Letting Go of You (Anchored Hearts #2)

by J. M. Witt

  I looked at the picture stuck in the frame of my mirror, and I couldn’t help but smile at the cute boy with a hula hoop hanging off his waist. My best friend and next-door neighbor, Max Morrison, was my rock. He was also the lead singer of the band Raging Urge. Ryker was the drummer and Max’s other best friend. I had asked Max about Ryker’s attitude once, and he didn’t have an answer for me. All Max had said was he didn’t want to get in the middle of us, but he’d be cool with it if we got together. I knew Max would never say anything to hurt my feelings, but he wouldn’t let my heart get crushed either. I took his words as a green light to move forward with my plan.

  In a few hours, Raging Urge was playing at a club in town called The Ruins, and I’d told Max I would come out to be their number-one fan. They had enough groupies who thought they were Raging Urge’s top fan, but I’d been listening to these guys for years, so I called dibs on that title. My plan was to go to the club with Paige, a former classmate I’d tutored. We weren’t close, but she’d offered to take me out for my first “legal” drink. Paige wasn’t in on my plan to tell Ryker I had feelings for him because I knew that if I told her, she’d screw something up for me. Paige and I had hung out at a party once, and when I told her I thought a guy was hot, she devoted her attention to him for the rest of the night and probably into the next morning.

  I sat at my makeup table and applied finishing touches to my eyes and lips. Once my baby blues were lined in black and my lips were shiny, I was ready to go. My phone chimed with a message from Paige that she was outside. With my purse in hand and my confidence coated with a bit of nerves, I headed out, determined to make it a night I wouldn’t forget.

  She waved at me through the window, and I prayed the night went off without a hitch. The weather was perfect for a May night in Rochester. It wasn’t too cold, and the gentle breeze was calming. I took in a deep breath before I got in her car. Here we go.

  Paige was wearing a black mini-skirt, high-heeled pumps, and a white top that left little to the imagination. She beamed at me. “Happy birthday! Are you ready to have fun and have your first legal drink?”

  “Thank you. Yeah, let’s get the show on the road.”

  Her zippy little red car careened through the neighborhood, turning the street lights into a blur. She pressed a button on her steering wheel and cranked the music. The band booming through her speakers was Blanco Diablo, the guys’ favorite group. Raging Urge aspired to be like them one day.

  “I didn’t know you liked BD,” I said.

  Her thumb pressed the button to lower the sound. “I remembered you telling me that your friend and the other guys in the band liked them, so I figured I should listen. You know, so I had something to talk about with them. Not that I plan on doing much talking tonight.” She winked, and my nerves spiked.

  Even though we were zipping by other cars, I felt as if we were moving in slow motion as my heart sank into my stomach. “What do you mean?”

  “Are you kidding?” She glanced at me before putting her eyes back on the road. “You have to realize how hot these guys are. We are going to have a blast tonight. I call dibs on the drummer. Who do you want?”

  Did she just say her plan was to go after Ryker? No way, this isn’t happening to me. Shit, what do I do? I took a deep breath and twisted my hands in my lap. “Paige, I need to tell you something.”

  “Yeah, okay, what?” She turned the car into the club’s parking lot.

  I needed to make it fast. “Please don’t go after the drummer.”

  She tossed the gear shift into park and pushed a button that turned off her car. “Why?”

  “Because, I… um… I…” My voice hitched, and my breaths were short.

  Her eyes widened. “Oh! I get it. You like him. Does he know? He doesn’t seem like your type, and you definitely don’t seem like his. What about your friend? Why don’t you go for him?”

  “Max? He’s like a brother to me! No, I like Ryker, and I have for years. Just leave him alone for me. Consider it a birthday present.”

  “Fine, but if he comes on to me, all bets are off.” She opened her door and got out.

  If he came on to her, she could bet her ass all bets were off; why would I want him if he wanted her? My hand was on the handle of my door, and after taking three deep breaths, I opened it and followed Paige inside.

  I was ready to pull out my license, but the bouncer just took one look at Paige and waved us in. Paige walked straight to the bar, passing some guys at a table lined with pitchers of beer.

