by Brenda Novak
“It needs to be done.”
“Maybe it would be better left to someone less sensitive. Someone who doesn’t care so damn much about everyone and everything.”
She was too intense. She’d heard that before. It frightened people, especially easygoing men who liked to take life in stride and not look too closely at the unpleasant. Men like Luke; men like her father. “I know. But the fact that I care is what drives me. I can’t be one thing without the other.”
He plucked a blade of grass and put it in the corner of his mouth. “Okay, you’re probably doing what you should be doing. But that doesn’t make it easy.”
The call of the water suddenly proved too strong to resist. It was a way out of the conversation, an escape from his proximity.
Or was it a dare? It had to be a dare because what she was going to do wasn’t about escaping from Luke, but getting exactly what she wanted.
Standing, Ava stripped down to her underwear. She would’ve kept her bra on, but it was expensive and she didn’t want to ruin it with river water. She turned away from Luke as she removed it and dropped it in the weeds, then held her hands over her breasts as she waded in.
Luke didn’t move, but she could feel his escalation of interest. “How’s the water?” he called, as if she hadn’t just surprised the hell out of him.
She ducked under, came up and flipped her hair out of her eyes. “Chilly but…refreshing.”
“Being able to take a quick dip whenever you want is sort of convenient. With your neighbors off fishing, you don’t even have to wear clothes.”
“The isolation has other benefits,” she said. “Peace. Quiet. Privacy. No roots.”
“A lot of women like roots,” he said, pointedly.
“Not me. I prefer not to get attached.”
“Even to a location?”
“Even to a location.” Somewhere along the line she’d lost the ability to grab hold and hang on—to anything. Her father had abandoned her to appease his sexual appetites with woman after woman. Her mother had disappointed her in the worst possible way. Her stepfather had always been too hard to put up with. She’d learned to navigate without anchors and had been doing it for so long she was afraid of taking one on. There was the weight, the confinement, the fear of enjoying some security at last, only to be cut loose when she least expected it. She never wanted to find herself flailing around, trying to regain her bearings. She could tolerate anything but that.
“Are you doing this to me on purpose?” he asked.
She could feel his stare, but she knew the water was inky black. He couldn’t see anything except her head—and he could see that only because there was a full moon. “Doing what?” she asked, as if she hadn’t known from the beginning how this would affect him.
“Driving me crazy?”
“You can go in the house, if you want.” Part of her, the sane part that wasn’t sabotaging her future happiness, prayed he would.
“I don’t want to go in the house. I want to make love to you. But after what I’ve been through, I need a very clear invitation. Is that what this is?”
She found the muddy bottom and stood up as far as she could while keeping her breasts submerged. Of course it was an invitation, but it was an invitation she wasn’t sure she should be extending. “Maybe,” she said.
He got to his feet. “What does that maybe depend on?”
“I’m still trying to decide.”
“Is Geoffrey the reason you’re hesitating?”
“No. We agreed to date other people several months ago. We’ve just never really acted on it.”
Luke moved to the water’s edge. “Maybe it’s time.” He stripped off his shirt and tossed it behind him. Ava could see his muscular torso in the light of the moon and wondered why she’d been foolish enough to provoke him. Soon there’d be no going back….
“Oh, shit,” she muttered to herself. But she’d asked for this.
“Would you mind if he was with someone else?” Luke asked.
How could she care when she was staring at Luke’s bare chest? She couldn’t even recall Geoffrey’s face right now. “I don’t think so.”
Luke had already unsnapped his jeans, but he paused before taking them off. “Would you rather be with him?”
Of course not. Or she wouldn’t have removed her clothes in front of Luke. But could she really say that?
“Ava?” he prompted when she didn’t answer.
“No,” she admitted, and that was all it took. The jeans came off, and Luke stood there in nothing but a pair of boxers.
Ava’s mouth went so dry she could hardly speak, and yet she had to speak, to fill the silence in an attempt to appease her nerves. “I don’t want to hurt him.”
“He hasn’t made you any promises?”
“No.”
“You haven’t made him any promises?”
“No.”
“Do you want to make love with me, Ava?”
His voice had softened as if he was afraid she’d say no. But a denial would’ve been the biggest lie she’d ever told, and she didn’t even try. “Yes.”
Grinning in obvious relief, he dropped his boxers and waded into the water wearing only his dog tags.
As Luke waded closer, Ava’s heart began to pound so loudly she couldn’t hear anything else. She was excited, scared, hesitant and filled with a driving lust—all at the same time. But fear won out as her most compelling emotion. In a sudden panic, she dove beneath the surface and started swimming as fast as she could in the opposite direction. She had to get away from Luke before it was too late. Before he gave her exactly what she craved and the experience was forever imprinted in her memory….
But he was the better swimmer. Using strong, steady strokes, he quickly caught up with her. He must’ve been able to feel her shaking because he pulled her close and held her tightly against him instead of touching her in any sexual way. “Hey, don’t be nervous,” he murmured in her ear. “I’m not in this for a one-night stand. I like you a lot, Ava. You’re a good person—stubborn as hell, but a good person. I think we should see where this could lead.”
