“My family is gone,” he said abruptly.
While she felt rebuffed by his sharp tone, she also felt the pain accompanying it, and blinked back sudden tears. Looking away from Gage, she swallowed a couple of times, getting them under control.
Alexa’s moon in Pisces made her an easy target for others’ feelings, and she was impacted deeply and swiftly when she was really open. And she was certainly vulnerable toward Gage Hunter. She hadn’t put up her protective mental shield against his powerful emotions, and now she was being hit full force by them. His pain was so raw and overwhelming that Alexa had to take a couple of breaths to tamp down her instinctive reaction.
She turned to him, holding his hooded gaze. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, reaching out, her fingers resting on his lower arm. She saw no change in Gage’s expression or the haunted look in his darkening eyes. Instead, he just sat there, almost immobile, as if the question had stunned him.
Feeling bad, Alexa offered in a whisper, “Just tell me to mind my own business, Gage. I’m really sorry . . .”
Her touch was so comforting, he willed her to keep her hand on his lower arm just a little bit longer. And the truth was, as soon as she made contact with him, a lot of that grief began to dull.
He shook his head. “Knowing you a little, I was expecting you to ask. You’re a deeply family-oriented person, Alexa. It’s okay.”
Her fingers tightened a little around his arm. “I didn’t mean to stir up so much pain in you.”
“It’s always there,” he told her with a shrug. “Never goes away. Over time, it’s gotten less intense.” He held her gaze, which now glistened with tears, and saw another layer of Alexa reveal itself. “Are you always this touched by others’ tragedies?” he asked, watching her struggle to keep the tears back.
Making a muffled sound in her throat, Alexa nodded. “Do you know anything about astrology, Gage? It’s a hobby of mine.”
“Not a whole lot,” he admitted. “I know I’m a Capricorn.” He forced a slight smile. “Why?”
“My sister, Tal, is a Capricorn.” She released his arm and sighed. “You two are more alike than I ever thought.”
“That’s nice to know,” Gage said, trying to push away memories that demanded to rise. Inside, he was melting from Alexa’s sympathetic expression. He did know how important family was to her. Now he saw her commiserate in a way some people could not. Hers was a tight family, working together, loving one another, just like his had been.
Alexa wanted to share how close in nature her sister was with Gage, and she explained, “Tal’s always solid, a strong, reliable player out there on an op. You could always count on her to do the job and do it right. And you’re the same way.”
She had so many questions for him, but she read the wariness in his gaze, as if he were trying to steel himself against whatever she might ask him next.
“I’m still a work in progress,” Gage muttered. “Nothing special.”
Alexa was about to protest when she spotted Matt trotting across the huge warehouse toward them. “Oh, here’s Matt!” She quickly stood, brushing off her pants. Having uninterrupted personal time with Gage wasn’t going to happen today, and he was upset anyway. There was nothing she could say or do right now as her brother slowed to a walk, grinning as he came toward her. She gave Gage an apologetic look.
“Hey, everything’s fine,” he assured her. “Go hug your brother.”
The hurt was in his eyes, and Alexa felt a sob stick in her throat. He was so brave when she could feel he wanted to weep. Reaching out, she touched his shoulder. “Thanks . . .,” She turned, hurrying toward her brother.
“Sorry I’m late,” Matt said, giving Alexa a quick hug. He turned, nodding to Gage, who slowly stood up. “Good to see you here, bro.”
“Yeah,” Gage said. “Your little sister is beating the pants off me. I can’t keep up with her.”
Alexa snorted. “That’s not true, Matt. Gage is working as hard as you do when a charity pallet like this one comes into Bagram.”
“I’ve never seen a Marine shirk his duty,” Matt told her, serious. “So, where are we at in the process, Alexa? And where do you want me to work?”
Gage went back to his job and let brother and sister work out a schedule. He felt bad that Alexa’s unexpected question had caught him off guard. And he hated that his emotions had boiled to the surface.
He also saw that he’d hurt Alexa with his gruff response. Gage wanted to apologize, but it wasn’t going to happen right now. They still had a good six hours of work ahead of them, even with three people working at max speed.
