I spend the rest of the day attempting to piece together my conversation with Jess but come up short. I’m pretty sure I’m still sitting in the kitchen, mouth agape, when Viv gets home later that night.
“You doing okay?” Viv asks as she enters the kitchen and sees the look on my face.
“I’m not sure.” Because I honestly have no clue what just went down.
“You want to talk about it?” She begins unpacking the groceries, and I spy the ingredients for her chocolate-chip cookies.
“If chocolate-chip cookies are involved, I’ll talk about anything.” I laugh, a little overwhelmed. Eight cookies later, Viv and I are sprawled across the couch, feeling as if we might combust.
“That’s a lot to deal with considering what’s going on with your dad right now, Ellie.” Viv’s been the ultimate listener for the past hour, taking into account my reasoning for not wanting to jump back into a relationship with Jess, only interrupting for clarification.
“Yeah,” I say with a huff. “I’m just so confused. Because a huge part of me wants to tell him I love him and that we should give it another shot. But the other part is screaming that it’ll only end in disaster.” Even though my stomach has no room, I bite into another cookie, chocolaty goodness oozing out into my mouth.
“You want my honest advice, Ellie? Or sugarcoating?”
“Honest,” I say reluctantly, because I know Viv, and she’s the only mirror I can’t outrun.
She sucks in a breath, looking me dead in the eye. “You’re looking for an excuse not to be with him. You’re scared and I get that, but you’ve moved past being the scared little girl in every other aspect of your life. Don’t let it overtake you here. You and Jess both messed up, and along with that came a lot of misunderstanding. I mean wow, a lot. But don’t let that hold you back from finally being truly happy. Jess came back to you even when he still thought you were with his dad; he was willing to see past everything, true and false, to be with you. I think love like that, unconditional love, comes around once in a lifetime. You don’t want to pass it up.”
Wow.
When I asked for her honest opinion, I knew she’d give it to me, but this, this is far more than expected.
“Thank you, Viv. You have no idea how much I needed to hear all of that.”
She gives me a small smile and pulls me off the couch. “Now come on. Jess is going to be at Viper tonight. And as much as I love you, you can’t be looking like that when you go and get your Prince Charming.”
“How are you even sure he’s gonna be here?” I ask, anxiety building inside of me.
“Because the guys won the championship yesterday and are throwing their celebratory party here.”
“Championship?” I say, taken by complete surprise. “Oh my god, Viv, I didn’t even remember that was yesterday. Jess must think I’m such a bitch.”
“Don’t worry, Ellie. I’m sure that was the last thing on his mind. We all knew you had a lot going on with your dad yesterday.” She leads me to the door rather quickly, and I feel the nerves coming off of her.
“Viv?” I say cautiously. “Why are you walking so fast?”
She glances at me with a smile, but I can tell something is up with her. Usually I’d do more investigating, but I don’t have the time or energy right now. I have bigger fish to fry.
“Okay,” I say, then take a breath as we get to the main door. I pull down the hem of my black dress out of habit and take a second to collect myself.
Viv gives me a huge smile of confidence and opens the door to the party. The usually dark club is uncharacteristically bright and filled with people. Most of them I recognize from class or their association with the team.
I search the room for Jess but can’t seem to find him in the crowds of people. I see the familiar faces of Wren and Claudia—they’re chatting up another couple I don’t appear to know—and spot Will as he walks over to Viv and me.
“Ladies,” he says, nodding and handing us each a drink. I give him a smile in appreciation while Viv cuddles into his side.
“Have you seen Jess?” I ask over Rita Ora’s “Poison,” a song that reminds me of Jess even more because I put it on his most recent playlist.
Will looks at Viv with a small smile before turning back to me. “He should be here soon, Ellie. Just relax until then.”
I smile at him in response but can’t shake the strange vibes I’m getting from the both of them.
I chug whatever the heck Will gave to me and glance around the room one more time just as the music changes. “I Will Wait” by Mumford & Sons starts up and the dance floor begins to slow down. I can’t help but notice that both this song and “Poison” were on the last playlist I gave Jess, but I just add it all up to coincidence.
“May I have this dance?” Will asks a giddy Viv, who quickly accepts.
I can’t help the smile that forms on my lips as I watch the two of them. They completely and undeniably love one another. They know each other’s faults and flaws, yet that doesn’t stop them.
As the song comes to an end, I glance around again for Jess, yet there is still no luck. I nervously play with my gold necklace as I question if Jess is even going to show up.
Just as I’m about to call him, “Maps” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs comes on.
Our song.
My heart rate picks up because it has to be more than a coincidence that these three songs from the last mix I made Jess are all playing.
Right?
The mic on the stage turns on, and hockey captain Charlie Rhodes walks out with a huge grin.
“Breslin!” he yells into the mic. He’s received with a bunch of woos from the crowd.
“I hope y’all don’t mind me briefly interrupting, but a teammate of mine has something to say to a special someone in the audience tonight. Parker, get your ass out here,” he hollers to behind the stage at the same moment my heart jumps out of my chest.
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit balls, Batman.
