by Susan Stoker
Beth did as he asked, liking the feel of his thigh against hers, as inappropriate as it was for their second semi-date, if one could call this warped outing a date. Cade reached for the ignition and started the truck as if he did it with his left hand all the time. He expertly backed out of the parking space and headed for the exit. Beth wasn’t sure what to say, so she kept quiet and let Cade concentrate on driving.
Keeping her eyes on their clasped hands, which were resting on her leg, Beth realized that she wasn’t freaking out. Being inside vehicles sometimes bothered her, but not today. She inhaled deeply, and caught Cade’s masculine scent. It wasn’t cologne, there was no way he’d wear it, but it must be his soap or shaving cream or something. Whatever it was smelled really good on him.
“You didn’t buy anything,” Beth blurted out suddenly, thinking about it for the first time. “You had to have been there because you needed food, right?”
“Yup, but I can go back later and get what I need,” Cade told her easily, not sounding put out in the least.
“I’m sorry you got stuck with me. You should’ve said something.”
“I didn’t get stuck with you. I was gonna call you today and see if you wanted to hang out anyway. This just saved me the call.”
Beth felt a genuine smile creep across her lips. “What if I’d said I didn’t want to hang out?”
Without missing a beat, Cade retorted, “Then it’s a good thing I ran into you, isn’t it? You couldn’t turn me down.”
“Blackmail, huh?” It didn’t even feel weird to be making fun of herself in this small way. It felt…normal. Even though she was anything but. Cade had a way of making her phobia seem almost ordinary.
“Hey, anything to get to spend time with a pretty lady.”
“As if you couldn’t get inside any woman’s pants with simply a smile,” Beth teased. Expecting a witty comeback, she was surprised when he sounded peeved.
“Just because women have fantasies about doing a fireman doesn’t mean I take them up on it. I’ve never, not once, been as attracted to a woman I’d met while on the job as I am to you.”
“I’m sorry. That came out wrong. I merely meant that you…that I was…shit. I just have no idea why you seem to want to hang out with me. I’m completely fucked up. I can’t go farther than the darn sliding glass door which leads out to the patio in my apartment without freaking and most of the time even that’s too much. I can’t go shopping for food without having to hold someone’s hand like a little kid, and I have no idea why being around you makes me feel safer than I’ve ever felt in my life.”
The cab of the truck was silent for a few beats, long enough for Beth to realize what she’d blurted out.
“Jesus, I’m sorry, I—”
“You aren’t fucked up. I’d say you’re dealing with what happened to you quite well, all things considered. Everyone needs help now and then. And I’m more aroused holding your hand and walking by your side than I’ve been while completely naked with other women. That you feel safe with me is just icing on the cake.”
Cade’s words were accompanied by a swipe of his thumb over the back of her hand. Even though his eyes were on the road, Beth could tell that she had almost all of his attention. She opened her mouth to say…something…she wasn’t sure what, when he swore.
“Fuck.”
It was obvious the word wasn’t directed at her. His entire body tensed and his face lost its relaxed look and she could tell he was grinding his teeth together.
Beth looked out the windshield for the first time. They were on the Interstate headed back to her place and up in the distance ahead of them, Beth saw smoke rising from under the hood of a minivan on the side of the road.
CHAPTER 4
“Beth, I have to stop. I have an extinguisher in the back.”
Cade’s voice was anguished, and though she knew what it would do to her, Beth immediately told him, “Do it.”
Even as Cade slowed the truck and began to pull off the road behind the minivan, he tried to reassure her. “I’ll be quick. Stay here, lock the doors behind me. I’ll do what I can until the fire department shows up. You’ll be safe. I’m going to keep an eye on you the whole time.” He put the truck in park with his left hand, then reached for her face. He palmed the side of her head and forced her to look at him. “I’ll be right here. Okay?”