*
Their combined teamwork paid off. By the time Gage shrugged into his leather bomber jacket at 1700, all the clothes, coats, winter gear, and shoes were appropriately organized and back on the pallet, ready for transport the next morning to the Shinwari village. He had always kept one ear keyed to the banter between Matt and Alexa, and by midafternoon, it had become abundantly clear that Alexa was the sunshine in everyone’s life. When it looked like they’d be working until late tonight, Alexa had taken the helm and recruited two more Army soldiers who weren’t doing anything. Gage smiled to himself, convinced that no one ever turned down a request from Alexa. Not with her beauty, sweet smile and earnest expression.
The Army dudes came over and fit right in, helping them get done by 1700. When Alexa gave the two soldiers a hug of thanks, Gage fought a twinge of jealousy. Both men blushed a deep red, not expecting it from an Air Force officer.
But Alexa was on her own time, on a personal mission, and she was revealing her real self, Gage thought, not playing the role of a military officer unless she had to. He saw how much a woman hugging them meant. Hell, it meant the same to him!
Alexa was warm and she smelled so damned good that Gage could easily recall the scent of that almond oil in her hair. Matt went over and shook the men’s hands, thanking them sincerely for donating their time.
Pain moved in Gage’s heart as he saw Matt tuck his little sister under his arm and hug her, thanking her for all her work on this project. He watched Alexa’s face, the sweet smile she shared with her brother, her love for him shining from her eyes.
Gage remembered that same look from Jen. He had once had a similar relationship with his little sister. In one way, it warmed his heart. In another, he wanted to be the one who walked over and hugged the hell out of Alexa, not Matt.
Wearily, he turned away, the scene dredging up so many bittersweet memories and emotions. Unconsciously, Gage rubbed his chest where his heart lay, scowling.
“Hey, Gage,” Alexa called softly.
He turned to find her standing there in front of him. Matt was talking to a loadmaster sergeant and his two crew chiefs from the helicopter where the charity goods would be taken. He helped them haul a nylon cargo net over the pallet. There was a smudge of dust on her left cheek, and, without thinking, Gage lifted his hand and brushed it away with his thumb. Alexa’s eyes widened, and her lips parted slightly, he let his hand to fall to his side. “You had some dirt on your cheek,” he explained, rocked by what he felt from her.
“Oh!” Alexa laughed a little, touching her cheek. “I’m not surprised. Look at our jeans! They’re filthy. I’m sure we’ll all be certified dust balls.”
“Most likely,” he agreed wryly, an unwitting smile on Gage’s mouth as she dusted off her jeans. She had been on the floor a lot more than the guys were, taking the divided sizes and items to the correct boxes. She looked winsome—no, beautiful, he corrected himself. He ached everywhere in his body for her. That mouth of hers, those almost pouty lips, beckoned to Gage, but he resisted.
“Matt has a lot going on over at Delta, and he can’t make dinner with us tonight.”
A pleasant shock ran through Gage. “Dinner?” He sounded confused. Alexa hadn’t mentioned going out to dinner with anyone tonight. Her smile melted some of that ice in his heart.
“Absolutely, you’ve earned it! I’m buying. What wou
ld you like to eat tonight?”
Stunned, Gage couldn’t think for a moment. “Matt was going with us, right?”
“‘Was’ is the operative word here,” Alexa explained. “I guess there are some Taliban in the area no one knew about, hiding out in caves. Matt’s CO is on it, and there’s probably going to be a mission created to go after them. He’s not sure if he’ll get ordered to go on it or not.”
Grimly, he nodded. “Yes, Matt’s one of their top mission planners over there. Of course they’d call him in on something like this.” He could tell Alexa was disappointed. The love between her and her brother was there for anyone with a set of eyes to see.
Gage also knew that just because they were at the same base didn’t mean they got to see one another often. He felt her disappointment.
“So? It’s you and me. Are you okay with that? Or do you have something else you’d rather do, Gage?” She tilted her head, peering up at him.
“No, I’d like dinner with you.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “But I’m buying. In my world, a lady doesn’t buy the meal. The man does.”
