by Mills, Shae
Shan was beside himself, and his fingers bit into her shoulders. His eyes were inflamed and his breathing was labored. “My allegiance is to the Empire, and you are a Warlord’s mate. Do you really think that I could return and serve the Emperor while living a lie? Do you think I would do that to Commander Korba? Do you?” he boomed.
Chelan was beginning to quake, and she tried desperately not to lose control of herself. “Then you send Korba to his death!” she yelled.
Shan recoiled from her, his eyes wide with disbelief. He started to speak, but Chelan interrupted him.
“I left the Empire to save his life!” she shouted as she clutched at her tunic. “I entered the Dead Zone with full intentions of ending my life so that he could live. It was only by some fluke of nature that my life was spared.” Chelan swallowed, and her voice softened as she pleaded with him. “Please. It is of paramount importance that I am not discovered.”
Chelan hugged herself and attempted to stay strong. “I loved him so much, Shan. Do you think I would have willingly left him if the situation had a solution? He gave me everything, his heart, his love, and his body. And it was out of my love that I left. The circumstances were grave.”
Chelan shuddered, momentarily looking away from Shan’s piercing gaze. “And I had Fremma and Dar just as deep within my soul. So do you think I would willingly accept this life, forsaking all three men”—she looked up into his eyes—“to live out my life and die in a cave on an alien planet, alone, if it was not necessary for Korba’s survival? He is the Empire’s Overlord. He has been born and bred and trained for the role that he pursues so effectively. I could no more strip him of that than I could you. When you walk out of here tomorrow, I want you to forget that we ever met. Go back to Toran and to your career, and rise to the top, Shan. I have known many Imperial men, and I know that you are more than capable.”
Chelan’s resolve was crumbling, and her shoulders slumped. She looked to the floor as she trembled. Her voice broke. “And the next time that you see Korba, alive and well, you will know that it is because of the sacrifice I made and because of your allegiance to him.” Chelan took a deep breath and faltered. “And some day, when you have healed, and when you have met an Iceanean woman worthy of you, just take one moment to remember me and my love for you. It is because of that love that I now set you free, and it is because of that love that I will survive. Please don’t hate me, Shan. I did not mean to deceive you, and I never, ever wanted to hurt you.”
Shan watched her sink to her knees, overcome by silent cries. He dropped down next to her and pulled her to him, and they clutched each other desperately for a long time.
Chelan finally pulled back from him and brushed away her tears. She looked into his grieving eyes and kissed him tenderly. She took a deep breath and then pushed back along the floor until she rested against the cavern wall. She smiled at him and beckoned to him. Shan moved to her and slumped into her lap. He hugged her legs tightly as she stroked his long, shaggy hair. Chelan spoke to him in a whisper. “I owe you an explanation, my love,” and she began.
As the stricken warrior lay in her lap, Chelan started from the beginning of her story, with her arrival on Iceanea and her plans with Korba. She left out no detail, and Shan lay quietly, his hands stoking her petal-soft skin as he listened. When she told him about Ticees, she felt him stiffen, every muscle in his body threatening to detonate, his fingers biting into her thighs. When she had finished, she closed her eyes and let her head fall back, her body and mind utterly exhausted, her emotions spent.
Shan remained still for a long time while he sorted through his own feelings. Then he released her and looked up into her weary face. “I’m sorry, Chelan,” he whispered. “I had no idea.”
Chelan continued to stare up at the cavern ceiling, and she smiled weakly. “And neither will the people of the Empire,” she uttered.
Shan hung his head. “Your secret is safe with me, my Lady.”
Chelan looked at him. “Our love was everything,” she whispered. “It was pure, it was real, and it is everlasting.” Chelan watched him, noticing the well-concealed tremors beneath the shroud. She reached out and stroked his hair. “With what we have shared, Shan, I can last a lifetime, and I will never be alone as long as you are in my thoughts.”
Shan grabbed her, hugging her fiercely. “Oh god,” he cried. “How can I live without you?”
