“What if I turned it down?”
“What?” She shook her head. “You worked for this! You have every reason to leave this town!”
And he did. He had every reason to leave, and just one to stick around.
“I know. I just— Things are different now. I can’t explain it, but the thought of being farther away from you and baby than I already will be is...it doesn’t feel right. If you need me for something—”
“I have a support system in place,” she said. “I’ll be okay.”
His heart sank. It hadn’t occurred to him until just now that she might not feel the same way he did about those miles between them.
“And you’d rather I stuck to it and took the job,” he concluded woodenly.
“No! I—” Taryn looked at him helplessly. “We said we’d be good friends and we’d respect each other and back each other up. We said we’d put our son’s needs first and we’d never put him in the middle of some bitter breakup. That’s what we said.”
“We did,” he said. “And we can do that—”
“So you’d be putting this big step up in your career aside for a good friend?” she said, shaking her head. “You’d give up career advancement, a wage hike, a new start in the city of your choice, away from all the drama here that’s been driving you crazy, all for a friend?”
Her gaze caught his, and maybe it was the tears sparkling in her eyes or the emotion he saw swimming there, but he slipped his hand behind her neck and tugged her closer. She smelled sweet, like vanilla and strawberry, and all he could think about was closing the distance between them.
“I’d do it for you,” he murmured, and he covered her lips with his.
She leaned into him, and for a moment, it was only them—the scent of her perfume, the warmth of her hair against his hand, her lips pressed against his... She pulled back, and he rested his forehead against hers.
“Are you going for force me to say it?” he asked miserably.
“Say what?” she breathed.
“I’m in love with you... No, we didn’t plan that. We said we’d keep it platonic. We said we wouldn’t get any romantic hopes involved. But Taryn, you had me seven months ago on that one night together. I knew you were incredible then, and you’re incredible now...” It was a shock to him, too, and it was only in this moment that he could put a word to all the tangled emotions that had been growing inside of him. “I don’t know how else to explain what I’m feeling for you. I know it’s fast—in a way. I know it’s crazy—I see that pretty plainly. But it is what it is. The thought of going to Seattle, that far away from—from the both of you—is...” He shrugged, looking for a word that could properly describe the pull in his heart at the thought, but he couldn’t find one. “It’s...awful.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
TARYN’S HEART HAMMERED to a stop. She could see the misery in Noah’s dark gaze. How had this happened? How had they gone from reasonable adults who knew where they stood to two people who were feeling too much?
“Is this just me?” Noah asked softly. “Am I just a guy who got caught up in you while you...kept your feet on the ground?”
“No, it’s not just you,” she breathed. “I’ve been feeling it, too. I’ve been trying not to—”
“You love me,” he said, his breath coming out in a rush.
“Yeah...” Tears misted her eyes. He’d somehow become entangled in her heart, along with this miracle baby.
He pulled her in again, and this time, he deepened his kiss. His arms felt strong and secure around her, and as he ran his hand over the top of her belly, she felt the baby move in response. Did he know that this was his daddy? Could he sense it from within?
Taryn pulled back. “Noah, wait—”
He brushed her hair away from her cheek, his fingers lingering against her skin. He felt so good this close—too good. She could get used to this, start depending on it...
“This is because of the baby...” she said.
“No, I fell for you sitting in that pub and listening to you talk,” Noah said with a small smile.
She had to smile at that, too, but she knew what she was getting at. This baby had turned her entire world on its head, and he was doing the same thing for his father. But the difference between them was that Taryn wanted her life to be tipped upside down. She was grateful for it, ridiculously thankful for this chance at filling her arms with a baby at long last. But Noah...his life was just tipping, and he hadn’t longed for the plunge...
“If I weren’t pregnant and we met, we wouldn’t have gotten even this far,” Taryn said, begging him to understand. “I want children. And you don’t. We want different lives, even if this baby shocked us both.”
“He’s on his way now—” Noah said. “There’s no undoing that.”
Taryn looked around the living room. There were several tubs of toys the kids had picked up before bed, but there were still a few lying around—a Barbie lay in the middle of the carpet, inexplicably missed. The TV screen was covered in fingerprints. The couch they sat on had LEGO blocks between the cushions.
“This baby doesn’t change who we both are fundamentally,” Taryn said, and her voice shook. “I want to be a mom, to have a garden, to run my business and focus on my family. I might even want another baby if I’m able to conceive again... This pile of kids—I love this. You want your career, your comfort, your beautifully streamlined life, and there is nothing wrong with that! I’m not criticizing, I promise. But a baby doesn’t fit into that gorgeous apartment you live in, Noah. There’s no space there for gardening gloves and muddy boots. You’ve built your ideal life for yourself, and it’s truly lovely. But there isn’t room in it for children. Kids are messy! They’re loud. They’re demanding... You’ve seen your niece and nephews...”
“Yeah, they’re pretty wild...” he said.
“They’re pretty normal,” she replied. “They’re kids! They’re complicated little people that keep every single adult in their lives hopping. That’s how they grow up. That’s how they figure out who they are...”