It wasn’t okay, Beth knew what was going to happen as soon as he let go of her, but she’d seen the woman at the side of the car frantically trying to undo a child’s car seat through the open back door. Other vehicles were slowing down to watch as they passed, but no one else had stopped. This was what Cade did. He was a hero and the young mother certainly needed one at the moment.
“I’ll be fine. Go help her.”
The worried look in Cade’s eyes made her sit up straighter and try to put more force behind her words. “Go, Cade.”
He leaned down and kissed her forehead, hesitating for just a moment before relaxing his hand and letting go of her. Cade opened his door, hopped out, reached in the backseat for the fire extinguisher, clicked the locks on the truck, then slammed the door.
Beth could feel her heartrate increase and her breaths start coming faster, but she kept her eyes on Cade. He ran up to the woman and said something to her. She stepped back from the van as Cade leaned in. Several seconds later, he reappeared holding a toddler in his arms. He handed the child to the mother and reached back into the vehicle. There were now flames shooting up from under the hood.
Beth’s gaze went from Cade to the fire. She could see it from over the top of the van, the higher vantage point of the truck helping to give her a good view. Black smoke rolled up with the flames, mesmerizing her.
It was several moments before Beth realized that while she’d been watching the fire, she hadn’t thought about anything else. Not about being by herself in the truck, not about being outside, not about someone coming by and kidnapping her. The flames had distracted her. It was fascinating, watching how they seemed to consume everything in their path.
She dropped back into herself with a jolt when she saw the chemicals from the fire extinguisher in Cade’s hand pour onto the flames. She switched her attention to the woman. She was now standing back from her fully engulfed van with one child in her arms and another standing next to her, holding on to her leg with both hands. All three were staring wide-eyed at Cade and the fire.
Beth looked past the woman to the row of trees beyond the highway. Didn’t the woman realize someone could come out from behind the thick foliage and snatch her or her children? The person could have them far away from the scene before anyone realized they were gone. No one was taking any notice of her or her kids, the fire commanding everyone’s attention.
Beth’s breaths started coming in short pants without her noticing. She should do something. But if she went out there, she’d be grabbed too. She could only watch and hope that the kidnapper lost his nerve.
She heard sirens, but instead of feeling relieved, all she could think about was how the arrival of the firetruck only meant more attention away from the woman. It was the perfect setup for the kidnapper. He could snatch all three of them without any trouble whatsoever. They’d be vulnerable to whatever he wanted to do to them.
Beth didn’t feel the sweat begin to ooze out of her pores or her entire body shaking as if she was standing in the middle of a raging blizzard wearing only shorts and a T-shirt. She didn’t realize she was hyperventilating or that her heart was beating as fast as if she’d just run an eight-minute mile. The dizziness from lack of oxygen made her begin to sway in her seat.
Suddenly the woman standing off by herself in the field was her. It was as if she was having an out-of-body experience—watching from above as she was about to be kidnapped by Ben Hurst.
He’d take her, knock her out, and she’d wake up tied to the floor of his crappy little cabin in the woods again. He’d inhale his cigarette and laugh when she flinched as he brought it closer to her
body. His maniacal laughter ran through her agitated mind as if he was truly standing in front of her.
The door of the truck wrenched open and Beth screamed and scrabbled to the other side of the seat, frantically reaching for the handle. She had to get away! Hurst was going to get her again. He was going to cut off her clothes and—
Cade called himself every name he could think of as he reached for Beth. She was not only having a full-blown panic attack, but a flashback as well, if her reaction to him was anything to go by.
He kept his voice calm and soft, thankful he’d only unlocked the driver’s door and not all of the locks on the truck. It’d be a completely different situation if he’d had to chase her down.
“It’s me, Cade. You’re okay, Beth. Come on, open your eyes and see me. I know I took too long, I am so damn sorry, but I’m here now. Give me your hand. Let me prove it. I’m here, sweetheart. You can do it. Come back to me, Beth. That’s it.”
It took several minutes. Minutes that ate at Cade as if he was the one torturing Beth.
“C-Cade?”
