True Love Lost (An FBI Romance Thriller (book 3))

by Kelley, Morgan

  He slid into her body more forcefully, until a gasp and moan escaped her lips. When he knew he wouldn’t make it much longer, he broke the kiss, looking down into her eyes. “God baby, now!” he hissed through clenched teeth as he waited until she began to quake around him. When she did, he slammed into her one last time, pouring hotly into his wife and joining her in the blissful stupor.

  Elizabeth shattered and she felt herself relax into the free fall. It was perfect. Everything about their coming together was heaven. It always would be, because he was her true love.

  When Ethan could breathe again, he remembered his wife was pregnant, and that he was practically laying over her and the baby. “Shit, did I hurt you?” he asked in a panic, practically jumping off her body.

  “Mmmmm, no Cowboy,” she answered, pulling him back down and curling against him. “Two more minutes to just enjoy this before we head out,” she whispered into his ear.

  When he realized she wasn’t in pain, he relaxed and enjoyed the few moments they’d have before they had to leave for Red River.

  “Ethan?” she asked, running her fingers over the tattoo on his chest.

  “Yeah baby?” Blackhawk could feel his body regaining feeling again.

  “Promise me you aren’t going to make me wait until after the assignment to have sex again. It’s not nice to torture a pregnant woman. I could snap and kill everyone around me in some hormonal rampage.”

  Blackhawk didn’t know what he was expecting her to ask, but it certainly wasn’t that. Once he started laughing, she joined him. He left a kiss on the tip of her nose. “I can’t allow that to happen, Elizabeth. The odds are in your favor that I won’t be able to keep my hands off you. I never can.”

  Elizabeth grinned. “Good to know, Mr. Blackhawk.”

  Desdemona and Callen had some pleasant conversation as they drove together to Red River. She didn’t think they’d have anything to talk about, but he had an easy way about him. There was no pretense, and she didn’t feel like she needed to be someone she wasn’t. Somehow he managed to get her to be completely relaxed.

  “So, you want to tell me more about you?” he asked, as the GPS gave off its next direction. “I’ll tell you all about me and my brother,” he offered, trying to lure her into spilling information about herself.

  She considered it and had to admit she was curious about both men. “Okay.”

  “Want me to go first?” he asked, as he looked over at her. Callen Whitefox had been spending the last hour trying to get the doctor to just relax and not be so knotted up. The woman was a nervous wreck and for some unknown reason it pulled at his heart. She seemed like a really sweet person, and he genuinely was enjoying his time with her. In fact, she was actually cute when she smiled at him. He felt the waves of protectiveness building in him.

  “Okay, you go first,” she said, smiling over at him. Desdemona knew he was trying his best to help her adjust to him, and to the idea they were being joined by the Blackhawks.

  “Well, as you can already see the obvious, I’m Native and I grew up on a reservation. My brother and I both lost our mother’s early. I think Ethan was thirteen and I was fourteen.”

  She looked over at him, and understood the pain. “My mom disappeared when I was ten, and I never knew my father,” she said, simply.

  “How did she die?” he asked, softly. This might be something she didn’t like to talk about, but he’d ask anyway.

  Desdemona thought about it. “One day she went out to pick some roots for my grand-mère, and she never came back,” she answered.

  Whitefox noticed it was said with no emotion, but her eyes gave her away. The pain was still there. Now that she gave him some information, he’d do the same.

  “My mom was a single parent and really young when she had me. My father knocked her up, on a one night stand, and then went back to his wife.”

  “That had to be hard,” she said, touching his arm lightly.

  Whitefox enjoyed the feeling of her fingers on his arm, and his body began to warm. It wasn’t the same reaction he noticed when Elizabeth touched him, but it still drew his attention. “It was hard when I was growing up, but I ended up with a terrific grandfather out of the deal, and then I got my brother too,” he paused, and thought about what else to tell her. “My dad and I had a shitty relationship until a few months ago. Ethan came back to help me solve a serial killer assignment on the reservation and we reconnected with our father. I found out information that I wasn’t aware of, like he honestly tried to get my mother to marry him, but she wasn’t into starting a family.”