“You might be right,” he said quietly. “I’m not saying I don’t love those kids—”
“I know,” she said softly. “But loving them and visiting them is different than embracing life as a dad and husband all in one place—” She looked around the room. “And our son is going to be no different. He’ll be just as demanding, just as full of personality, just as...sticky. I’m okay with that. I’m expecting that. I’m looking forward to it!”
“I know the life I wanted,” he said. “But sometimes life changes, and you’ve got to roll with it. Yes, I love a quiet library, a tidy home, a well-made meal and a cozy evening. But that doesn’t mean I want to give you up!”
Her heart lurched, and she longed to latch on to those words and let them be enough. She didn’t want to give him up, either, but what if it was inevitable? What if they were exchanging a truly warm friendship for a messy breakup and broken hearts? What if they were taking away the united, supportive environment their son was going to need? Because his needs had to come first. Trying this out, seeing where it went, giving a shot—that was selfish.
“Your deepest desires aren’t going to change...” She shook her head. “You were willing to let your fiancée go, to let your wedding go, to face that heartbreak rather than agree to a family life. And I respect that! But what makes me different?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “But you are.”
“This baby...that’s who’s changed things,” she said. “This little boy is yours, and you’re feeling that,” she said. “But look around you—this is what’s waiting after the romance of a newborn wears off!”
“I’m not going to stop loving you,” he murmured. “Either of you.”
“Me, neither,” she said. “But I’ve done this before, Noah. You know that. Glen and I got married because of a preg
nancy, and it didn’t stop any of the issues that came up for us.”
Noah leaned back, and he let his hand drop from her belly back into his lap.
“I don’t want to be the guy who left,” he said, his voice a low rumble. “Or was asked to leave... My son would always see me as the one who abandoned him.”
He didn’t want to be the guy who left, and she didn’t want to be the woman who had to put her life together again when he did. They had a solution—the one they’d come up with in the beginning.
“Then be the guy who shows up,” Taryn whispered. “Be the one who’s there for him no matter what, who’s only a phone call away.”
“You mean go back to our original plan,” he said. “Be friends. Be supportive. Put our son first, and keep whatever we’re feeling for each other out of it.”
“I think it’s the only way to guarantee that we can give our boy what he needs,” she said, her voice shaking. “Don’t you?”
“I can be the guy who shows up for you, too,” he said. “Anything you need—you tell me. I’ll be here.”
Taryn was silent because her heart was so full that she didn’t trust herself to speak.
“Okay?” he murmured, and he bent and kissed her forehead. “I mean it. This isn’t goodbye. We have a son to raise together.”
Taryn nodded. “It’s not goodbye,” she whispered.
Outside the window, headlights swung up the drive, and they both looked out toward the returning minivan. Laura and Henry were home.
Somehow, those two had managed to build a loving life with a houseful of kids—but that didn’t happen unless both parents loved that life. With one resentful parent, one giving up all their interests and joys, there couldn’t be a harmonious and happy home. It wasn’t possible.
Love wasn’t always enough.
“Let me drive you home,” Noah said, and he rose to his feet and held out a hand to her.
The front door opened, and Laura and Henry came inside. Henry gave his wife a peck on the cheek, and Laura unwound a shawl from around her shoulders and tossed it over the back of the couch.
“Thanks for watching the kids,” Henry said. “How were they?”
“Great,” Noah said. “No problems at all.”
“You sure?” Laura asked suspiciously. “You look like you’ve been through the wringer tonight, and I know my children.”
“No, it was fine,” Noah said. “We sorted it out.”
“How are you feeling these days?” Laura asked Taryn. “Can I get you some tea, or—”
“No, but thank you,” Taryn said. “I’m pretty tired. I should probably get back to the resort.”
Laura looked between Noah and Taryn, and Taryn could see the other woman coming to a few conclusions, but Taryn didn’t have the strength to hold everything together tonight.
“Of course,” Laura said softly. “No problem. Thanks for helping out. I’ll return the favor in a heartbeat when your little guy arrives.”
Taryn smiled weakly.
“I’ll call you later, Laura,” Noah said.
“See you...” Laura exchanged a look with her husband, and when Noah and Taryn went out the front door, they closed it behind them.
“Was that rude?” Taryn asked, her voice choked.
“Don’t worry about it,” Noah said. “They’re family. I’ll explain later.”
It was time to get back to her room, to her solitude, so she could let her tears fall. Taryn wasn’t going to be able to cut Noah off to get over this... Noah was now a part of her life, and she’d just have to find a way to pull her emotions back from the edge.
* * *
NOAH DROPPED TARYN off at the resort, and he felt like his heart stretched out after her as she went inside. He wanted to call her back, to make this right, to find some way to bridge this gap between them. But she was right—they were the same people they were two weeks ago, before he knew about his son, and before he’d laid eyes on Taryn again.
