“I like you that way. I like a woman who’s confident and isn’t afraid to go after what she wants.”
Alexa studied him, her fingers wrapping around his. “I wasn’t planning on meeting someone like you, Gage. I wasn’t looking.”
“I wasn’t, either.” He scowled and checked down the street, seeing an MP Humvee slowly moving toward them. The roads were patrolled regularly by security.
Then, turning his attention to Alexa, he saw her eyes burning with arousal. “I’m not the kind of man to chase a woman down just for sex, Alexa. You have to know that about me. I know a lot of men do, but it doesn’t feel good to me to be like that.”
“I kind of figured that out,” she admitted. “I’m like that myself.” She knew that the mind of a sniper was like a vast computer, weighing, measuring, sensing, and evaluating current conditions before they took a shot. Alexa realized she wasn’t a target, at least not like that, but she filled his world just as he filled hers. Anxiety moved through her, because she wasn’t certain about anything anymore.
“It’s too soon to try to figure out what we have or where it’s going,” Gage told her somberly. “From my perspective, you’re quitting the Air Force in less than three months, Alexa. You’re leaving for home and for a great job you can hardly wait to fill. I’m over here for the next five months before I rotate stateside and finish my enlistment.” Gage didn’t try to fool himself. There would be a two-month separation between them, and his enlistment didn’t end until this coming June. That was a long time to wait for each other.
“I know,” she whispered painfully. “I know I’m leaving soon . . .”
Gage stared down at her gloved hand in his. “We’re like two ships that have met in the night, crossed, but our paths aren’t the same. We’re going in different directions after that initial meeting.”
Alexa knew what he was asking. Giving him a stubborn look, she said, “I can only speak for myself, Gage, but I want the right to get to know you, explore you, be with you when we can make it happen. I have no idea where this is going or what it might be for us. But I’m willing to give it a try. I’ve always been a risk-taker, and I want whatever time we have left to us. Maybe I’m selfish, but I can’t think of anything I want to do more in the time I have left here. That is, of course, if you want it, too.” She smiled gamely and waited for his answer.
CHAPTER 6
“You’re a true risk-taker,” Gage agreed, sitting back in the seat, his hands draped over the wheel. “You’re a take-no-prisoners kinda woman.”
“I scare a lot of guys off,” Alexa admitted, folding her hands in her lap. Because if she didn’t, she was going to be all over Gage. The man was such a gentleman, with the emphasis on “gentle.” Tal had been a Marine Corps sniper, but she was far more assertive than Gage was.
But he couldn’t do his job if he didn’t have that same kind of personality. Alexa could feel him holding back a lot with her.
“Well,” he drawled, “that’s their loss. You don’t scare me, Alexa.” On the contrary, she was like a flame, and he was the helpless moth blinded by her beauty and her generous heart.
“Phew, that’s good to know, Gage. What else is bothering you about us, or about what might be?”
His lips curved ruefully as he held her intense gaze. She was totally focused, and he thought she might look that way when she was preparing for a bombing or strafing run. There was no question that Alexa was a hunter of the first order, and he reveled in her confidence and positive spirit.
“Now you’re giving me the third degree,” he teased, a chuckle rising in his throat. Opening his hands on the wheel, he said, “Look, I’m not the type of man who moves into any kind of relationship in a hurry. It’s not in my nature, Alexa. I learned the hard way about that when I was younger. I’d like to think I learned from my mistakes.”
“I’m fine with slow, Gage.” She saw amusement in his eyes, but he wasn’t laughing at her. “What? You don’t believe me?”
“No, I believe you. But I also know that you go where angels fear to tread.”
She opened her hand. “Guilty. Gage, I’ve learned from my past mistakes, too. At least,” she said with a grimace, “I’m trying to learn. Before, I was a wishful-thinking girl. I always saw men through rose-colored glasses.” She pointed to her eyes. “I made the mistake of putting them up on pedestals, and then I’d idolize them. I ignored warning signs and red flags about their personalities and then had to deep-six them.”
