He hesitated. He had never been disloyal to a woman in his life, and he certainly wasn’t going to start being disloyal to Caroline now, but these past weeks he had been left wondering whether some minor brainstorm might have afflicted him this past year. ‘Because she thought that not having sex until we’d made some kind of commitment would make me respect her more. That’s how some women think.’
Oh, God—so what did that say about her?
‘Holly, let me try to explain to you. Do you want me to?’
A small voice. ‘Yes.’
He forced himself to concentrate on the past; it was the only way he could stop himself from taking her into his arms and just holding her until all the hurt had left her beautiful face. ‘I once told you that my life has been chequered. That I’ve been rootless and wandering for a long time, and working on a game reserve allowed me to carry on living that life legitimately. A kind of paid-up nomad. Do you understand?’
She nodded. ‘I think so.’
‘Until earlier this year, when I looked around at what I had, and it just didn’t seem enough any more—’
‘You mean, money-wise?’
He shook his head. ‘No, not money-wise. I’m talking fundamentals. I asked myself did I want to still be doing what I was doing when I was sixty, and the answer was a very loud no.’
‘And then you inherited?’
‘Then I inherited,’ he echoed. ‘And my relationship with Caroline changed.’ He saw the way she pursed her lips. ‘Oh, I know what you’re thinking, and I agree—that Caroline would never have agreed to marry if I hadn’t inherited. I knew that.’
‘You knew that?’ she asked, outraged. ‘That she was a gold-digger?’
He smiled at the old-fashioned term. ‘Life isn’t as simple as that, Holly. Caroline wouldn’t have been interested in marrying a ranch manager who slept out under the stars. She wanted stability and she offered stability, and for a while there I thought that’s what I wanted, too. And my inheritance gave me the stability that I’d been lacking up until then.
‘We talked of marriage—I didn’t propose, and I bought her no ring—we talked of marriage in an abstract way. The way people used to talk about marriage—as an institutional framework in which to bring up children, and I certainly didn’t want to miss out on having children. Neither did she.
‘But there was no romantic love—that’s one of the reasons I convinced myself it might work. No great passion—but we got along together pretty well. Nothing was definite, but I had to come over to sort out my uncle’s affairs, and we decided to use that space to think it over. To decide whether that was what we both really wanted.’
‘And Caroline certainly decided that the answer was “yes”, didn’t she?’ demanded Holly.
‘Yes, she did. But I had done exactly the opposite. I had started to feel uneasy about the cold-bloodedness of such an arrangement. And I had seen you and it was like a thunderbolt that knocked me right off balance. I fought it because I thought it was simply romantic love, a love which would fade.’ He sighed.
‘And then you came to stay with me, and I realised that it wasn’t going to fade. That this was it. Love. The real thing—and all-consuming. The only thing that mattered any more. I’d denied it and fought it all my life, but now it had finally happened—and how!’
She looked at him in confusion. ‘But why? Why fight it?’
‘Because I was pretty short on female role models when I was growing up, Holly,’ he told her urgently, and it was as though he had lifted a veil from before her eyes. ‘There were none at boarding-school, unless you counted the matron, and no one did. My mother was the only one I had, and she died before I had time to get to know the real woman she was, because as a child your perception is distorted by dependence
‘And after she died, I saw her through my father’s eyes—as feckless and beautiful. Because he was besotted with her and yet he resented feeling that way. She made a fool of him over and over again, and yet he never stopped loving her. And I was determined that the same fate would never befall me.’ He saw the slope of her shoulders relax, and began to let himself cling onto a grain of hope.
‘You had the same kind of bewitching beauty as she did, and it terrified me. It terrified me enough to realise that I couldn’t possibly marry Caroline, not when I felt that way about someone else. So I flew back to Africa, to tell her.’
So that was where he had gone! ‘Only she wasn’t there,’ she realised wonderingly. ‘Caroline had unexpectedly brought herself over here and was busy choosing a surprise wedding dress.’
‘I came back to fireworks. When I found out you’d let Caroline believe we’d slept together, I was almost exultant—’
‘Exultant?’
