by CM Doporto
“You really think so?” I leaned my head against hers.
“I’ve got the pictures to prove it.” She held up her camera and smiled.
She might have seen something between us, but I knew what I felt in the car and what I saw in the depths of his eyes. Something had definitely changed.
***
My intuition proved to be right. The entire week passed and I had only heard from Raven a few times, one of them being a request to review his term paper. When I had finished my edits, I asked if he wanted to meet in person to talk about them, but he said he’d let me know if he had questions. Unfortunately, he never asked to see me.
I tried to remind myself that we were friends who happened to share a few moments of fun, but the kisses he left on me told my body something else. My heart had even felt it. But other than telling me he wanted to have fun with me, Raven hadn’t made me any promises. So why was I missing him so much?
“I’m headed to the library to meet Luke.” Delaney popped her head in my room.
I glanced up from my laptop. “Okay.”
“Is everything okay?” Delaney resituated her backpack.
“Yeah, I guess.” I reminded the ache coming from the center of my chest to stop bothering me and just let me be.
“You still haven’t heard from Raven?”
I pretended to be typing even though none of the letters formed any words. Raven was totally distracting my mind. How could a guy have that effect on me? Especially when we had only kissed. “No, but it’s probably because he’s studying for exams,” I said, using first excuse that popped up my mind.
“Exactly. So stop obsessing over it. But if you need an excuse to call him, I think I can help you.” She placed a manila folder on my desk.
“What’s that?”
“The pictures I borrowed from his mom.” She winked and my fingers stopped. “Tell him I put the pics on a CD as well. It’s in there.”
Picking up the folder, I smiled. “Okay, I will.”
“See you later.” Her voice lilted as she spun on her heels and left our suite.
Opening the folder, I removed a few pictures. I shuffled through them and stopped on a picture of Raven kneeling in the center of a football field. In one hand, he held his helmet, and in the other, a football. His face looked a few years younger and his body leaner but still muscular. He had that same charming smile and that enticing sparkle in his eyes that woke every nerve ending in my body.
Damn I miss those eyes on me.
Not caring if I seemed like the desperate girl, because in all honesty, I probably was, I picked up my phone and typed out a message.
Me: Are you busy?
I stared at the screen for a while, waiting for him to text me. Checking the time, I saw that it was only eight-thirty. He couldn’t be asleep. I had a final the next day, but I didn’t care because I wanted to see him.
Thirty minutes later, he replied.
Raven: Yeah, studying. What’s up?
What’s up? Seriously? What happened to all the flirting and dying to see me? His flirtatious swagger had completely evaporated into the abyss.
Me: I’ve got the pictures Delaney borrowed from your mom. She even scanned them on a CD.
I added that extra tidbit of information, hoping that would urge him to want to meet me.
Raven: Okay. I can get them from you later.
Crap! So much for that idea.
Me: No problem.
The screen remained blank and I waited to see if he would tell me anything else. More time passed and nothing. After checking my stupid phone every few minutes for over an hour, I finally turned it over and returned my focus to the paper I was trying to write. It took me four hours to type two pages. I was screwed. I’d never finish the paper in time.
I heard the door unlock and Delaney shuffle into the suite. A loud thump sounded, telling me she had dumped her backpack in the doorway of her room.
“Are you still up?” She popped the top on a can of Coke Zero, her favorite, and took a sip.
I rubbed my eyes and then blinked a few times. “Yeah, I can’t seem to finish this paper.”
“Let me guess,” she sat on the edge of my bed, “thinking about Raven?”
Swiveling around in my chair, I sighed. “Unfortunately, yes.”
She took a few more sips. “Did you tell him you had his pictures?”
“Yep. He said he’d get them later.”
A frown formed across her face and her eyes narrowed. Then, like a light turning on, her eyes widened and smile crept over her face. “I’ve got a great idea.” She whipped out her phone and started texting a message.
“Who are you texting?” I eyed her suspiciously.
“Raven.”
In one quick leap, I lunged for her phone. “No. Don’t.”
“Don’t worry.” She pulled her hand out of my reach and held the can of soda up with the other, as if it were some type of defense tool. “This isn’t about you.”
I tried to grab her phone one more time, but she crawled backward onto my bed. “Please don’t,” I pleaded, but she ignored me.
“But I have the perfect idea.” She shot me an evil grin and then tucked her phone in her back pocket. “I need a few more pictures of Raven before next Tuesday. If he agrees, you can come with me.”
It might have been a good strategy to see him, but the last thing I wanted was to force him to see me. If he wanted to be with me, he would tell me. His text proved that he didn’t. It was simple. Raven was no longer interested in me and I wasn’t completely sure why. That part sucked the most. My shoulders slumped and I plopped down beside her on my bed. “Delaney, if you have to trick him to see me, then forget it.”
“Maybe he just needs a little nudge.” A few minutes later, a sound came from Delaney’s phone.
“That’s not your text message tone.” I looked over her shoulder. “Unless you changed it.”
“It’s not. It’s my Facebook messenger.” She hit the app on her phone.
“Why are you messaging Raven through Facebook?”
