by Lauren Wood
“I can’t do this Cameron, not right now. Not when you are like this.”
I turned to walk away before my last bit of strength was gone. She didn’t know what she was doing to me, but Cameron was driving me insane. Ever since I had met her, it had been only strong emotions and this was one that was harder than ever to handle.
“Where are you going?”
“I am going back home. You need to get some sleep.”
She reached out to me and told me not to go in the smallest voice that I could imagine. God, she sounded vulnerable and the way she said it made me fill with more need. It was painfully hard and I couldn’t stay. I just couldn’t.
“Please Joel. Don’t leave me.”
What could I do but give her what she wanted? The way her voice was so tiny and the look in her eyes was enough for me to turn around and change my mind. She was still too drunk to be with, but it was just being held that she wanted. Although it was going to be the longest night of my life, I cherished the way she felt in my arms as she drifted off to sleep. I lay in bed for the longest time watching the ceiling fan spin overhead.
What was I going to do with her? She had crawled into my heart and now I knew that there was no getting rid of her. I was stuck with her and she was going to be stuck with me. Cameron was going to be mine, even if it is the very last thing that I did. As I watched her sleep, my need for her grew in all new ways. She was the woman I had been waiting for.
Chapter 12
Cameron
I woke up with a headache and a hangover. Before I even opened my eyes, I was telling myself that I was never going to drink again. It took me a minute to remember the cause of last night’s bender and then I sighed to myself. My eyes were still closed and I knew that there was no way that I was going to be able to hold to that promise, not when I was already feeling like drinking again.
“Good morning Cameron. I was wondering when you were going to get up.”
The voice made me jump a little and I couldn’t believe who it was that I was hearing. I pressed my eyes closed tighter, wondering if this was just some kind of dream, but I was sure that it wasn’t. I could actually feel the heat from the man lying next to me. What in the world was he doing here?
“Morning Joel. What are you doing in my bed?”
“You begged me not to leave you last night, so I didn’t.”
I groaned loudly and turned away from the man. “Did we…?” I couldn’t even say it out loud. How drunk was I last night? I don’t remember anything but him carrying me up the stairs. I certainly don’t remember asking or begging him to stay. It had me worried that I had missed other things as well.
“We didn’t Cameron. I would never take advantage of you in that way. You were too drunk to remember it and when we are together, I want to make sure that you never forget me.”
I opened my eyes, but I still wasn’t really ready to look at him. I don’t think he realized how scared I was with the thought of waking up with a man next to me. It mattered that it was him, but it cemented the fact that I wasn’t drinking anymore. He was the reason that I had called Carol to go out. It was because of him that I had an envelope in the next room that was going to decide what I did next. It was all his fault.
“I’m glad to know that you have some control Joel. If only you could have found it a little sooner.”
My words were snippy and my tone wasn’t much better. I was irritated that I had allowed myself to get so inebriated and more aggravated that it had been Joel to the rescue again. It was becoming a pattern, though it was because of him the last couple of times. There was something about him that got underneath my skin and I wasn’t able to ignore him. I wished that I could, but it didn’t seem possible.
“I was just trying to get you upstairs last night. You were the one that begged me to stay. I didn’t even sleep under the covers.”
Finally I looked over at him and hated the fact that I liked the rumpled hair a bit too much. He was handsome and he knew it by the slow grin that he gave me. He was lying on top of the sheets, but he was only wearing boxers. My eyes rushed away when I saw how hard he was in all places. He had been lying right next to me like that the whole night?
“Well thanks. I am sorry I am being so ungrateful. I just don’t remember the whole scenario that ended with you in the bed. I am trying to come to grips with it is all.”
“I can see that. Do you want me to get you anything, do anything to make it easier?”
My mind went to the hardness in his boxers, but that wasn’t helping anything. I was trying to forget about him, not obsess more. “Do you think you could leave?”
The smile was gone from his lips as if I had just told him his dog died. “You really want me to go?”
I took one last look at his long and lean body and I shook my head that I didn’t want him to go. He was too much temptation and having him in my bed was not helping my mindset at all. Did he know what it was that he was doing to me? I liked to think that he didn’t, but there was a confidence in him that was derived from something.
“I will if you want me to, or I can give you what it was you were asking for last night.”
Closing my eyes, I laid back down in the bed. I could only imagine what he was talking about. “I don’t think that would be a good idea. I say a lot of things when I am drunk, so there is no way that I am agreeing to anything. I don’t know what it is I said, but just know that it was the rum talking, not me.”
“Too bad, I kind of like the rum then. It certainly loosens you up a little bit.”
Sighing loudly, he told me that he was leaving. I buried my face in the pillow and tried to forget what I may have said and the fact that I woke up next to him. I don’t know what I had said to him, but if it was anything like the fantasies I had in my head, there was no way that I was ever going to be able to look him in his eyes again.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to pick you up something? I could make some coffee, some breakfast?”
