by Tee, Marian
"You love me," he scoffed. "You think you fucking love me---"
"I do!"
"And that's why you decided to get into my bed, even if I don't want you there?"
His words hurt, but she had rallied on because she knew he was only lying to himself.
"I did it because I love you---"
"For fuck's sake---"
"I'm a virgin, Slade," she cried out. "I've never even wanted to see any guy's dick before meeting you. But for you, I thought---"
"You thought what?" he interrupted sarcastically. 'That you only had to gift me with your first blowjob, and I'd miraculously return your feelings?"
Tears brimmed in her eyes. "Stop being so cruel---"
But he had only looked at her. "You made it impossible for me to be anything else."
"You can't mean that. You can't."
"Don't make this harder than it should be---"
"But you were so nice to me. You made me feel special---"
"I'm nice because I'm fucking nice," he snapped, "but you insisted on reading things that weren't there. I've never fucking crossed the line with you, and you know that. I never fucking flirted, never even let myself be alone with you. I did everything possible to make you realize I didn't want you short of hurting you---"
"Stop treating me like the other girls before me. I'm not like them---"
"You're right. You're not like them. The other girls just wanted to fuck me, and you wanted to love me---"
"That's why, Slade! That's why I told you---"
"None of them made me feel a fucking thing - and neither do you."
"No."
"I never wanted you."
"You're lying---"
"I'll have money deposited into your account."
"Stop it!"
"It will be enough to cover this month's wages and next---"
"I don't care about the money!"
"In return, it would be best if you would immediately vacate the premises---"
"Didn't you hear me? I said I don't care about the money!"
But Slade's face remained merciless. "You're the one who isn't listening."
"Slade, please---"
"I want you gone by today or I'll have the authorities escort you out."
"Bastard!"And she started to cry. "Bastard!"
She had shoved past him, her clothes clutched to her chest, and as soon as she entered the room, she frantically began shoving her things in her bag. Farica's wake-up call began to play in the background - Gloria Estefan's Words Get In The Way - just as she was zipping her bag shut, and the song made her start laughing and crying harder.
Words got in the way, alright, and they were words she would never, ever forget.
Farica tried to stop her from getting behind the wheel. "Let me find someone to drive you, please---"
"Stop pretending!" She pushed the other girl away. "I can see it in your face, and you're wrong. Slade's wrong. You're all wrong. He loves me! And I'll prove it! He'll find himself missing me, and then you'll all know! He loves me! I know he loves me---" She wanted to say it again. Again and again and again. But then she saw the look in Farica's eyes...
And it was the same look Slade had on his face now, Penny realized sickly, and it had her crying out as all of the memories came rushing back. The pain. The emptiness. But most of all, the pity---
"Stop looking at me like that," she screamed. "Do you think I still care?"
"Penny---"
"I saw you. I saw you kiss another girl---"
Slade's lips tightened.
"Was she why you didn't want me?" she demanded wildly.
He shook his head.
"You're lying---"
"I didn't even know her back then."
"Who is she then? Your new wai---" She saw him stiffen, and it was like having her whole world crash all over again.
That girl...that girl...
"She succeeded where I didn't---" Just the thought was unbearable, the pain making her feel like she was about to break into a million pieces, just like before.
"It's not and never was a matter of succeeding or failing," Slade said quietly, "and that you still think that way is why I knew your feelings for me aren't what you think it is---"
SLAP!
"Don't you dare---" Penny's voice shook with rage. "Don't you dare make it seem like you know my feelings. Because you don't. You don't---" And something in her snapped.
He saw her coming, had every chance to move and avoid her, but he did not.
She reached him. Slapped him again. Clawed at his face.
And he let her.
Because unlike all the other women that had thrown themselves at him, this girl hadn't done the same thing because he was a billionaire. She had done so because he was Slade, just Slade.
And when her rage died, and she fell to her knees, sobbing, he could only look down at her.
Because she still left him without a choice, and he could only remain cruel to be kind.
"Please," Penny whispered. "Please love me instead. Please."
* * *
Baby Now That I've Found You
* * *
"Talk low, talk slow, and don't say too much." ~ John Wayne
* * *
Slade straightened off the truck the moment he saw Kady, the tension inside of him draining away at the first glimpse of her smile. But as she came closer, her smile started to fade, and then she was running. "Your face..." Her voice was tremulous and her gaze fearful as it skimmed over his face, which no doubt bore the small but noticeably red impressions of Penny's clawing and slaps. And it wasn't that he had even taken the time to check them on the mirror; he didn't really have to, with the way those nicks and marks fucking stung.
"What happened?" Kady asked. "Have you called 911---"
He shook his head. "It's fine---"
"But---"
He hauled her close, and she instantly quieted, as if instinctively sensing this was what he needed: her soft, pliant body in his arms, her trusting silence filling the gaps inside of him, and her goodness...it healed him, the way no fucking E.R. visit ever could.