‘Of course.’ He shrugged. ‘It meant that I could now cast you in the role of the bad fairy—allowing me to keep my prejudices alive. It meant that I could have you...’ his mouth curved into a sexy line ’...in the truest sense of the word—and afterwards I would be free of my obsession for you.’
‘But it didn’t work like that?’
He shook his head. ‘No, it didn’t—not with you, sweetheart. You had ensnared and captivated me, and then I made the most catastrophic discovery of all—that you were completely innocent. It blew my mind—’
‘I thought you liked that,’ she argued, as she remembered that almost smug look of pride which had darkened his features.
He gave a slow smile. ‘Well, of course I liked it—’
‘But?’
‘It wasn’t a question of not liking it, just that I felt so bad about my attitude towards you. I would have been more gentle if I’d known. More loving...much more loving.’ He looked at her properly then, a question burning in the dazzling blue fire of his eyes ‘Why was I the first?’ he asked her bluntly. ‘Did someone put you off men, sweetheart? Are you hiding some kind of heartbreak?’
She shook her head. ‘No heartbreak, no. In fact, there was nothing before you. Nothing at all, not in the way of feelings. I’d never been in love before, and sex without love just wasn’t an option for me.’ She sighed. ‘You see, we’re all victims of circumstance to some extent, Luke—and I had grown up seeing my mother use men. I saw relationships as a bartering mechanism—sex for money, if we’re being honest.’ And they were being honest, she realised, both of them, more honest than she’d ever been before. But how honest dared she be?
‘Tell me,’ he urged, and she heard vulnerability there, and realised in that moment that this big, strong, adventuring man needed her reassurance just as much as she needed his.
‘I never felt for anyone the love I felt for you,’ she said simply.
‘Felt?’
She smiled. ‘Feel. Present tense. And future tense.’
‘Future perfect tense?’ He grinned as he took hold of her hand and pulled her towards him. ‘Please come here right now, because I think I’ll die if I don’t kiss you soon.’
‘Oh, Luke,’ she sighed dreamily, and went straight into his arms.
His features softened. ‘Now look at me and listen, Holly Lovelace,’ he said sternly. ‘I love you—’
‘Luke—’
‘And I was wrong to think that I could make reality go away by pretending it didn’t exist. I should have done things differently, but, oh, sweetheart-I guess that deep down I didn’t want to run the risk of losing you.’
She nodded, remembering that she had been his for the taking at Apson House. But he hadn’t taken. ‘And Caroline?’ she asked slowly.
‘Is justifiably furious, but not heartbroken—’
‘She must be! I would be!’
‘She wasn’t in love with me, Holly,’ he said gently. ‘Not ever. It was a transaction of the head, not the heart—and I’m not just saying that to make you, or me, feel better. It’s true.’ He hesitated. ‘Caroline craves security over everything else, it’s the one thing she hasn’t got—’
‘She hasn’t got you any more.’
‘But I was ne
ver hers to have, not really.’ He looked into her eyes and she read so many things in his. Love. Regret. Hope. Trust.
‘Would you mind if I bought her a house?’ he asked softly.
‘Of course I don’t mind.’ Holly traced the outline of his lips with her finger. ‘Do you think she’ll accept it?’
I’ll ask her—she can only say no.’
Holly couldn’t imagine anyone saying no to Luke, but then he started kissing her, and it wasn’t until some time later that she got a chance to ask, ‘So how did you find my mother’s dress?’
‘It wasn’t easy,’ he admitted. ‘But I was determined to do it.’ His eyes had never looked bluer as they read the question in hers. ‘As some kind of peace-offering, I guess, because I felt so bad about everything. After you kicked me out, I went back to the house to change, and I started thinking about Ursula—’
Holly blinked. He certainly was a man of surprises. ‘Why?’
‘I wondered if maybe she knew more about your mother’s dress than she realised.’ He swept a hand back through the thick, gold-tipped hair. ‘I knew she was staying at The Bell that night, so I went to see her and found out which local newspaper her mother had advertised the dress in. Luckily it still existed. So then I travelled down to London to see the editor.’
‘What on earth for?’
