He wraps his arm over my shoulders and pulls me into him. Three days ago this would have felt natural, just two friends hanging out, but now it feels as if it means more. Well, to me anyway. His next question quickly rips me away from my thoughts.
“Do you ever go back to Los Angeles?” Jess asks quietly.
“Los Angeles?” I look at him in confusion until it hits me. That’s where I told him I’m from. Not once has this ever happened to me. I’ve been telling people I’m from LA for years, and I’ve never been caught off guard. I hastily attempt to form a response that won’t make me seem like a total crazy person.
“Oh yeah, LA… Um, not really. There isn’t a lot back there for me,” I lie, but I think it’s too late. Jess knows I’m not being honest about something, and I can tell he wants to ask me more.
“It’s just not really home anymore, since everything happened. Breslin is home now,” I state, and it isn’t even fully a lie. Swap LA for Jersey, and what I’ve said is true. The second Mom died, I lost my home, and sometimes I even question if Breslin is able to fill the void that her absence has left.
As if reading my mind, Jess looks down at me and says the sentence that nearly breaks me. “You will always have a home with me, Els. I promise not to go anywhere.” I don’t know what to say to him, so I don’t say anything at all. And I think he gets it because we just sit here looking at one another, not needing words to express what’s going on in our minds.
And then it happens.
I don’t know who leans forward first, and I don’t even care, because one second we’re apart and the next Jess’s lips are crashing down on mine. I don’t even have a moment to doubt our actions, because Jess’s tongue has just entered my mouth and I can’t think straight.
Everything I’ve been feeling the past few days comes to the surface full-force, and I pull him into me, which elicits a small groan from him. I don’t know what’s come over me, but I suddenly feel the need to be as close to him as possible. I sense he feels the same way because he deepens the kiss while pulling me onto his lap.
I dig my hands into his hair and pull him closer to me, neither of us wanting to come up for air. Jess moves his hands past my lower back and under my dress. As soon as he touches my bare skin, I feel as if I’m on fire, a fire only he can put out.
Our kiss is frantic, almost hungry, with neither of us wanting to break it. Jess puts his hands on my ass and pulls me into him, and I can feel how much he wants me. That about undoes me, and I begin to pull at his shirt. Sensing my request, Jess quickly undoes his shirt and throws it across the room.
My breath hitches at the sight of him. I take this opportunity and run my hands all over his body as he trails kisses down my neck. I’ve never felt so turned on in my life, and I suddenly feel the need for there to be no more barriers between us.
I remove my hands from Jess to unzip the side of my dress, and understanding flares in his eyes. He quickly helps me pull it off and throws it onto the end of the bed.
“Fuck, Eleanor,” Jess huffs as he takes me in with a wicked grin.
Thankfully, I’ve worn my black lace bra and undies, or else this could be a different kind of reaction. Usually, his comments would make me embarrassed, but instead I just smile and pull him into me.
Our kiss is more intense than before and seems to be almost desperate, like a need for food or water.
As I dig my nails into Jess’s back, his hands appear to be tracing my whole body, as if trying to remember every part of me. I rock my hips into him, which makes him moan and kiss me even harder.
“Fuck, Els, I’ve wanted you like this for so long,” Jess whispers against my mouth as he slides his hands down my back.
Like I’ve just been slapped in the face and had a bucket of ice water dumped onto me, I suddenly pull back. Both of us are panting, and I can see the fire behind Jess’s eyes. What we’re doing dawns on me, and I quickly get off of Jess’s lap and to the other side of the bed.
“No,” is all I manage to get out as Jess looks at me with serious concern in his eyes.
“Els?” He reaches for me, but I flinch away. Hurt registers across his face and he pulls back.
Before he can even attempt to get anything out, I cut him off frantically. “This was a huge mistake, Jess. It can never happen again. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
I get off the bed and slide my dress on, ensuring I don’t make eye contact with him. I don’t think I can handle seeing the look on his face.
“I’m sorry. I, uh, I don’t know what came over me,” I whisper as I walk toward the door. I turn around to see a speechless Jess still sitting where I was only a few moments ago. His expression looks like a mixture of confusion and hurt, two things I wanted to avoid. With a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, I turn toward the door.
This is it, I think to myself as I face the door. Yet another thing in my life I have ruined.
“I’m no good for you, Jess,” I say shakily as I reach for the door handle. “I’m going to call a cab to take me home, but I’ll call you later,” I lie, both of us knowing full well I won’t be calling. Not able to even look him in the eyes, I bolt out of the room and head for the main staircase before Jess can reply.
My heart is racing a million miles a second, and I’m struggling to catch my breath when I hear Jess calling my name, a serious sense of urgency in his voice. I just can’t face him right now, so I keep going down the stairs, taking two at a time.
As I reach the last step, my breath catches at who I find standing in front of me: my father’s old associate, Earnest Miller. Ironically, his name doesn’t suggest his nature.
He looks at me, trying to figure out if and how he knows me. My face pales, and I must be in some sort of shock because I don’t notice when Jess comes rushing up behind me.
As if done by the devil himself, recognition dawns for Earnest just as Jess approaches.
