by Sofia Grey
“I want you to be my wife.”
A noise in the doorway made me jump. It was Sophie, rubbing sleep-filled eyes, and with a growing smile on her face. “Did I hear that right? You guys are getting married?”
I stared at Jordan. He could have leapt in and told Sophie yes, but he waited for me to reply. While I hated to admit it, he made sense.
“I think so,” I said. “Yes. And I’m pregnant.”
Sophie squealed in delight and ran to hug me. “Oh, my God. I’m going to be an aunt. I’ll be the best aunt ever.”
“We hope you and Isaac will stand as our witnesses, at the wedding.” Jordan’s smile looked ready to crack at any moment, but my sister didn’t notice. Minutes later, Isaac offered his congratulations, and it was all a done deal.
How did that happen?
I didn’t push back hard enough. I should have said no. Stuck to my guns and walked out.
Why didn’t I?
Because I loved him.
Because I wanted to believe him.
Because I was an even bigger fool than I suspected.
* * * *
I tried to focus on the will being read, but my mind kept leaping back to the look of disgust on Jordan’s face and his absolute determination we marry. Inside, I was crying, even if the outside appearance was blank. I never wanted a full-on proposal, as Greg did for Isobel. I didn’t want pretty words and a romantic setting. What I did want, and now seemed impossible, was for Jordan to tell me he loved me and wanted to make a family with me. Not this.
I gazed at him during the reading and tried to remember how he looked when he was happy. I’d only known him a couple months. How did we arrive at this point? And what possible future could we have?
Gran left one of her London apartments to Sophie and her Anglesey house to me. I’d forgotten that old place at Rhosneigr. I spent several holidays there as a child, and I assumed the house was sold years earlier. It was an rectory, built in the mid-nineteenth century, and had been left with all its contents to me. From the description, it needed serious renovating and hadn’t been lived in for years, but it was mine. My sanctuary.
Sophie was thrilled to have a place in London. She’d no idea it would be given to her, and it fitted beautifully with her plans to move to London with Isaac. He’d be able to study full time, and once she found a job, they’d only have to cover utility bills and food. There’d be no mortgage or rent to worry about.
The problem of finding a job was resolved as well. When Sophie told Jordan she was looking for admin work, he offered her a junior-assistant position at TM-Tech. Apparently one had just left, and they hadn’t even advertised the vacancy yet. She could start as soon as they moved.
Everyone’s problems were solved, apart from mine. I was going to be married to a man who didn’t love me.
Chapter 14
14.1 Jordan
As soon as we were done with the lawyer, I was on auto-pilot, breaking the problem down into pieces, and solving each as it arose. That was how I operated at work. As long as I kept busy and didn’t have to think about anything, I’d be fine.
Were we back in Texas, it would be much faster to arrange. Here in London, I had to get a special license, but I managed to book the wedding for Monday afternoon. It was expensive, and in order to schedule it so soon, I had to bend the truth to the Registrar—as well as making a substantial donation to his nominated charity.
Next came a plain wedding band, in a size I thought would fit Kate. It could always be changed later. Flowers were a simple bouquet from the nearest florist, and then it was a case of arranging dinner for afterward. After a moment’s thought, I made reservations to fly to Paris and a suite at the Paris Savoy. It crossed my mind to fly her to Vegas for the wedding, but I wasn’t sure she’d agree to that.
As for guests… I didn’t bother with any. Sophie and Isaac would be there as witnesses, and as far as I was concerned, they were enough. I’d tell Marcus and Louisa when I told my father. After the event.
Arranging our wedding took less than two hours, and I hopped into a cab back to the apartment. With nothing more to do, my thoughts returned to Kate. My overriding emotion was fear. No—make that naked terror. She was my dream come true, but this was my worst scenario.