With Kady close, he found himself able to think of the things that he had purposely and stubbornly blocked out of his mind. Penny smiling up at him...shyly inviting him to dinner...Penny going to pieces because he couldn't love her---
A small hand pressed against his chest, right over his heart, just as she whispered, "It's going to be okay."
His hold tightened as he sought to pull her closer. It might as well be like a pet reaching out to comfort its owner, but...
He tucked her chin under his head.
It did help.
Her just being there...
The way another girl once told him she wanted to be there for him...
It hadn't worked with Penny, but it worked now.
It worked damn fine, Kady being there, Kady being with him. It helped a fucking lot, helped enough for him to hear himself say, "I met one of your predecessors."
She stiffened, but when she tried to pull back a moment later, he wouldn't let her, and after another moment, he felt her yielding, and this time her arms went around his waist, her face rubbing against his chest.
Just like a pet that knew it didn't have the words to ease the pain.
He thought of telling her exactly that, and almost immediately he saw Kady in his mind, reacting in that uniquely contradicting way of hers. Slade, she would probably cry out indignantly, but at the same time her eyes would be soft and bright, her cheeks pink with emotion. Because she might be annoyed, but she would also be thankful that she was able to comfort him.
It made him smile, just thinking about it, and he realized all of a sudden that Kady had joined the small number of women able to make him smile with genuine pleasure outside the bedroom.
But more than that...
"We didn't part on good terms the first time, and we still didn't part on good terms now."
She was turning out to be the only perso
n in his life that he could open himself to.
"It was never my intention to hurt her, but she left me with no other choice---" His voice turned bitter. "And even now, nothing has changed."
He waited for the questions to come, but they never did. He only felt Kady wrapping her arms more tightly around his waist, and God help him, he found himself wanting and needing her more because of it. Pulling away, he said gruffly, "We should go." Before he made an ass of himself.
"Okay."
No questions at all, and that should have been enough, but instead it made him fucking talk like a canary. The moment they were inside his truck and on their way back to Hartland, the words just wouldn't stop falling off his fucking lips.
"I was nice to her. That was all. But she instantly thought it meant I loved her back. Just because I was fucking nice, she fooled herself into thinking I loved her, and that she loved me. But she didn't---" He saw the silent question in Kady's eyes, and his lip curled. "I know what I'm talking about, Kady. And I'm telling you, she didn't love me. How could she fucking love me when she was just one fucking step above a stranger in my life? She worked for me for a month. A month. She didn't fucking know anything - didn't know my middle name, didn't know where I grew up - she fucking knew nothing more than any other stranger would know about me. And with all that, she really wanted me to drink the same Kool-Aid and believe she loved me?"
Don't you dare make it seem like you know my feelings. Because you don't. You don't!
The memory made the billionaire tighten his hold on the steering wheel. Damn her. Penny was young and beautiful. A nice girl. A good girl. Why the fuck did she have to go and convince herself that---
And that was when he heard it.
Despite the taut silence that thrummed under Alison Krauss' Baby Now That I Found You, he heard it like he had the sixth fucking sense where it came to her pain, and he didn't even think. He pulled to the side without a word, and the moment he killed the engine, he didn't even have to turn---
She had already thrown herself at him, crawling into his lap, her face against his chest.
And she was crying.
"What's wrong, baby?"
But the concern in his voice only made Kady cry harder.
She couldn't get Slade's hardened expression out of her mind.
Couldn't stop remembering the look on his face as he told her that it was impossible for Penny to be in love with him---
Another sob wracked her frame, her endless damn of tears soaking his shirt.
Oh God.
She couldn't forget that look on his face. Would never be able to forget it. Never. Because it was that moment she realized she had done the very same thing Penny done...the very same thing that Slade thought was a lie.
She was in love with him.
Even if she was just one stop above a stranger. Even if she also didn't know his middle name. His hometown. Even if she knew no more than what a stranger would know about him.
She was in love with him, Kady thought hysterically, and the worst thing about it was that she hadn't been with him for as long as Penny had.
Penny had an entire month, and she had weeks.
"Kady, dammit. Say something."
She could only shake her head. There was nothing to say. Nothing. She had to say nothing and would always say nothing. Because that was the only way she could stay a little longer in his life.
Chapter Fifteen
Lovefool
* * *
"Tomorrow hopes we have learned something of yesterday." ~ John Wayne
* * *
The Cardigans had just started singing the first lines of Lovefool in the background when Farica heard the door swing open, and she quickly pulled her pen down and looked up. She was hoping for any kind of distraction that could give her an excuse to take a break from bookkeeping, but a moment later, she realized that she had once again fallen victim to the world's most sadistic proverb.
Be careful what you wish for...or you might just get it.
She watched in stunned dismay as Kady rushed up the stairs, and the girl was crying.
Slade saw the accusation in his friend's eyes the moment he entered the cafe and he glared right back. "Thanks for the vote of confidence," he said sarcastically, "but I'm not the one who made her cry."
Farica wasn't so easily convinced. "And you're absolutely sure of that?" This was Slade, after all, and he could be pretty heartless if he wanted to.