  One of the frat boys called, “Hey, ginger!”

  Paige turned around and threw her hand on her now cocked hip. “Yes?” She really was stunning, and she had confidence in spades. Her five foot eight body sauntered up to their table.

  Some guy with a backward baseball hat stood and flashed an award-winning smile. “Why don’t you and your friend join us?”

  Paige looked at me with a pleading expression, but I just shook my head.

  She strode back to me. “Come on, these guys are hot! It’s free drinks, and it’s your birthday! Come on!” She looked back at the guys and put up her index finger. “Live a little, let your hair down, and have fun. Your friends aren’t even here yet.”

  Maybe drinking with them wasn’t a bad idea. If she liked those guys, then I would have the chance I needed with Ryker. “Okay, fine.” I gave her my best smile and started walking with her toward the table of frat boys.

  She stopped in her tracks and whispered to me, “Once the band gets here, we’ll ditch these guys. If I wanted to sleep with a college man, I would go to parties on campus.” She giggled and continued on.

  She was using me to get to Max and the guys. Great. I was an idiot for thinking she wouldn’t go after Ryker. I sat down at the table next to Paige.

  Mr. Backward Baseball Cap introduced us to everyone. I didn’t really pay attention because I couldn’t care less what their names were. One guy poured us each a glass of beer and handed us shots. The beer I was fine with, the shots not so much.

  As the small glass of foggy liquid was passed to me, I held up my hand. “No, thanks.”

  Paige slammed hers back and batted her eyes. “Yum! I love lemon drops!”

  It didn’t take them long to offer her another and then another. She was getting giddy, and I was getting nervous. I lifted my glass and took a sip of my beer; actually, it was more of a guzzle. As soon as I placed the half-full glass on the table, it was filled again. Paige was laughing, and the guys were all over her. She thrived on the attention. When some guy—I think his name was Mike—sat next to me, I felt as though I needed air, so I excused myself to go to the ladies’ room.

  I spun around and smacked right into a hard mass of muscle. “Excuse me.” With my head still lowered, I tried to walk around the man.

  “No worries, Dude.”

  I stopped moving. I’d dreamt about that voice. I looked up to see the hazel eyes that haunted my dreams. “Oh, it’s you. Sorry, and don’t call me dude.”

  “Whatever. Where’s the fire?” Ryker asked.

  My eyes went to the table of guys. Paige was sitting on one of their laps. I felt alone. “I… um… I’m just going to the ladies’ room.” Should I tell him now? The clicks of the chains pulling the rollercoaster up the hill sounded in my head. I swallowed hard. “Ryker?”

  He looked at me, over my shoulder at the table I’d just left, and back at me. I thought I saw something in his eyes, something different. His eyes were soft, almost kind. Did he care about me? A smile grew on my face as he looked at me.

  “Yeah, what’s up?” He motioned his chin toward Paige. “She a friend of yours?”

  “Yeah, I went to school with her.” My body relaxed until I noticed his lip curl up as he looked at her. Like a dope, I turned and saw her crook her finger for him to come to her.

  I shook my head, took a deep breath, and walked away. Apparently I hadn’t seen softness in Ryker’s eyes. What I had seen was Paige running her hands down
Ryker’s torso as I left. How I longed to do that. But she’d never stop until she had exactly what she wanted from him, and he definitely wouldn’t say no.

  Rather than going to the bathroom, I sat at the bar. I ordered another beer and reached into my purse for money. My stool swiveled just in time to see Paige and Ryker getting cozy. She whispered in his ear and then looked over his shoulder to shrug and smirk at me. It was my twenty-first birthday; I should have been the one getting cozy with him. I’d had such high hopes for the night, and as usual, it wasn’t going as planned. My roller-coaster ride had ended before I’d made it to the top of the hill. Hell, I hadn’t even buckled in for the ride.

  The bartender placed what I had learned was a lemon drop shot in front of me.

  “I didn’t order this,” I said.

  A gruff voice caught me off guard. “I did.”

  Mike from the frat boy’s table sat next to me. “Your friend said it was your birthday. I thought we’d do a shot together since you left us.”