‘Well, I thought it would make a good Christmas story. To find out if the person who had bought it still read that newspaper. The editor agreed to run a piece on it, to see what it would turn up.’
‘And what happened?’ asked Holly, fascinated now.
‘The woman who bought it contacted me and told me the whole story. She had been let down. She bought the dress for a wedding which never took place—because the man she was in love with was married to someone else. He’d spun her the oldest story in the book and abandoned her when she was just a couple of weeks pregnant.’
‘Oh, no,’ said Holly, and bit down painfully on her lip.
‘She grew to hate the dress, but she could never bear to get rid of it because it was so beautiful. Later, she thought about selling it once or twice, but no one offered her anywhere near its true worth.’
‘So what did you do?’ breathed Holly.
‘I met with her and offered to buy the dress from her—’
‘For a lot of money?’
‘For what it would be worth today.’
Holly gave a low whistle. ‘That’s a hell of a lot of money.’
His eyes were very blue. ‘Small compensation for the hurt she had suffered.’
‘And she agreed?“
‘She was delighted—her only proviso was that there should be no publicity, and I could understand that. So, I’m giving you back the dress, Holly.’
‘And the catch?’
‘No catch.’ He shook his head. ‘It’s yours—to do what you want with.’
She looked down into her hands for a moment, and when she lifted her head again her green eyes were very bright. ‘I think I’d quite like to wear it,’ she told him softly. ‘In church.’
Luke smiled. ‘That’s what I was hoping you’d say.’
Michelle McCormack was feeling flustered as she repositioned a dark green leaf. ‘Holly, will you please hurry up?’ she scolded. ‘Everyone is there. The vicar is there. Luke is there. Much more time and I’m sure that some of your arty friends are going to kidnap him—I overheard one girl say quite shamelessly that she’d love to sculpt him!’
‘I’ll bet she did,’ agreed Holly calmly. ‘And she probably has no intention of using marble!’
‘Holly!’ Michelle’s voice softened. ‘You look wonderful. Just wonderful.’
‘Do I?’ Holly stared at herself in the mirror. It seemed strange to be preparing for her wedding, in her shop. She was the first bride to wear her mother’s dress and it looked perfect. ‘It doesn’t look dated at all, does it?’
‘Not at all—and you’re the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen,’ said Michelle honestly.
‘You look pretty nifty in that outrageous hat yourself!’
Holding Holly’s bouquet, Michelle came up behind her to look in the mirror, and the two of them silently observed the stunning impact of the thick, ivory satin and the delicate pleating at the waist. In Holly’s hair was a coronet of copper roses and dark, glossy green leaves which echoed her bouquet.
Luke had chosen the flowers, much to Michelle’s amusement and envy. ‘I’ve never met a man who chose his bride’s flowers before,’ she sighed. ‘But he insisted. The roses were to match your hair, he said; the leaves your eyes.’
‘Shame they don’t do any green flowers,’ smiled Holly serenely.
Michelle briefly switched from soft romantic mode to frustrated florist. ‘Well, as it’s an Easter wedding, I was hoping for something like lilies, or pansies—’
Holly’s voice softened to a smoky whisper. ‘But that’s traditional, and Luke’s not traditional, Michelle—you know that.’
‘Luke’s just gorgeous—beginning and end of story—and you’re a very lucky woman.’ Michelle shot her friend a glance. ‘You are okay, aren’t you, Holly?’
‘Mmm?’
‘I mean—you seem awfully distracted—you have done all week! You’re not having any second thoughts, are you?’
Holly giggled as she shook her head, the copper curls contained today beneath the fragrant circlet of roses. ‘Not a single one,’ she said firmly. ‘Why?’
Michelle frowned. ‘You just seem different, that’s all. There’s a kind of bloom about you, and—’ her brown eyes narrowed assessingly ‘—that dress looks a little small around the waistband—’
Holly burst out laughing. ‘Why don’t you just come right out and ask me?’ she teased. ‘It isn’t a secret you know, not really.’
‘You’re pregnant?’ breathed Michelle.
‘Yes, I am.’