The audience cheers for Jess as he walks out onto the stage in all his glory. He’s definitely cleaned up since this morning, wearing a crisp white shirt and black jeans, his dark hair swept to the side and his morning stubble missing. I don’t miss the comments some of the girls direct his way, but I do my best to ignore them because right now Jess Parker is on stage, and he’s staring right at me.
“Hi, everyone,” he says with a confident smile. “I know this is kind of unorthodox, but there’s someone in the audience here tonight that I have a message for. Els,” he says, then lets out a breath, “I know what I’m doing right now is probably going to get me a kick in the ass before anything else, but I told you I was going to prove to you that we belong together. So this is my attempt at that.” Heads turn my way at the mention of my nickname, and heat floods my face. I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do, so I just listen.
“My whole life I’ve been lucky. I’ve been surrounded by a moderately stable home life,” he says with a laugh, “and friends who love me, and there hasn’t been any shortage of women. I know I’m not supposed to say that part, but I have a reason for mentioning it, I swear.
“What I’m trying to get at is I never thought anything was missing. But then you came into my life like a hurricane and turned everything upside down. I thought I knew who I was, what I wanted, but you made me realize that there was so much more to life. You didn’t see me as the Jess the hockey player; you saw me as Jess the person. You constantly challenged me and never put up with my bullshit, and I loved that about you. Being with you was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before because it was real. I was able to finally live, to be myself and not worry that you would judge me for that. God, I can’t tell you what a relief that was.
“I didn’t even notice how much being with you had impacted me until I found myself without you. And let me just say that I’ve been smashed into glass walls by two-hundred-pound players, and that hurt less than losing you.”
All
eyes are glued to either Jess or me, but I can’t focus on them right now. I only care about Jess and the words he’s saying.
“I know that being in a relationship isn’t easy. I get that more than anyone. But it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. And I’ll be damned if our relationship just becomes another memory, because I love you, Eleanor Ivy. I want the whole damn room to know I love that girl right there.” He points to me. The whole room turns, and some people even cheer.
“You once told me that I helped you change as a person, but the thing is, Els, you changed me first. God, I’m so in love with you there aren’t enough words in the English language to comprehend what and how you make me feel. So, I’m asking you, hell, I’m begging you, give us another shot.”
Tears spill down my face for the whole room to see, but I don’t even care. All I can do is nod at Jess. Relief crashes into my body as he hops off the stage and the crowd parts for him.
“You know, that was very romantic,” I say as he approaches me. “Maybe I was wrong when I said you only had Rochester’s barbaric side. The romance is definitely there, too.”
His response is to pull me into his embrace and kiss me as I’ve never been kissed before. The moment his lips meet my own, I pull him closer, deepening the kiss. My mouth opens to his without an inkling of hesitation, and his tongue collides with mine.
We pour everything into that kiss, and I only pull away when I hear the hollers from the crowd.
“You know, I was already coming here to tell you I wanted to give us another go. But that speech was just icing on the cake,” I say as I try to catch my breath.
Jess gives me his signature grin as he tightens his hold around my waist. “Glad I could be of service,” he whispers into my ear, sending shivers all over my body.
“So you really love me?” I say through a huge grin.
“More than you will ever know, Els.” His words make me melt on the inside, and I fight the tears that are yet again forming in my eyes.
“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I love you back then,” I say through a mix between a laugh and a sob. “Hey, before I forget,” I say through sniffles, “how’d you get that scar on your chin?”
“Ahh, I wondered if you ever noticed my only imperfection.” He laughs before answering. “I got it at my first hockey game. Busted my chin right open on the ice.”
“Huh,” I say thoughtfully. “I guess I just assumed it was from some dangerous bar brawl.” I laugh as I run my thumb over his chin. “Guess I’ll have to settle for a clumsy hockey player instead,” I tease.
He chuckles. “Sorry to disappoint, but I can assure you this is my only imperfection,” he says cockily as he pulls me closer.
“Trust me, I don’t see it as an imperfection. I think it’s good for you to have a few flaws. Perfection is overrated.”
A thoughtful look passes over Jess’s face as he looks me right in the eyes, taking my face in his hands. “I love you more than life, Eleanor Ivy. I’m sorry it took me this long.”
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” I reply with a sly grin as I wrap my arms around him.
“I love you, Jess Parker,” I whisper into his ear as I pull him into me. And for the first time in a long time, I feel complete and utter bliss.
Poison & Wine
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I laugh as I search for my sweater on Jess’s floor. His gaze has yet again fallen on my tattoo, and a faint smile traces his lips.
“I think it’s a great idea. In fact, I think it’s the best idea I’ve ever had.” He gets off the bed that we’ve become far too comfortable with over the past few days and throws me my cream sweater from next to him.
“I just don’t know; parties don’t always turn out so good for us. Remember the one you threw before we were together, and then my birthday?” I squirm at remembering two of the crappiest nights of last year.
“Okay, you have me there. But remember the one where you told off Tiffany and the other when I bared my soul to you in front of my whole team and a good chunk of our school?”
A smile draws upon my lips at the memory of one of the best nights of my life, one that happened less than a week ago.
