Letting Go of You (Anchored Hearts #2)

by J. M. Witt

  After dinner, Cassidy walked with mom to her room. They were in there for a long time before Cassidy came out. I met her in the hall and she told me, “She wants to talk to you.”

  “Okay. Please wait for me. We need to talk.”

  Cassidy simply nodded as I headed back to mom’s room. Mom was sound asleep already. I placed her frail hand in my own and she opened her eyes. “Jimmy. What is it son?”

  “Cassidy said you needed to talk to me.”

  “No. I’m good. Go be with your bride.”

  That defiant woman. I was going to throttle her. I kissed mom on the cheek and hurried out of the room. Cassidy was nowhere in sight. When I glanced out the front windows, her car was gone.

  “Dammit.”

  “James?”

  “Sorry, Dad. I have to run. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

  “Word of advice son. ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘You were right’. Works every time.” I rolled my eyes at him and headed out the door. “Welcome to marriage!” He was grinning like a fool as I got in the truck and drove away.

  Chapter 18 ~Promise

  ~ CASSIDY ~

  I was flipping through the channels, not even aware of what was on the TV. My thoughts were elsewhere. With him. A chill ran up my spine and then his voice filled the air.

  “I’m surprised you came.”

  I couldn’t help but jerk at his snide comment. “I’m surprised you care.” Jerk. He wasn’t going to make this easy on me.

  “I just got off the phone with Smith.”

  “I figured.” I knew Smith wouldn’t keep it from him. I didn’t want to trouble Cal and I didn’t figure James would take my call.

  “Would you please look at me?”

  “What for?” Seriously. What the hell for? If I looked at him, I might break down. I WOULD NOT BREAK!

  He walked and stood in front of the TV, like he was impeding my view. That would require me to actually be watching it. I just stared out, everything a blur, before I looked up to him.

  “You’re acting like a child, Cassidy.”

  I was raging, close to my breaking point. How dare he say I was acting like a child? Standing, I slapped him across the face, as hard as I could. He barely flinched. “Fuck. You.” Walking away I mumbled, “I knew this was a mistake.” It was time for me to go before things got out of hand.

  “Cassidy, wait.”

  “Go to hell.” I had pulled my coat on and rushed to the front door, which he then blocked. I had to get out of here before I started breaking shit. “Let me go.”

  “Not until we talk.”

  I needed to break shit and if he wasn’t careful, it would be him. “I tried talking to you last night you asshole. You didn’t care to talk then and I don’t care to talk now.”

  “Got anymore curses to throw at me?”

  Bet your ass I do. “Let’s see. Prick, douchebag, cocksucker…”

  “I am no cocksucker.” He was fucking smirking at me, like it was funny.

  FUCK. Resist Cassidy. “I’m not doing this with you, James.”

  “You’re my wife, we’re doing this.” He went there.

  “Wife!” NO! I looked to J.J., but couldn’t make eye contact with him. “You’re married?”

  “Dad. We need to talk to you.” James took the lead and for the first time since I had arrived, I was glad to hear him talking.

  “I’d say so. Maybe we should wait for your mother to wake up.”

  “NO!” We burst out in agreement.

  “She’ll be ecstatic!”

  “Dad, please sit down.”

  James explained all the nasty details to J.J. Except the annulment part. That was neither here nor there.

  “I underestimated you, my girl.” J.J. looked to me and smiled.

  “Yeah, I’m hearing that a lot.” I was a fool to think I would make everything better by going to the police station. Before I knew it, J.J. was hugging me.

  “Eva will be overjoyed. We’ll tell her at dinner, but keep out the bits about you lying to the police.”

  “Sounds good.” I didn’t know what else to say.

  I felt his eyes on me and continued to resist losing myself in his glare. He made it clear he didn’t want me there and I was planning to leave the first chance I got. It probably would’ve been easier to avoid his eyes had I sat next to him at dinner instead of across from him. Eva was wiping away tears of joy at one point, ignorant to the tension between us. He was boring a hole into me and I felt like I might suffocate.