She searched his hooded gaze. “I’m not doing that with you. I realize you’re enlisted and I’m an officer. I know I’ll be leaving the military in less than three months. I know you’ll be stuck here. I hate all of that, but that’s reality, and I’ve got to stay real, not dreamy or wistful.”
“You’re an idealist through and through,” he pointed out quietly, looking out the window as an MP’s Humvee passed them. He raised a finger as a sign of acknowledgment to the driver, who did the same. “There’s nothing wrong with being that way, Alexa. I find idealists dream for the rest of us clodhopper realists.” He slid her an amused glance. “On the other hand, I’m a pragmatic realist. In my trade, you have to be, or you’ll get killed real quick out there.” He pointed a finger toward the window. “I hope you don’t change that part of you, because I like you just the way you are.”
Alexa’s heart pulsed as she sat there, absorbing his low, sexy, slight drawl. She loved his deep voice. It calmed and soothed her.
“Oh, fear not. My idealism is a fundamental part of me,” she murmured. “I just need to see men more realistically, that’s all.”
“Well,” he said with some regret, “while you’re getting real about the man in your life, you need to keep in mind that I’m not anywhere near your class, Alexa. I only have a high school education. You have a college degree. I come from a lower-middle-class family at best. I know your parents are worth more money than God. You’re from high society compared to me. That’s another reality that sits between us.”
Her brow furrowed. “Okay, so what?” She could feel the sadness in him about the fact that they came from very different backgrounds. Alexa could see Gage wrestling with all of it. “And before you say anything,” she said, shaking her finger at him, “don’t you dare think you aren’t as smart or smarter than I am. You have a very keen intelligence, Gage. I don’t give a damn if you have a college degree or not. You sure got one from the hard knocks life has given you, and in my book, that counts even more.” Frustration tinged her husky voice. “I have never judged a person by their educational background. Many of the world’s most creative thinkers never went to college. That’s been shown throughout history so don’t put that hurdle between us. Okay?” She dug into his liquid gaze.
It was then that she saw the corners of his mouth lift briefly. “Anyone ever tell you that when you get riled, you’re a force of nature, Alexa?”
Bursting out laughing, Alexa nodded. “Guilty, again, as charged.”
He grinned and shook his head. “I think you missed your calling. You’re like a lawyer fighting for her client in front of a jury, trying to persuade them to see the case your way.” He lost his smile and reached out, grazing her cheek, which was warm and firm beneath his fingertips. “And I appreciate that about you, your passion for how you see the world. That’s something you never want to lose.”
Her skin tingled with pleasure beneath his grazing exploration, and Alexa wanted him to touch her everywhere. Sure, it was lust. But it was so much more with this man, who was thoughtful, reserved, and conservative by nature. Just like a sniper.
“My whole family calls me a firebrand,” she admitted, smiling sourly. “Tal is like you. Matt is like my dad, who’s very practical and realistic.”
“Then,” Gage told her gently, “you’re the dreamer for your family. Nothing wrong with that.” He sighed and his voice dropped with pain. “My little sister, Jen, was like that for our family. She had this burning idealism in her, and she was a dreamer,
too. She saw good in everything and everybody. I guess, looking at the two of you, you are a lot alike. Even though there was two years’ difference between us, and I was her big brother, she was never a pest. Jen had this approach to life”—he gestured toward the windshield—“that the world was her oyster. She saw beauty everywhere. She’d bring home a baby bird that fell out of its nest, begging my mom to keep it, feed it, and help it survive.” His mouth curved faintly. “Or Jen would find this pretty rock, pick it up, and bring it home to show everyone. Did we see the pictures in it? Didn’t we love its colors?” He turned toward her. “Were you like that, too?”
