by C. J. Abedi
And when he pulled me in his arms to dance, I felt like we were transported to another world. For three minutes I was the happiest I had ever been. For three minutes, it was just him and me. With nothing and no one there to take it away. Holding each other. Something undeniable existed between us—a crazy energy we’d had since the moment we set eyes on one another. I let myself go to just be. Pretended that he was mine and I was his. Dream.
After the song was finished, Devilyn turned to me and said the words I was dreading.
“We should probably head back.”
I nodded, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do, as he escorted me back to the gym. I remember turning to him in a panic when I realized we were walking back to where his girlfriend was probably waiting for him.
“I’ll be right there,” I said. “I’ve got to use the ladies’ room.”
Devilyn nodded politely. “Of course. I’ll wait for you here.”
“I’m okay,” I rushed out. “I’ll find you guys.”
He stared at me for a long moment.
And I stared back.
The noise around us seemed to drown out, as it always did, and I slowly smiled.
“You don’t have to be so careful with me all the time, you know,” I said. “I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”
“I know that,” he said softly.
“Then what is it?”
What is this that exists between us? I know you feel it, too. It can’t just be my imagination.
He closed his eyes for a second, and when he reopened them, they were unbelievably bright and full of emotion. He was letting me in. He was finally letting me in.
And then he spoke.
“You know how sometimes in life you want something so bad—you would do anything for it—anything. But then the part of your brain that is rational tells you that if you were to get it, you’d never be able to live with the consequence. Because you know, you just know, it won’t be good.”
I stopped breathing.
“That’s us, Caroline,” he said softly, taking a step toward me. “I’m not good for you.”
He didn’t give me a chance to respond.
He just turned and walked away, leaving me staring after him. My eyes filled with tears over the heartbreaking truth and finality of his words. Everything he said and everything he did tore my heart into tiny pieces. He was probably right. I didn’t know him, but he didn’t know me either. No matter what he thought he knew and whatever opinions he had. He was wrong. But I wasn’t going to spend my life proving that.
I had to get out of there. As far away as possible. I made my way toward the exit of the auditorium and ran right into Rowan.
He put his hands on my shoulders to steady me.
“Hey.” He saw the tears and lifted my chin with his hand. “You okay?”
“No. I’m not okay. I feel bad asking you this, because I know how excited you are to be here, but can you please just take me home?”
“Of course. There’s no place I’d rather be than with you.” He took my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Whatever it is, I’m here for you, Caroline.”
“Thank you.” I wiped a tear away. “I just—I’ve just had a long night, and I think it might be best if I just went home.”
“Well then, home is where I’m taking you.”
Minutes later we pulled up to my house and Rowan shut off the engine of his car.
“Caroline, when you are ready to talk, I want you to know that I’ll be here to listen.”
“I really appreciate it, Rowan. Seriously.” I smiled.
“Let me walk you up to your door.”
“No, please, don’t get out. We’ll catch up on Monday. Thanks again for the ride.”
“You were the prettiest girl in the room.”
“Thanks, Rowan. Night.”
“Night.”
I smiled at him, not sure if I believed what he said. I quickly walked up the wooden stairs leading to my house, and once inside, ran straight upstairs and locked myself in my bedroom. My mom and dad somehow had the sense to not bother me and left me alone the rest of the night. Teddy texted me a couple of times to make sure I was okay, and I told him I was fine but wasn’t really in the mood to talk. For once he gave me my space. It seemed like everyone understood that I just needed some space. Everyone knew that I needed to be left alone to figure things out.
• • •
By the time Monday morning came, I was a wreck.
I didn’t want to see Devilyn and pretend like the conversation we had didn’t happen or, worse yet, relive any part of it. I didn’t want him to try and take back anything he had said. The whole “it’s not you, it’s me” of it was utterly embarrassing. Thankfully, he took care of the problem by acting very distant. He was polite but standoffish. Even though it hurt, I knew why and just let it be.
I avoided the cafeteria at lunch and instead hid in my empty history class and studied. The rest of the day was uneventful and when the final bell rang I was home free. I was going to study for our calculus exam with Teddy in the library and then go for a run.
When Teddy met up with me, the first thing out of his mouth was how he and Tatiana had apparently made out after the dance. I wasn’t surprised by the news but was astonished by the fact that by the end of it they had both decided they wanted to just be friends.
“Maybe she’ll be my make-out buddy,” Teddy said after he finished his story.
“You can’t do that!” I was horrified that Teddy would even propose something like that. “You are so not that guy.”
Teddy stared at me wide-eyed and innocent.
“I so am that guy. Besides, she suggested it.”
“She did not!” I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t understand why she would just want that from Teddy when the whole package was so great.
“She did, Caroline. She said, and I quote, ‘Until we both find suitable people to date, we might as well kiss every once in a while.’”
Teddy crossed his arms and leaned back, suddenly looking a bit wiser. How was it possible for him to look more mature after only two days? I felt like I was the only one left in the playground’s sandbox while the rest of high school was out dating, having fun, and kissing, all because the guy I wanted to kiss wouldn’t kiss me back.
