I want to hug right now is on the other side of town dealing with his own repercussions of being connected to me.
…
I get home and drop on the sofa, exhausted after such an emotional day. Knox and Ainsley invited me to stay and have dinner with them, but I was anxious to get home. Now that I’m here, staring at the four walls that surround me, I wish I would’ve taken them up on their offer.
My mind is racing with everything that happened today. I haven’t heard from Gavin again, but I did tell him we were over. It’s probably easier to go our separate ways now after only being together for a few weeks than to break up when we’re both head over heels, and Penny is more attached.
Although in Everton, I’m not sure how separate our paths will actually be. It won’t be easy running into him and Penny.
With a heavy sigh, I reach for my guitar next to the sofa and strum the chords. The sound vibrates around the living room and lands on my chest. Peace settles over me as I play random music. I close my eyes as my fingers move over the strings of my guitar.
“That’s not half bad,” I say to myself as I repeat the same beat.
Opening the notebook that’s sitting on the coffee table, I write down the chords and keep going. I hum along to the music, pausing every so often to write down the next sets of chords that follow. Before I know it, I have half a song created.
Starting from the beginning, I play my guitar as verses come to my mind. Nothing heals a broken heart like the strumming of a guitar and a cold beer. Resting my guitar against the couch, I grab an IPA from the fridge and pop the cap before taking a sip.
I come back to my seat and grab the
notebook, closing my eyes and humming the music I created. The words hit me in waves, so I reach for the pen and scribble on the paper.
I’ve been searching
For someone like you
In the dark nights
And hollow of my heart
Say you’ll be mine,
Wild and free,
Our reckless hearts
Coming as one
Under the night sky
You confessed your secrets
In the back of your truck
As we stared at the stars
And counted the ways
In which hearts can break
Say you’ll be mine,
Wild and free,
Our reckless hearts
Coming as one
Under the night sky
You gave me your hand,
And I took it and ran,
Showing you not every heart
was meant to break
Say you’ll be mine,
Wild and free,
Our reckless hearts
Coming as one
Under the night sky
Let me show you
Not every heart
Is meant to break,
We’ll be wild and free
As we come as one
Under the night sky
I blow out a breath and stare at the words scrawled on the paper. Taking a healthy chug of beer, I swallow and grab my guitar, singing the words to the beat I created. As I sing on repeat, Gavin’s face clouds my mind’s eye. He’s given writing music a new meaning, and I have to question if I’ll be happy with him only being a memory printed on paper and recorded on discs. A muse I only had for a little while that will haunt me forever.
I close my eyes and tip my head against the back of the couch. Curling into my side, I turn on the television and mindlessly scroll through channels as the numbness starts to wear off and reality settles in my bones. Will my life always be like this? Wondering if I’ll ever be able to share my life with someone for fear that I’ll disrupt the person’s life with my career choice.
I stare at the flashing screen without seeing what’s on the television. It’s all a blur as I get pulled into my mind and anger boils inside of me. I did what I thought was best for Gavin and Penny, but I stole my happiness in making that decision.
Time passes by like molasses as I stare at nothingness. This career comes with sacrifices, and while I may be able to have a relationship like Knox said, I may have to surrender to the idea that Gavin would be that man. There are more fish in the sea, right?
Ugh!
Fish will always remind me of Gavin, too. I’m hopeless. This town may be too small for the two of us. Was moving here the best idea? More tears cloud my vision and trail down the side of my face, soaking the pillow I’m resting my head on.
Tomorrow will be a better day, I tell myself. The paparazzi will get bored and move on, just like Knox said. I have to believe this is true.
My phone pings with a notification, and I lift it to see that it’s a Google alert for my name. Ignoring the world of gossip for a few hours, I wipe my face and close my eyes.
Gavin
“So, you’re telling me you guys broke up because of this?” Abbie holds up my phone with the article I found on one of those cheesy websites.
I swallow thickly and nod. “Yes. Sutton told me she’d give me an out.”
“And you didn’t argue?” Abbie’s eyebrows jump up on her forehead.
Scrubbing a hand down my face, I shake my head. This week has been a mess. I’ve been short-tempered, even snapping at Penny with impatience. No amount of apologies were enough to ease the guilt for taking my frustration out on her.
No longer able to deal with it, I called Abbie this morning and told my uncle and dad that I needed to run an errand so I could talk to her. If there’s anyone I trust, it’s Abbie.
“I was caught off-guard. As soon as Sutton told me they had published Hadley’s name, I froze. Panic set in, worried that Hadley would return to take Penny away from me. I don’t know.” I sigh and take a drink of coffee.
“Hadley wouldn’t do that. She gave up her rights when she walked away and never looked back. You have full custody according to the law.” Abbie says, rationally.
“I don’t know what Hadley would do or not do because I don’t know her anymore. What I do know is that my responsibility is keeping Penny safe.” Chances are Hadley will not return. Abbie is right. She surrendered it all when we finalized our divorce, and she gave me full custody of Penny. It’s my overactive mind driving me into a corner where the worst-case scenario is possible.