  I smiled. “Thank you.”

  He picked his up and raised it. “To you. May your birthday be everything you hoped it would be, and may all your wishes come true.”

  All I could do was say, “Cheers.” I tossed the liquid back, and it actually tasted really good.

  “So what’s your name?”

  “I’m Faith.” Did I want to get to know the guy? I watched Paige sitting on Ryker’s lap as they drank beer together. Unbelievable. “You’re Mike, right?”

  He grinned. “You got it, babe.”

  “Well, Mike, I appreciate the shot, but I’m going to be heading out. I was just stopping in tonight. I didn’t intend on staying.” I’d just lied through my teeth to what could be a fun guy.

  He made some idle conversation, but I wasn’t paying attention. I’d just wasted time on this guy, and I wasn’t going to get it back. I picked up my purse and slid off the stool, but not before draining my beer.

  Mike looked shocked. “Are you seriously leaving?”

  “Yup. Thanks again, and it was good meeting you.” I gave him a flippant wave and walked to the back of the club, where I knew the band would be. My head spun a little, but not enough to deter me from seeing Max; I needed him.

  The bar was getting crowded, but I finally got to the back hallway to find my rock. Instead, I found Paige pinned against the wall. Her leg was around Ryker’s waist. Her skirt rode high, and it looked as though his finger was in her thong. My eyes filled, and I couldn’t move as Paige’s lips covered his. I wished I was near a ladies’ room, because I thought I was going to throw up.

  Max walked out of the back and witnessed the scene. He shook his head and looked at me. With one look at my face, his fell. Max nudged Ryker as he walked by. Paige didn’t notice, but Ryker turned and looked right at me. Our eyes locked, and I thought I saw regret, but for what: the interruption or me? I couldn’t stop staring as he went back to work on Paige’s lips. Must have been for the interruption.

  Max took my arm and led me away. “What are you doing back here? Is that your friend with Ryker? I thought I saw you come in with her.”

  “Yeah, I guess she is. I was coming to find you to tell you that I’m going home.” Just then it dawned on me that Paige had driven me. I didn’t have a ride home.

  Max sighed. “Are you okay? Why are you leaving?”

  My eyes closed, and my lip trembled. I willed tears not to come. “I just can’t be here. I tried, I really did. Tonight was going to be my night, and now all of my plans are ruined. I just want to go home.” The throbbing in my eyes verged on painful, and I chastised myself for being so upset. I willed the tears to stay at bay.

  He put his hand on the small of my back and walked me into what must have been a break room. There were lockers in it, and some guy in an apron was on the phone speaking in Spanish. That was good. At least he couldn’t understand us. Or maybe he would. I didn’t know, and I really didn’t care.

  Max leaned up against a metal door. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

  “I was going to tell him tonight.” My voice cracked, but I had managed to get it out.

  “Tell who what?”

  “Ryker. I was going to tell him how I felt about him, but then Paige happened. Now I can’t, and I won’t. Why, Max? What’s wrong with me?” A tear escaped, and I wiped it away.

  “Faith, nothing is wrong with you. You know how he is. I tell you all the time, and you’ve seen it with your own eyes. Ryker doesn’t do relationships. He just does… women.”

  “Yeah, I know. I just wanted to be that woman.”

  Max hugged me. “I know you do, but you aren’t like that—unless something happened that I don’t know about.”

  I shook my head. “No, I want him to be my first. That’s stupid, right?”

  His arms loosened, and he rubbed my arms. “You like him that much? I mean, I knew you liked him, but all women like him.”

  My voice was lost. I couldn’t tell him anymore. I loved Max, but I didn’t know if he would understand.

  “Are you going to be okay?” he asked. “Want to hang with me until we go on? We aren’t playing long sets tonight, and I can cut them back.”

  It sucked. All I wanted to do was hang out, listen to Raging Urge, and talk to Ryker. I should have known that bringing another woman was a bad idea. Not many women shy away from Ryker. The man made me crazy. “No, I’d rather go. I’m really sorry, but I had big hopes for tonight. I’ve been planning it for a while. I’m just tired now. Is your car here? Can I borrow it?” I thought about it and decided I probably shouldn’t drive. “Or do you have time to give me a ride?”