“Yeah, sweetheart. It’s me. I’m here.” He reached out and grabbed her hand, surprised at the strength of her grip as she held on to him as if she was hanging off an eighty-foot cliff. “I’ve got you, slow your breaths down. Close your eyes and concentrate on breathing. We’ll do it together. Breathe in slowly…hold it…good…now let it out. Again. In slowly, hold it, then let it out. You can do this. You’re not alone, you’re safe. I’ve got you.”
Cade continued to croon to her. Walking her through slowing her breathing down. He had a paper bag in his first-aid kit in the back of his truck that usually helped when patients were hyperventilating, but there was no way he was going to let go of Beth long enough to get it.
When he’d seen the minivan on the side of the road, Cade knew he was going to have to break his promise to both his sister and Beth to not let go of her hand. He wouldn’t put her in danger by having her get out of the truck with him, and besides, there was no way he could operate the fire extinguisher with only one hand. But he knew what it was going to do to Beth.
She did too, and that killed him most of all. She’d urged him to do what needed to be done, knowing she’d suffer as a result.
But what she didn’t realize was that her selfless actions also secured her place in his life. Any woman who would freely let him walk away from her and do his job, knowing it meant she’d suffer, was worth fighting for. Between Beth’s bouts of insecurity and self-incrimination, Cade saw her strong-as-steel core. She fought for every inch she gained in her life, even when she slipped back three.
“Is she okay, Sledge?” The male voice came from behind him, and Cade recognized his friend and partner, Moose.
Cade looked up and saw Engine 44 from Station 7 blocking the lane closest to the now smoldering truck. Squirrel and Chief were manning the hose and pouring gallons of water on the van’s engine.
“She’ll be fine. Thanks, Moose.”
“Let us know if you need anything.”
“I will.” Cade didn’t watch his friend move away, but sensed when he was gone.
“I’m s-sorry.”
Seeing Beth was finally breathing a bit more normally, Cade pulled her into his embrace, not caring if it was too soon or not. She needed to be held as much as he needed to hold her. She’d scared the shit out of him—hell, he was still worried about her. “Don’t be sorry. Tell me what happened. Talk me through it.”
Beth nuzzled into his embrace, holding tightly to his hand, which was now between them, tucked against their chests, and her other hand snaked around his side, clutching against his T-shirt. “I can’t.”
“You can. It’s like a nightmare…if you talk about it, it loses some of its hold on you.” Cade had no idea if that was true or not, but it sounded good at the moment.
“Is the woman okay?”
“Yes.”
“No one came out of the trees behind her to get her?”
“No, sweetie. She’s now sitting in the ambulance with her kids and the medics are checking her out. She’s fine. They all got out in time. My friends have put out the fire. Everyone’s safe.” He paused a moment. “Is that what you thought? That someone was going to get her?”
Beth nodded and Cade’s heart almost burst with sympathy for her.
“No one was paying attention to her. They were w-watching the fire.”
Beth’s teeth were clattering together and she was shaking in his arms. Cade had seen panic attacks before, but mostly from a distance. He’d never been intimately involved with someone who had them. It was a completely different experience and it was frustrating as hell because there was absolutely nothing he could do except try to help her get through it.
Cade reached over to the backseat, wanting to smile at how Beth continued to cling to him like a baby monkey holding on to its mother, and grabbed an extra bunker jacket. He spread it over Beth’s back and held it there with his free hand.
“She’s safe, Beth. No one came out of the trees to get either her or the kids.” He hesitated, then made his decision. “Is that what happened to you? No one was paying attention and you were grabbed?”
She nodded infinitesimally in his embrace. “No one would’ve known I was gone except the other woman’s boyfriend was looking for her.”
Lord, she was breaking his heart. “You don’t have to worry about that ever again, sweetie. I’ll know if you disappear. I’ll know, and I’ll come looking for you.”
His words opened the floodgates and Beth sobbed in his arms.