Abbie speaks over me. “At the risk of your unhappiness?”
“What would you do?” I lift my eyebrows in question.
“I’m not a parent, so I don’t know what I’d do. We can all hypothesize how we’d react in certain situations, but until we’re actually in it, we won’t know our true actions.”
I take a few deep breaths, clearing my mind. Looking around Abbie and Finn’s house, I can see more of Abbie in the space. A photo of the two of them catches my eye, and I smile. If circumstances were different, I could have that kind of love.
“Do you love her?”
Abbie’s question catches me by surprise, and I snap my eyes back to her. “Come on, Abbie, I’ve only known her for a few weeks.” I scratch my cheek.
Abbie rolls her eyes. “Fine, I’ll humor you. Do you feel Sutton is a woman you could fall in love with?” She arches an eyebrow.
“Abbs… I don’t know.” I shake my head. The answer is yes, but the fear of what comes with giving someone your heart still seeps into my bones. “I’ve got more than me to think about.”
“Gavin, I love you. You’re like a brother to me, but you’re an idiot. Stop using Penny as an excuse to be happy. Penny is fine. Look how good she was when you told her about Sutton.”
“She’s not that great now, wondering why we haven’t seen her all week,” I shoot back.
“Because you haven’t been honest with her.” Abbie gives me a pointed look.
“She doesn’t need another woman leaving her life.” My nostrils flare. Abbie knows how I feel about this.
“She doesn’t, or you don’t? Because frankly, Penny doesn’t even remember her mom. Gavin, you were so close to having a second chance at happiness, and I hate to see you give that up because of a challenge on the road.”
“This just proves that Sutton is a woman destined to live beyond Everton. She’ll travel, be away for months, and meet all kinds of people.”
“It’s her job, the same way yours is waking up before dawn and working on the ranch. Would it be fair to say someone doesn’t want to be with you because you can’t have breakfast together every day?”
“That’s different.”
“I know, but go with it. It’s the best I could come up with at the moment,” Abbie smiles.
Finally, feeling as if some of the pressure is easing up, I nod.
“Let Sutton make those kinds of decisions. Who are you to decide for her if Everton is too small to make a life in?”
I look away from her and into my mug. I take a drink of coffee but set the mug back down when the cold liquid touches my lips.
“If you’re always going to live with the fear that the person you love is going to abandon you, then you won’t ever be happy. Gavin,” Abbie reaches for my hand. “It’s been five years since Hadley left, maybe it’s time you talk to someone about this.” It’s not the first time Abbie suggests I see a professional. I always turned down the idea because I knew I’d get over what happened with time, but she’s right that I’m still not fully healed.
“I’ll think about it.” I purse my lips.
“If you decide to, I’ll keep Penny those days and do something fun with her. We’ll make it a play date, so she won’t be curious about your whereabouts.”
“Thanks, Abbie.” I finally smile. I don’t know what I’d do without her.
&nb
sp; “I want you to be happy. I hate seeing you suffering over something you can’t control and is in the past. You’re given an opportunity to live a wonderful life with an amazing daughter… And a great woman if you choose to,” she adds after a pause to read my face.
“What about the media? I don’t want Penny in that mess.”
“Again, things you can’t fully control. Unless you keep her locked up at home, and that’s no way to live. You either hide from life or show up each day and prove your strength.”
I could control them if I stop seeing Sutton, which apparently that decision was made for me. I’ve missed her this week. I’ve missed our random text message conversations and late-night phone calls. I’ve missed seeing her smile and hearing her snort-laughter.
I think about Abbie’s question about whether I could fall in love with her. The answer is easy. Of course, I can. Sutton is the kind of woman I want in my life. She’s understanding and patient. She loves my daughter and knows how important Penny is in my life. Not once did she question my decisions, my emotions, or my way of coping. And hell, she isn’t afraid of getting her hands dirty.
“Thanks, Abbie.” I give her a small smile. “I better go before your dad and mine wonder where the hell I ran off to.” I stand and rinse my mug before placing it in the dishwasher.
“Leave that. I’ll clean it up.”
“It’s already done.” I turn around with a smile.
When we reach the front door, Abbie hugs me. “Things will work out. Finn and I also had a rough patch, and look at us now.” Her eyes light up.
“I know,” I nod and kiss her cheek.
I stop at The Sub Shop to grab lunch before heading back to the ranch. As I’m walking down the sidewalk, I hear a familiar voice. I turn to see Sutton talking to a man who is holding a huge camera. Her back is to me, but I can clearly hear what she’s saying. I stop and cross my arms as I listen, in case the man is disrespectful.
With her hands on her hips, she tilts her head. “Do you have any kids?”
“Yeah.” The man’s voice sounds unsure.
“Where do you live?” Sutton pries.
Then I Met You: A single dad romance (Love in Everton Book 6) Page 18