“Are you disgusted with me?” Teddy asked, obviously noting my change in expression.
“No. I could never be disgusted by you,” I lied. “I’m just stressed about the test. And—and I’m happy about Tatiana. I’m not going to lie. I don’t understand it. But if you’re both happy, then I’m happy. I guess.”
“First of all, rewind. You don’t stress about exams.”
I looked down blankly at my calculus book.
“Are you thinking about Devilyn and that witch of a girlfriend he has? What’s her name? Oh yeah, Katya.” Teddy asked.
“You didn’t like her?”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “She was definitely weird.”
“But beautiful.”
“She had some weird juju thing going on that I couldn’t quite wrap my head around. Like creepy, dark.”
I found my first laugh in a while. “Weird juju? Halloween has really gotten to you this year.”
“I’m telling you. Bizarre doesn’t even begin to explain it.”
“You’re just saying that for my sake.”
“Saying what?” Rowan asked as he appeared at our table. He put his backpack down and sat next to me.
“Hey, Rowan,” said Teddy.
I smiled at him and shook my head. “Teddy was just being silly.”
“Mind if I intrude awhile before football practice?”
“Of course,” Teddy replied. “We’re not really getting much studying done, anyway.”
“You good?” he asked, giving me a pointed look.
“Yes, much better,” I responded shyly, remembering how he had seen me cry. Would I ever live that down?
“What are y
ou working on?” Rowan asked.
“Calculus.”
“Now that should bring tears to your eyes.”
“Most things do these days.”
“Well, I’m not going to let anything hurt you anymore, and if something happens to get past me, I’ll always be there to wipe your tears away.”
D
He was leaning in close to her. Smiling at her tenderly. As if he was the answer to all of her problems.
I could feel my anger begin to surface.
“Brother, take a beat. Don’t do anything hasty,” Tatiana said, pushing me back with all her might.
I was like a caged panther being released into the wild for the first time. If she moved aside, I would have charged him. I would have killed him, if only she let me.
“He’s just playing with you. Let it go. Don’t let him or anyone, especially Katya, see you like this.”
I slowly caught my breath, but my eyes never left him.
“We’ll just sit at another table. Ignore him.”
When we walked into the library, my intent was only to be there for a few minutes. Tatiana wanted to check out a book, and Katya had asked if she could tag along. Thankfully, she had stepped away and hadn’t seen anything, giving me just enough time to gather my composure.
After the dance, her curiosity about the human world was definitely piqued. She was on a high from this world and couldn’t seem to get enough. The entire experience was new to her, and like all Fae, the wonder of it was evident on her face as she experienced each passing moment.
Tatiana pushed me in the direction of a table across the way from Caroline, and I reluctantly sat down. I swallowed audibly as I watched her laugh at something Rowan said.
I closed my eyes and wondered if I should join them. But I couldn’t. I could have sent my sister over, but that would have gone against everything I had said to her after the dance. I had lectured her for hours, insisting that she stay away from Teddy, admonishing her behavior with him.
My argument had been harsh and to the point. I wanted her to stay away from Caroline’s best friend. I didn’t want him hurt by my sister’s ever-changing feelings. Tatiana could be in love one day and out the next, and I wanted to spare Teddy the anguish of it all. But now, as I faced them, I wondered if I had been too stern and hasty.
Tatiana twirled a strand of her hair and stared at me with slight concern, looking back every now and then as I opened a notebook.
“You know, Devilyn, believe it or not, I do actually really like Teddy.”
“Why?!” Katya asked, horrified and momentarily distracted from her obsessive people-watching.
Tatiana shrugged and looked at Katya defensively.
“He’s very handsome.”
“He is mortal.” She said the word as if it was the most distasteful quality she’d ever encountered.
“It’s an acquired taste, Katya. The more time you spend with them, the more attractive they become to you. And then one day, you take the plunge and make out with one of them.”
I almost smiled when Katya gasped in response. Tatiana was especially good at getting a strong reaction from her audience.
“It’s very fun, really enjoyable,” Tatiana went on glibly. “You can taste the innocence. The wonder they feel from touching you. It is a an extraordinarily powerful feeling.”
I immediately thought of Caroline and found myself looking over at her again.
“It’s the greatest aphrodisiac on the planet. I don’t think there could be any better high.”
Katya’s eyes lit up with intrigue. My sister had planted the seed. And it would grow. Quickly, too. I wanted to reach over and thank Tatiana for it.
“Who is the Fae sitting at their table?” Katya asked, instinctively sensing another of our kind.
“Rowan,” Tatiana replied as her gaze narrowed on Caroline and Teddy’s table. “He’s neither here nor there.”
Rowan leaned over the table and whispered something in Caroline’s ear, and she blushed in response.
“Go out with me.”
My entire body grew cold. I couldn’t take it anymore. I abruptly stood and made my way to their table before Caroline had time to answer. Rowan saw me coming and casually met my gaze. He rose from his seat when I reached them.
Everything about Rowan was Light.
