With a cluck, Mr. Ingerson set the horses into a smooth walk.
Sara’s breathing was anything but smooth. It had been a long time since she had been this close to a man, and just the feel of Owen’s heavy arm over her shoulder set her pulse skittering.
A block into their ride, he squeezed her shoulder where his hand rested. “We both should just relax,” he said, regarding her with a slight smile. “It’s only a sleigh ride in tight quarters.”
“Oh. Right. Yeah.” She forced herself to loosen up enough to lean against his side.
“It’ll be more fun for Mia and Janey that way.”
Good point. She consciously relaxed, letting herself snuggle into his side, reminding herself as she did that this sleigh ride, this closeness, this whole evening, actually, was for the girls’ benefit. Not for her and Owen to get to know each other better. As long as she remembered that necessary reality, she’d be fine.
But she had a feeling that with Owen’s arm around her and his spicy scent drifting to her, despite the chill night air, remembering what was important was going to be pretty much impossible.
Chapter Four
After a moment’s heavy anticipation, all of the lights in the town square went out. Collectively, the crowd gasped right along with Owen. And then, instantly, the giant tree in the center of town lit up, a brilliant display of twinkling multicolored lights that cast their glow over the awestruck crowd fanning out from the base of the tree in all directions.
“Oh, Daddy!” Janey said from her spot in his arms, her voice filled with wonder. “It’s bee-yoo-tiff-ul.”
He squeezed her tight, then looked down at her face and saw the magic of the season produce a radiant smile. “Yes, it is, isn’t it?”
He’d expected to be sad when he saw the tree light up without Kristy by his side. He’d counted on the upsetting emotion, actually. So much so he hadn’t even considered coming to the lighting ceremony last year. Surprisingly, though, while there would always be a part of him that missed Kristy and grieved for her, seeing Janey so cheerful, so filled with Christmas wonder, made him realize that coming here tonight with Sara and Mia had been the best choice he’d made in a long time.
His daughter was happy, so he was happy. A simple concept he needed to remember.
And he had Sara to thank for that profound realization.
As that thought crossed his mind, he turned and rested his gaze on her. She wore a cream-colored knit hat, and her dark hair fell in waves to below her shoulders. A matching scarf graced her neck, and he’d noticed when they’d been in the bakery watching the girls decorate their cookies that the color of the scarf and hat made the most of her creamy complexion and hazel eyes. The lights from the tree lit up her face in a very flattering way, and he thought again how pretty she was.
As he surreptitiously watched her, she held Mia close, then pressed a tender kiss to her chubby cheek before turning her own sparkling gaze up to the tree. Owen’s heart jolted a little; her love for her daughter was as plain as day on her face.
Seeing Sara’s maternal devotion to Mia reminded him that Janey would miss a mother’s love for sure. For the rest of her life. As usual, that knowledge bothered him, partly because it wasn’t his choice for Janey, obviously. And also partly because he wasn’t an idiot; his need to keep such strict control of his love life was in direct conflict with what would probably be best for his little girl both now and in the future.
As he watched Sara with Mia, he let his mind go to a forbidden place. Should he rethink his desire to remain alone? Funny how he’d been considering the same thing when they’d taken their cozy sleigh ride earlier. With Sara pressed close to his side, not only had he enjoyed her nearness—a lot—he’d also enjoyed being part of a family again, or what resembled one on some level.
He’d realized as the girls’ giggles had echoed in the chilly night air, mixing with the sound of the sleigh bells, that he missed the companionship and connection and happiness a romantic relationship brought into his life. He wasn’t stupid; he understood in the deeply practical part of his male psyche that though he loved Janey with everything in him, loving a woman could provide something important that being a dad never would.
Was he willing to take the risk to have that in his life again?
Before he could come up with an answer, Sara looked over and caught him staring at her, and her clear gaze held his. He didn’t even try to look away; he was enjoying the view way too much, although he knew he liked much more about Sara than her looks. She had a good heart, a gentle way and a loving demeanor that was hard to ignore. But he would, he vowed.
After a beat of time, her glossy lips curved up into a shy, almost private smile, and right then and there his heart almost quit beating.
Sara looked away first, flushing a bit. “Janey, honey, look up top at the tippy top of the tree!” she said, laying a gloved hand on Janey’s shoulder.
He managed to pull his gaze from Sara, and then looked up at the same time Janey did. There, at the very top of the tree, was a brilliant star made out of hundreds of twinkling golden lights.
“A star!” Janey exclaimed.
“A pretty star,” Mia echoed.
“Every year,” Sara explained in an expressive voice that held his and the girls’ attention, “Jim Sanders makes a new star for the tree in his metal shop. I can remember when I was a kid how excited I was every year to see what the star would look like.”
“I like this one,” Mia said. “And so does Janey, so it’s the best one.”
“You think? I don’t know. There’ve been some awfully pretty ones in years past.” She regarded Owen with a slanted brow and speculative gaze. “What do you think, Owen?”
Looking right at her, the truth came blurting out. “I think the one in front of me is the prettiest one I’ve ever seen.”