There was such heaviness around him right now that Alexa could barely speak. So much grief. So much loss. Wanting to reach out, she kept her hands clasped in her lap instead. “Yes, I was the little gadabout in the family. I was out adventuring when Tal and Matt were doing things that were more traditional. I would drive my Turkish relatives crazy when we visited them in the summertime. I’d take off behind one of their villas and explore, and I’d lose track of time. I’d find beautiful rocks, or pick wildflowers or find a bird feather, and then bring them all back with me. I was so excited about my finds.” She smiled warmly. “Of course, my poor aunts and uncles would lose track of me, not know where I was, and send their servants to locate me. They were always relieved when I walked in with my pockets bulging with the treasures I’d found. And God love ’em, they never got upset with me. Instead, they’d ask me what I found, and I’d put all the things I’d found out on the table, so excited about each one of them.”
“And they were excited for you.”
She took in a deep breath, meeting his watchful, dark gaze. “Yes.”
“We were that way with Jen. Mom would be frantic to find her on some days. We lived in an urban area, and she would go wander the alleys and open lots, just exploring. When either Mom or I found her, she’d be chattering like a blue jay about her treasures. Her pockets were full, like yours.”
Alexa ached for the loss of his little sister, and she felt his pain cutting through her. “When was her birthday?” she asked quietly.
“March first. Why?”
“She was a Pisces. She really was a dreamer, too.”
Nodding, his mouth tight, he said nothing. His hands became firmer on the steering wheel. “Well,” he croaked, “Jen was like sunlight to all of us. When she came in, she lit up the whole place. It wasn’t anything she said or did, it was just her.” He sent her a tender look. “Alexa, you’re the same way.”
It hurt to breathe for a moment as Alexa wrestled with all the intensity of that last comment. She realized that Gage was opening up to her, and it was a gift she didn’t take lightly. “My family has always said I was like the sun god, Apollo.” She shrugged a little. “My Turkish family through my mother is very deeply rooted in mythology. My uncle Ihsan once took me on his knee and told me that I was the female equivalent to Apollo. That I not only brought sunshine, warmth, and light to all of them, but that they loved me even more for having that quality. Of course, I was only eight at the time,” she said, giving him a slight smile. “I honestly didn’t know what he meant. I doted upon Uncle Ihsan, and he loves us kids so much, even to this day. I never forgot him telling me that. I just didn’t have that awareness of how I affected people.”
“It’s a special quality,” Gage said, his voice thick with emotion. “Yep, I sure see a lot of Jen in you . . .”
“Well, I’m sure there is. I have a moon in Pisces and she had a sun in Pisces. In a way, we’re zodiac sisters sharing much the same traits.”
“Being around you brings back the good things about Jen I’ve missed so much. There wasn’t anything she touched with her smile, her laughter, or her hugs that wasn’t better off for it.” His voice deepened. “You’re the same way, Alexa. And I appreciate those things about you so much. It brings back fond memories of Jen, of the affection we had for one another and how much I loved having her in my life.”
“She sounds so wonderful,” Alexa whispered, her voice choked with emotion. “Someday will you show me the photo you have of her?”
Swallowing convulsively, Gage gave a jerky nod and rasped, “Yes, I can do that . . . someday . . .”
She felt the tension rise between them, felt how fragile he’d suddenly become in her presence. “Well,” she said, reaching out, brushing her hand on his shoulder, “I need to get in and get some sleep. I’ll meet you over at Ops at 0700. Okay?” The struggle she saw suddenly in his expression dove down deeply through her, gripping her heart. Gage looked as if he could barely handle the emotions that had come up in their discussion. The torture in his eyes combined with his grief made Alexa want to hold him, because that’s what he needed right now. And she wanted to comfort him, no question.
Nope. Wrong place and time. She allowed her fingers to ease from his shoulder, patting him awkwardly, wishing she could do so much more for him.
Gage’s mouth thinned and he nodded brusquely, climbing out of the vehicle. Alexa waited for him to open the door to the Humvee. She breathed a little sigh of relief as he extended his hand to her. Taking it, she allowed him to pull her out to the curb. Tugging her jacket back into place, she sensed the tension in him, but now that they were out in the open, there wasn’t a single thing she could do about it. There were eyes everywhere, and Alexa wasn’t willing to open Gage up to UCMJ charges of fraternizing with an officer if someone did see them being cozy with one another.
