by Quell T Fox
Finding Callan
The Road to Truth Series
Quell T. Fox
This book contains adult/mature situations.
This is a paranormal reverse harem.
There is m/m action.
Copyright © 2019 Quell T. Fox
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof
may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever
without the express written permission of the publisher
except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Printed in the United States of America
CHAPTER 1
“Fuck you, you stupid bitch!”
“Get out, get the fuck out of my house!” A woman’s voice screeches.
“You think I’m gonna leave? Nah, I’m not going anywhere until you give me what you owe me.”
A slapping sound fills the otherwise silent house.
“Get on your fucking knees, cunt, and do what you’re told.”
A loud cry and another slap.
“That’s it, baby. Just like that, keeping going, don’t fucking stop.” Gags, sobs and slaps are the only thing that can be heard.
***
The bad man walks out of my mommy’s room. He’s fixing that brown thing that holds up his pants – I can’t remember what they are called – when he stops in front of me. I’m in my hiding spot, the one under the table by the couch. I know I should be in my room. I should be sleeping, but I had a bad dream and I couldn’t fall back asleep.
He bends down and smiles at me. His teeth are big and shiny. Not like mine. They are small and I am missing some in the front. His eyes are dark though. They scare me. No matter how hard I wish to be invisible, it never works. When I grow up, I want to be invisible.
“Whatever you do little one, don’t grow up to be like that piece of trash in there.” He points to my mommy’s room, but I don’t understand because there isn’t any trash in there. That stays in the kitchen. I know because once mommy found some in my room and I got slaps on my bottom. He closes one of his eyes at me and then leaves the house.
I want to go lay with my mommy but whenever she is crying like this, she only gets mad at me. I walk back to my room, get into my bed and snuggle up with Mr. Bunny.
***
Friday
-MONDAY-
Lenny’s promise of us being alone is the only thing that persuaded me to come back to this hotel room. As much as my mind told me not to trust him, something else inside of me told me that I should. So I did. What choice did I have, really?
It was a short walk back to the hotel. I thought I was miles away, but not even close. I tried to get as far as possible, but I must have circled back at some point without realizing it. Or maybe I did?
I was cautious when getting off the elevator, completely terrified of running into the others. I clung to Lenny’s side the entire time, trusting him with every part of me. Once inside, I made him walk with me through each room, just to make sure that we were in fact alone. Not that I didn’t believe him – because for some fucked up reason, I did – but, because I needed to see it with my own eyes to believe it. He even told me that he would show me the texts from them saying that they would be at another hotel, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at that. I’m terrified of seeing his name. I don’t even want to think about it.
Lenny told me that I didn’t have to stay here if I didn’t want to and that he would help me pack my things if I decided to go. When he looked at me with his bright blue eyes and boyish face, I saw a sadness shadow his eyes that I didn’t think was possible. No, not from Lenny. He’s always so happy. But it was there, I know what I saw. I recognize sadness when I see it.
After our thorough search of the rooms, he does as he promised. He helps me pack everything, even offering me his own bag to use instead of the trash bags that I’ve been carrying my things in. I politely decline, not wanting anything from any of these guys. Even from sweet Lenny.
I look to the living room as I’m walking towards the door, ready to leave forever and the image of the guys standing by the couch all dressed up for the club flashes through my mind. They all looked so… normal. My chest tightens and my eyes burn with the need to cry. Not because I’m sad, but because I’m overwhelmed with emotion and I don’t know what to do with it. I can’t process everything. I turn to face Lenny, who is wearing a forced smile on his face, making my decision that much harder to stick to.
He’s so bad at faking.
Why did I have to walk into that room? Why couldn’t I have waited? I should have waited. Patience. I need to learn some fucking patience. Things would still be okay if I hadn’t walked in on that. What you don’t know doesn’t hurt you, right?
Lenny is standing in the kitchen with his hands in his pockets looking around the room, avoiding my gaze. My chest hurts, my body hurts. Gah, I feel it right to my soul.
After what I saw I should be eager to leave, to get as far away from here as possible, but I’m not. And not because I don’t have anywhere to go. Yes, that totally sucks, but it’s more than that. It’s definitely more than that. I can feel it. I’ve grown fond of these guys. Call me crazy, I know it’s been less than a week, but I have. I’m going to miss them. And I know how messed up that is. I was horrified at what I saw, which is why I ran. But when I left, I felt worse, and when Lenny found me, I felt better. I can’t make any sense of that. Am I really this fucked up? My worst fear is hitting me – I think I’m turning into my mother. She had a thing for shitty, dangerous men. Clearly, I do too, because why else would I be here? Why did I come back? Why do I want to stay?
I tell myself that I came back for my belongings, because I need them. And that’s true but if I’m being honest with myself, it’s more than that. Something that I can’t explain. But I can’t do this. I promised myself that after Shitbag, I wouldn’t do this. Not again. I can’t keep doing this. I’ve spent my entire life trying to make it a good one, trying to do better than what I was handed. I can’t settle now. This is a bad situation, what I saw… that is just not normal. It’s not something I need to get myself caught up in.
Yet, here I am.