She blinked, but recovered quickly. “Um...you’re not even looking at the star,” she said in a mock scolding tone.
“I know,” he replied, laying an arm around her shoulder and pulling her and Mia so close he could smell the shampoo Sara used. Something fruity. And wonderful.
With an audible sigh of what sounded like contentment, Sara wrapped her free arm around his waist and snuggled next to him, fitting perfectly. The pom-pom on her hat tickled his nose and her warmth seeped into him, heating him up from the inside out.
Mia and Janey chattered excitedly about the tree, the cookies they’d decorated and, of course, Caramel and Latte, the prettiest horses in the whole wide world. A group of carolers strolled by, singing something about it being the most wonderful time of the year. With rapt wonder, Mia and Janey held hands and listened to the song, their faces shining bright with Christmas joy.
His heart turned over at the sight, and a sense of peace settled around him. And try as he might to shove his happiness aside to keep himself on the safe, practical road he’d always wanted to trudge, he simply couldn’t manage to steer himself clear right now. With his daughter’s happiness so obvious and his own contentedness impossible to ignore, he admitted to himself on the spot that the words to the song the carolers sang were true.
And for the moment, that unmistakable truth was all he would allow himself to think about, even though he wasn’t foolish enough to think he could ignore harsh reality for very long and still protect his heart.
* * *
“I had a really great time tonight,” Owen said to Sara as he gently put a drowsy Janey into her car seat in the cab of his truck parked in front of Sara’s house. “Thank you for asking us to go with you.”
Sara watched as he carefully lifted the harness over Jane’s head and clipped her in, then leaned over and picked up three stuffed animals and handed them to her one by one before he stroked her rosy cheek. He grabbed a few more and tucked them in next to her so she was literally surrounded by softn
ess. “All cozy and comfortable, honey?” he asked Janey, leaning in.
She nodded, laid her head back and put her thumb in her mouth. Sara guessed she’d be asleep in seconds. It had been a big night for everybody.
Sara shifted a sleeping Mia in her arms just as Mia snuggled closer and then laid her head on her shoulder.
“I had fun, too, and so did the girls,” Sara said. “I think the sleigh ride was the highlight for them. I’ve already had to promise to take them to see Caramel and Latte at Mr. Ingerson’s farm.”
Owen grinned, shaking his head. The glow from the clear Christmas lights he’d quickly strung on the porch railing as a surprise earlier today cast his handsome face in a warm, rosy glow. “What is it about little girls and horses, anyway?” He grabbed a stuffed horse from the seat next to Janey and held it as backup to his statement.
“Want horsey,” Janey murmured sleepily, holding her hands out.
He handed the fluffy brown horse with a long mane to her. “I’m guessing this will be her favorite animal for quite a while,” he said, opening the driver’s door to turn the heat up full blast in the truck. It would be warm and toasty in there quickly.
“You’re probably right,” Sara replied. “I’m pretty sure there will be a lot of horse-themed stuff added to Mia’s Christmas list this year.”
He closed the truck’s door, then shoved his hands into his coat pockets. “Maybe we’ll need to go shopping together.”
An undeniable thrill shot through her at the thought of spending more time with Owen, but she quelled it pronto. “Okay.”
“I could really use some help with buying girly stuff for Janey.”
“I’m your gal, then,” Sara said, hefting Mia up in her arms. How could one three-year-old get so heavy? The wind kicked up, chilling the tip of Sara’s nose. She should probably go in, but somehow she felt compelled to stay and talk with Owen. Maybe because adult conversation, without a couple of three-year-olds interrupting every five words, was a rare occurrence for her.
“Here. Let me hold her for a while,” he said, reaching out.
Without hesitation Sara gently gave Mia to him, not completely oblivious to the significance of her willingness to hand her daughter over so readily.
Slightly breathless, she took a long look at Owen, adoring how he held Mia in his strong arms, all fatherly and profoundly protective.
Precisely the kind of love and affection neither Sara’s nor Mia’s father had ever shown her. Mia’s father hadn’t even loved his daughter enough to stick around for her birth, much less for her whole life. What a flake. Amazing how hindsight worked.
Sara felt her defenses toward Owen trembling and her vulnerability meter ratcheted up, rattling her even more.
She shook her head. Get a grip, girl. He was talking a shopping trip between friends, not a date. She could handle that. But more? No way, no matter how much a tiny part of her wanted so much more than a toy shopping trip with the wonderful man cradling Mia as if she were the most precious thing on earth.
* * *
Well, it was official: he’d lost his mind.
Owen drove slowly home from Sara’s house, his gloved hands tight on the steering wheel. Janey slept in the seat behind him, conked out, and the Christmas lights on the houses on this section of Main Street cast weird shadows on the interior of his truck.
What had he been thinking, suggesting he and Sara spend more time together, even if it was only toy shopping?
As in...a date?
He yanked his hat off. He didn’t date. Not since Kristy. Didn’t want to. He felt as if he were setting himself up for a world of hurt if he cared about someone other than his daughter.
Guess that’s what happened when cancer, the ultimate control thief, did its thing and robbed you of one of the most important things in your life.