  Desdemona heard the anguish, and saw how his face tensed. “Did Ethan have a bad relationship with him too?”

  “Yeah, Wyler wasn’t exactly a great dad,” he shrugged and continued, “but he ended up saving Elizabeth’s life, and then getting shot in the chest protecting our grandfather. I guess it gives you perspective when you almost lose a parent.”

  “My mom wouldn’t talk about my dad. In fact, I don’t even know if my sister and I share the same father. I’ve asked her to submit to a DNA test, and she just refuses and tells me it’s best to not know.”

  “My mom made it clear who my father was,” he stated and then pushed on, “but she told me to keep it quiet, and I did for a long time. For a while I didn’t believe that we really were brothers. I always thought back to my mom liking to party and sleeping around. It was always a doubt in my mind. I don’t look like a Blackhawk and it weighed heavily on me.”

  “Did you do a DNA test?” she asked, purely from a scientific standpoint. Okay, maybe not all science and some curiosity.

  Callen thought back to the killer that they had caught that was their half-brother. Elizabeth had the lab run their DNA, and that was confirmation that Wyler Blackhawk was really his father. After the fact, he confided to Elizabeth that it was always his secret fear they’d find out he wasn’t a genetic match, and he’d lose the only family he ever had. Not even his brother knew he doubted his DNA all his life. The woman knew all his secrets and all his biggest fears, and she told him the outcome wouldn’t have mattered in the least. He would have been part of HER family.

  “Yeah, we did a test.” Thanks to his best friend, he had confirmation. Thinking about Elizabeth made his heart skip.

  “How did you lose your mom?” she asked, softly. “You don’t have to tell me,” she added quickly, worried she offended him.

  Callen Whitefox reached over and patted her cheek. “Desdemona, don’t be afraid to just be you and ask questions. If you want to survive around the Blackhawks you need to not over think everything. You’ll find that with all of us, Elizabeth included, we tend to be pretty blunt and to the point.”

  She nodded, and was well aware that he was right. If anything she was nothing but timid and scared, and her past did that to her. When he looked away, she touched her cheek where his hand had been.

  Yeah, he gave her butterflies. Big ones and that meant trouble.

  “As I said, my mom was a party girl. One night she went out to have some fun, drank too much and had a drug bender. She never woke up from it.” He was honest with her, and for many years no one knew what happened to his mother. Whitefox was pretty sure his grandfather, Timothy Blackhawk, had managed to keep it quiet on the reservation. The man didn’t want the tribe hurting his grandson with speculation and gossip. Only the family knew the truth. As for the abuse, not even Elizabeth knew about it.

  “That’s horrible,” she said, her heart aching for him. “Where were you?”

  “About two years before that my grandfather took me away from her. My mother didn’t really want to be a mom. There weren’t movie nights and cuddling on the couch. Sometimes she forgot I even existed. I could wander away, and she wouldn’t think to even come looking for me. One day I did just that, and one of the tribe happened to tell my grandfather, and he intervened. Timothy wasn’t going to watch it happen.”

  “I’m sorry Callen,” she said with sincere feelings. She could
n’t imagine how that must have hurt.

  “I’m not sorry,” he answered sincerely, looking over at her. “My brother once pointed out something important. If she wasn’t the woman she was, I wouldn’t have been born, I wouldn’t have had my brother, and I wouldn’t be here right now. Fate matters,” he stated. “I believe in fate and how it leads us to where we need to be, no matter how hard we fight it. Because she made horrible choices, I was given things I wouldn’t have had. Family to me is the most important thing in the world. Elizabeth and Ethan mean everything to me and they always will.”

  “I never thought of it that way,” she said.

  “When my mother let me go, I was given a family. Now I have Elizabeth and a nephew on the way too. My circle grew because of fate, and I wouldn’t go back and do anything differently.” That was a lie. He wouldn’t have betrayed his brother, but he wasn’t going there with a stranger.

  Because he shared his pain, Desdemona decided to share a part of her past. “There were rumors around what happened to my mom. Some people said she ran off with some man, and others said she fell into the swamp and was eaten by the gators.”

