Confessions
The following Friday, Conan and I were in bed after dinner.
“Scarlet.” Conan kissed my forehead. “I need to tell you something.”
“What?” Does he know I’m on a mission for the White Queen?
“I’ve been debating whether or not I should tell you …”
“Are you hiding something else from me? Are you afraid to tell me?”
“No, I’m not hiding anything else, but I’m afraid you’ll take it badly.”
“Tell me.”
“I met my ex.”
“WHAT!” I sat up and pulled the comforter around me.
“She called yesterday and asked to see me.”
“And you met her?” I raised my eyebrows.
“I did,” said Conan, sitting up.
“Why?”
“She wanted to talk to me in person. When we met she asked if she could borrow some money. She needs a major operation but she isn’t working … she doesn’t have health insurance.”
“Did you give her the money for this major operation?”
“Yes.”
“That’s insane! Why did you do that?”
“She left Wilmar because of me. She didn’t get any severance pay … and she could’ve sued the company because of our involvement. I feel somewhat responsible for her situation, and I think helping her out is the least I can do.”
“What did you do that made her leave?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” said Conan.
“Was it because of your BDSM kinks?”
“No. Scarlet, please leave it alone.”
“We’ve been dating for months and you’ve implied that you want a future with me, yet she’s still in your heart. What am I supposed to do?”
“I don’t know.” Conan’s lips trembled. “She’s not a good person and she’s not good for me. She’ll ruin me if I let her. Scarlet, you have to believe me when I tell you that I want nothing more than to get over her.”
“I don’t know about that,” I said, staring him in the eye. “You can’t get rid of her engagement ring and you’ve just given her loads of cash that you know she’s unlikely to pay back. Why should I believe anything you say?”
“I don’t know. But I do know that keeping the engagement ring isn’t fair to you.”
“I’m glad you at least know that much.” I smirked. “But the fact of the matter is that you’re in denial. The relationship is over and you’re still waiting for her to come crawling back.”
“I’m not in denial. I’ve accepted that she was too much for me to handle. I know it’s over.”
“I guess you’ve rescued yourself from her, but maybe I’m no better.” I was angry. I couldn’t trust his feelings for me and my feelings for him were too strong. “Watch out, or I may be the death of you yet.”
“Scarlet, I wouldn’t know what to do with my life if I hadn’t met you. You saved me.”
“Maybe I’m worse than your ex. For all you really know, I could be lethal.”
“Don’t say that … I don’t believe it. You’re feisty and you have a tattoo, but I know you’re as harmless as a butterfly.”
“That’s what you think.” I scowled at him.
“She causes me pain and you bring me pleasure. Scarlet, I want to be with you.”
“There’s pain in every pleasure.” I pinched his arm. I wanted to tie him to the bed and get out my blades. You can’t blow the mission, control yourself. I stroked the red mark left by my pinch and smiled. “But the worst pain of all is knowing that your love was never returned. Can you promise me that you’ll put the past behind you?”
“I need time to get over her.”
“You’ve had time. Time moves on with each passing second. Every second that you keep her in your heart drives me away a little bit more.”
“I don’t want to drive you away, but maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I’m not ready for a relationship.” He ran his fingers through his dark-brown hair. “I can’t just forget her. Maybe I only needed you for company. I guess I’ve been selfish.”
“I’ll leave then,” I said, standing up and reaching for my dress. I wanted to run him through with a sword. The White Queen has everything under control. I’ll keep working for him, but I don’t have to stay close. She hasn’t ordered me to kill him, but I wish she would.
“No! Don’t leave me Scarlet! I need you!” He grabbed my arm and pulled me back to the bed.
“Conan, you’re wasting my time. I don’t like being toyed with.” I slipped my dress over my head. “Call me when you get over that bitch.”
“NO! Scarlet, I’m not toying with you! Please … please just give me another chance.”
“If I give you another chance, you’ll have to be punished first … severely. But I’m not convinced that I should waste any more energy on you. You’re an idiot in denial. I’m much worse for you than she could ever be and you’re too stupid to see it. I’m doing you a favor by ending this now.”
“You can’t walk away from me. Please … punish me my Scarlet Queen. I submit.” Conan lay back on the bed and stretched out his arms.
“You submit to be punished?”
“I submit to you completely my Scarlet Queen. Do whatever you have to. There’s something in there that may help you.” He nodded toward the nightstand on my side of the bed.
“I suppose this will do. Perhaps I can torture your ex out of you.” I leaned over and pinched his nipples.
“Ah,” he groaned as his cock grew hard.
“Before we start, I want you to kneel on the floor in front of me. Right now!” I slammed the black leather paddle into the bed.
“Yes my Scarlet Queen,” he said, kneeling on the floor. “I’ll do anything for you.”
“Apologize to me for keeping the ring.”
“I’m sorry for keeping the ring.”
“Tell me that you’re sorry for meeting your ex.”
“I’m very sorry for meeting my ex.”
“Worship my hand.” I placed my delicate fingers in front of his face.