  Eva asked me to walk her to her room and I abided. We made it inside and I noticed it much changed since last I saw her there. There was now a hospital bed setup, with machines and other pieces of medical equipment. Her nurse helped her back into bed and then left the room, giving us some privacy.

  We talked for quite some time and when my tears ceased, I left the room. She had already fallen asleep. James was waiting down the hall for me. Was he hell bent on torturing me?

  “She wants to talk to you.” It was the only chance I had to leave without another confrontation. He took the bait without hesitation.

  “Okay. Please wait for me. We need to talk.”

  I nodded and once he turned into her room, I sprinted down the hall. Thankfully J.J. was nowhere to be seen and I easily escaped out the door. I hopped in my car and headed home, all fears of where Dan was, forgotten. My conversation with Eva was fresh in my mind.

  “I’m so happy you two tied the knot. You’ll have a beautiful life together.”

  I put on a smile and thanked her. I couldn’t let her know anything was wrong. It was the only thing I had to give her; the thought of my happily ever after with her son. She made no qualms about admitting that was what she wanted. And, I wanted it too.

  I wiped the tears away and struck the steering wheel. My phone started ringing that fucking ringtone, his ringtone, and I put it on vibrate before chucking it on the passenger floor. Parking in the garage, I saw his lights pull up the drive as the door was closing. Walking in the garage door, I came through toward the front door and tried closing the door against him as it started to open.

  “Go away. You’re not wanted here.”

  “I’m not leaving until we talk.”

  I knew it was pointless. Releasing the door, I turned and marched upstairs with him right behind me. I threw my door closed behind me, but he was already through it. Standing with my back to him as I tried to compose myself, I heard his steps come closer.

  “Don’t touch me.” I knew if he touched me, he would immediately have the advantage. His steps ceased.

  “Cassidy. I’m sorry. I was wrong.”

  WHAT! Now he was saying those words. I turned on him, spitting out, “About what? You shredded me.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. I should’ve believed you.” He was walking closer and I didn’t stop him when he pulled me to him.

  “Yes, you should’ve.” My head was resting on his chest.

  “Please, Blackbird. Please. I’ll do anything.”

  “We can’t keep doing this. It hurts so much. You’re killing me, slowly. I don’t know if I can live like this.”

  “I’ll do anything, give you anything. What do you want?”

  “I want you. Only you.”

  “You have me, we’re married.”

  If that’s what he thought I meant he was a bigger idiot than I thought. “I don’t want your name. I want YOU.” I pulled back and beat my fists on his chest and repeated it, “I want you.”

  He grasped my wrists in his hands and put them behind my back. “You have me.” My eyes were closed and I felt his nose skim the length of mine.

  “You think you’ve given yourself to me, but you haven’t. You’re still keeping parts of yourself hidden from me.”

  “The things hidden from you are for your protection. I can’t relive those memories with you. The flashbacks and nightmares alone, nearly kill me. My heart, soul and body are yours, Cassidy. But my mind, parts of it are just too damaged to share.”
>
  “Promise me you’ll stop pushing me away anytime things get rough.” I opened my eyes and saw that his were closed. “James, you’re my person. The first person I want to talk to when anything exciting or horrible happens. Let me be yours. Please.”

  “I’m so used to being my own person.”

  “James, if you can’t try, this will never work. A person can only take so much of your Jekyll and Hyde routine.”

  He let out a big breath and sighed, “I’ll try Cassidy. I promise.”

  My fingers fell to his face, without thought, and he leaned into my hand. Was I making a mistake? How many times had we gone through this in just a short few months? I’d lost count. Could I handle a lifetime of this? I looked into his eyes and knew that I would probably go through this with him till the day I died, if it meant he was standing in front of me, looking at me the way he was in that moment. I knew I was a fool.

  “Blackbird…”

  “Stop that. You know I can’t resist you when you call me that.”

  “I know.”

  I yanked myself from his hold. “I’m still angry with you.”