She began to put distance between them and saw the expression in Gage’s eyes as he shut the door to the Humvee. Giving her a cursory nod, he walked her down the sidewalk to her B-hut porch. He remained at the bottom of the steps as she climbed them to the building’s locked entrance.
“I’ll see you at 0700,” she called softly, not wanting to wake anyone inside.
“See you then,” Gage agreed, giving her a nod good night and forcing himself to walk away. Halfway down the sidewalk, he turned back again, making sure that Alexa had gotten safely inside her B-hut. She had. Gage knew that sometimes, drunk soldiers would come over to the female area of the base and bang on their doors, scaring the hell out of the women inside. Drunk, disorderly, and stupid, he thought. He was glad when the MPs were called on them and they were thrown into the brig. He wasn’t about to leave Alexa standing alone and unprotected on that porch.
Two years earlier, there had been a serial rapist who prowled the women’s area; five women were brutally raped and nearly killed before he was caught. Alexa was too important to Gage, and every protective gene he owned wanted to ensure her safety. As he shoved his hands into his leather jacket and slowly walked to the Humvee parked at the curb, his mind and heart were still on the past—and on Alexa. Until just now, before he’d given it words, Gage hadn’t realized the connection between Jen and Alexa. But now that he was conscious of it, the similarity between them was remarkable.
Jen might have had bright, sun-gold blond hair and huge blue eyes, while Alexa had that dark burgundy hair with hazel eyes, but inwardly, they were identical in the most important ways. His heart warmed as he opened the Humvee door and slid in.
Rubbing his hands together, he started the vehicle and slowly drove away from the curb, his feelings writhing violently through him. How like Alexa to have the same magic that Jen possessed. Gage remembered some of the many hours he and his little sister went out to explore empty fields or areas where there weren’t houses and yards. She was always so excited to get out into nature, always hugging trees, smelling flowers, closing her eyes and making a humming sound in her throat from the pleasure the fragrance brought her.
Tonight, as he’d kissed Alexa, that same soft hum of appreciation came from her slender throat. It must have triggered all of this, Gage thought as he slowly drove down one street to another.
What were the chances he’d meet someone so much like Jen? Gage was still staggered by the possibility; he hadn’t believed it could ever happen. His fingers tightened around the steering wheel
as he contemplated the many ways Jen and Alexa were like one another. He couldn’t believe there was someone else in the world even remotely as sweet as Jen. And Alexa had the same idealism, that optimistic view that the world was full of people with good, well-meaning hearts. She was a dreamer, too.
Dark rage tunneled through him as he relived the horror of the gang of teens capturing innocent Jen, tearing at her clothes, her screams and her desperate fight for survival as he ran toward her to save her. They’d shot at him and missed. And then, the leader turned and shot Jen, killing her. She fell dead in the alley. The gang took off, disappearing down another street, leaving him to pick up her lifeless body.
Only . . . he hadn’t saved her. Gage had gone over his actions that day thousands upon thousands of times. And every time, the guilt damn near ate him alive. If only he hadn’t been late meeting Jen at her school. If only he’d told the teacher who wanted to speak to him after class that he’d see her tomorrow morning. If only . . .
Tears burned in his eyes and he made a muffled sound, part curse, part surprise. Angrily, he wiped them away, forcing them back where they belonged. He wasn’t going to dishonor Jen by sobbing like a child who had lost everything. Reminding himself that he was his family’s only survivor, he counted himself lucky to be alive.
His heart oriented gently back to Alexa, and he visualized her radiant expression, the liveliness in her hazel eyes, the innocence he felt around her. Oh, he knew Alexa wasn’t an innocent. She was a fully grown woman and who had relationships before he’d walked into her life. But the kind of innocence Alexa possessed was something intrinsic to her. She would always see the goodness in life. She would always defer to hope, not hell or pragmatism.
As he parked the vehicle in the motor pool and handed over the keys to an Army private, Gage’s mind remained on Alexa. He had to walk two blocks to his barracks, the chill of the night biting at his exposed ears. He hunkered down in his jacket, drawing the collar up, hands jammed in the pockets.
Broken Dreams (Delos Series Book 4) Page 8