Marriage was not a permanent state; my father’s repeated attempts showed that. And I couldn’t think about the pregnancy. My mother died giving birth to my stillborn sister. I couldn’t—wouldn’t—think about that happening to Kate. I swallowed down the ever-present fear, knowing it’d never go away. It lurked, unseen, waiting for the right opportunity to creep out again.
Why was I adamant about inviting no guests? Louisa would be hurt, and Marcus would find it strange, but I needed to get the wedding over and done with. If I started issuing invitations, there’d be delays, and that was the last thing I wanted. Kate had been on the verge of leaving, last night. I had to fasten her to me. Make her stay.
She asked why it all had to be such a rush. Why we couldn’t wait a few weeks. She could invite people. I could invite my family. Why did we have to do it like this? I struggled to make sense when I answered. After all, what could I say? I was terrified she’d refuse to marry me, once she came to her senses. She might have an abortion.
Every protective instinct screamed at me to take care of her, especially now she carried my child. I was pushing, when she was vulnerable and stressed. It made me a bastard of the highest order, but I floundered in a sea of newly discovered emotions.
I needed to regain control.
* * * *
Back at the apartment, Kate greeted me with a defiant stare. “I want to invite Isobel and Jenny. To the wedding.”
“Sure. Anything else?”
She shook her head. She looked tired, and shame flooded me at how hard I continued to push her. “What are you going to wear? Don’t you need a dress?”
She shrugged. “I hadn’t thought about it.”
“Do you want me to take you shopping, or would that be bad luck?”
She played with her cellphone, sliding her fingers back and forth over the screen. Her voice was dull, when she said, “It wouldn’t make any difference.”
This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. What happened to the animated and lively Kate who turned my life inside out?
She was pregnant with my unplanned child.
I steeled myself for a difficult conversation. “Let’s sit down.”
She followed me into the living room and perched on the edge of an armchair. I took a seat facing her, so we were at the same level. Where to begin? “We should talk about this.”
“Which part? The have-you-been-sleeping-around part? Or maybe the we-have-to-get-married-immediately part? There’s no point in hashing out the I-forgot-to-wear-a-fucking-condom part, is there?” Anger flickered in her eyes, but I felt heartened by her sharp response. My Kate was still in there somewhere.
“How about the part where I remind you I can provide for you both? That our child can have a good start in life. We’re not penniless teenagers, having a shotgun wedding.”
“What if I don’t want you to provide for us? Children need more than money thrown at them.”
“You’re right. They need two parents.”
She huffed a laugh, but it sounded frustrated. “Neither of us is the poster child for a perfect family. Your aunt brought you up, while I had Gran when my parents were gone. And besides, a happy single parent is much better than an unhappy married couple.”
Damn it. She was right on every count. Should I admit defeat? No. Every instinct screamed to hold her close and to take care of them the only way I knew how. I had to turn away, otherwise she’d see the guilt on my face.
She didn’t want to marry me and was only doing so because I took away her other choices. Was it really worth it? I escaped to my study, where I sat and gazed out of the windows, but I didn’t see anything.
14.2 Jenny
I thought Kate was joking. “What d’you mean, you�
��re getting married on Monday?”
“You eloped. And so will we, sort of.”
Something was wrong. The light was gone from her voice. She wouldn’t have sounded more depressed if she’d said she needed a root canal.
“We eloped to Gretna, but we still had to arrange it a month in advance,” I said. “You can’t get married in three days. Not unless you go to Vegas. Is that it? You’re going to have an Elvis wedding?”
She sighed. “No. Jordan waved a magic wand, probably leaned on some people he knows, and pulled a license out of nowhere. I’d love for you to come down to London for it. Will you? Please?” Her voice cracked on the last word, and I closed my eyes in despair.
“I can’t.” Though I knew I was alone, I looked over my shoulder. “Rob thinks you’re seeing Cade. I can’t tell him you’re marrying someone else, just like that.”
The line went so quiet, I thought she must have hung up. “Kate? I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too. There’s no point asking you to come down by yourself, is there?”