"For fuck's sake, Fari. Yes, I'm absolutely sure." Slade stalked to the counter and threw his weight down on the bar seat next to her. "It probably has something to do with Humbug," the billionaire muttered. "It's the only thing I can think of that can upset her this much---" He raked a hand through his hair. "But she won't say a fucking thing." And he had no fucking idea why. Had his story of Penny triggered something in her, made her remember something about her and that bug, and that was why she couldn't stop crying?
Farica belatedly noticed the thin, red lines marring Slade's face. "What happened to you?" she exclaimed.
"Penny."
She couldn't help wincing, knowing that 'ugly' could be the only word to describe said encounter, if the billionaire's face was anything to go by. "I'm guessing she still hates your guts."
"It would've been a relief if she had."
Oh. "I'm sorry." Farica's voice was now subdued. "Did Kady..."
He shook his head. "Penny was gone by the time Kady came out." And thank fuck for that. He cast a brooding look at the stairs, wondering tensely if Kady was still crying. And if she were...
The billionaire swung in his seat to face her, the movement so sudden it almost had Farica jumping in her own seat. Shit. Kady's nervous ways were starting to become an epidemic, and if she weren't careful, she might end up acting all blushing and jittery the next time she ran into Steel.
Stop thinking about him, idiot!
Pushing the evil and thoroughly unnecessary thought away, she desperately turned her attention back to Slade. "Sorry, what was that again?"
"I want to know what you would've wanted Steel to do---"
"Slade!" This was supposed to help her forget, not remember more, darn it.
"Just humor me, dammit. I'm at my wits' end. Nothing I said in the truck seemed to make a difference with her," Slade revealed tautly, "and I just want to know if there might be something I'm missing here, because I don't..."
"Love her?"
Slade glared at his friend, knowing a trap when he saw one. If he said he didn't love Kady, Farica would only accuse him of lying, but if he were to say yes, his question had something to do with love, the brat would purposely misread him and say he had just admitted to loving Kady.
Which he didn't.
But it didn't mean he wouldn't mind doing something that men in love would do, if that was really what it took. Anything to make Kady stop crying.
Kady was back in her bedroom, her tiny body curled up in a ball, when he entered and silently closed the door behind him. Her hair was still wet from the shower, and she had changed into a shirt - a shirt that was damn too large it could only belong to a fucking bug.
The billionaire's jaw clenched. He fucking knew it. This whole crying bout clearly had everything to do with fucking Humbug, and despite having Farica's advice ringing in his airs---
Think knight to the rescue, not chest-beating caveman.
Cajole, don't command.
Sweet and soft, instead of rough and hard.
Yeah, well, to hell with all of that.
Kady only had her first inkling of no longer being alone when the bed dipped, and she found herself rolling to her back---
And then she saw a bare-chested Slade looming over her, his shirt in one hand.
She immediately sat up, tears drying in her confusion. "S-Slade?"
"You're wearing his shirt," he bit out.
She stared at him dumbly. "What?"
"If you don't have enough clothes, then take mine, dammit." His arm shot out, thrusting his
shirt at her.
She looked down, unable to understand why he was so adamant about her changing into his shirt. "I don't---" Her gaze absently fell to what she was wearing, and she stopped speaking. OH. She thought about telling him that she hadn't realized it was actually her male cousin's shirt she was wearing and not Eric's, but instead she heard herself mumble, "Sorry. I didn't...realize."
"Bullshit."
She wanted to ask him if he were jealous, and if he said yes, then...didn't that mean something? Shouldn't it?
But the words remained locked in her throat.
She could never ask them, knowing that another girl had already asked the same thing, and how that same girl had fallen to pieces at Slade's answer.
"Shit." Slade immediately regretted his outburst when he saw that tears had once again started trekking down Kady's cheeks. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry again."
She shook her head, wanting to say that it wasn't him at all, but it was just so hard to speak.
"Please, baby." He cupped her face. "You're killing me here," he said raggedly. "I hate seeing you like this and not fucking knowing how to fix things."
Love me.
Slade's desperation grew as more sobs shook her body. "It's the shirt. Is that it? If you still want to wear his, then it's fine---" He managed not to gag at the fucking concession. "You can wear another guy's shirt. It's not like I can stop you if you really have a thing for bugs---" He heard her choke out a teary giggle. Finally. He swiftly scanned her face, and the tension inside him eased a little when he saw that the tears had stopped falling. For now at least.
But...
"So it really was the shirt?" he couldn't help asking one last time.
Her lips trembled. "Oh, Slade." How could this gorgeous man be so wonderfully, incredibly dense?
"What?" Something about the way she was looking at him made the billionaire feel defensive.
She shook her head. "It's..." Not the shirt. "But..." I can't ever tell you the truth.
Slade stared at her, bemused as fuck. "Dammit, Kady. It’s butt?" Where the fuck was all this anal talk coming from, and whose ass were they even talking about this time?