His emotions were sitting so close to the surface that he could feel them on his skin, between his ribs, blocking his throat. But he didn’t cry. That would have been a relief, and he didn’t want one. He let the ache settle into his chest as he rode up the elevator and headed down the hallway to his apartment. He let himself in and tossed his keys into a dish by the door.
Home sweet home. But it didn’t feel the same. It was clean and warm—the welcoming sight of soft light, and the faint scent of cinnamon coming from an air freshener on the dining room table.
That weekend was a quiet one. Noah spent it alone with a few good books, and with his memories and heartbreak. Somehow, his home wasn’t quite so soothing. Funny—a few messes around here, some crumbs, another voice or two, would have felt good... He texted Taryn once on Sunday morning, but she texted back that she needed a couple of days to regain her balance.
He’d ruined things. He shouldn’t have told her how he felt. She was right—he’d already seen how much of his orderly life a woman could handle with Nevaeh. She’d liked his apartment, too. She’d loved the quiet and comfort, but he’d driven her a little crazy with his clean ways...
But that wasn’t why Nevaeh had left him. She’d wanted the same things that Taryn did—the sticky fingers, the life full of children. It was going to take some time for his heart to catch up.
On Monday morning, Noah sat in his office, the job-offer email open in front of him. He should take it. It made sense—it was a step up, it came with a hefty raise and that signing bonus. He’d been working for this, and he deserved to grow his career. All the same, he didn’t feel the excitement that should accompany a chance this big.
If he took the job, he could support his son...and Taryn. He wasn’t supposed to be thinking about her that way. She could support herself just fine—she was a successful businesswoman, and she already had plans in place for raising her child. She was competent, smart and self-sufficient, so why did Noah want her to need him?
He wanted to be her protector, her provider, her hero. And she wanted him to let her heal...
His fingers hovered over the keyboard to type his reply when there was a knock on his door.
“Come in,” he said.
Brody stood in the doorway.
“What now?” Noah said. He was too tired to do this—too exhausted from all he’d been through the past couple of weeks. Besides, he had an email to write.
Brody came inside and shut the door behind him.
“We need to talk more,” Brody said. Noah didn’t answer, but Brody came into the office and sat down in a visitor’s chair. “You’re my best friend.”
“Still?” Noah said.
“Look, I’ve been thinking about some of the stuff you said,” Brody said. “And I need to know—do you love her?”
“Nevaeh?” Noah asked.
“Yes, Nevaeh! Who else?” Brody scraped a hand through his hair. “Are you still in love with her?”
Brody’s expression was agonized, and he leaned forward, waiting for Noah’s answer.
“No,” Noah said. “Not anymore.”
“Okay,” Brody said with a nod. “Okay. You don’t love her. That’s a good thing. I needed to hear it. So I get how this is complicated. I can understand that having your best friend move on with your ex is not ideal. But she’s the one for me, Noah. You don’t love her, but I do. She lands right here—” Brody thumped his chest. “I can’t explain how it feels, but she’s not just another girlfriend. She completes me.”
“I know how that feels...” Noah admitted.
“You loved her like that?” Brody asked feebly.
“No, not Nevaeh. Someone else,” Noah said. It was Taryn lodged in his chest, and the thought of moving to Seattle was feeling as impossible as leaving a piece of his body behind.
“Wait, so this—” Brody swallowed. “The last couple of weeks
, I’ve been thinking maybe I was wrong. Maybe you were still in love with Nevaeh, and—”
“Oh, you were wrong in moving on as fast as you did,” Noah replied. “But...” He looked up at Brody, and for the first time in seven months, he saw the best friend he’d missed so much. Just a guy—a buddy who understood him, and up until the end of his engagement, had had his back.
“I’m going to be a father, Brody,” Noah said, and his voice shook.
“What?” Brody blinked. “Wait—”
“I met someone,” Noah said. “And we had a connection right away. We spent one night together, and she got pregnant. I only just found out a couple of weeks ago. I’m going be a dad...”
“You aren’t joking,” Brody said.
“Who jokes about that?” Noah demanded. “To make it worse, it can’t work between us, but I’m in love with her.”
They stared at each other for a few beats, and Noah felt his reserves crumbling. This was his oldest friend, and through all of this upheaval, he’d missed having Brody in his life to talk thing out with.
“So who is she?” Brody asked. “And when is the baby due?”
“Can I trust you with this?” Noah asked.
“Yeah, you can trust me,” Brody said earnestly.
And somehow, Noah knew that he could.
“Her name is Taryn Cook—she’s in town doing a marketing thing for Angelina.” He quickly told the broad strokes about what had happened. “And she’s due in a matter of weeks. It’s a boy. I’m going to have a son...”
“And you’re in love with her,” Brody said. “That’s pretty important.”
“It won’t work,” Noah repeated. “We love each other, but we’re very different. Our son needs invested parents who respect each other, not two people bitter from some awful breakup.”
“Who says you’ll break up?” Brody asked.
Harlequin Heartwarming June 2021 Box Set Page 21