  “I know that too.” He leaned in to kiss me and I vehemently objected. There was no way I was going to make this easy. “Just say your safe word and this is over. I won’t stop pushing until then.”

  “I have a hard limit.” His eyes searched mine. “No more leaving in the middle of the night. I can’t take it.”

  “Cassidy.”

  “JAMES!”

  “It’s not that I don’t want to stay, it’s that I can’t sleep.”

  “That doesn’t mean you have to leave. I’d rather be awake with you than wake up feeling abandoned.”

  He seemed to be digesting my words as he stared at me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that’s how you felt.”

  “Well, now you know.” My hands gripped his shirt as I placed my forehead on his chest. “I can’t breathe without you.” His hands started to come around my back and I moved to my dresser. My iPod was sitting there and I moved to it and hit play on one of my favorite songs, knowing it was on repeat.

  As the soft, melodic tune played, I waited to see what he would do. Since the first time I heard the song, as a teenager, I loved it. I lost myself in the song, hearing and feeling nothing else except Fade Into You by Mazzy Star. I was still wearing my coat, so I took it off and threw it on the floor by the door. His eyes followed me as I moved through the room, waiting to see what I’d do next. I wasn’t even sure if I knew. I bent over to remove my boots and like a bolt of lightning, he was crouched down in front of me, removing them for me.

  His hands traveled up my calves just behind my knees and back down. I grabbed a fistful of hair, tilting his head so that his eyes were where I could see them. He looked remorseful and like he would do anything I asked. All I wanted was for him to take charge. I was sick and twisted. I pushed away from him, but not before he stood, grabbing my arm and yanking me against his body. With my back to his torso, his arms encircled me as he swayed with me to the rhythm of the song.

  I felt his hot breath against my temple as he began knocking down my walls. My eyes closed and my head fell back. He was nuzzling my neck as I turned my head further to give him access. His hands held me on each side, just under my breasts before he moved them down to the hem of my tunic length sweater. Once he was there he moved them underneath and proceeded to brand my skin with his touch. I lifted my arms without regret as he removed it from me. As the sweater fell to the floor, his hands came to rest on my shoulder blades, pushing the straps of my bra down and off my arms.

  Needing him closer, I tried turning to face him, but he ceased my movement. Slowly, he guided me across the room as his hands found mine and lifted them above my head. He placed them on the wall in front of me and I flashed back to our time in the elevator and moaned.

  “Don’t move.”

  I wasn’t sure if he really said it or if I was just remembering what he had said in that elevator. My breasts felt the chill as he unclasped my bra and it fell from around my trembling body. Careful not to move my arms from their position above us, I tried leaning back into him. I came face to face with the wall as his body pressed against me. I attempted to push back against him once more.

  “Stop it.”

  “Make me.” I was playing with fire, we both knew it. I wanted to be completely immobile, with only him on me and in me. “I want to remember that you were here.”

  “You’ll never forget I was here. I own you.” He finally pressed against me as his hand traveled up the inside of my thighs.

  Gasping once he clutched me, I whispered, “Prove it.”

  “I think you want me to lose control.”

  “Make it hurt.”

  “Cassidy.” He spun me around. “What’s gotten into you?” I couldn’t look at him, it hurt too much.

  “If you make it hurt enough, maybe I won’t like it anymore. I don’t want to like it anymore.”

  He cupped my cheek and brought his eyes down to mine. “Cassidy, it’s who you are and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a little consensual pain.” It seemed like he had more to say, but didn’t.

  “I more than enjoy it. You’ve ruined me.”

  “Baby, I didn’t ruin you. You’ve ruined me, wrecked me on your shores of love and acceptance. I love you.”

  He leaned down to kiss me, his eyes watching to see if I would resist him again. Closing my eyes, I wrapped my hands around his forearms, bracing myself for what was to come. His kiss burned into my soul. Frantically my hands pulled at his shirt in search of his skin. He pulled away, pulling his shirt over his head and then yanked me roughly against him. He was so warm, I wanted to bury myself under his skin.

