And that had made me feel ashamed. Was there something wrong with me?
“What does a man have to do to get fed around here?”
I turned sharply, bumping my hip against the kitchen bench as I did so. Ouch. That would be blue by tomorrow.
It was Lance, of course. Freshly showered, he was dressed in tight blue jeans and a white T. Looking like a taller, buffer version of Jimmy Dean. All he needed was the black leather jacket. My heart started pounding like a jack hammer. Damn he was one hot man.
“Sit down,” I commanded. “I’ll bring it out.”
He sauntered out into the night air, sitting alongside the ranch hands.
They were happy to see him, of course. Lots of back slapping and sparring. Lance had always been popular; he never played the Big Boss card with them like a lot of ranchers around here. He rolled up his sleeves and worked alongside them, but they never took advantage. Lance just had that natural air of authority that made men want to please him, without even realising it.
“Your meal, sir,” I couldn’t resist saying as I put the plate in front of him.
Lance raised an eyebrow. “Sir?” He slowly picked up his knife and fork. “Oh yes, well I guess I am your boss now, aren’t I? You have to address me in the proper manner.”
I grinned, despite myself. Flirting with Jack was like taking a quick sip of soda, when the bubbles filled your nose and you got that giddy, effervescent sugar high. Addictive.
“Don’t start getting too cocky, now,” I re-joined. He looked at me, slowly.
Our eyes locked together. He broke into a long, slow smile. “Getting cocky sounds mighty fine to me, Miss Gemma.”
I felt myself blushing. What was happening? All the men were looking at us, their mouths open.
“The food’s getting cold.” I turned on my heel and scurried back to the kitchen, flustered.
After the dishes for the evening were done, I walked to the look out as I always did to watch the sun set. I never tired of it. It was spectacular. The sky slowly started filling with the most amazing oranges and pinks, smearing the sky like an artist’s canvas. The mountains started to blacken against it.
I could see him approaching me, and my heart quickened.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” He leaned against the fence, drinking in the view. This was always my favorite spot, from when I was a kid. Ma used to take me down here before bed. We would gaze at the mountains for a long time. It’s one of my best memories.” He turned to me. “I can see you like it, too.”
“What’s not to like?” I answered. “You are one lucky man, Lance. Growing up here, surrounded by this beauty. Not like me, stuck in Clear Creek among all the small-town gossips.”
“But you’re here now, aren’t you?” He turned to me. “I take it you’re living on site, in the cook’s quarters?”
“That I am, Mr Starling,” I smiled. “They sure are comfy quarters for the little old cook.”
“Ah, Gemma, you know I don’t think that way,” he said. “It’s still the same between us, friends. Just forget that I employ you.”
Friends. It was a funny way to think of everything that we had been to each other. Kind of bittersweet.
It made me sad. “I’d better go, Lance.” I feigned yawning. “Big day, and all that. Need my beauty sleep.”
“That you don’t Gemma. I think if you never slept again, you would still have it in abundance.” He looked at me, intensely.
I didn’t know what to say to that, so I smiled at him, and left.
In my room, I showered before bed, getting into my baby doll nightie. I brushed my hair at the dressing table, thinking.
It seemed some things never changed. The attraction between Lance and myself was burning as bright as ever.
It was such a pity I couldn’t do anything about it.
Lance
She walked away from me, goddamnit.
That woman had the sexiest saunter in the world. Watching her go, her hips swaying from side to side in the green sundress, it was all I could do not to run after her and pin her to the ground. Take those hips in my hands and grind them against me. Tell her that I knew everything. How it had played out with Jack, how disappointed she had been in the relationship.
And all those other things she had talked about.
Suddenly I couldn’t take my mind off those other things. I needed to read them again. Seeing her after all this time made the things she had written come alive in a new way. I ran my hand through my hair, thinking.
That night, after I had said good night to everyone, promising Hank I would be up at first light to get back into the running of the ranch, I opened Jack’s laptop.
It hadn’t been hard to figure out his password. Jack and I had shared a lot of things, and one of those was the passwords we used from time to time. Variations abounded, of course, but I was a Special Forces SEAL. It wasn’t just the physical stuff we were trained in. I had tried a couple before hitting the jackpot.
Gemma had started off demurely, of course. The first things she had expressed to him were the usual kind of romantic girl stuff. Stuff that seemed so obvious to me that it kind of angered me that Jack had never thought to do it for her off his will.
She wanted him to take her out to dinner at a fancy restaurant in a city. She didn’t care where. She just wanted them to take the time to do it, take the time for each other. Order food they had never eaten before. Order the best wine on the wine list. She wanted to dress up like a princess, and she wanted him to dress up for her. Show her that he cared enough to want to be attractive.
I leaned back on the bed head with the laptop in front of me, thinking.
Jack had never done it, of course. Too self-absorbed. When we had leave, he often didn’t come back to Wyoming to spend it with her. Instead, he had pursued other woman, often one night flings after a night of drinking. It seemed to be all that he wanted. Yet, he had kept Gemma in a safe little box back here, biding her time waiting for him. Pretending he would one day come back to claim her.