“No Joel, please just go.”
My voice was muffled because my face was still in the pillow, but he seemed to hear me because I heard the front door shutting behind him. Why was I always getting in these strange situations with him? Ever since Joel had moved in and taken over the management of the apartments, it had been one thing after another.
Pulling the sheet off of me, I sighed again to no one but myself. It was still ridiculously hot in there because I still had a broken air conditioner. With everything that was going on, I should at least get him to fix some things for me. He was causing me pain and aggravation and it just seemed right that I get some cold air out of it. It was the least he could do.
My mind went to one scenario that I had dreamed about. It was cheesy, more likely the plot of some B rate porno, but nonetheless it got me a little hot under the collar. It was then that I realized what it was that I was missing.
Getting up, I got up the nerve to finally do what it was that I couldn’t do the night before. The small white envelope was going to tell me what I had to do next. I was going to have to go get a job either way, but the amount on the check would determine how quickly I was going to have to find something else.
A little relief overtook me and I was able to breathe again when I saw the check. I might not be able to get my job back, but at least they had taken care of me better than I would have thought. It wasn’t enough to make the firing okay, but it was definitely moving in the right direction for acceptance. Maybe it was time for a change.
Chapter 13
Joel
I was literally never going to understand her. Cameron was like all other woman, I just didn’t get them. She had been practically begging for it last night, but come the sun she had changed her mind. My insides were a bundle of nerves and I was physically in pain from her up and down emotions.
It didn’t help that when I get back to my place, Carlos had a grin that told me that it was not going to get easier. He wanted to know what happened and I didn’t
have anything to report. I couldn’t tell him the truth.
“Come on Joel. What, are you not going to kiss and tell now? When did that start? We are cousins and you told me about your first kiss, but not about this one?”
How could he understand that she was different? I would have compared her to Eve, but I knew that I wouldn’t tire of Cameron. I had thought I was in love with Eve and even my wife, but it was nothing to how I felt about Cameron. She was the one and although it was not an easy route, I still believed that and I didn’t want Carlos raining on my parade.
“I just don’t want to talk about it. She is not like that.”
Carlos just shook his head and grinned. “From the looks of it last night she was drunk and she was looking at you as if she was going to beg for it right there.”
The mention of that made my head jerk up. Had he heard her last night? She had begged for it, but if her morning mood was any indication, it was not a real invite, but something else. She didn’t know what she wanted and I was glad that I had waited.
“I want our first time to be…”
I couldn’t finish the sentence with him looking at me that way. His face held a smile and his eyes were going to give me grief. I knew what it sounded like, but I had already established that I couldn’t be the new bad boy that I was trying to be, not with Cameron.
“You have fallen in love again, haven’t you?”
It was not a question, but an accusation. It was one that I wasn’t going to deny, but to agree would be its own fresh style of hell. Instead, I went into my room and got dressed. I was still walking around in the boxers that I had left the apartment with last night. It did look bad, me like this and her like that and still I was pining for the woman. I still wanted to talk to her about everything, but I had a feeling it was going to be a while for that.
“I wouldn’t say that Carlos, but I really like her.”
He put his hands up. “Well I am going to stay away from her. You can count on that. I already have enough to deal with. Eve is a handful and once you fall in love with them, I swear it is worse. The things that I would do for Eve is nuts. I never thought I would love someone the way I do her.”
“Then why are you here hiding out here?”
It was Carlos’ turn to look a little strange and uncomfortable. It was like he hadn’t even thought of an answer for that. He didn’t know what he was doing here and I had a feeling that he was running away from all of it. But he had nothing to run from.
“I’m not hiding out, I just, hell I don’t know. I felt like everything was closing in on me and it finally occurred to me that it is actually happening. She is going to have a baby soon and I am going to be a father. How the hell am I supposed to be a dad?”
Carlos was a free spirit, more than that he wanted to look at himself as such. It was going to be hard to see things that way, when there would be a baby soon. I started to burst out in laughter when I thought about what he was going to do about his bike. There was no way that he was going to be able to ride it now, not with Eve and the baby.
“What is so damn funny?”
I shrugged and smiled some more. I could see it in my head and I don’t know why, but that was the funniest thing that I could think of.
“Just thinking of you and the new ride you are going to get. I say just go for the mini-van right now.”
He scowled at me and for a moment I thought he was going to throw a punch. Why he was there was starting to make more sense to me. He was there because he was afraid. Carlos was afraid of the future and I could feel his pain. I was terrified of what was going to come next for me as well. I didn’t have babies to worry about. My worries stemmed from a woman’s ability to change her mind at a drop of a hat. I was worried about Cameron changing her mind and never speaking to me again.
“I’m not getting rid of my bike. Eve has already brought it up several times.”