Michelle’s eyes were like saucers. ‘But what about your shop? What’s going to happen to it?’
Holly shrugged her shoulders, a dreamy smile curving her lips. ‘Oh, the shop no longer seems like my be-all and end-all. It was the freedom to design and make my own wedding dresses that I craved—and, fortunately, that fits in very nicely with motherhood. Luke says...’ she sighed with pleasure ‘...that I can have someone in to run the shop if I want. Maybe even start a co-operative to help young, talented designers who don’t have the good fortune to win competitions. Several of the girls I was at college with have already expressed a huge interest about coming to live here!’
‘Surprising, that,’ offered Michelle drily. ‘Maybe they think they’ll end up marrying millionaires, too!’
‘Luke isn’t a millionaire, not really,’ said Holly firmly. ‘Lots of his inheritance is in assets—’
‘I know. It’s a hard life!’ teased Michelle. ‘But you are a lucky, lucky woman, Holly Lovelace!’
‘I’d have married him if he’d still been that man sleeping out under the stars,’ said Holly truthfully.
‘I know you would, dummy.’ Michelle’s voice was soft. ‘I meant lucky that you’re carrying his child.’
Holly turned, as pleased and surprised by the intimacy of the old-fashioned term as by her friend’s response to her news. ‘That’s not the reaction you expect if the bride waddles down the aisle.’
Michelle looked at Holly’s tall, slim figure and shook her head. ‘Waddle? Do me a favour, Holly—at twenty-eight weeks you’ll probably have the same kind of figure that most of us have, and we’re not pregnant!’
‘Why lucky, then?’ asked Holly curiously.
‘Oh, because you’ve found Luke, and he’s found you, and quite honestly it’s restored my faith in men to see him look at you the way he does when he thinks no one is watching.’ She sniffed, then glared. ‘There I go again! Much more emotion and I’ll start blubbing—and I can’t afford to let my mascara run. Have you seen Luke’s best man?’
‘Well, of course I’ve seen him! His name’s Will, and he’s very nice.�
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‘I know,’ sighed Michelle. ‘He just wasn’t what I expected. Terribly English, isn’t he—in a way that Luke isn’t?’
‘They were at school together,’ explained Holly. “I’ll introduce you afterwards, if you like.’
‘Mmm! Yes, please!’ Michelle made a final adjustment to her outrageous hat. ‘Oh, and my friend Mary said to wish you all the best, and to be sure and tell you that she’s over the moon at winning the wedding dress.’
‘Good. Should be perfect for a summer wedding.’ Holly smiled with satisfaction. ‘So everybody’s happy.’ She held out her hand for her bouquet. A moment’s quiet reflection, and she felt ready.
‘Come on, Michelle,’ she said softly. ‘Let’s go.’
The organist was coping admirably with some African music which Luke had had sent over. It was livelier than the usual offering at an English country wedding, and already the congregation were getting into the swing of things. A couple of people had even been noticed swaying their shoulders!
Holly’s mother had left husband number four sipping champagne cocktails back at the hotel. Men never really appreciated a wedding in the way that a woman did! He would only cramp her style, and she intended to bask in the reflected glory of the wedding dress that she had designed all those years ago. She sighed. If only she had known then what she knew now...
She sat next to Ursula O‘Neil, who had been surprised and delighted to be invited to the wedding. But, as Holly had explained, if it hadn’t been for Ursula, then she would never have got the dress back. Ursula’s sister Amber had also been invited, but had declined. She had called her own wedding off at the last minute, and said she couldn’t face seeing the inside of a church for the time being.
Caroline had been invited but, as expected, had declined. She had sent them six very ugly place-mats and explained that she would be far too busy furnishing her brand-new house to attend.
At the altar Luke sat next to Will, just enjoying the music and the sight of sunlight streaming cobalt, scarlet, jade and saffron through the stained glass windows. He felt...well, he felt just great. He would even go so far as to say that he was the happiest man on earth. He didn’t know what the future held; no one did. Whether their baby would be born here, or in Africa. But Holly was flexible and so was he. Nothing seemed to matter any more, now that they had found one another.
One Bridegroom Required! Page 15