“Amanda?” he says with a confused look on his face.
Earnest probably didn’t recognize me immediately because of my hair. It was always blonde when he knew me, so I take that advantage to get out of this situation, hoping he isn’t too confident in his findings.
“Um, you have the wrong person, sorry,” I say with as much certainty as I can muster.
“Amanda Morello?” Earnest questions once again, completely disregarding my previous answer. “It has to be you,” is all he says as he searches my face for any hints of me giving in.
At his mention of my last name, I feel my stomach drop. Morello is a common enough name that not many people would question it, but when paired with the name Vinny, everyone always recognizes it. Vinny Morello is famous for his crimes and so is his family. I’m just hoping Jess has been living under a rock for the past few years. If Earnest mentions my father, I know the jig will be up. I’ll be forced to tell Jess everything, and even worse, I might have to leave everything behind yet again.
My face never came up in the press and gossip surrounding my father, but those closest to him had met me a few times. Though, the name Amanda Morello might be familiar to those who paid close attention to the gossip surrounding Vinny. My dad always made sure that his business and personal affairs didn’t mix, but every now and then there were pieces of news surrounding his wife and daughter, all of which came to a head with Mom’s death.
I honestly don’t know how people never questioned my disappearance. Lord knows, the year and a half before I turned eighteen, I was petrified someone would track me down. I guess the fact that he never did solidifies how little I meant to my own father in the end.
I feel Jess tense behind me at Earnest’s sudden interest in me. He doesn’t seem to register the name Amanda Morello, but I know he can tell something is wrong.
“Eleanor. Her name is Eleanor,” he states with certainty and a fair bit of warning.
Earnest’s features scrunch together as if he’s trying to reason with himself, but eventually he seems to give in.
“Sorry,
you just look so similar to a young girl I used to know,” he says, shaking his head. “You’ll have to excuse me. My old mind is not what it used to be.” With that, Earnest walks away, leaving me alone with Jess.
“Eleanor,” Jess says, his voice laced with desperation and confusion, “what is going on with you? What just happened upstairs?” Yet again, I find myself unable to look him in the eyes. I pull a Vivian and begin looking anywhere but up at him.
“We got lost in the moment. It didn’t mean anything, Jess. Please, can we just forget it?” I plead. I know our friendship is probably over, but a part of me still desperately wants to save it.
“You’re saying that meant nothing to you?” Indignation slices through his voice.
Did it mean something to him?
Shock bolts through my body and I feel as if I’m made of stone, yet I know what I have to say.
“Yes,” I manage to whisper. I look up at his face briefly and regret it. The hurt in his eyes is apparent, but I know it would double if he knew the truth about me.
“Bullshit,” he snaps.
His out-of-character response catches me off guard, and I flinch at his words.
He corners me against the wall with his hands over my head, breathing heavily.
“You know as well as I do that for the past few days, something has been going on between us. You can try to fight it or ignore it, but we both know that night at the club, something changed. Everyone can see it but you, Eleanor. I’m not going to let you do what you do best and ruin this.” He takes a step closer to me so that we’re now touching, and I feel my skin set afire.
“I’m going to prove to you that there’s something here, and I’m going to make you admit it if it kills me.” I don’t have a second to respond before he briefly brushes a kiss across my lips and walks out of the room.
I’m frozen in place, unable to move or even process what the hell has just happened. His words ring fresh in my ears as I struggle to keep myself together. Everyone can see it? What is it exactly they can see?
Jess Parker thinks there’s something between us. Does he have feelings for me? Better yet, do I have feelings for him?
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Needing to get the hell out of Dodge, I race to the front of the house and call a taxi. I don’t even bother saying goodbye to anyone because I’m so scared they’ll all somehow know what’s just gone down.
The cab ride home is long and tedious, but I have no calls from Will or Viv, so I guess Jess hasn’t told them anything. But that begs the question: Will I tell Viv anything?
If I’m being honest, I’m not even sure what I would tell her. Because truthfully, I can’t figure it out myself, so how in the hell am I supposed to figure it out for her?
The sky is beginning to turn a dark shade of gray, and I can tell a storm is coming. Both literally and figuratively, just my luck.
“Is this okay?” the taxi driver asks me as he pulls up to the front of my apartment. Thankfully, I’m home and I can at least attempt to figure out what’s going on, or I can do the alternative and eat a pint of cookies ’n’ cream ice cream and pretend today never happened.
“Yes, this is great,” I tell him as I pull out some crumpled notes from my purse and hand them to him. Thankfully, I shoved these into my bag before we left, or I would have had a big problem.
“Keep the change,” I say as I quickly get out of the taxi and rush toward my door. Not that the rushing helps me escape the torrential downpour occurring; by the time I reach the front of my building, I’m saturated.
The rain is coming down hard now, and fierce thunder looms behind the angry storm clouds.
I manage to scurry up to my apartment without slipping on the stairs in my heels, and I let out a sigh of relief when I finally close the door behind me.
I pull off my now-limp party dress, which is stuck to me by rainwater, and kick my heels into the corner of my bedroom without even bothering to put them back into the box. Throwing on an oversized band T-shirt, I quickly get to the bathroom to see what damage the rain has done to my hair and makeup.