He navigated his way on the deserted, snow-covered streets toward home. Sure, Christmas lights and decorations glowed bright and cheery in almost every front yard. It was the merriest time of the year. So what was with the aching hollowness that had been throbbing in his chest off and on ever since he’d met Sara?
That question echoed in his head as he hung a left on Glacier Lane, then took a quick right onto his street, Icicle Drive. His house, a small, neat ranch built in the fifties, came up quickly on the right, and he carefully turned into his driveway.
He sat there in the dark as the truck’s heater blasted hot air, looking up at his shadowed, unadorned house, thinking it looked sad and lonely surrounded by his neighbors’ houses glowing bright.
He suddenly wished he’d put Christmas lights up this year, even though he and Janey would be leaving before Christmas day; maybe he should embrace the holiday season, even if just for a short time. Janey would love it, and that alone made decorating the house seem worthwhile. He hadn’t packed the Christmas decorations yet. Maybe he’d haul them out tomorrow.
He inched forward into the garage, put the truck in Park, then got out to get Janey. With a sleepy murmur she settled into his arms as he took her out of her car seat, and she threw her arms around his neck.
Love for his little girl unwound inside of him, true and deep and unwavering. He had Janey and would forever. And that would be enough.
Holding on to that thought, he headed inside, punching the garage door button before he went in. He paused in the family room. The place was cold and dark and silent, and a nagging sense of aloneness seeped through him. There was no Christmas tree glowing in the corner, no decorations brightening up the place. In fact, the house was filled with half-packed boxes and piles of stuff waiting to be packed. Not exactly homey.
And there was no one waiting here for him, no one sitting by the fireplace with a smile on her pretty face, a mug of hot tea in her hands and a warm touch just for him. On some level, he was well and truly alone, and if he kept on the path he’d laid out, he always would be. His chest hitched.
As he moved through the family room and went down the hall to Janey’s room to put her to bed, a vision of Sara rose in his mind and the tightness in his chest eased a bit, warmth spreading through him like a healing tide. She always had a way of raising his spirits, of making him feel like he had hope in his life.
With that thought swirling he tucked Janey in, gave her a kiss good-night and then went to the kitchen to get a drink of water before bed. He stood there, alone in the dark, knowing he had a cold bed waiting for him down the hall and not much else. Like a dead-center hammer strike, the reality of his life hit him full force.
When he wasn’t a dad, he was by himself. Since Kristy had died, he’d been single by choice, and that had been enough in the past. But he’d met Sara and spent time with her and her daughter, and by contrast, his life alone seemed black-and-white and drab.
A prayer rose from his lips, and he hoped God would show him the right path in the coming days. And would help him determine if what he’d chosen for himself would ever be enough in the future now that Sara had lit up his life with her beautiful smile, caring ways and the uncanny ability to break his walls down with nothing but a touch.
Chapter Five
Sara raised her voice in song as the sweeping sound of the church organ filled the sanctuary. Her spirits took flight; she loved singing her praise to the Lord in concert with the other parishioners of New Life Church.
Undeniably, church hymns always had the power to fill her with a sense of joy and warmth, even in her darkest hours when Josh had left and she’d been alone, nine months pregnant and about to become a single mom. She would always have her faith, no matter what.
Thank you God, for sticking with me. Your comfort and guidance means the world to me, and I know I can always count on You.
She sneaked a glance sideways, happy that Owen and Janey were seated in the pew next to her and Mia. She’d invited them to attend church
at the tree lighting last night. Thankfully, Owen had readily agreed to attend the service as a group; neither one of them were very good at saying no to their darling daughters. Sara had told herself that this his-and-her church experience was strictly for Mia and Janey, who would go off to their Sunday school class in a few minutes. Although, Sara had to admit, having an adult friend to worship with was wonderful for her, too. What was it about sitting next to someone at church that was so comforting? Perhaps mutual faith tied a strong spiritual bond. Which might speak of other possible bonds...?
Veering away from that idea like it was a hot potato—why get caught up in something that wouldn’t last more than one or two services?—she trained her eyes on the hymnal. She put a lot of effort into concentrating on singing well, since Owen possessed a fine baritone that put her own iffy soprano voice to shame.
The hymn ended on a swell of praiseful sound, and then Pastor Jacobsen stepped up to the pulpit.
“Parents,” he announced, “the Sunday school teachers will now come row by row to get the children for class.”
Owen leaned over. “Here’s where it gets dicey,” he said close to Sara’s ear.
She gave him a questioning look and tried to ignore how her heart sped up when he was close, how good his spicy aftershave smelled. How nice he looked in his sport coat, tie and pressed black slacks. And especially how much she liked him sitting by her side, his leg almost touching hers. Nothing but trouble there, but the thought plagued her nonetheless. “Dicey?” she managed.
“I’ve never been able to get Janey to go to Sunday school. She always cries and gloms onto me like a vise.”
Sara swung her gaze to Janey, who was already standing alongside Mia, holding her hand, her face shining with bright-eyed eagerness while they waited for Teacher Heather to collect them. “Um...she doesn’t look worried now.”
“Let’s hope for the best,” he replied with a doubting lift of his brow.
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