  “I didn’t drive. Ryker picked me up. I assume your friend drove?”

  I nodded as we walked back into the hallway of doom. Ryker and Paige were gone. I wished it had all been a bad dream, but it had been just my one of many “Ryker reality checks.”

  Max said, “Why don’t you just stay and watch the set? We’ll take you home. It’s your birthday. I want to buy you a drink. Please?” Max broke out his puppy dog eyes, which would normally get me to do just about anything. Max offered me his hand, but I remained stock still.

  “No way am I getting in a car with him. I’ll call a cab. I’m sorry, Max.” I kissed his cheek and grabbed my cell phone out of my purse. I googled Yellow Cab and called for a ride. Rochester, NY, wasn’t like NYC. Cabs didn’t just wait outside clubs for a fare.

  “I wish you wouldn’t leave, but I understand.” Max kissed my forehead. “Call me tomorrow, okay?”

  “Okay.” The look of disappointment on my friend’s face made me feel like shit. I’d let a non-friend ruin my night. Trying to assuage his feelings and my guilt, I agreed to watch them the next night instead.

  As I crossed the planked floor toward my refuge, which was anywhere outside of that bar, I noticed couples everywhere. Paige and some other girls were at the frat table, and Mike seemed content with the blonde on his lap. Paige didn’t even notice me exit the bar. The bouncer opened the door, and I was finally out of that godforsaken place. I took a breath of relief until I saw Ryker alone on the sidewalk, smoking a cigarette. As soon as I saw him, I turned away but didn’t get too far.

  “Where ya going, Dude?”

  I glared daggers at him. “I’m leaving. Where’s your flavor of the night? Get tired of her already?” I knew where she was, but did he? Did he even care?

  Ryker snickered. “Something like that. She really isn’t my type.”

  Yeah, not his type, my ass! “Oh? You could have fooled me.” I turned and stared at the parking lot, willing my cab to appear.

  “If you’re leaving, why are you just standing here?”

  “I’m waiting for a cab.”

  His voice became full of concern. “You called a cab? Are you drunk?”

  “No, I’m not, although it would have been a nice way to celebrate tonight.” Yes, it’s my birthday, asshole. “Not that it’s any business of yours, but my ride was busy, so I called for a cab.
”

  “Shit, I forgot today’s your birthday.” He flicked his cigarette into the parking lot and turned toward me.

  I averted my eyes and stared straight ahead.

  His lips landed on my cheek. “Happy birthday.”

  With wide eyes, I turned toward him and tried to contain my smile.

  “Don’t get excited, Dude. It was just a birthday kiss.”

  I faced forward again. “Of course. Why would you want to kiss me? I mean, I’m not your type. I’m just the girl who tags along with Max, right? Oh, and I’m a ‘dude.’ What if I told you I like you and I want to be with you?” Holy shit! Did I just say that?

  “You’re not just a girl who… I just… wait, you want me?” Ryker’s eyes became blank and devoid of any emotion.

  “You just what? Don’t want me that way? I’m not hot like Paige or your other women? I’m just the woman who pals around with guys? Maybe you’re the one with the problem. Maybe you’re not as ‘good’ as you think you are, and that’s why Paige is off giving someone else a lap dance. Your little guy not satisfying enough?”

  His eyebrows creased as Ryker took my chin between his thumb and forefinger and tilted my face up toward him. “I don’t want you. Is that clear enough?”

  I felt my face heat up. Willing my tears to stay away, I just looked at him. My heart pounded before it shattered and splintered.

  He pushed further. “And as far as my ‘little guy,’ it satisfies just fine. Don’t you worry about me. If you doubt that, you can ask Paige. She danced on my ‘not-so-little guy’ like she was on a stripper pole.”

  Again I was struck with nausea. Our eyes locked until I lowered mine to the ground. I was devastated. A car horn broke the agonizing silence. My head turned, pulling my chin out of his grasp, before I walked to the cab. I tried to hold my head high until the door closed and I told the driver to go. When we were out of sight, I gave the driver my address and tried not to sob.