I actually jump back at the person staring back at me. My usual auburn curls are a dark shade, lying limp and wet against my head. My makeup is a bit luckier than my hair; my mascara is running a little, but not enough to make me look like a sad clown. Don’t even get me started on the state of my lipstick.
But none of that is what takes me aback. My face is flushed, and my hazel eyes have a fire behind them that’s been gone for so long, causing me to look rather…wild. There’s no doubt my afternoon with Jess has left an impression on my mental state, but to alter my physical one…
I am definitely playing with fire.
Ignoring my appearance, I scrub off the remainder of my makeup and throw my hair into a messy bun before exiting my bathroom.
The apartment is a lot colder than usual, and my skin reacts to the sudden change by sending goose bumps up and down my body. I hurry over and turn on the heater before returning to my usual spot on the couch, where I throw a blanket around myself.
Now it’s time to decide.
Think about the mess of today? Or eat that tub of ice cream I know is sitting in my freezer?
My mind tells me to process everything, but my stomach tells me to fuck it and go to town with two close friends, Ben & Jerry.
My thoughts are interrupted by my phone vibrating on the side table next to me.
Shit, it’s Vivian.
Realizing that ignoring her calls will only make my situation a whole lot worse, I put on a brave voice and pick up the phone. I even plaster a smile on my face, even though I know she can’t see me.
“Hey, Viv,” I say, attempting to sound cheery.
“Ellie! Where are you? Jess said you aren’t feeling well.” Her usual cheery tone reeks of curiosity, and I instantly know something is off.
Either Jess has told her about what happened, which is unlikely, or she’s just being Vivian, my best friend who is always able to tell when something has gone down.
Now is the time to decide. Lie to her or confess, the latter being something I have always struggled with.
“I think I might have caught something a few days ago, so I decided to head home. You know, so I don’t spread it around.” My voice is hollow, and I wouldn’t even believe my own lie.
Vivian is quiet on the other end of the line, and I know she knows I’m full of shit.
“So this has nothing to do with the fact that there’s something going on between you and Jess?” Her tone isn’t annoyed, but rather is laced with concern and a touch of curiosity.
I can’t hide the small gasp that escapes my lips but quickly attempt to cover my tracks.
“Nothing happened,” I lie and instantly feel like shit for it.
Vivian lets out a huff before responding. “You know, Ellie, for someone whose whole life is basically built on lying, I would think you would be better at it by now.” And with that, she hangs up.
To say her words hurt would be an understatement, and I can’t help but feel a slice across my chest. They’re words we’ve both always known are true but would never have said aloud. I guess one of us just decided to stop pretending.
I feel completely alone, and all I want to do is call up Viv or Jess, but I can’t. I can’t because this isolation is self-inflicted, so instead, I pull the throw over myself and pray that sleep will soon descend upon me.
Miss You Love
I jolt awake with a queasy feeling in my stomach. Sweat covering my brow, I gasp for air as I throw my blanket off. I’m still on the couch, but I feel as if I’m in Dante’s Inferno because of the heat engulfing my body. The blinds have sunlight bleeding though them, which streams onto the couch. So, it must be morning, yet I don’t see any sign of Viv.
Attempting to pull myself together, I sit up on the couch and venture into figuring out what the hell is going on with me.
I run my hands over my face in frustration, then through the ratted mess tha
t is my hair. There are so many people I need to talk to right now, so many things I need to make right, but I don’t even know where to begin.
I guess it isn’t where to begin, but with who. I know I need to call Vivian, but I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say to her. Yes, we’ve fought in the past over much worse things, but I guess I’m scared of what will come out of the talk.
There isn’t anyone in this world who knows me better than Viv. Winona once held that position, but I made sure to push her away, something I have become very good at.
I let out a breath and pull myself to my feet, glancing at the clock next to me. It’s seven a.m., but considering I went to sleep around five p.m., I should be feeling relaxed after fourteen hours of sleep. Unfortunately, not so much.
I don’t have any classes today and I know Viv doesn’t either, so it’s my chance to make things right between us.
I spend the next twenty minutes trying to tidy up our apartment before Viv gets home. I guess I try to tell myself that if my apartment is in order, then maybe my life might be. But even I can’t buy into that.
Today will be okay.
I repeat that to myself as I head into my bathroom to take a shower. Before I hop in, I put my iPod on shuffle, curious to see what song will be greeting my ears.
As I pull open the shower door, steam fills my tiny bathroom and the lyrical styling of Damien Rice fill my ears. I’ve got to give it to the guy; his songs are depressing as hell but also beautiful in a broken kind of way. I guess a part of me can always relate to them.
Even though I’m still pretty hot, I turn the water up until it’s practically scorching. It explores my skin and for a brief moment, I can forget everything that’s happening around me.
I don’t know if it’s what has happened with Jess over the past few days or Vivian’s harsh truth last night, but I feel as if the life I have so carefully created for myself over the past five years is beginning to crumble, and I’m struggling to hold on to the wreckage.
How, in a matter of three days, has everything gone from being good to being absolutely shit?
Brief Encounters_The Encounters Series Page 14