She knew where it would lead. Easy come, easy go. She couldn’t trust him. She was too broken, too jaded. How could they start a relationship with her living each day as if she expected him to walk out on her—or turn to the next pretty girl who came along? She was no match for a man like this.
“Let’s talk about it later,” she said. Presumably when her brain was working again.
“I didn’t want you to think this was anything like what happened with Kalyna. I want to be with you.”
Ava told herself to ignore those words. She couldn’t count on them any longer than it took to do the deed. All men talked that way when they wanted sex. Sometimes she wondered if it was a defect in a male’s genetic code. “At least you’re not drunk, right?” she joked.
He looked at her as if he considered that an odd response, but if he’d expected to hear that she really liked him, too, he’d have a lengthy wait. She wasn’t going to fall for this. She was going to enjoy the physical benefits because she craved it as badly—or worse—than he did. But no way would she count on him to be there for her afterward.
“You okay?” he asked.
She nodded.
“You’re shaking. You know I’ll be gentle, don’t you?”
She only knew she’d made her decision and now she could scarcely breathe. Between the cold water moving past her and the heat that threatened to incinerate her from the inside, she was already on sensory overload. “It’s been sort of a long time for me,” she whispered.
“I know. It’s okay.”
“Like five months,” she added. “And it was several years before Geoffrey came along.”
“Just relax.”
Impossible. His erection was pressing into her stomach, every bit as impressive as he’d promised at Starbucks, when he’d been purposely provoking her. “What about b-birth control?”
“I’ve got it handled. Don’t
worry about anything.”
Don’t worry? Those were the words any girl needed to worry about! She spoke at high schools on “How to Avoid Becoming a Victim,” repeating exactly that message. But his hands were sliding down her back to cup her bottom and his firm, slick body felt so good against hers she couldn’t manage any resistance. She was on fire—and quite happy to burn.
He bent his head, but didn’t kiss her. He used his tongue and lips on her neck, moving higher until she dropped her head back. But even as she struggled to forfeit her usual control, she worried that her stepfather was right. Maybe she was frigid, in ways. She almost didn’t know how to succumb to the pleasure anymore, at least not gracefully. Was that frigid?
“That’s it,” he coaxed her. “Trust me, Ava.”
She was too much of a cynic to trust any man, especially him. But when he lifted her partway out of the water and settled his mouth on her breast, fiery darts of pleasure raced through her, and she knew—gracefully or no—she would succumb. Blanking her mind, she arched into him, and the fear and stiffness began to ease in direct proportion to the rising desire.
He moved to the other breast, and soon giving herself over to him was no longer a struggle. At this point, she couldn’t have thought coherently if she’d tried. Forget. Forget the past. Forget the fear. Forget the future….
Catching his face between her hands, she brought his mouth to meet hers, and kissed him with all the longing she’d ever felt. He must’ve liked it because he moaned as his tongue slid against hers. Then his hands found her bottom again. “You definitely know how to kiss,” he muttered against her lips. And then he started to remove her panties.
Ava swallowed hard. Oh, no—she was thinking again. She was wondering if she’d regret this. What price would she have to pay for it? Nothing this good came free. Certainly, Luke would become the standard by which she measured every man in the future. Wouldn’t that guarantee disappointment? When had she ever met anyone like him?
But then her underwear was gone and she was completely naked. And that made her feel so damn vulnerable.
She gripped his arms. “Do you think this is a bad idea?”
He was too far gone to take her seriously. “I think you worry too much.”
Right. No one else seemed to worry about taking what they wanted. She was just being her typical neurotic self.
He threw her panties toward shore, and Ava watched them drop onto the bank. Should she swim off? Head to shore and retrieve them?
“Hey, look at me.”
She glanced up at him. He kissed her again, and only seconds later she didn’t care about her panties or anything else. Especially when his hand slipped between their bodies.
“Somehow you make it feel like the first time,” he said, and gently tugged her lower lip into his mouth.
Ava thought she’d been doing everything wrong. But he obviously didn’t mind. “That’s it…that’s…Oh!” She saw his face, filled with focus and intent, just before she closed her eyes and threw her head back in final and complete abandon. She was close…so close. But she wanted to feel him inside her.
Opening her eyes again, she stared up at him, too hungry to wait any longer. Wrapping her legs around him, she tried to take him inside her.
“Not yet.” He stopped her. “The condoms are in the cabin. I’m sorry, I never dreamt we’d do it here.”
Torn between practical concerns and a sheer, driving desire, she told herself to be satisfied with less, to enjoy what he could give her short of making love. But somehow, with the next kiss, he was pushing inside her without any protection. They’d stop in a minute, in plenty of time, she told herself.
“That’s it,” she moaned. “That’s what I want.”
“It’s what I want, too, but don’t move,” he warned.
She tightened her legs around his waist, driving him deeper.
“Ava, you’re killing me,” he gasped, his body tensing.
Feeling intoxicated, weightless, even careless, she raised her eyes to meet his. “Okay, I’m not moving,” she said.
“At this point, you might not have to.” He drew a ragged breath. “You feel so good. Too good. Let’s go in so I can get serious,” he said.