I glance at the door and then back to Lenny. Seconds, possibly minutes at this point, just ticking by. Silence. Looking at him and knowing that I need to leave sends a sharp pain straight to my heart.
He’s taller than me by a foot, so I look up to search his face. Looking for something, I don’t know what. A logical reason to stay? He’s slender, but beautifully toned in all the right places. He could be a model. Hell, any of these guys could be. Lenny’s shirt hugs every muscle in the most perfect way. His hair is straight, and shiny. It angers me that guys get the good hair. He has it tucked behind his ears, as usual. His crystal blue eyes pierce straight through me. I need to leave but I can’t bring myself to do it.
I open my mouth to speak, but he beats me to it.
“Can I explain?” He shifts his feet, nervously.
When he first found me, I told him that I didn’t want to hear anything, that it didn’t matter. Nothing he could say would make what I saw okay. Nothing. But now, I find myself looking for an explanation to ease my mind. To convince myself that I’m not crazy, that what I saw is really what I saw. To make the fact that I want to stay, a sane one. I want him to explain, I want to stay here, I want to cry and I want to hug him. I’m a mess. All of my pent-up emotions are bubbling over and I think I’m on the verge of a breakdown. I thought I was fine, but how could I be? After everything, there is no way I could be fine. I’m strong, but not that strong.
“I don’t know…” I want to say yes, I want to hear everything. I want to hear his voice and feel his lips on mine, but I can’t. I can’t bring myself to give in
that easily. I can’t force my wants out of my mouth. I need to stop being stupid. I need to get on my feet and do something with my life, like I keep telling myself. I don’t know what I was thinking getting into the car with these guys. What is wrong with me? If I check myself into a mental hospital, it’ll give me a place to stay for a while. I’ve done it before, I could do it again. And maybe it’ll do me some good, get my mind on the right track. I don’t know if that’s what I’ll do, but I know that I can’t stay here.
So I don’t.
CHAPTER 2
Lenny
Friday walks out the door and as soon as it closes behind her I’m filled with an anger that I haven’t felt since I was a child. And it’s all aimed straight at Maddox. That stupid, arrogant prick. I don’t know what he was thinking leaving the door unlocked. He should have been more careful. We had a plan and he fucked it all up. She was here, right here with us. We had her and now we don’t. I don’t know what to do to get her back. She is the One. I know she is. I think we all do, even Alec. Even though he won’t admit it. It’s why he’s shutting himself away so much. He’s scared, and I get that. But now is not the time to run away with your tail between your legs. But the way he was acting this morning, he wouldn’t do that for no reason. I’ve never seen him act that way in front of anyone other than us. He has to feel it from her. He has to.
I’ve never been angry with Maddox before, not really. I’ve always put my full trust in him, never doubting his decisions. I’m the only one of us that trusts him implicitly. But he fucked up today and now we all have to pay for it. It’s bullshit. I should text him and tell them to come back, just so I can punch him in the face. He deserves so much more, but I’d settle for that in this moment. But I don’t. I need to be away from them. I need to be alone.
I pull a pair of sweatpants out of my bag and hop into the shower. I wash up quickly, throw on my sweatpants and head to the couch. I don’t bother opening the bed, I don’t have the energy for it. Glancing at the clock I realize that it’s a little before 9PM and I know that I won’t be falling asleep any time soon. I lay down on the firm couch, pick up the remote and aimlessly flip through the channels. I’m lost in my own thoughts when I hear a knock at the door. I swear if the guys came up here without hearing from me, I will knock them all out. Better yet, I’ll curse them. I’ve never done that before, but I’m pretty sure that I’m capable of doing it. I stand and hurry to the door, ready to punch each and every one of them. Maddox with his arrogant face, Callan with his stupid glasses and Alec with his bald head. Screw them all.
Friday
The trolley is stuffed with my bags. I carefully push it towards the elevator, not wanting to knock anything off. I jab the button – a little too hard, I admit – to call the elevator. I pull the trolley in behind me once the doors open and push the button for the bottom floor. I still don’t have a plan, but at least I have my things now. I have my phone and I have money. There is probably a cheap motel around here somewhere. Taking a cab shouldn’t be too much money. I have options and that makes me feel a little bit better. Not enough for comfort, but enough to feel confident. I got this. That is until I reach the bottom floor and I’m hit with that overwhelming feeling of emptiness again.
The elevator doors open to an empty foyer, the only person I see is the woman behind the check-in counter. She’s busy on the phone while typing away on the computer. I stare off into the beautifully decorated room, my thoughts drifting this way and that. I’m pulled from them when the sound of the elevator doors closing fills my ears.
I can’t bring myself to step out.
The hole in my chest is growing larger, pulsing with an emptiness that I don’t want to feel. I stand in the elevator, hands grasping the poles of the trolley so tightly that my knuckles have turned white. I loosen my grip and let out a long sigh. The elevator doors open again, and a young man dressed in an expensive dark grey suit stands on the other side. He has way too much gel in his dark hair, but he smells really nice.
“After you.” He politely moves to the side, giving me room to get out, but I can’t. I can’t move. “Are you going up?” The man questions me, and all I can do is stare. He doesn’t move but a concerned expression darkens his face.