Chelan hugged him back. “You are great,” she whispered. “Korba survives, and so shall you.”
When Shan’s emotions were completely wrung out, he looked up into her tranquil face. “I see now why Korba loved you so, my Lady. I will think of the wrong perpetrated against you each time I see Ticees and—”
“No,” she interrupted firmly. “Ticees is an exceptional, impressive, and distinguished Emperor. His only fault lay with his desire for me, and now that is over. You must continue to serve him as you always have, and if that burden is too great, then serve only Toran.”
Shan looked into her deep brown eyes. “When I return to the Empire,” he began in a whisper, “I will transfer to RIBUS 7, my Lady. I will take care of Korba for you.”
Chelan smiled, a warmth enveloping her troubled heart. “And you make sure that he takes care of you.” Chelan continued to look into his eyes, and then she reached for his face with her hands. She held him gently as she spoke. “The night before RIBUS 8 was dispatched, I spent the final hours making love with Dar. I told him that I wanted to part from him with love and warmth on my mind and in my body, not with grief and sorrow.” Chelan hesitated and her eyes burned. “It was one of the most wonderful nights of my life, and if you can forgive me, I would like to repeat that love with you.”
Shan looked at her through clouded eyes, his heart brimming and breaking at the same time. “You are a very special woman, my Lady, and nothing would please me more.”
Chelan smiled and watched him as he rose up and began removing his shroud and uniform. She stood and moved to him, kissing him tenderly. “The night will be beautiful,” she whispered.
“I know,” he replied, and they fell together.
*****
Their passion was at times frenzied and at other times tender, but the morning light came all too soon, and Shan began to prepare for his departure. As with Dar, neither of them spoke, and Chelan knew that she would not see him again.
She followed him up to the rock-ice interface, and there he waited while she slipped into her uniform and expertly sheathed her knives. Then they both retreated lower into the cavern while he breached the ice lens with the laser. Finally, they began their somber trip up to the Iceanean surface together. Shan helped her up, and for the first time since his brutal and violent arrival so long ago, they stood on the planet’s surface.
Still, neither of them spoke, as neither of them could, and Chelan sat down on the icy expanse as he began to walk away. She remained very still, watching him until he was but a faint black speck on the horizon. She waved good-bye to him, knowing that he had not looked back at her because he could not, and she smiled.
“Take care, Shan,” she whispered, and she felt a strange and serenity invade her. He was gone, just like all the others, and yet this parting was different. Chelan looked down and smiled again. “You will always be with me, Shan.” And she ran her hand over her swelling abdomen, feeling the flutter of life deep within her. She would never be alone again, and now, somehow, she felt that her tragic life was complete.
Chapter 27
The next few months were hard on Chelan as her changing body constantly tormented her. She was always tired, and chronic nausea often lasted throughout the long Iceanean days and into the nights. She guessed that when Shan left, she was just over three Earth months along, and she had worked hard to keep her changing patterns and moods from him. It had been imperative to her that he did not know of the child, for she was afraid that he would have felt obligated to stay with her, and she could not have lived with that.
Even when she told
him of Ticees’ subterfuge, she never told Shan how the Emperor had managed to track her cycles. The Iceanean men were very adept at sensing a woman’s receptivity, and for all Shan knew, Ticees possessed the same ability. To have divulged this bit of information to Shan would have been pure folly. The man was no fool. He would have deduced instantly that she was with his child.
Chelan thought back fondly of that wondrous day many Earth months ago. Though initially distressed and confused by what has happening within her, now all she could remember was the beauty of the act. Shan had fully explained how the Northern Iceanean men changed during insemination, and the biology was amazing. It was no wonder she was pregnant. Since she had bled only ten Iceanean days earlier, he would have never dreamed she was receptive. And because she was an alien, he had not picked up on her foreign scent marking her ovulation. The result of both their mistakes now resided lovingly within her.