Wrinkling her nose, Alexa laughed, reaching out, touching the upper arm of his jacket. “Okay, I surrender. I swear, were you and Matt separated at the hip when you were born?”
*
Alexa realized she was at a crossroads with quiet Gage Hunter. She changed after a quick shower, shimmying into a pair of dark green corduroy trousers and an apricot mock turtleneck sweater, mulling over their few personal conversations.
She’d seen the instant devastation in his eyes when she’d asked about his family and was blasted by his chaotic emotions. Pisces-moon people were such sponges. They absorbed everything in their immediate environment, good and bad.
Gage’s reactions weren’t bad, but they had caught her off guard. Matt had said Gage always kept his personal life personal, and now she knew why. She tried to put herself in his place. What if she had lost her family? Just thinking about it almost made her nauseous. Alexa couldn’t imagine life without her family behind her. They were there for her to call. To get help from, to give her a shoulder to cry on, to celebrate who she was.
How did a person get through life without that?
She unbraided her hair, took out the ribbons, and laid them aside. Picking up her brush, she quickly created a shining russet cape around her shoulders. Tonight she wanted to look beautiful for Gage. Maybe that was one way to cheer him up. Alexa had, at odd times, seen him studying her earlier in the warehouse. It wasn’t a glare and it wasn’t intrusive, just interest. And along with that look came warm, fuzzy feelings, enclosing Alexa within them.
Gage would probably die a thousand deaths if he were aware of just how sensitive she really was. She knew Gage was fascinated with her and wanted her in every way. It didn’t show in how he behaved with her. He was so courtly and such a throwback to the past. Where had he gotten those manners? That way of seeing women? From his father? His mother? Both?
The sad truth was, Alexa didn’t know and wasn’t about to be insensitive and bring up such a conversation with him again. She’d seen him wrestle with the grief her original question brought him, and then there was a shift, and the turmoil was no longer in his eyes. But she could still feel remnants of it around him, just holding less power over him.
Why did she care so much about him? Was it that terrible loneliness she felt around him—or the fact he was a hunk? Alexa knew herself. Gage had a hard, lean body, and being completely honest with herself, she knew she wanted to know how it felt to run her hands over him or take a shower with him to see the water run in rivulets down his lean form, carving out his muscle.
It wasn’t just about sex. Alexa had never been able to separate her heart from sex. Both had to be there for a man to interest her. Which is what had gotten her into so much trouble in the past. She’d had six relationships in six years, and every one of them had broken up because she idealized something about her partner that wasn’t true. She’d wanted it to be true, but it wasn’t. And Alexa was tired of wearing rose-colored glasses. Now she was trying to look at Gage through new, more realistic eyes. For her, that was tough to do, but she had to turn the corner on her romantic idealism toward men.
What would it take for Gage to let her behind that shield he held up and protected himself with? Was it a trust issue? Secrets known only to him? Alexa grabbed a colorful silk scarf, tucking it in around her neck to ward off the cold of the desert after the sun had set. She pulled on her other jacket, a gray tailored wool one that hung halfway down her hips. It was heavy and warm, just as Alexa imagined Gage’s arms would feel around her.
Picking up her black leather purse, Alexa pulled it over her left shoulder. Last, she put on her nicer set of leather gloves. Tonight, she wanted to look especially lovely for Gage. He deserved no less.
CHAPTER 5
Gage didn’t try to hide his reaction to Alexa when she met him on the porch of her B-hut. “You look beautiful,” he said, smiling down at her. He inhaled her scent, carried on a slight breeze. Her hair shone like a crimson cape about her shoulders. He’d had no idea her hair was halfway down her back, as he’d only seen it in a braid. “Your hair is so shiny,” he said, marveling.
Gage knew he wasn’t Mr. Suave, nor was he particularly adept at flirting. It just wasn’t something he ever wanted to do; he figured honesty was always the best policy. And judging from Alexa’s reaction, the delight in her wide hazel eyes, he was right.
“Thank you,” she murmured. And then she said, “Well, hey”—reaching out, touching his leather bomber jacket—“you clean up pretty well yourself, Gage.”