“You know I can’t do that.”
“Rob wouldn’t like it?”
“Kate, please don’t be like this.”
“He’ll find out. I can’t keep lying for you.”
“Just a little longer. I’ll tell him you broke up, and then—”
“Don’t bother. Tell me when we can be friends again. I’ve got stuff to do. See you.”
I sucked in a breath at her savage tone. “Kate?”
This time she’d hung up. I sat staring at my phone for a minute, my lungs tight and my heart racing. I didn’t know which scared me more—the idea of us not being friends or telling Rob I lied about Cade.
I fingered a new bruise on my cheekbone. It was an accident. I knew that. And Rob was so apologetic. He was drunk last night and lashed out, not expecting me to be as close. All the same, I’d have to figure out how to slip in the news about Kate. Pick my moment.
We spent the day moving furniture to our new place. Rob and his friend, Brian, were still hard at it, hauling stuff in the rented van, while I stayed and unpacked. I might have everything straight by the time work rolled around on Monday.
My phone jangled again, and I grabbed it, hoping Kate had called back.
It was Isobel. “Jen. Have you heard Kate’s news? She’s marrying Mister One-Night-Stand. My God. D’you think she felt left out? You and Rob, me and Greg, and now Kate and this guy. Have you even met him yet?”
I never knew if Isobel was being catty or trying to be funny. Her tongue frequently ran away with her. “No, I haven’t met him. Are you going? To the wedding?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. How about you?”
And there was the difference between Isobel’s relationship with Greg and mine with Rob. There were no lies between them. Nothing to be covered up.
“I… No. We’re in the middle of moving in. I’m too busy.”
“Doh. I forgot about that. How’s it going?”
“Good, thanks.”
“Surely you could go down for the day? I mean, it’s Kate’s wedding.”
“I can’t. Really.”
“Do you want to go halves on a present? We could get something fab between us.”
I closed my eyes and felt the pulse throbbing in my temple. “I’m broke at the moment. I’ll have to send her something later, when I get paid.”
“Have you two fallen out or something?”
“Don’t be silly,” I said. “It’s bad timing. That’s all.”
I was getting very good at lying.
14.3 Kate
We argued on Friday night about my attending the kick-off the day after. I planned to go home afterward, and then come back down to London on Monday. It made far more sense to return to London on Sunday morning, but I felt as sulky as a teenager defying her father. It wasn’t like me.
“What’s the matter?” I snapped. “Do you think I’ll go up to Manchester and not come back?”
“It crossed my mind.” Jordan stood there, arms folded, lines puckering his forehead. He looked as stressed as me, and I regretted the way I behaved. We were adults, even if we seemed unable to act as such.
“I said I’ll marry you. I don’t break my word, Jordan.” It was easy to concede on this matter, and I agreed to come back to London after the day in Birmingham. Now I was pregnant, there’d be no boozy post-kick-off session, and I might get the late train on Saturday night. I didn’t trust myself to drive. My concentration was non-existent.
Jordan insisted he’d pick me up. He’d drive almost two hours to collect me, and then back again. I stared at him. “You don’t have to do that. I can take the train.”
His eyebrows shot up. “I’m doing this because I don’t like the idea of you putting yourself in an unsafe situation.” For a second, he looked vulnerable. “Let me look after you, Kate. Let me at least do that.”
* * * *
I walked into the conference room the next day and paused inside the entrance. I felt weird. Like I was hyped up on too much caffeine, my head buzzing and brain hurtling on a hamster wheel, but remote at the same time. I was tired. An invisible wall had grown in Jordan’s bed, with me on one side, while he lay miles away. I didn’t sleep much, and from the sighing coming from his side, he didn’t either.
My team greeted me, Colin nodded as he walked past, and the company directors said hello on their way in. There was no sign of Adam, and that was good. I emailed to tell him I needed a couple more days off, but he didn’t reply.