Chelan lumbered over to her etchings, running her fingers over the little nicks, and counted. She was approaching her eighth month, and she figured that for the most part, things had gone well. But one thing was not going well, and that was her size. She had seen enough pregnant women to know that she was big, way too big. But that was to be expected given the size of the Iceanean men, and in her present situation, with no medical assistance, there was nothing she could do. She was at the mercy of nature.
Chelan sat quietly, staring at the cavern ceiling. The day after Shan had left, Chelan had prepared for a trip of her own. Shan had told her once of a tunnel that opened into another large cavern deeper down, and not long after his departure, Chelan had set about finding it. It had not taken her long, and shortly thereafter, she had relocated to it. She had been anxious to move out of the old cavern that had harbored so many memories of him and his love. She needed to get away, to concentrate on her baby and her love for it rather than being haunted by a love that was no more.
Soon after she had settled, the small animals had returned and were just as abundant in the new cavern as the old. This cavern was slightly larger, but not nearly as pretty, as it was devoid of most of the solution features that adorned her old home. But Chelan did not mind. Her thoughts were only of the baby, and the appearance of the cavern was now irrelevant.
Shan had left her two of his knives and his lazgun, and with them Chelan felt secure. She spent most of her time sewing furs for the baby, as she was now too cumbersome to do much else. She found that as she grew, simple things became more and more awkward, and now even walking was a challenge. Her legs ached, and if she stood too long she was riddled with sharp pelvic cramps. Lying down was a chore in itself also, as the pressure of her pregnancy rendered nearly every position uncomfortable.
The new cavern’s pool was smaller than the previous one, but it was slightly warmer, and Chelan spent long hours supporting her heavy body in the buoyant water. She had once heard that bathing during pregnancy was not wise, but for her emotional wellbeing and comfort, it was a must.
She had begun using the concentrate she had saved, adding extra nutrients to her diet and to the life within her. But she was not so sure that the baby appreciated her efforts. It was definitely active, and at times it kicked her repeatedly until she felt black and blue internally.
As the days marched on, Chelan was becoming more and more agitated. She knew nothing about pregnancy and even less about birth, and she was becoming deathly afraid of what was to come. Even though she knew that the actual birth would not be for a while yet, she feared the fact that she would have no help.
The only thing that preserved her levelheadedness was her thoughts of Shan. The life within her was as much him as it was her, and even though his impregnation of her had been an unexpected event, the baby was conceived in love, and she wanted it badly. It was her link to Shan and her deliverance from loneliness. It was a reason to live, and she felt optimistic about the future for the first time in a long time.
Deep down she wished that Shan could have seen the baby, but she knew that it was for the best that he never know about it. She was also aware that with each passing day, Shan had kept her secret and Korba was safe. Chelan knew that his trip back to the Empire was riddled with dangers and that it was just as likely that he would succumb to the planet or the fighters as make it home. But she never thought of that. He was a great Imperial warrior, and thanks to her love and care, he was in superb condition. In her mind, he had made it. And for sanity’s sake, that conclusion was indisputable.
Chelan spread out the clean furs by the pool’s edge and eased down into them. It had been well over two Iceanean years since she had seen Korba, almost four long Earth years, and still she wondered how he was. She smiled to herself, feeling that he was well, and because of her, hopefully, Shan was also looking out for him. But Chelan did not have long to bask in her warm and comforting thoughts as the first painful cramp seized her.
She gasped, clutching at her swollen belly, her eyes wide with terror. “No!” she cried. “It’s too soon,” and she struggled to her feet. Her heart was pounding, and she gasped for air. Then she stood very still and the pain began to recede.
Her face was drenched with moisture from her ensuing panic, but slowly she regained control. She wiped the hair from her face and then smiled as she felt the baby kick. “It’s okay,” she soothed, and she took a deep breath. “Please be false labor, please be false labor …”
Chelan began to walk around the cavern slowly and then approached the pool. She was just beginning to feel better when her body was racked by another violent spasm. Chelan sank to her knees, her tears gushing forth. “Oh god, no. It’s too soon,” she whimpered. What do I do?” She panted as she waited for the pain to subside.