Now it was his turn to feel heat tunneling into his neck and face. He kept his hands jammed in the pockets of his jacket; then, giving her a slight smile, he said, “I only have one set of what I call ‘good clothes’ in my locker.” He pulled at the collar of his red polo shirt beneath the jacket. “What you see is what you get.”
Gage saw her lips, those wonderfully shaped lips, draw into a smile.
“You look like a model for a book jacket,” she assured him, slipping her hand around his arm. “I’m starving! Are you ready to go?”
Gage appreciated her assertiveness and automatically crooked his elbow, enjoying the way her fingers wrapped around his upper arm. “We put in a good, hard day’s work today, so yes, I’m hungry.”
It was somewhat windy, the sky a muddled, dark color above them as night surrounded the base. Gage led her to a Humvee that he’d borrowed from his unit. He opened the door for her as she slid in, noting that her gray wool jacket fit her to perfection. He climbed in and drove them toward the restaurant.
Then, turning toward her, he admitted, “I don’t know how you can be upbeat all the time. How do you do it?”
Her face was shadowy in the vehicle, as there were no lights on the base at night to prevent the enemy from sending over mortars.
Placing her gloved hands over her black purse, she said, “I’ve always been like this, Gage. It’s not something conscious that I do.”
“How do you see the world, then?” he asked. Making a stop, he turned left down another asphalt road that was much busier.
Alexa knew he was trying to understand her, and that thought alone made her giddy with hope that he’d open up to her at some point. He seemed awkward, stumbling over the questions. He probably wasn’t used to getting personal with a woman.
Taking a deep breath, she dove in. “I always use astrology to explain myself,” she said with a grin. “I’m a Sagittarius with a moon in Pisces. Sagittarian people are very spontaneous. We’re a fire sign, so we’re always out front, leading the way. I also sometimes put my mouth ahead of my brain. When I was a kid, I used to just blurt out whatever I felt, but I soon found out that I needed to develop some diplomacy as I got older. That, and thinking before I speak. There are fewer foot-in-mouth, embarrassing incidents that way,” she said with a chuckle.
“I think you need to bring me up to speed on astrol
ogy, then.” He smiled. “It’s never been on my radar.”
“It isn’t on most people’s,” Alexa agreed. “My mom loves astrology, but then, the women in her family have always had a very metaphysical or spiritual orientation. She’s very intuitive, and at times, as a kid growing up, I swore she was reading our minds. Of course, she doesn’t admit to doing that, but for some reason we kids were usually caught before we were going to do something that was a no-no.”
Gage chuckled. He made another turn down a street known as Restaurant Row. “Sounds like we have more in common, then. My mother was like that, too.”
Alexa’s heart leaped to underscore Gage’s admission. It was personal. Her mind rapidly put it together. If she were forthcoming about her life, maybe he would volunteer small pieces of his own personal background.
“Maybe all mothers have that ability,” she said wryly.
“Could be,” Gage said, pulling into the parking lot. He’d chosen a steak house because Alexa had said earlier in the warehouse that she was ready to eat a two-pound steak after all the hard work she’d done.
He parked and shut off the Humvee, turning to her. “Is this place all right? Did I read you right? You do want a steak tonight, don’t you?”
“Perfect,” she assured him, reaching out to touch his arm. “I’m ready to eat a lot. We’ll have plenty of hard work ahead of us tomorrow when we fly to that Shinwari village.”
Nodding, he opened his hand and slid her gloved fingers into his. It was an intimate move, and Gage knew it, watching her expression carefully. “Then,” he said, “let’s go get those steaks.”
He gently squeezed her fingers and released her. Instantly, he saw an emotion in her darkened eyes, but damned if he could translate it. Climbing out, he walked around the Humvee and opened the door for Alexa. When he held out his hand to her, she quickly took it. It felt good that she could reach out and allow him to help her. Gage knew it was a little thing, but it meant a lot to him that she’d allow him this privilege. Most women would have thrown open the door and climbed out on their own before he could get around to open it.
Broken Dreams (Delos Series Book 4) Page 6
