by Nikki Ashton
“Yeah,” I gasped. “He rang later that night to say he’d got a mechanic friend to sort my car out and that he’d bring it back for me the next day. That was it, the last I heard from him, two days ago.”
“Okay ladies, let’s see you jump back.” Natalie, our Clubbercise teacher, cried above The Lisa Marie Experience’s ‘Keep on Jumpin’.
Mandy and I started to jump back amongst the group of yummy mummies and tanned, toned twenty-something women. As we did, my head shot around to face Mandy.
“Have you just peed?” I cried above the music and whoops of excitement from Natalie.
“Yeah. You?”
I nodded. It was inevitable – the flaws of a forty-five-year-old pelvic muscle, ergo we no longer had one.
“I forgot to put a pad in my knickers,” I groaned.
Mandy winced. “Take it you don’t want to do half an hour on the bikes after this then.”
I grimaced and shook my head.
With sweat dripping down every crevice on my body, I swigged back the rest of the water from my plastic bottle and picked my hoodie and keys from the floor.
“God, that was brutal,” Mandy said, readjusting her boobs in her sports bra.
“Hmm,” I replied, around the bottle, taking another swig. “I’m sure she ramps it up when she sees us flagging.”
“Isn’t that why we hide on the back row?”
“Yeah,” I said with a grin. “And so we don’t have to watch ourselves in the mirror.”
We both started to laugh at the truth of the matter. I’d always considered myself to be a good dancer – I’d been to The Hacienda, and you didn’t go there unless you were cool. However, my first time at Clubbercise proved you definitely lost your cool factor with age. Isaac said that the fact I used the word cool proved I wasn’t. As Mandy and I watched ourselves in the wall to wall mirror, we found it hilarious. We were our mothers, without the flouncy skirts and kitten heels, foot shuffling at a family get together. I even did a little shoulder shrug, the exact same one that me and my brother, Mark, had always laughed at my mum for doing. Mandy and I were middle-aged women reliving our clubbing days at an exercise class – we were not nubile teenagers who could dance all night with the aid of an E, a bottle of water, and piece of juicy fruit chewing gum.
“What are you doing this afternoon?” Mandy asked.
“Well first off, changing my knickers,” I replied, extricating them from my arse. “Then I suppose washing and ironing. I’m scraping the barrel for clothes, I’m so far behind. Plus, I have work tomorrow.”
I only worked three days a week for a PA answering service, who took messages for businesses across the country. It was okay pay, it was local, but it was boring at times. The upside was I was on a week to week contract, at my choice, so that I could take school holidays to be with the kids – well Charlie mostly. The other two couldn’t stand days out at the zoo or seaside, but my baby still loved them.
“I might go to town this afternoon,” Mandy said, as we made our way towards the gym exit. “I need some new undies. I feel the need to seduce Jim. It’s all getting a bit samey in the bedroom department.”
“Those dirty books you read, giving you some ideas?” I asked with a chuckle.
Mandy grinned and waggled her eyebrows. “I’m thinking of introducing a friend,” she whispered. “What do you think?”
My heart stopped, along with my feet. Please God, she wasn’t hinting to me.
“I…well…I’m not sure…our friendship.”
Mandy burst out laughing. “I mean a vibrator, you idiot, not you or anyone else.”
I slapped a hand against my chest. “Oh thank fuck. I thought you were hinting.”
“Ooh, no. It’s bad enough Jim seeing my saggy tits and having to move my guts to get to my fanny. I don’t want anyone else getting a view of that carnage.”
We both burst out laughing and continued to the door. As we reached it, I saw a familiar face through the glass, walking across the car park.
“Oh shit. Mandy,” I hissed, slapping a hand against her chest.
“Ow, that hurt.”
“Sorry, but look.”
“What am I looking at?” She looked around the gym. “That big bloke showing his arse crack?”
“No,” I almost yelled. “Coming across the car park.”
Mandy looked and let out a low whistle. “Who the hell is that?” she asked clutching my hand. “He’s effing gorgeous.”
I looked at the man wearing black shorts, a black vest, and black trainers. A hint of ink was peeking out from the bottom of his shorts and his inked biceps bulged as he messed around with the top on the water bottle that had his attention.
“That’s Dex,” I replied, a little wistfully and pushing my thighs together.
“No way.”
“Yep. I told you.”
“Shit,” Mandy groaned. “You fancy changing your mind about that threesome?”
I slapped her again as Dex walked in and looked up. As soon as he noticed me, he smiled and my stomach went all funny.
“Hey Katie, how you doin’?”
“I’m great thanks,” I said, a little excitedly. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“I only joined last week. My usual gym started to get a little too fancy for my likin’. You know the thing – lattes and kale cake served in the chill out room.”
I looked around at the working but worn equipment and the weight lifters mixing with the cardio bunnies and nodded my agreement.
“No, it wouldn’t be my thing either.”
“You just been to a class?” he asked. “Or you been working out?”
“A class,” I said, trying to ignore my friend coughing at my side. “Clubbercise.”
Dex’s eyes twinkled. “Sounds fun.”
Mandy coughed again, but a little more violently this time.