  “Wow,” he didn’t know which was worse, having a mom that abandoned her kids or one that was eaten by a reptile. Both scenarios seemed unpleasant.

  “My grand-mère raised me and my sister,” she paused. “She’s… different.” No one knew about her grandmother, it just wasn’t something she spoke about. Not because she was embarrassed, but… Okay, because she was a woman of science and her grandmother was the complete opposite.

  “Different?”

  “Can I trust you?” she asked. “I mean really trust you not to say what I’m going to tell you to anyone else?”

  Callen Whitefox couldn’t imagine what she had to say that would be surprising. “Yes, I promise not to speak a word of it.”

  Desdemona watched him with cat eyes and contemplated it. “Pinky swear?”

  He laughed caught off guard. “Yes, I pinky swear,” he held his hand out and offered it up. When she smiled at him, he finally saw her relax. Her eyes sparkled, her smile was genuine, and he realized that she was finally being herself.

  She took his pinky with hers. “My grandmother is a bayou witch.”

  Okay, that he wasn’t expecting, and he found it entertaining. “That’s pretty funny.”

  “I’m serious.” She didn’t think he’d laugh, and instantly she wanted to hide as the hurt began to surface.

  “Desdemona, I’m not laughing at you or what you’ve just said. What I’m laughing at is my grandfather is a reservation Shaman. It’s the same thing, different religions that’s all. We have a lot in common,” he said, reaching over and touching her chin and making her look at him. “I won’t ever laugh at you, I promise. We’re partners on this assignment, and I don’t laugh at people I’m here to protect.”

  Desdemona’s heart skipped a beat.

  “I swear, Desdemona.”

  “I believe you, Callen, but just in case.” She held up her pinky again and laughed.

  Whitefox shook his head, and he was completely entertained by this little woman. Again he held up his pinky and made the oath. “Now, can I be honest about something?”

  Desdemona Adare chewed on her bottom lip, debating if she wanted to hear what he was going to say. Part of her hoped it wasn’t going to be that she was cute. She really hated being called cute or adorable. Kittens and puppies were cute. “I guess so, Callen.”

  “Not that I don’t like your name, but Desdemona is a mouthful. I think you need a nickname,” he smiled easily. “Do you have one that your friends use?” he asked.

  “I’ve never had one,” she answered honestly. “Well, I had one in college, but it’s not really a nickname.”

  “What was it?” Now he was curious.

  “Morticia. I guess it was because of the hair and the dealing with death all day long. I didn’t particularly like it, so I’d prefer we forget that option.”

  “No other nicknames?”

  “Sometimes I’m called Doc, but other than that not really.” Desdemona opted to not tell him she didn’t really have friends. The last thing she wanted from him was pity.

  Whitefox grinned. “I tell you what. I think I’ll call you Desi, because it’s easier and we’re friends. Things should always be easier between friends. We’ll keep the Morticia thing just between you and me. How’s that?”

  “Deal,” she leaned over and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek. “Thank you, Callen, for being my friend.” Then she sat back, realizing what she just did, and she hoped she didn’t just make a huge mistake. Immediately she began praying that on the outside she was maintaining a nonchalant look on her face. On the inside her body was on fire and churning into a wicked brew of lust and crazy mad need for the man. Crap the man smelled so damn good.

  Callen tensed when he realized she was going to kiss him. Granted it was a simple kiss, and one that meant nothing more than what it was, but he reacted to it. Hope grew in him that finally someone would find something redeeming in him. That the possibility that he was attractive to an outsider might happen, and he may have the possibility of a life like his brother. The kiss was sweet, and it touched his heart. Desdemona was a nice woman.

  “You’re very welcome, Desi.” Right then he needed to change the subject; he was supposed to be a director for the FBI, not a man looking for a woman. “Can you check my phone for me? I think I heard it beep before.”

  “It’s on your belt,” she said, pointing out the obvious. It meant reaching over, under his coat and pulling it free. That meant almost touching him, not that she wouldn’t mind running her hands all over his body…

  Oh crap where had that come from?