On paper, he would be perceived as the perfect match for a future Fae Queen.
In every way.
But I didn’t care. I would take that piece of paper and see that it was burned.
“Rowan.”
“Devilyn. Shouldn’t you be at practice?”
“I was just going to ask you the same question.”
“Just catching up on some history and then I was planning on heading out,” Rowan explained. “You?”
“I was helping my sister with homework,” I lied.
“Tatiana’s here?” Teddy asked as he turned and spotted her. I watched his cheeks flush. “Do you guys want to join us?”
“I think it might be a tight fit,” Rowan said before I could answer. “There are three of them, Teddy. Don’t forget Devilyn’s girlfriend is here too. Katya, was it?”
I wanted to punch the condescending look off of his face. I knew he was egging me on. And he was enjoying every minute. Every particle of my being did not want him within five feet of Caroline. But what was I to do? He was sent by Odin and Dana, all for her protection.
Caroline finally spoke. “If you’d like to join us, Devilyn, we can always move to a bigger table.” The rush of pleasure I felt from her words was staggering. She would make room for us. For me. Even after what I had said to her.
“Only if you guys don’t mind moving.” I couldn’t believe what I was doing. I was actually going to make them change tables just so Caroline wouldn’t be in Rowan’s company.
“Of course. It’s not a problem at all,” she said.
“Maybe we can move to one of the tables over here,” Teddy suggested, pointing to a long table nearby.
Before I turned, I watched Rowan lean over and politely take Caroline’s books and her backpack. “I’ll help you with these.”
“Thanks, Rowan. That’s so sweet of you.”
Every time I had asked to help her, she had argued with me. Challenged me. But here she was, graciously accepting his offer to carry her books. Did she actually like him? Is that what was happening? I had to get a grip. I was acting crazy. I had chosen not to be with her. I had told her at the dance that there was no hope for us. What was I doing?
“You know, actually, I’m going to head out.” I lifted my hand. “It’s fine. See you at practice.”
I practically ran away, leaving everyone staring after me, confused. I knew my behavior was more than strange. The look Teddy gave me was almost comical. I knew I was going to have to do something about my unreasonable jealousy. At some point I was going to have to come to terms with the fact that Caroline would eventually move on.
But not with Rowan.
I shook my head over the irrational thoughts and walked past Katya and Tatiana, who had watched the entire exchange, and made my way out of the library to clear my head. If I didn’t see the way he was looking at her, it might have been easier to stomach. If I hadn’t heard him flirt with her and ask her out, I probably could have stayed. But now I had so many images in my head. Images that would torture me. That look. His look. Almost possessive.
Instantly, my eyes lit up with black fire. I had to pull out my Ray-Bans to shield them. No one could see the change. My fury with Rowan was overwhelming. Unreasonable. I reached the courtyard and took a deep breath as I ran my hands through my hair.
“Is there a problem, Devilyn?”
I spun around and came face-to-face with Rowan. Once someone I would call a friend, but now my nemesis. I knew he felt my anger. He intentionally brought it on. How Light could he be? How innocent was this game he was playing?
“And why would there be?”
“You seem …” He was searchi
ng for the word. “Off?”
My eyes narrowed.
“You know, now that you’ve brought it up, I’m just curious to know if you understand the reason, the real reason, why you’re here.” My voice was low, angry. “Because from where I’m sitting, it doesn’t seem like you know your place.”
“My place?”
“Yes. Perhaps you need to be reminded.”
“The only one who is in any position to remind me of anything is Dana.”
“That’s not my understanding.”
“Well, here’s what I understand,” Rowan said softly as he took a menacing step toward me. “I understand that the man who was supposed to protect our future Queen made a foolish mistake. I understand that the man Caroline at one point loved turned his back on her. But more than anything, I understand that you made a clear choice. And you have been more than willing to point that out to her again and again.”
My fury with Rowan did not diminish the truth in his words.
“That has nothing to do with you,” I replied dangerously.
“It has everything to do with me. I care for her. In fact, I care for her deeply. And you have a girlfriend now. Katya, I believe? So what right do you have to be angry?”
“So now you’ve gone from her protector to someone who wants more? There is desire in your eyes.” I could feel my anger take another twisted turn when Rowan smiled.
“That is none of your concern. She is not yours. On that you’ve made yourself perfectly clear.”
“Tread carefully, my friend.”
“I am not your friend. I stopped being that the moment you betrayed your kingdom.”
I could feel the rush in my body, the anger fueling my power. “I am here now to keep her safe.”
“Leave that to me.” Rowan stepped even closer. “I will see to her protection.”
It happened fast.
One second I was a foot away from Rowan; the next, my fist slammed into his face. He flew back and hit the ground hard but was up in seconds and retaliated. In less than a minute there was a giant crowd of students shouting around us. They had formed a huge circle as they watched us beat each other up, many of them egging us on. It was the first time nothing mattered. I didn’t care. I was beyond that. His condescending arrogance infuriated me. I grabbed Rowan’s shoulders and slammed him into the ground. I was about to hit him again when I heard a familiar cry and looked up.