Not wanting her, yet not setting her free. That he treated her so dismally made my hands ball into fists.
Don’t get me wrong, the guy was my best buddy. We had done everything together. But over the last few years, Jack had started to change. It wasn’t just how he had treated Gemma, though God knows, that was bad enough. He had also started getting secretive with me; often I didn’t know what he was up to.
Sometimes, my sixth sense antennae would twitch urgently with him. There were things that happened on missions that shouldn’t have happened, silly mistakes, or someone where they shouldn’t have been. Like they had been tipped off.
My fingers started drumming on the laptop.
I scrolled to the next message. Gemma, saying that she would love for them to go away for the weekend, camp out. Go swimming in a lake, cook for each other over an open grill. Take long trail walks through the mountains. Sleep under the stars.
Suddenly, it hit me.
Jack had never done any of this stuff with her. It had meant enough to her that she had written him about it, making herself vulnerable. She had put her heart and soul out there, and he had kicked it to the curb like a crumpled up can.
But I could do it for her.
I could make a list of all the things that she wanted, starting with this stuff. Work slowly through it, ticking each thing off one by one. Show her that there were men out there who thought of their woman, and wanted to please them.
Inspired, I grabbed my notebook and pen off the bedside table. I wrote carefully:
Number One: Camping out under the stars
It seemed the safest one to start with. I didn’t want to startle her, it had to be done slowly. Rushing her to a city for a dinner might spook her. But I could definitely figure out some way to get her to go camping with me.
I kept adding to the list. Some of the things made me shift uncomfortably on the bed, my cock stirring. Damn. Gemma was a woman after my own heart. It would not
be an issue at all to accommodate what she wanted.
Restless, I put the pen down. She was on my mind so badly, thinking of what she wanted and what was on that list. Maybe a walk would cool me down a bit so I could get to sleep.
I threw on a sweater before I left the house. No matter how hot it was in the day here, it always cooled down at night. I didn’t know where I was going, but my feet had other plans. Before I knew it, I was outside the cook’s quarters.
The light from a single lamp illuminated the quarters, and I could see her in there through the side window. I should remind her to close all the drapes at night, but then, it was the country. You got used to not worrying about things like that out here.
She was walking around, making herself a hot drink. She was wearing one of those short, skimpy nightdresses, with the frilly bits on the top. This one was lemon. I could see her breasts falling from it when she bent slightly. She had taken her hair down, and it was a mass of golden curls down her back.
Stop it, I told myself. You shouldn’t be doing this. You aren’t a stalker. But I couldn’t take my eyes away from the vision of her in that night dress.
Go, I commanded myself.
Back in the house, I reflected that the walk hadn’t calmed me enough for sleep. Now I needed a cold shower.
Gemma
Morning rush had almost cleared.
It hadn’t been a hard breakfast to prepare, eggs, biscuits and gravy. I usually did a variation on those. The cowboys loved a hearty breakfast, and needed the sustenance for all the hard, physical work they did. Mustering all that cattle made a man have a huge appetite.
Lance had certainly woofed his down, asking for seconds. It was good to see him up and about, ready to get stuck back into the running of the ranch. Hank was a great manager, but it wasn’t the same as having the owner here. And it warmed my heart to see that Lance was intending to be hands on. I would have thought lesser of him if he had come back and stayed in the house, ordering from above.
But then, Lance had always been a hands-on kind of guy. My skin glowed at the memory of those hands, large and broad. Smooth, but calloused in all the right places. The kind of hands that made you tingle when they were laid upon you.
Stop it, I told myself. You must stop! I really did need to get myself a cowboy, even if it was only for a night. I had never had a one night stand before, but a woman had needs. It had been so long. And it might stop me thinking about Lance.
Speak of the devil. Here he was, bringing his plate into the kitchen. Always had been a gentleman like that. He wasn’t the kind of guy too proud to clean up after himself.
“Gemma.” He leaned against the kitchen bench as he watched me stack the dishwasher.
“Lance.” I didn’t stop what I was doing for a second. If he wanted to talk to me, he would have to do it as I was working. I had a job to do, after all.
“A group of men and I need to go into the high country to herd some cattle over to Ryan’s Ranch,” he said. “It’ll take a few days. We are going to camp out.”
I nodded as I kept stacking. “Well, have a fine old time.”
He smiled. “I don’t think you understand me.” He paused, looking down at his feet. “We are going to need to be fed on the trip. You’re coming to take care of all that.”
“Me?” I stood up from what I was doing, looking at him. “But the men back here still need to be fed. Can’t you bring some beef jerky?”
He laughed. “It’s hard work. I think we need a bit more than that.”
“But who will take care of the men here?”
“That’s all taken care of. Jessie can step up and do it. She knows how to cook.”
“Yes, she does.” I paused, digesting what he was telling me. “But she’s not used to leading a feed for a large group. Why don’t you take her with you, instead? She’d be better suited to preparing camp fire meals for just a few of you.”