  Whitefox laughed. “You just kissed me, and you’re worried about removing my phone from my belt?”

  The heat rushed her face. “I kissed you on the cheek, that’s not really a kiss,” she stated, trying to defend it.

  Whitefox didn’t want her to retreat but he couldn’t help it. “Oh, so explain to me how that kiss was different from a ‘real’ kiss,” he teased her, grinning the Blackhawk grin he’d inherited from his family. It always caught the ladies. After he said the words and grinned he realized what he was doing.

  Completely inappropriate.

  Assignments were work and the last thing he needed to be doing is flirting with the woman sitting next to him. She was his partner, not a date. “On second thought here’s the phone, Desi,” he said, thinking about his brother and Elizabeth. If they knew he was acting like this, his ass would be kicked. No kissy-face on duty!

  Desdemona grabbed his phone, and clicked on the text message. She was profoundly grateful he didn’t make her explain the difference because she didn’t have a chance in hell of explaining it without sounding like a moron.

  “It’s from Director Blackhawk. He’s instructed us to head to the sheriff’s office first. They’re an hour behind us and will meet us there.”

  “Okay, then I guess we better start prepping for the meeting. Do you want to start with the photos the Sheriff’s department took of the bodies and give me any information you can on them? I know it’s not the same thing as seeing them up close and personal, but it’ll have to do for now.”

  “I’ve worked with photos before, and I don’t mind,” she answered, as she pulled out the tablet that she used in the lab and pulled up the photos one by one. Studying them, she stopped seeing the person, and in her mind they became something of science only. It was how she coped with the death every day and didn’t go insane. They could never be people to her, but instead they were just a puzzle that needed solving.

  “Before you start we should call my brother or sister, so they can hear your initial assessment.”

  She wondered if he noticed he referred to Elizabeth as his sister and not sister-in-law. They obviously had a very tight bond. “Okay.” Desdemona was nervous knowing Elizabeth would be listening to the call.

  “Speed dial one
is Elizabeth and speed dial two is my brother.”

  Of course Elizabeth was number one, she thought, feeling envy, jealousy and so many things that she didn’t have a right to feel. Obviously, he called her frequently, if he made her one on his phone list. On her list, it was her grand-mère.

  Desdemona Adare nodded and pushed past the sick feeling in her stomach and made the call. She placed it on speaker phone and allowed him to take control of the call. Or hoped he would.

  “What’s up Cal?” Blackhawk answered on the second ring.

  “Doctor Adare is about to assess the pictures you sent, and she thought you’d like to know what she sees as her initial impression.”

  Desdemona looked worried.

  “Great, thank you Doctor Adare,” Ethan Blackhawk said. “I’ll put you on speakerphone.”

  “Elizabeth, you there,” he asked, waiting.

  “I sure am Callen. Hello Doctor Adare. We’re ready when you are. Please proceed when you’re ready,” she answered, trying to be as easy going as she could be. The doctor and she were on shaky ground as it was, and she didn’t need to exacerbate the situation.

  Desdemona Adare forgot her nerves and did what she did best. She looked at the dead and told their story.

  “We have five victims. All male and by looking at them, I can tell that they appear to be anywhere from twenties to possibly forties. Victim one,” she paused to blow up the picture and isolate the wounds. “He is missing his feet. Both left and right were severed at the malleolus. In this picture I can’t ascertain whether the cut went from the lateral malleolus to the medial malleolus or vice versa. Once I get him on the table I’ll be able to tell when I see the cut marks.”

  It was Elizabeth that spoke. “Doctor Adare, we need you to do us a favor.”

  “Yes?” she paused.

  “Look at Callen’s face, what does it tell you?” she asked and hoped it was the same look that was on her husband’s face.

  “I don’t know, he looks confused, I guess.”

  “Okay, here’s the deal, and a little rule we go by here in FBI West. Dumb it down for us non-medical personnel. I know that you were discussing the ankle, only because I spent a lot of time with Chris Leonard and Tony Magnus. But you lost Ethan at malleolus, and I’m betting Callen too. If you keep it simple for us that aren’t your caliber, you’ll save yourself time having to repeat the basics.”