She arched a brow and I felt like I was having one of my mom’s blonde moments. “Because I don’t have his phone number.”
“Well, I can give it—”
“That’s okay. I don’t need it.” Her eyes focused on the screen. “He says he’ll meet me tomorrow at the stadium at noon.”
“What? Let me see that.” I yanked the phone from her hand, scanning the messages.
Delaney: Hey, Raven, I really need a few more shots of you to finish my project. Can I take some of you in your football uniform at the stadium?
Raven: Sure. How about noon tomorrow?
“I don’t care.” I handed the phone back to her. “You can go take pictures of him. I’m not coming.”
“Yeah, that’s what you said last time.” Her disdaining stare irked me. Probably because I knew it was what I wanted to do. I watched her prance out of my room and shut the door behind her. Why was she always right?
***
After Delaney left my room, I got the sudden urge to write the best damn paper ever. The words flowed from my brain and poured onto the paper until I finished at three-thirty in the morning. Supporting statements and arguments were like words to songs, each of them deep and meaningful beyond my understanding. I reasoned with myself that I didn’t want any excuse to not go with Delaney tomorrow. Funny how some things will motivate you.
“Are you coming?” Delaney stood in my doorway, checking the functions on her camera.
I stuffed one of my books in my backpack for my final test I had the following Tuesday, even though I knew it was pointless because I’d be staring at Raven the entire photo shoot. I needed a practical decoy and a book was perfect.
“I wouldn’t miss it.” I swung my backpack over my shoulder.
She smiled. “Good.”
I followed her out the door. “Did he mention anything about me to you?”
“No,” she said in a low tone. “Bu
t I also didn’t mention anything either, so quit reading into things.”
I held on to the straps of my backpack as reality continued to remind me that Raven and I were only a dream.
A fantasy.
As much as I wanted to be in his league of hot bitches, I wasn’t. I may have been smarter and more talented than most of them, but not when it came to doing what he wanted most — sex. It was something I had only read about in romance books and dreamed about with him. I had to be kidding myself to think he’d want to be with me.
“He has no idea I’m coming with you.” I blew out a stressed breath. “Does he?”
Recalling what he said, I reminded myself I could change. I would change. If that’s what it took to be with him, I’d do it. After all, I didn’t like the old Lexi Thompson. I needed to release the ego dying to come out.
“Relax. I’m sure he’ll be glad to see you.” We crossed the street and headed toward the stadium. The wind had a chilly breeze, but the sun kept it tolerable, at least for a southern girl.
“So, how are things between you and Luke?” I was eager to take the focus off me.
Delaney’s face scrunched in confusion. “Oh, I don’t know. One minute we’re okay and the next he’s all pissy with me. I have no idea what the hell he wants.”
“Why are guys so wishy-washy?” I sighed and then stopped at the guard booth outside of the stadium. I peeked through the window, but the guard that was there last time was nowhere to be seen. I shrugged. “I guess we can enter.”
We walked down the hill until we came to the main gate. I pulled on it, but it didn’t open.
“Great.” Delaney pulled her phone from her backpack and sent Raven a text through Facebook.
Lexi: I’m here at the front gate but can’t get in.
It took a few minutes before he responded. I glanced over her shoulder as we read the message.
Raven: I’ll send someone to let you on the field.
“Okay, we have to wait.”
I slid my backpack off my shoulder and sat on a ledge. Delaney dropped her phone in her bag and then sat next to me.
“How did you two get in last time you were here?”
Damn, did she have to bring that up?
As much as I didn’t want to recall my last time with Raven, it definitely took my heart to a place that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It was a good time, a memorable one that I’d never forget.
“We snuck in through a side gate.” I pointed to my right.
“Seriously?” Delaney followed my hand. “And you didn’t get caught?”
“Nope.” I inhaled deeply as I battled with the side of my brain telling me to get up and leave. That I was stupid for coming here with her. That I had no business trying to capture Raven’s attention.
“Maybe they let y’all in because of Raven.” Delaney got up and stepped up to the gate, pressing her head against the thick, black bars.
“No, I don’t think so. We pretty much went in without authorization. Aside from the guard knowing, we had to be careful that we didn’t get caught.”
“I guess you got lucky.”
I kicked a few small pebbles, making them fly across the sidewalk. “I guess so.” The question was, had my luck run out? Was I that lucky girl that got a chance to be with the star football player, only to never been seen with him again?
“Sorry you had to wait.” A short guy appeared wearing a white university polo shirt and khakis. He punched a code in the keypad on the opposite side of the gate and it opened.
“It’s okay.” Delaney smiled at him and I followed her.
“Raven will be on the field in a few minutes.” We trekked behind him, going down a few stairs until we were in front of another gate that led directly to the field. With a key, he unlocked it and pushed it opened for us. “When you’re done, wait here and I’ll let you out.”
I nodded and Delaney responded, “Okay.”
The guy turned and walked down a path toward the locker room area, disappearing behind a set of double doors.
“I’m going to wait in the bleachers, okay?” I pointed to the right.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come on the field with me?”
“I think it’s best if I stay here.” I took a few steps back.
Delaney shrugged. “If you say so.”