I snagged a seat at the back, near the doors, with people from another branch that I didn’t know well. Coping with questions from my team would be my undoing. I watched the presentations, clapped politely when required, and tuned out everything else.
Adam found me when we broke for lunch. “Ah, Kate. There you are.”
My emotional state was already razor edged. It wouldn’t take much for me to unleash my frustration with him, and I eyed him, trying to gauge his mood. He looked smug and cold.
“Adam. Did you see my leave request for next week?”
“Yes.” He stroked his chin with his fingertips. “I guess congratulations are in order. Getting married, eh?”
“Thank you.”
“A couple of days won’t be much of a honeymoon for you. Take the week off. You don’t have to use your holiday allowance.”
At any other time, I might have been suspicious, but I was so tired I didn’t care. “If you’re sure, I’ll do that. Thanks.”
“No problem.” There was his shark-like smile. “We’ll be fine without you.” He strolled away, and next minute was backslapping another guy, laughing and joking.
What just happened? Had he developed a conscience?
I resumed my seat and sipped a glass of water, the only thing that didn’t make me feel sick. I tried to focus on the presentations—long, dull finance reports that threatened to send me to sleep. Did I need to be here today? If I’d stayed at Jordan’s, would anyone have noticed? I sneaked a glance at the time on my phone. Almost four. He promised to collect me at seven. Could I ask him to come early? If he set off now, he might be here by six-thirty. I was tempted.
Quiet descended over the crowded hall. I glanced at the screen and saw Adam on stage, with the man he’d greeted earlier. They wore matching grins. What did I miss?
I stared at the screen. Exciting news, proclaimed the heading. I skimmed the bullet points.
Micro-Tel-Inc
Partnership
Growing in new directions
I’d heard of Micro-Tel-Inc. They were a communications company, and by the sound of it, ComCo’s latest partner. We were allied with a number of other organizations, and it worked well as a business model. I could read the fine details later.
Chapter 15
15.1 Kate
My wedding day wasn’t how I imagined it.
I fussed at the neckline of the dress I wore. Sophie had dragged me to the stores on Sunday, and I bo
ught the first thing I saw—an oyster-colored shift. I liked it on the hanger, but it made me look paler than ever. If I lost any more color, I’d be like a ghost. That was how I felt. A phantom, drifting aimlessly, while everyone else got on with their lives.
Sophie was busy threading silk flowers into my hair. She couldn’t stop talking about Jordan. How generous he was. How kind. How fantastic to offer her the job at TM-Tech. How wonderful my life was going to be with him and the baby. Did I want a boy or a girl?
Jordan tried to start numerous conversations with me, but I shut him down each time. I had nothing to say, to him or anyone. He made all the arrangements for today, and all I had to do was show up. It felt more like a business meeting than the start of our marriage. He hadn’t mentioned a honeymoon. It wouldn’t surprise me if he went straight back to work afterward.
“Here’s Jordan now. I’ll see if Isaac is ready.” Sophie darted away, and I turned my attention to my makeup bag and pretended to look for something.
Jordan stood behind me, and our gazes met in the mirror. I searched his face. I wanted to see something that would tell me he was happy with this, but it was like looking at a mask.
“You look beautiful.” His voice was strained, as though he’d rehearsed the words.
I forced a smile. This in no way resembled what I wanted.
I longed for him to hold me and kiss me. I needed his strength, more than ever before, but I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I knew he hated the idea of getting married. Maybe in time he’d soften and grow to love me and our child. At the moment, he treated me with the polite attention of a stranger, asking if I wanted more tea or anything to eat. He avoided me physically, as well. That cut deep.
“Is it time to go?”
He met my gaze again. He seemed about to say something, and I willed him on, but he changed his mind and looked away. He took my arm and led me into the living room, where an excited Sophie stood waiting. She thrust a bouquet of tiny pale-pink roses at me, chattering happily.