He kissed my hand and licked my fingers. Having this powerful man under my control was exciting, thrilling. I’d never played these games with a man I loved and my little girl was burning for him. She needed his manhood, but I wasn’t done torturing him.
“Get on all fours like the dog you are,” I screamed as I pushed his head toward the floor. “Crawl!”
He crawled past the end of the bed and looked at me with sad wolf pup eyes. He’d never been treated like this and I’d never been so aroused. I began cackling hysterically. All men want to be dominated by a woman before they die. They’re quite simple, really.
“Come back to me puppy. Come on now.” I clapped my hands.
Conan turned around and crawled back to me.
“Okay, enough doggie. Back up on the bed and lie on your side,” I ordered as I raised his chin with my knee. “You’ve been naughty and you need to be spanked.” I slapped his legs and bottom mercilessly with the leather paddle as he screamed in pain. I didn’t stop until he was trembling. His ass was covered in red welts. “There, there,” I said as I rubbed away the sting.
“Thank you,” he groaned.
“Are you ready to service the Scarlet Queen?”
“Yes.”
“Good. I’m going to blindfold you first.” I picked his tie up off the floor and tied it tightly over his eyes. “I trust you not to move,” I whispered as I softly bit his earlobe. “If you do, I’ll have to bind your hands. Do you understand?”
“Yes my queen.”
I gave him a peck on the lips and slid my hand over his nipples and down his muscular torso. He looked sexy with the dark-gray blindfold over his handsome face. That I’d tied him with his work tie aroused me all the more. I flicked his erection and ran two fingers up and down it. Then I yanked him hard and made him yelp.
“Awe, did that hurt the poor puppy?”
“No … my Scarlet Queen,” he panted.
“Everything you … do to me … is titillating.”
“Of course it is. You belong with your Scarlet Queen.” I glided my hands skillfully around his throbbing need, rubbing the head. A drop of pre-cum appeared on the tip. I wrapped my hand around him and squeezed. “Do you want me to lick you?”
“Yes.”
“Say please.”
“Yes please.”
“Good boy.”
I went down on Conan, licking his sweet pre-cum and taking his hardness into my mouth. His body was responsive to my every touch. He moaned softly as I licked him clean.
“Now it’s time for my pleasure.” I slipped out of my dress and took a condom off the nightstand. I unrolled it over his stiff cock and straddled him. He gasped in pleasure as I slowly lowered myself onto him.
“You’re my toy,” I moaned. I was riding him for my own pleasure, slowly grinding and going up and down. “How does it feel to be underneath me?”
“Perfect,” he whispered as he thrust himself up and into me with a loud grunt.
Conan was a whimpering mess under my control. I’d never seen him so turned on and it was driving me crazy. I felt an orgasm building in me and I rode him harder and faster than I ever had before.
“Don’t come until I scream yes. Understand?”
He nodded and groaned uncontrollably. He’s losing it.
“Ah … ah … that’s it.” I was panting and drenched in sweat as he plunged himself up into my wetness. His pulsating cock filled me up and I couldn’t hold back any longer. “Yes!” In that moment, I transcended my double life. I was playing my game by my rules. I belonged to no one. This was what I wanted for myself.
He gave a series of small grunts before letting out a deep moan as his body spasmed. I collapsed onto his strong chest and reveled in the bliss of our heavenly union.
“That was good,” I said, kissing his lips as I rolled off him.
Conan’s hair was a mess and I removed his blindfold. He just stared at me in awe.
“Scarlet,” he finally said, “I’ve never been … no one’s ever. What have you done to me?”
“I’ve given you the time of your life. What else?”
“It’s more than that, much more. I know now that I can’t live without you,” he said as he kissed my hands with his soft lips. “Oh God! I’m bound to you.”
“I’m glad you’ve finally realized that. Are you ready to get rid of that ring?”
“Yes, of course. I’ll sell it … give it away … whatever. I’ll do it tomorrow,” he said. “But what else can I do for you? I can’t believe I’ve been such a fool. Just tell me what I can do to make it up to you.”
“What is there to do in this life except love?” Why did I say that?
“Let me show you my love. What do you want? What can I do? I’ll do anything for you.”
“I don’t know what I want … I just don’t know.” I sighed and turned away. I couldn’t bear to look at him when I was dealing in truth. “There are things in this life that are beyond our control. We can’t choose our destiny.”
“What are you talking about? You and I control our destiny.” Confusion washed over his face. “Unless … is there someone else in your heart?”
“Yes,” I replied. “I’ve been looking for someone for years. That’s why I came here. I’m trying to find my mother.”
“I didn’t know,” said Conan, resting his sharp chin on his long fingers. “What’s her name?”
“Matilda Summers, but if she’s alive she must’ve changed her name or gotten married. I’ve searched all the public records and I’ve come up with nothing, but she’s the reason I’m here and I can’t give up hope.” My honesty surprised me.
“Is she in Manhattan?”
“She was born here. That’s all I know.”
“I’ll help you find her,” said Conan taking my hands and squeezing them tightly. “I’ll do everything in my power to find her.”
“Thank you,” I said with hope and despair.