She walked through the gate and it closed behind her. I sat on the metal bleachers and immediately was glad the sun was shining brightly. A cool breeze wisped around the stadium and I shuddered.
If only Raven were here to wrap his arms around me.
No matter what I did, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I really missed him. I sighed and hoped that being there wouldn’t make him mad. That was the last thing I wanted, but I had to make an effort. I’d give him one last chance and after that, I was done. I refused to chase him, especially if he didn’t want to be with me.
I watched Delaney walk to the center of the twenty-yard line and set her bag on the ground. Hopefully her idea would work and he’d call me to come to the field. Unzipping my backpack, I pulled out my book and flipped it to the last chapter I had been reviewing. I stared at the page, but I didn’t read one word. All I could think about was Raven. I pulled the book closer to me, trying to focus, and started at the beginning of the chapter for the third time.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Raven walk on to the field fully dressed in his football uniform. My heart rate picked up at the sight of him, but I forced myself to stay calm. The guy that opened the gate for us followed behind him, lugging a cart of footballs. Raven immediately acknowledged Delaney and then caught my gaze. I released a gentle smile, unsure of how I should greet him. What I really wanted to do was rush the field and jump into his arms. He raised his head slightly as though noting my presence, but didn’t smile or wave. The fluttering in my heart seized and my lungs deflated as I let out a huge sigh.
Maybe this was a bad idea after all.
I leaned against the hard metal bleacher behind me and crossed my arms, soothing myself once again the best way I knew how. What had happened to all the excitement between us? The special attraction that neither of us could deny? I knew mine still existed for him, but what happened to the feelings he had for me? Had my innocence scared him off?
Snubbing my mom’s voice in my head that continuously reminded me that Collin was the one I should be with, I picked up my book. I ran my hand over the page and then slammed it shut. As I started to place it in my backpack, another voice filtered through my muddled mind.
Don’t leave.
I stopped and opened the book. If I left, I’d never know if he was glad to see me. If I stayed, I could wait until Delaney was done taking pictures and go talk to him. This was my chance to ask him what was going on in person. Of course, he could lie to me or avoid the question, but I had to ask. I wanted to know what had changed over the past week to make him standoffish. He owed me an explanation.
Over the next hour, I kept one eye on my book and the other on Raven. Delaney took several shots of him throwing and catching the football, running on and off the field, and different poses that made it difficult for me to stay seated, much less read or study. Why was he so damn sexy? Every ripple, bulge, and muscle seemed to call to me, despite his refusal to look at me. I buried my face in my hands. I was such a hot mess.
How the hell did I get like this?
I was supposed to be smarter, not to mention more discerning, when it came to guys like this. I knew better. I blamed my lack of experience and my sheltered life for it, because I had no other way of explaining it myself.
The Raven’s trap was an addiction that I couldn’t get out of my head, my mouth, off my skin, or stay away from. I was in too deep to walk away.
I wanted him.
I needed him.
I had to have him.
Shit! This totally sucks.
“Thanks, Raven. I’ll let you know when I have everything done.” Delaney’s voice echoed in the distance.<
br />
I quickly glanced up and saw Raven walking off the field. He didn’t bother to say bye to me. All hope for us vanished in a second and I felt so stupid for going there. Delaney looked at me with a heartfelt expression, even though it wasn’t her fault. She had tried and I had attempted, for the second time, to see him. I had failed once again. For whatever reason, Raven was no longer interested in me.
Grabbing my things, I headed toward the gate when Raven turned around. Our gazes caught and I saw a look of regret cross his face. I continued weaving through the bleachers until I stood at the gate leading to the field. The guy that had been helping Raven pushed it open for Delaney and started to shut it when Raven spoke up.
“Lexi, can I talk to you for a moment?”
The sound of my name rolling off his tongue always sent my body into a frenzy, but this time it was so aloof that I knew what he had to say wouldn’t be good.
“Do you want me to wait for you?” Delaney glanced at Raven and then at me.
“No, that’s okay. I’ll see you at the suite.”
She gave me a quick nod and then leaned forward, whispering, “Go easy on him.”
My head retracted, somewhat taken back by her comment. I mean, whose side was she on? The guy stepped back and allowed me on the field before disappearing with Delaney.
“Is everything okay?” I tried to feign ignorance. He pursed his lips together and his eyes narrowed. He had seen right through my little act but it was worth the try.
“Let’s sit down.” He pointed to the bleachers.
We walked through the small gate and sat on the nearest bench. Sitting next to him dressed in his protective gear and huge shoulder pads, I felt so small. Fragile. Docile. I reminded myself that I was no longer that person. Things had changed and I was slowly changing, too.
“I’m sorry that I came.” I shrugged off my backpack and set it in front of me.
He sighed and then said, “I’m not upset because you came with Delaney, if that’s what you’re thinking. It’s just that…” He held his helmet between his massive hands and I imagined me between them. Feeling their warmth and soothing touch. His thumbs stretched across the front mask area and he fiddled with the sun visor, flipping it up and down. The helmet was covered in reptile markings and the purple paint shimmered under the bright sunlight. It really was beautiful. Just like him.