  His hands moved to my ass and tugged my legs around his waist, causing me to lock my arms around him. Pressing my back against the wall, his erection constrained against me. I found the buckle of his belt, followed by his jeans, lowered the zipper and wrapped my hand around him. I heard the tear of fabric, not realizing it was my leggings, followed by my panties, until the cool air brushed against my warm skin. Clutching at his neck as he braced me against the wall, he pushed his pants down.

  The tip of his cock gently bounced against me as his hands cupped my ass. With my chest heaving, I leaned back to meet his eyes as he lowered me onto his dick. He slid right in, which was no surprise. I was a puddle long before he had even touched me. His fingers dug into my cheeks as he raised me and lowered me again, going deeper each time. Buried deep, the blinding pleasure, from having him seated so profoundly inside me, came in short bursts as he moved harder and deeper.

  Clinging to him, he moved us toward the bed, almost tripping on his jeans. I grated in protest when he separated our bodies, dropping me to the bed. He yanked the tattered shreds of my leggings and panties off my calves before yanking and tugging off his shoes and pants. Scooting up the bed as he climbed on top of me, I yanked his hair to bring him closer. Instead of finding my lips he found my breasts and sucked and nipped at them till I was in agony with my need for him.

  He made the trek down my body as I gripped the bars of my headboard. He didn’t tease me, simply consumed me with his tongue. I pushed and pulled my arms, rocking against his face. It felt so good. I would come at any moment.

  “Stop.” He looked to me startled. “I want you inside me when I come, please. I want you wrapped around me, inside and out.”

  He got on his knees and I did the same. Our hands explored each other like it was the first time. As his tongue lavished attention to my mouth, I reveled in my taste on his lips. He smacked my ass before bringing my legs around him once again. He walked on his knees the short distance up the bed until my back was against the metal headboard. I jumped as the cold pierced my skin and he buried himself in me once more.

  I clung to him like my life depended on it. He was mine and I was his. Leaning back, our skin was slick and the smell of sex filled the air, he brought a hand between us to rub my clit. I move
d my arms back and gripped the bars once more. His thighs lowered and raised as he plunged in and out of me and I met him with every thrust.

  “Oh, James. Don’t, oh, God.” My hands were numb as I clutched the bars and fucked him till I couldn’t hold back any more. I watched the sweat cover his brow as he came closer, frenzy in his eyes. He buried his face in my neck, sucking on the side of it as he flooded into me, with me quivering around him.

  “My Blackbird.”

  When I woke I was cradled against his chest. He was still there. I started to roll away from him, to my side, and he came with me, covering my back in his cocoon embrace. I fell back asleep, a smile on my lips, praying that we had made progress.

  ~<>~<>~<>~

  The next couple weeks went really well. The guys were still working on finding proof of who killed Derek. Jane and Cal were trying to remain optimistic. The footage from the hospital was proving to be difficult to salvage and there were over six dozen cameras and eight hours to scan through. It was a daunting task that James and Smith spent hours on. Even Melissa was helping in hopes she would recognize one of Dan’s cronies.

  Surprisingly, Melissa took the news about us eloping pretty well. Almost too well, like it didn’t faze her. Paul, on the other hand, was avoiding me. I felt bad for him. If he had hopes of rekindling things, they were dashed when word came that we were married. I convinced him to have lunch with me and we talked. He congratulated me.

  “You both deserve to be happy. I’ll find my happiness. I just thought it would be with you.”

  We were sitting in James’ office one day—I had left work early to see him—when Melissa called him. I rolled my eyes and tried to not be obvious that I was eavesdropping.

  “Are you sure that’s a good idea. Melissa, don’t get yourself killed.” That caught my attention and I turned my head to look at him. “I don’t think it’s a good idea. We can protect you. Okay. Please be safe.” He hung up the phone and dropped it on his desk. He looked to me, “Dan is using again, hard core, and when he was tripping out he said some things. Threatening her, you, me and Jane.”