“I–I’m sorry, no. I’m getting off.” The doors start to close and he holds his arm out to stop them.
“Of course, Miss.” I take a step forward, pushing the trolley in front of me. Once I set foot onto the tiled floor, the darkness in my chest pulses again. Like a shooting wave of emotion that has somehow turned physical.
“Actually, no. I’m going up. I’ve just realized that I forgot something.” I spin quickly, facing the man.
“Sure thing, let me help you with that.” The young man walks closer to me, he’s so close now that I realize he’s younger than me. I wonder what he’s done in his life to be so lucky. He clearly has money, good looks and probably everything else in life. Was he born into it? Or did he make it for himself? Does it really matter, I wonder? He takes the end of the trolley and pushes it back onto the elevator, stopping it between the two of us. He presses the button for the third floor before asking which floor I’m heading to.
“Top, please.” We ride in silence. The only thing on my mind is the dark ache that I feel in my chest.
“Have a lovely evening.” He steps off the elevator onto his floor and disappears around the corner. The doors close once more. When I reach the top floor, I push the trolley off quickly, before I can change my mind. Maybe this is a mistake, but I’m only human and this is what we do, right? We make mistakes.
I need an explanation. I tell myself that’s all I want. An explanation. Once I get it, I’ll feel better. I already feel better knowing that I’ll be getting one. The feeling in my chest has dwindled down to almost nothing. The closer I get to the door, the less it pains me.
I knock and within a minute I hear the lock being undone from the inside. When Lenny opens the door, his jaw drops. I prepared myself to meet his face, but when I notice that he’s shirtless my eyes naturally fall over his body. My breath hitches as I take in every line of muscle in his stomach, every smooth bump on his biceps, the outline of his cock that I can see through his thin sweatpants. I lick my lips and force my eyes back up to his. His hair is damp, and the smell of soap invades my nose. It takes every ounce of restraint to not tackle him to the ground in need of feeling him inside of me.
“I would like to hear what you have to say.” My voice crackles, ruining the image of confidence that I was going for. Lenny doesn’t move, come to think of it, I don’t think he’s blinked. “Are you okay?” I ask, cocking my head.
“What? Yeah, I’m fine.” He runs his hand through his hair before moving aside. I pull the trolley behind me, but Lenny quickly stops me, his hand brushing over mine as he pulls it inside for me. The familiar tingling feeling racing up my hand from where our skin met. “I got this, go ahead.”
“Are we… is anyone–“
“Huh? No, no one is here, it’s just us. Promise.” He seems distracted but he smiles this sweet, reassuring smile that makes me believe that everything is okay and that my life isn’t really falling apart, even though I know that it is. It started to crumble less than a week ago. I thought I was rebuilding it and maybe I did a little but clearly that was useless, because now, once again, everything is tumbling down around me. One step forward, two steps back. I let out a sigh and enter the room reluctantly.
“Could I have some water?” He doesn’t respond, but he goes to the fridge and pulls out a cold bottle of water, handing it to me. “Thank you.”
He stands there unmoving, staring at me. His face is twisted with confusion. I’m unsure of why he’s acting this way. I don’t know what I expected, but this wasn’t it.
“Can we sit?”
“Fuck. Yes, of course. Friday, I’m sorry, I just–I don’t know. I thought you were gone. I can’t believe you came back. ” He runs his hands through his hair again, shifting his weight to
his other foot before realizing that he needs to move. He walks to the living room and I follow him. He indicates for me to sit on the couch while he pulls over the desk chair and stops it in front of me. He continues to stare at me, not saying a word and it’s starting to make me uncomfortable. The only thing making me feel better is that feeling in my chest is now completely gone. That brings me a small semblance of hope, one that I plan to hold onto and never let go. Dealing with this awkwardness is easier than dealing with emptiness.
“You were going to explain?” I say quietly when he doesn’t initiate the conversation.
“Do you want to take a bath?” The question comes out of nowhere, completely throwing me off guard.
“I–what?” I scrunch my face up in confusion.
“A bath, you look stressed. Bath’s help. I’ll run one for you, wait here.” He jumps up and disappears into the bathroom. He’s acting strange, really strange. He’s not wrong though, I am stressed. And even though I really want to know what’s going on, I guess I could wait a little bit longer. Whatever it is that he’s going to tell me, maybe I should be as relaxed as possible.
He pokes his head out of the bathroom door a few moments later and waves me in enthusiastically. I stand and head to him. Why question this? It can’t make anything worse, can it? By the time I get in there the tub is halfway full, the large mirror is covered in a thin sheet of fog. The bathroom is small and narrow. The mirror takes up the wall over the counter and sink. The bathtub is a normal shower and tub combo, with the generic white curtain that you see in most hotels and the toilet is across from it. Nothing special about that.
It smells wonderful in here, like lavender. He really is trying to help me relax. I wouldn’t expect anything less. I’ve come to learn a lot about this man in front of me. He’s kind, sweet and very caring. He’s also a goof ball and makes me laugh more than I ever have before.