“This is Mandy,” I said a little agitated as I glared at her. “My friend. She does the class with me.”
“Hey, Mandy, nice to meet you.”
Dex flashed Mandy a smile and I was pretty sure I heard a whimper.
“Hi,” she replied, a little too breathily.
“Well, I’d best go,” Dex said, turning back to me. “I gotta get back to the studio in a couple of hours. I don’t really do much ink myself these days, but I’ve got someone who specifically requested me.”
“I bet they did,” Mandy whispered, but when Dex smirked, I knew that he’d heard her.
“Yeah,” I said. “I have stuff to do too. Great seeing you again. Oh, and I know I said it on the phone, but thanks again for getting my car fixed.”
“God, he could sort my engine out anytime.”
I slapped my friend hard this time, satisfied when I heard a little yelp from her.
“No problem, darlin’. Barry owed me a favour, so he was glad to do it. Just hope it ain’t gonna cost you too much.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that. Carl’s paying.”
Dex’s smile dropped momentarily, but then his gleaming white teeth reappeared. “Well good to know it’s fixed,” he said, giving me a nod. “And tell Isaac we already got someone who wants one of his designs.”
“Already?”
“Yep. A guy came in yesterday and as soon as he saw them, changed his mind from his original idea. He’s getting it done next week, a full back, so I’ll take some pictures and text them to you.”
“That would be great,” I replied, excited for not only Isaac, but myself too.
“Well great.” Dex took a step forward and then stopped, looking as though he was going to say something. “Nice to see you again, Katie.”
“Yeah, you too.”
“Have a great afternoon, both of you.” He smiled at both Mandy and I and moved past us into the gym.
Once we were in the car park, Mandy squealed. “Oh my effing God, he is so gorgeous and he so wants you.”
“No he doesn’t,” I said dismissing her. “He’s just a gentleman. He’s like
that with everyone.”
“Well he was looking at your boobs. I bet he doesn’t do that to everyone.”
“He was not looking at my boobs,” I protested, secretly hoping he was.
I know, the Suffragettes would be turning in their graves while Germaine Greer made a voodoo doll of me, but at forty-five-years-old, I liked male attention. I didn’t get it that often, so if a man looked at my boobs or whistled at me, I was a happy woman.
“Oh he was.”
Mandy moved in front of me and stood still, looking at my twins, as Carl used to refer to them – which I wasn’t so keen on.
“Let’s have a gander and make sure they were looking perky for him,” she said.
With a sigh and a roll of my eyes, I stood and let her examine me. When Mandy’s face dropped, I took a step back.
“What?” I asked.
“He definitely was looking in that area,” she replied, circling her finger as though scooping the cream out of the bottom of a cup of frothy coffee. “I’m just not sure if he’d have liked what he saw.” She nodded towards my chest.
I looked down and groaned, remembering that the only t-shirt I could find, which covered by belly and arse, had been made to wear to my friend Penny’s hen weekend. As Penny was forty-nine and had no inhibitions whatsoever, mine and the rest of the hen’s attire had been entirely unsuitable.
“Oh shit,” I groaned. “It’s dark in the class, I didn’t expect anyone to see it. Why didn’t I just put my bloody hoodie on when we left?”
Mandy shrugged. “No idea, but he may decide to find out if it’s true or not.”
She started to laugh and I couldn’t help but join in. If nothing else, Dex might be intrigued and call me instead of just texting the tattoo pictures for Isaac. After all, who wouldn’t be interested in a woman whose t-shirt said, Loose Lips Give Crap Blowjobs.
Dex
After my session at the gym, I’d gone back to Heaven & Ink expecting to feel ready and rarin’ to go, but I wasn’t. I was feeling as agitated as a whore in church. Pounding the treadmill and lifting some weights had done nothing to help. My client had been pretty quiet, thankfully, because I wasn’t in the mood for talking. I was all about the thinking during their hour and a half session.
“You okay, boss,” Scarlett asked, as I looked through the appointment book.
“Yeah, just seeing how busy we are next week.”
I’d been considering taking some days off, maybe give my buddy Ronnie a call and travel up to Scotland to see him and do some fishing. We were full to bustin’ though and I liked to be around when we were, just in case one of the guys took sick and I had to step in.
“Debbie called you again,” Scarlett said, clearing her throat. “Told her you were at the gym.”
I looked up to see her watching me thoughtfully. What the hell was it with the people I employed? They thought me paying their paycheck meant they were entitled to interfere in my life.
“What?”
“It’s just that’s the second time she’s called.”
“And it’s the second time I’ve been out. You want me to sit by the phone waiting for her to call every day?”
“No,” Scarlett said with a pout. “But I would expect you to call her back after the first call.”
“It ain’t your business to expect anything, Scarlett. I’ll call her when I get time.”
“All I’m saying is, it’s not like you not to call her back. Have you had a row?”
I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “No, but I’ll have one with you if you don’t keep your nose outta my business.”
Scarlett rolled her eyes and snatched the appointment book from me. “Whatever,” she muttered, as I walked away, back to my office.
“What’s gotten into you?” Jethro asked, appearing from his room. “You’re a little grumpy today. I thought a session in the gym usually cleared your head.”