I would be free of the White Queen if he found my mother. My loyalties would no longer be divided and my life would be my own. I can’t get my hopes up.
Things Change
I left Conan’s apartment and walked to the subway. I needed to think.
Working as his secretary made it hard not to develop some sort of attachment to him, but I was a fool for getting romantically involved. I was the villain and he was my victim. It wasn’t our destiny to be together.
My job was to do whatever the White Queen wanted me to do. She hadn’t ordered Conan’s death, but that could change. I was a black widow spider, and if she ordered me to kill him he’d end up dead … just like all my other victims.
The threat of death was a constant in my profession, but I’d never feared it before. The White Queen had turned me into a skilled huntress and I never doubted my abilities, but something was different now. I couldn’t help feeling that death was going to hunt me down before I was free and could tell Conan how I felt.
I caressed my crescent scar as the train rattled it’s way through the tunnels under New York. How can I continue being a huntress if I’m scared of death?
* * *
Milky was at the front door when I got home. I fed her and sat in the kitchen, staring at the wall.
I looked at the seconds ticking away on the clock. It reminded me of grains of sand falling through an hourglass. I wished I could stop the grains, stop time. When my time with Conan is up, our love will end. He was a beacon of hope in my otherwise miserable double existence, a reason to carry on. I wanted to run faster than time so that we could be together, but I knew it was impossible. We could only be together if everything was different. I may be able to stop myself from loving Conan, but I can’t stop time and I can’t change the way things are.
I went to the living room and grabbed my notebook.
“In the quest for purity one can only meet corruption.
In the quest for idealism one can only land in realism.
In the quest for love, one can only find pain.”
Get a grip girl! Conan Casey isn’t the only ray of hope in your life. You’re defined by your achievements, not by a man.
I thought about another of Mimi’s failed missions. She was working in a strip club and she was supposed to seduce the owner. Mimi fell in love with him, couldn’t kill him, and ended up letting him go—but she told the White Queen she was drugged and he escaped. His activities continued to cause chaos in the city, and the White Queen had to send five of us to take care of him and his crowd. We all made it back without any injuries, but love made Mimi weak and she put her sisters in danger because she couldn’t finish the job when she had the chance.
Love was the worst game an agent could play, and falling in love with a victim was sheer lunacy. Agents in love fail their missions, their sisters, and the White Queen. I’d never failed a mission, and I had no intention of failing this one. Falling in love with a victim is taboo … and a curse. I wanted to finish what I’d started, and I wasn’t going to let love stop me.
If I push my body to the very limits of exhaustion, my mind will cease to think and I won’t be defeated by love. I resolved to train my body and mind harder.
I unrolled my exercise mat and began with some stretches, followed by three difficult yoga postures, and then lunges. I got down on the floor and started doing crunches. After ten minutes of those, my stomach muscles were burning and the sweat was pouring off me.
Sugar, I need sugar. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a Coke from the fridge. As I emptied the can into a glass, the bubbles reminded me of the champagne Conan and I drank at dinner. I thought of his beautiful body, his enchanting voice, his gray wolf eyes, his wild smile. Why am I so intrigued by this man? I’m weak from love and this has to stop!
I hit the mat and started doing push-ups. “One, two, three …”
It wasn’t long before my mind started to wander again. Is my love for Conan real? Do we really have a chance at a fu
ture together? I told myself that what we had was only a temporary illusion—Mimi was right about that. Forces beyond our control were keeping us apart and that was just the way it was. There was nothing I could do to change it, but in time it would pass.
I shook my head and went back to my push-ups. “One hundred, one, two, three …”
I collapsed face down on the two hundredth push-up. My body was hurting and completely drained, but my mind was still racing. I rolled over on my back and wiped the sweat from my forehead.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Conan. What the hell is wrong with me? I had to banish these silly fantasies of an impossible future from my mind. I peeled myself off the floor and went into the bathroom. I stood under a cold shower until Conan was washed from my thoughts.
I was an orphan and the White Queen gave me shelter, an education, a new identity. She showed me kindness and saved me from starvation. I belonged with her and my sisters. They were the only real family I’d ever known.
When I was convinced that I’d conquered my emotions, another unsettling thought crept into my head: I’ll serve the White Queen and Conan for my own ends.
* * *
“Welcome to the Platinum Lounge,” said the blond woman in a silver cocktail dress. “How may I help you?”
“Two tickets please,” said Conan.
“Certainly.” She handed the tickets to him and gestured to her left. “The entrance is just over there. Dinner will be served before the film. Enjoy.”
Conan held my hand as we walked into the silver and purple lounge. We sat on a purple velvet sofa in the corner and ordered coffee and dinner. The waiter was back with our coffee in a flash.
“My family wants to meet you,” Conan said as he stirred his coffee.
“What?” I gasped. “You want to introduce me to your parents … Mr. and Mrs. Wilmar?”
“Yes, and my sister. I’ve told them about you.”
“What have you told them?”
“That we’ve been seeing each other for a few months,” he said as he took my hand. “Scarlet, don’t worry, they’ll like you.”
Red Hourglass Page 18