“Why are you really here Carlos? Are you really willing to risk everything you have?”
My cousin stopped like he was finally seeing it the right way for the first time. Did he really not think of what was going to happen when he went back? It was hard to think of anyone not getting upset and his pregnant wife had more reason than anyone else to get upset if he left her in the night like he said he had.
“I’m going home Joel.”
“When?”
“Is it that bad having me here?”
“Of course not you idiot. You are family and you are always welcome here, but she is your wife, carrying your child and it is time for you to grow a pair.”
That got his brain ticking and again there was anger in his eyes. He needed to hear it from someone though, so I wasn’t going to feel bad about it. I would risk a sucker punch if I could help him get it together. He just wasn’t thinking right, that’s all.
“You are lucky you are family.”
I shook my head and chuckled as I found something to drink in the fridge. There wasn’t much and I had to settle on some beer that I had a feeling was flat from being in the sun for too long the other day. My suspicions were made fact when I took a taste, my face showing the displeasure. It was horrible, but better than the city’s water that was almost undrinkable.
“Now that you got me sidetracked, are you going to tell me what is going on with that hot little brunette that I saw last night?”
The big sigh came from me and I took another drink, finishing the bottle and knowing that I needed another one. I would have gotten it if Carlos wouldn’t have made a remark that grated on my nerves. It was coming, the questions and I wasn’t able to answer them for myself, let alone to him.
“I don’t know. You know how women are. I don’t know if I am coming or going with her.”
“Yeah that’s how it felt with Eve. Then we got together and it made me want her more. Now I can’t go that long without her or I don’t feel whole.”
His words surprised me, but it wasn’t the way he said it or the melancholy tone of his voice, it was the emotions that he was sharing. Carlos wasn’t that type and to see him in such a way, it told me what I had known all this time. He was in love with her and I was in love with Cameron. There was no way out of it. I was head over heels in love with her and I was just as lost as he had been with Eve.
“That is how I feel about Cameron. I don’t know why, but that little witch is all I can think about.”
He nodded his head like he understood and I guess in a way that he did. We had both been caught up and while I wasn’t sure if she was ready for what came next, unlike Carlos, I was ready for it. It is what I had wanted for a very long time.
“So why are you down here and not up there?”
“She told me to go home, so I did.”
Carlos just smiled. “That means that you are getting to her. You will hear from her again, you just have to wait a little while longer.”
I wasn’t ready to hear his opinion. I had a feeling that if I did things the way that Carlos did in the past, I would never see Cameron again. She was not into bad boys, especially after the little fight I was in with Stephen. Cameron had not liked that at all, so I wasn’t really willing to hear Carlos out on that. Not when I knew that he was so wrong. He had changed up everything when he got with Eve. He seemed to forget that, but I wasn’t going to.
“I want to call her right now.”
“Don’t do it Joel. You need to give her time to realize what you two have.”
I still wasn’t sure if that was the best advice that I could get, but it made sense. She was more than clear on how I felt about her, so it was going to be up to her what happened next. That was the part that I hated the most about everything, but it was the reality. I had done all that I could and now the ball was in her court.
“I think that is the first time that you have made sense when it comes to women.”
“Don’t give me that. You had a lot of fun doing it my way for a while.”
I nodded my head and told him that I did. I had gone a little
out there when I realized that I wasn’t going to get Eve. Then there was the divorce and after that, everything was a little crazy. But I wasn’t happy. The women and the booze were just a way to forget about it all. I didn’t want to numb it all anymore. I was ready to try again, something I never really thought I would want to do.
“It looks like you need some sleep.”
“Yeah, it was hard to sleep next to her all night. I don’t think I slept more than a few minutes.”
That got Carlos laughing again and I was already irritated with the way everything was going. I hated that he was the right one and it drove me crazy what he was right about. I didn’t have much patience and I had even less when it came to Cameron.
Chapter 14
Cameron
I kept looking at the phone like it was going to come out of my hand. That was how much attention I was paying to it, but there was a reason. I had spent most of the day feeling sorry for myself and nursing a hangover that didn’t seem to want to quit. It was too much to deal with as far as I was concerned and I was finding it harder than ever to cope. I hadn’t been without a job since I moved to the city and the anxiety of it was immense.
I wasn’t looking at the phone because of work though, I was thinking about calling someone about the heat. I wanted to call Joel and have him come over and fix the air conditioner that hadn’t worked all summer. I had done all I could to deal with it and to put it off, but it was time.
The reason that I was so nervous was because I knew what was going to happen when he got here. It wasn’t a plan per say in my head, but it was definitely clear to me what it was that I needed. I needed him in a way that I had refused so many times before. I needed him on top of me, inside of me, anything to numb it all for a time. Falling for Joel was not something that I ever wanted to do, but it was done and now I had to deal with the feelings that I had for him. No matter how impossible of a feat it seemed.