“If I didn’t know better, Miss Gemma, I’d be thinking you were trying to avoid camping out with me.”
I blushed. “It’s not that. You know I love camping. It just seems it would be better…”
He put up a hand, cutting me off. “Bosses orders. Be packed and ready to go by this afternoon. Work out with Jessie what she is going to cook while we’re gone, and get the stuff ready that you’ll need to cook while we’re away.” He walked off.
Well I’d be damned! Seemed to me Lance had decided to play the Big Boss card after all. He could toss around orders with the best of them.
I picked up a tea towel and vigorously wiped a pot.
Camping out. With Lance.
I couldn’t deny that a fission of pleasure had run through me at the very thought. Spending time with him outdoors, under that wide blue sky. Winding up into the mountains, breathing that air. The thought was pretty intoxicating.
I shook my head. It wouldn’t be like that. It was a working trip, after all. We wouldn’t be alone, several other people would be with us. And I had no right to expect anything else.
I thought of the time that I had suggested a camping trip to Jack. Just the two of us, getting away from it all. Re-connecting in nature.
It had never happened, of course. Just like nothing I had suggested to him that we should do together had ever eventuated. It was part of the reason we had broken up.
I blushed at the thought of some other things that I had suggested that we do. Oh well, I had to try. I was fighting to make things better for us, see if there was a way back to each other. But Jack had never been interested. It made me embarrassed thinking about it, but it was the past.
Gone. Over. Done.
I watched Lance through the window, talking with some of the guys. Then they walked off, preparing for the trip, no doubt.
Better get cracking. There was going to be a lot to organise, if I was heading off for a few days. Preparing an easy menu for Jessie to follow while I was gone would be one of them. And making sure I had everything I needed to feed the men while we were away.
I stared out at the window at the sun bursting its way above the mountains. It was going to be a beautiful day.
What it would bring was another matter entirely.
Lance
We set out later that morning. The sun was high, looking like a perfect orb in the clear blue sky.
It felt good to be out, herding. I hadn’t done it in a long time. I still remembered when Pa had first let me tag along when I was a boy. I had pestered him for so long, I think he decided to bring me along on that first trip just to shut me up. It might also have had something to do with Ma’s death, just a month before. He could see I was lost.
I glanced at Gemma, riding ahead of me. She was bouncing on top of the horse like a kid on a trampoline, her ponytail of golden curls swishing from left to right underneath her hat. She sure looked good in those tight denim jeans that she was wearing. The type that left little to the imagination. They grabbed her ass and moulded its shape so well I had to consciously stop myself from staring.
Gemma. I still couldn’t figure her out, even after all this time. Even after everything between us.
She hadn’t acted thrilled to come along on this trip. In fact, she had been trying to get out of it, if I didn’t know any better. Trying every excuse to stay at the ranch. It seemed like she didn’t want to spend time with me.
Did she really blame me for Jack’s death?
That thought was sobering. And the fact that she was so cut up about it. She still loved him.
I tried to let those thoughts go, and get on with the job at hand.
We stopped for a quick lunch, then kept pushing on. We had to lead the cattle through a steep valley and then bring them up the other side before the day was done. Everyone was hot and caked in sweat by the time I called a halt for the day and we started setting up camp.
The men had all wondered off, stretching and relieving themselves, I daresay. Gemma was at the fire, setting up her stuff. I wondered over to her.
“What�
�s for dinner?” I sat down heavily on a log, drinking thirstily from my canteen.
“Beef stew,” she answered. “Should be ready in about an hour.”
I nodded, not feeling the need to say anything else. It was nice, just being able to stretch out my legs after a day in the saddle. I grimaced slightly as I stretched. I hadn’t ridden for this long in a while, and I was feeling it. Even though I was super fit from being in the Special Forces, you used different muscles riding. I would probably be pretty stiff tomorrow morning.
It was also nice just being near Gemma. Her smell wafted over me, lady sweat, mingled with her deodorant and perfume. It smelt sweeter to me than the perfume of any fancy flower.
“You didn’t want to come, did you?” I was surprised when the question popped out of my mouth. I hadn’t intended it.
She stopped cutting the meat and looked at me. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“I mean, you tried every which way to get out of coming on this trip.” I spat out some water on the fire, making it hiss. “Why?”
“I’ve already told you.” She resumed cutting the meat, hacking at it as if it was about to leap off the chopping board and start walking again. “I thought I was better suited to staying at the ranch.”
“There’s more to it than that,” I countered.
She flung down the knife. “Okay, Lance, what do you want me to say? It makes me nervous to be around you. I don’t know you anymore. It’s weird.”
I looked at her. “You know me plenty, Gemma.” I glanced over the mountains, trying to choose my words carefully. “You probably know me better than anyone else on this god forsaken earth.”
She looked up, startled. I immediately regretted what I said. Too intense, and it smacked of bitterness.
“What about Jack?” She had to bring him in, of course. It was like he was hovering over that camp fire.
Daddy's Christmas Date: A Single Dad Romance Page 39