Then, quickly, she began gathering all her possessions around her. She had no idea why she felt the need to bring all her belongings together, but it gave her comfort.
As the third cramp took her, her back began to ache terribly. Chelan sat down and simply waited for whatever was to come. There was nothing else she could do. Her body was no longer hers, and now only time would dictate the outcome.
Chelan bundled her shroud and lay her head on it. She instinctively stroked her hands over her bare belly in soothing circles. Then, suddenly, she wished with all her heart that Shan was with her. She missed him desperately, and Chelan closed her eyes. It was midmorning, and she just hoped that the baby arrived before the blackness of night.
Chelan pulled a large fur blanket up over her naked body and clenched her jaw as the fourth contraction hit. She gritted her teeth and worked through it, relieved when it finally passed. For a moment, she was excited about the baby, but dread kept gnawing at the edges of her happiness. Chelan shook her head. No, everything was going to be okay, it had to be. This baby was her life, and without it, she would wither up and die.
She curled up into a ball and braced herself. It was time to pay attention to what her body was telling her. She knew that first births could take a lot of time, and she was going to need all her strength. She took in several deep, calming breaths, and then she smiled. She needed to focus on the positive. She needed to banish her worries and look to the future. She was having a baby, Shan’s baby, and everything was going to be fine.
Chapter 28
Korba paced back and forth across the large room that was Dar’s quarters. Dar sat watching him, smiling to himself. “Will you sit down and relax?” he chuckled. “You’re worse than a caged animal.”
Korba looked at Dar with icy eyes. “It’s an absolutely horrid mission,” he exclaimed as he resumed his pacing.
Dar looked down. “We’ve organized them before,” he stated tonelessly.
“It’s always a waste,” retorted Korba as he slumped into his chair.
Dar’s doors opened suddenly, and Fremma strode in unannounced. “Well, she’s up, and the refit is almost complete.”
Korba shook his head. “It’s about bloody time.”
Dar chuckled. “Oh, come on, Korba!” he shouted as he stood
up. “You’ll live. A few days on Iceanea hasn’t killed you yet, and you know that I more than anyone, save Fremma, empathizes with your anxiety. But RIBUS 7 needed the work, and you know it. You’re only more agitated than usual because of the mission.”
Fremma looked at Korba. “How many men are there?”
Korba pushed back in his chair. “There are twenty-four, but more volunteered.” Korba paused. “It’s hard to believe that the day after tomorrow they will be off to a certain death.”
Dar shifted in his seat. “That’s why we asked for volunteers. Their mission is imperative even though the odds of their survival are nearly nonexistent.”
“That reminds me,” interjected Fremma. “Toran is upset about one of the volunteers. He would prefer that we replace him.”
“Who’s that?” asked Dar.
“He used to be one of Toran’s First Officers. His name is Shan.”
Dar nodded. “Ah, that’s the man who spent so long in the Dead Zone after being shot down by a Southern fighter.”
Fremma nodded. “Yes, he’s the one. And from what I’ve heard, it’s a pretty bizarre story.”
Dar nodded. “So what’s the problem with him?”
“Well, Toran feels that he is quite capable of regaining his previous rank, and even more. But for some reason, he’s always on the verge of going off the deep end. Toran had him checked thoroughly and the doctors say he’s fine, except he’s probably suffering some sort of mental trauma from all his months alone in the Dead Zone.”
Dar shrugged. “That doesn’t make sense. An officer could easily endure years of isolation in the Dead Zone or any inhospitable environment.”
Korba finally looked up. “I had heard that he wasn’t alone, but was attended by a Southern woman.”
Fremma nodded. “So the story goes. And from what I understand, no one knows the whole tale. Shan isn’t talking. But I guess that his psychological profile may have more to do with the accident and his injuries than his isolation. Anyway, Toran says that he seems to have a death wish and that he jumped at this mission.” Fremma faced Korba directly. “Toran seems to think that you can talk him out of it.”