Ava didn’t want to go in. She didn’t want to be the woman who lived in that houseboat, not tonight. She didn’t want to be Geoffrey’s sort-of girlfriend, the woman who was too preoccupied and practical, the one who was always dependable, who worked too hard and too often. Here in the dark of night with the moon shining on the water, she could be impulsive—someone who would actually do what she was doing. “Leave me here,” she said, and pulled away.
He groaned at the loss as if he was once again tempted to overcome his better judgment. “You really know how to hurt a guy,” he teased. Then he swam very purposefully for shore.
Ava was still in the river when Luke returned to the edge of the water. He could see her head, but he wanted to see the rest of her, wanted a glimpse of the breasts she’d shielded from his view when she took off her bra. He’d felt them with his hands, his chest, his mouth. But that wasn’t enough. She’d surprised him again, making him feel like he’d felt in high school with Marissa. What was it about her?
He waved to her. “Come here.”
“Why?” she called.
“I’ve got plans.”
“We were doing fine out here.”
“But I couldn’t see what I was touching. I want to see you.” He dropped the box of condoms so he could arrange the blanket he’d carried out. If he was going to make love to Ava, he preferred to have a comfortable place in which to do it. He wanted this to be special for her.
“You don’t need to see me.”
He beckoned to her again. “I can do a better job out here.”
“A better job?” she echoed. “This isn’t a performance, Luke. You’re not getting graded.”
“You know what I mean. I want you to like it.”
“I will like it,” she assured him, but he wasn’t satisfied. This was Ava. He wanted to give her more because she was somehow giving him more—something she guarded closely, something she didn’t share with just anyone.
“Come on.”
“You’ve seen naked women before. What does it matter?”
Oh, brother. She was self-conscious about her body. That had to be the reason for her reluctance. That was just like her. But it was unnecessary. “I want to see you,” he said.
She didn’t move.
“If you don’t come out, I’ll come in after you.”
“You’d better not!” she warned, but he swam out there anyway.
She wrestled with him, trying to stop him from dragging her to shore, but he was determined to do it. She had to know that her body was beautiful, and he planned on making that clear.
By the time he carried her out, she was splashing and laughing and still fighting. But she was no match for him. He was laughing, too—until he placed her on the blanket. Then they both sobered as he pressed her onto her back and held her wrists above her head so he could look his fill.
“Why would you be reluctant to show me this?” he breathed. He remembered when he’d met her, thinking she wasn’t particularly attractive. But now he thought he must’ve been blind. She wasn’t big-busted or tanned to a coppery brown like so many of the women who vied for his attention, but there was so much more to Ava. She was…real. He liked her just the way she was.
“You have intelligent eyes and a sexy mouth,” he told her. “And I love your ballerina body.”
“I’ve never even taken ballet.”
“Doesn’t matter. Your body’s built like a ballerina’s.”
When his gaze focused on her breasts, she struggled to break his grip on her hands, but he held her fast and bent to take her nipple in his mouth. “Perfect,” he murmured as it peaked beneath the thrust of his tongue.
And then everything began to move very fast. Luke wasn’t sure he’d ever been in such a hurry before, but he was somehow
hungrier for Ava than he’d ever been for anyone. It was probably because he enjoyed the rare spectacle of seeing such unguarded emotion on her face. She was being swept away, swept away despite her attempts to resist it.
When her fingers curled into his shoulders, he knew she was close. The idea that he could get her to respond to him excited him so much he almost couldn’t hold out.
“Look at me,” he demanded.
Her eyelids lifted. Then her lips parted as her chest rose and fell. She was…there. Throwing back his head, he thrust twice—harder, deeper—and felt her body spasm around him as he let himself go.
26
Luke’s car wasn’t in the lot, and he wasn’t answering his door. So where was he at almost four in the morning?
Was he out with another woman? With Ava? Ava had been with him when they last talked on the phone, and it had been late, far later than any appointment Kalyna had ever had.
She stood outside Luke’s door and glanced up and down the deserted hallway. It was dead quiet. Which made her even more curious about Luke’s whereabouts.
Should she go in? Snoop around a bit? Try to figure out if he was seeing Ava?
She had to. This was the perfect opportunity. She might be tied up later. She knew the Arizona police wanted to speak to her. And judging by the messages she’d received from work, the police had already alerted her superior officer at the base. The gate guards had probably been notified to apprehend her if she showed up or tried to come in. Everyone was looking for her. And she already had half a dozen calls from Tati. She had let them all go to voice mail, but each message was more panicked than the one before.
Kalyna, why won’t you pick up? What’s going on? I need to talk to you. Please call me…. The police want to ask you a few questions. You should to contact them as soon as possible, tell them what you know about that hitchhiker—before Mark has his say…This is getting so scary, Kalyna. I’m beginning to fear the worst. Where the heck are you?
She was here, right where she wanted to be.
Crouching, she checked under the mat, but the key Luke usually kept there was gone. No doubt he’d removed it in an attempt to tighten security, but that didn’t bother her. She didn’t need that key because she’d made a copy of it weeks ago. It was in her coin purse.