Neither said anything more. Cade sat with her in his arms as the firefighters made sure the fire under the hood of the minivan was out and, with a wave from Moose, headed back to the station. They sat on the side of the road long enough that Cade watched as the tow truck came and hauled the blackened shell of the van away. He continued to hold Beth as traffic slowly but surely started flowing past them again. It didn’t matter. He’d sit there as long as it took for Beth to feel better. Stronger.
He figured she was asleep, and was startled when she finally pulled back and looked around.
“How long have we been sitting here?”
Cade shrugged.
Beth looked confused. “How long would you have sat here waiting for me to get my shit together?”
“As long as you needed.”
Cade could see the insecurity in Beth’s expression. He put his hand on the side of her face again. “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about,” she insisted immediately.
“I do. I knew this would happen when I stopped. But I did it anyway.”
“Me too, but I wouldn’t have let you go by.”
“I know that too.” Deciding a change in subject was necessary, Cade said in a relatively normal tone, “Now that the excitement is over, let’s get you home. We’ll see if we can salvage anything from our trip. I’ll replace anything that doesn’t make it.”
“I should say it’s okay to go back to the store now…but I can’t. I want to go home.”
“Then home is where you’ll go. Can you sit up and get your seat belt back on?”
Cade helped Beth sit all the way up, making sure to never let go of her hand, and helped her buckle into the middle of the bench seat again. He eased out into traffic and headed for her apartment.
It’d been a long day, but Cade hoped Beth would let him stay with her for a bit when they got to her apartment. It had been traumatic for her, but it’d been very eye-opening for Cade as well. Yes, she’d had a monster panic attack, but it wasn’t nearly as embarrassing as she probably thought it was. Demons were tricky things. They could lay dormant for hours, days, years, but they’d always pick the most inopportune time to raise their ugly heads. There was nothing Cade wanted more than to see Beth relax back into the witty woman he’d begun to get to know.
She didn’t realize it, but he was in this for the long haul. He wanted to get to know her better, and not to “heal
” her, but because he’d never been as attracted to anyone as much as he was to her. There was just something about her that made him want to protect her from the world one second, then throw her down on the nearest flat surface and ravage her the next.
CHAPTER 5
Beth breathed a sigh of relief as she locked the door behind her. Lord, she hadn’t felt this wrung out in weeks. She hated feeling helpless. She especially hated that Hurst, even though dead, still had the ability to freak her out.
She relaxed her hand, expecting Cade to drop hers, but was surprised when he held on and tugged her toward the kitchen.
“Come on, let’s get these things put away.”
Beth followed behind him and after he finally dropped her hand, they worked together emptying the bags. The only thing Cade thought should be chucked was the chicken. Everything else seemed to be okay.
Once everything was put away, Cade grabbed her hand again, pulled her behind him to the couch and sat. Beth looked at him curiously. He actually looked more relieved than she was to be back inside her apartment. “You gonna be all right?” she asked him in a serious voice.
He smiled at her. “Yeah. You?”
“I’m good, now that I’m safe at home, snug as a bug in a rug.”
Cade grinned hugely at her. He let go of her hand and Beth couldn’t stop the pang of regret that moved through her. It lasted only a nanosecond as he took her head in both of his hands and leaned in. She felt the puffs of air from his mouth as he spoke.
“I want to kiss you, Elizabeth Parkins.”
“You do?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Why?” Cade asked in confusion, but he didn’t pull away from her.
“Yeah, why? I just had a major freak-out. I’m still all sweaty, and I’m sure you have somewhere you need to be.”
“You are sweaty, but so am I…and I’m not afraid of a little sweat. Just wait until you see me after I get back from a call. A fire especially. Our turnout gear might look sexy, but it’s hot as fuck. I’m usually drenched by the time I get back to the station. And trust me, you do not want to smell the bunker room; it’s downright rancid sometimes. And to answer your question, I’ve got nowhere I need to be until tomorrow when my shift starts at ten.”