“Fine, you’ve got me there. We can have a party, but only if it’s small. I don’t really feel like having drunken frat guys passed out on my sofa.” I laugh as I pull on my jeans.
Jess gives me that oh-so-sexy smile as he wraps his arms around my waist. “Small party, you got it. It will be a fun way to celebrate a new year with everyone.”
He places a quick kiss on my cheek, then leaves me wanting more while he gets dressed.
“Tease,” I mutter as he walks away.
He lets out a low chuckle. “A tease you love.”
“I do.” I shrug. “What can I say? Your rugged good looks and charm pulled me in.”
I give him a quick wink, then pop into the bathroom before he can have the last word.
Staring in the mirror, I finally see someone I like looking back at me. It might have taken me six years to figure it all out, and the help of a very sexy hockey player, but I did it. I don’t yet have all the answers, but I’m on the path to getting them, and right now that’s enough.
The days post reconciliation with Jess were filled with a lot of talking and other questionable activities, but I’m not complaining. He told me he hadn’t spoken to his dad since that night, and to be honest, I can’t really blame him. He hasn’t wanted to go into any more detail about his dad, and for now, that’s okay. All I can do is be here for Jess if it ever becomes something he wants to talk more about, but I understand his reluctance. If I never have to see Roger Huntington again, it will be too soon.
In regards to my father, well, that’s a whole other issue. Jess wants me to go see him before his court date to get closure. I know he’s right, so next Saturday we’re going down to the courthouse, but I can’t deny the fear that’s there.
So much has happened, and I don’t even know if he would want to see me. I think the fear that he wouldn’t is what’s holding me back from wanting to go, if I’m being completely honest with myself. I think Jess can probably sense it, too, and that’s why he’s coming with me. I’m just hoping the whole thing doesn’t end in tears before bedtime.
“He’s right through here, Miss Morello,” the security guard says as he ushers me into a private room in the courthouse. He eyes me with a cautious reluctance, almost as if my presence makes him uncomfortable. Then again, they did make a Lifetime movie on the big bad Vinny Morello. If this guy believes any of the bullshit they told about my dad, then I’d be scared too.
“I’ll be right out here,” Jess says as he gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. I have to go in alone, but honestly, that’s for the best. I need to do this on my own. I’m finally going to accept the last bit of my past that I’ve been running from for so long.
As I walk toward the oak-and-copper door in the courthouse, my stomach feels as if it’s been put through a blender. Reaching out to my dad had been hard enough, and I didn’t even speak directly to him. Everything has been through his attorney, so today will be our first official conversation in over five years.
The press has been covering the story like mad, so coming to see him today, the day of the hearing, had been risky, but it was my only option.
You can do this, Eleanor.
With extreme reluctance, I push open the old courthouse door. I freeze at the sight ahead of me. Instead of the youthful man I once knew and loved, I’m met by a man whose appearance has been aged not by years, but by decades.
“Amanda,” my father says in a whisper so quiet I’m surprised I even heard it.
I tentatively walk toward the man who cared for me for so many years and attempt to take in what I’m seeing. Although he’s dressed in what I can only assume is a designer suit, it can’t cover up the obvious wear the past few years have had on him.
His once-black hair is now salt and pepper, while the lines that trace his face are
so unfamiliar to me.
I don’t say anything to him. I just take a seat in front of him, holding my breath.
“It’s Eleanor,” I say firmly, surprising even myself with my backbone. “No one has called me Amanda in years.”
The harshness of my words clearly affects him, and he attempts to give me an apologetic smile.
“Your mother would love that you kept that name,” he says with a sad smile as he searches my face. It’s as if he wants to etch every inch of me into his memory.
“I’m not really sure what to say to you,” I admit to the both of us.
“You don’t have to say anything. It’s me who has explaining to do.” His honesty takes me off guard, but I don’t speak. Instead, I wait for him to continue.
He runs his hands over his face while letting out a breath, due to anxiety, fear?
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, Amanda. You deserved so much better than me. Hell, you still do.” He pauses, clearly tormented. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m sorry I left you when you needed me the most. But I want you to understand, when she died, Jesus, I think I died a little bit too.” His voice cracks at the end of his sentence, and I can’t help but notice the shine covering his eyes.
“I get it, Dad. I really do. I loved her too. But I needed you and you left me all alone. You couldn’t even look at me. You have no idea how that felt. Mom was gone and I was left all by myself to deal with her death while you were god knows where!” I try to keep my voice even, but the emotion flooding it is unavoidable.
“I couldn’t save her, Amanda. You will never know the pain of having to live with that every day.”
Is he serious? I don’t know pain?
It takes almost all I have not to scream it in his face. “But that’s where you’re wrong, Dad. I do know that pain. I felt that pain when you left me all alone those years ago. I feel that pain today, knowing I wasn’t enough to save you from yourself!”
Pain lashes across his face from my words, but so does realization. He buries his face in his hands, and I swear he might be crying from the way his body shakes. My father, notorious mobster Vinny Morello, in tears over harsh words from his own daughter.
Brief Encounters_The Encounters Series Page 29