“Yeah, it does,” I replied, pushing open my office door and walking in. “It doesn’t stop my staff messing with my business though.”
Jethro followed me and closed the door behind him.
“You know she likes to mother us all. She even brought Nate a food bag in today because she doesn’t think he’s eating properly.”
“Yeah, well last time I checked, I was forty-six and pretty sure I don’t need mothering.”
“She does have a point. You never don’t call people back, it’s that Southern charm of yours.”
I looked up at Jethro and paused. What the hell could I say? He was right, but I just didn’t want to call Debbie.
“It’s all over?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I have no fucking idea. We were fine last time I saw her. We didn’t really have a great evening, but that wasn’t her fault.”
“So what happened?”
As we both sat at my desk, I told Jethro all about meeting Katie in the pizza place and then finding her broken down. When I finished, he started to laugh, his head resting back against his neck.
“What’s so fucking funny?” I asked. “Because now I’ve told you what happened, it sounds kinda like a shit thing to do to her.”
Jethro stopped laughing and levelled me with a bemused look. “You said yourself, you’re just fuck buddies. Debbie knows that.” He lifted his leg and rested an ankle on his knee.
“Even so,” I sighed. “I should have just called Barry, made sure he was okay to turn up and help Katie, and then taken Debbie to dinner, as planned.”
I reached inside my drawer and pulled out a packet of mints, popping one in my mouth and holding them out to Jethro. He declined and grinned.
“You must be stressed. The mints only ever come out when you’ve got something on your mind.”
I flipped him the bird and threw the mints back into the drawer, slamming it shut. He was right, again. Mints had become my cigarette substitute when I gave up smoking almost eight years ago, and I’d reckoned I must have brought the habit to the UK with me.
“So,” Jethro continued. “What’s stressing you out? The fuck buddy or the fuckable momma?”
“Hey, don’t call her that.”
“What, fuck buddy? Sorry, thought she was,” he said grinning, knowing exactly who my comment had really been about. “I’ll ask again. Is it over, you and Debbie?”
I leaned my head back and stared up at the ceiling, thinking about Jethro’s question. If I finished things with Debbie, what was I finishing them for and why? It wasn’t as if I had anything going with Katie, and call me a fucking douchebag, but I had needs and Debbie fulfilled those needs.
“I saw her at the gym,” I blurted out. “Katie. As I got there, she was leaving.”
“And she looked hot and you wanted to jump her bones.”
I grinned thinking about Katie, all hot and sweaty wearing that damn stupid tee. The way she tried to act as though she wasn’t affected by me, but I knew she was and that made me fucking happy. She was funny and she made me feel light and happy whenever I was in her company – okay, that would be the sum total of three damn times, but jeez, who the hell was counting?
“That stupid smile on your face pretty much says it all,” Jethro said, dropping his foot to the floor and leaning forward.
“I hardly know her man, but there’s just something about her.”
Jethro’s hand came forward and pushed my cell across the desk to me.
“If it was me, I’d keep Debbie and see how things go with the hot momma, but that’s not you Dex. You’re a good guy, a gentleman, so call Debbie and tell her it’s finished.”
I sighed, knowing he was right. While Katie took up my head space, it wasn’t fair to Debbie.
“And then,” Jethro continued, getting up from his chair. “Ring that Katie woman and ask her on a fucking date.”
“Really? So soon?”
“Yeah, so fucking soon,” he cried, his hand on the door handle. “Otherwise, your miserable arse will result in you having no damn staff left.”
As he c
losed the door quietly behind him, I blew out a breath, picked up my phone, and dialed Debbie’s number.
Katie
I could feel the heat starting to bubble from the pit of my stomach and build and boil, all the way up my body. The hideous feeling that a hot flush was on its way. The curdling of my stomach was my sixty second warning and then – boom! Lava filled my veins.
“You okay, Mum?” Annie asked, as I slammed down the iron.
“Yep.” I blew out a breath, blowing my hair up. “Just having a flush.”
Suddenly my whole body was on fire as the lava made its appearance, sweat pouring from every place possible.
“You want me to go and get the electric fan?” Annie asked, pushing up from the sofa.
I snatched up a magazine and started to waft myself. “No, it’ll pass in a couple of minutes,” I said, trying to ignore the swirling feeling pumping through my veins and the sweat sliding down my back.
“God, I can’t wait to get old,” Annie grumbled sarcastically. “It’s bad enough having periods, but then you have to go through all this, just so you can be rid of them.”
I wanted to remind her of the mood swings, the ability to wet yourself when sneezing, and the inability to sleep, to name just a few little gems, but thought it best she enjoyed the next thirty or so years before worrying about them.
“We have it bad too, you know,” Isaac chipped in from his perch on the armchair.
“How do you have it bad?” Annie asked, pulling the magazine from my hand and taking over the wafting.
“You try explaining to Mum why your sheets are hard and crusty.”
“Isaac,” Annie cried. “You’re disgusting.”
Isaac grinned. “Don’t worry though, I’ve told Charlie about the old sock trick.”
“The what?”
“Please tell me you haven’t,” I groaned, arching my neck for Annie to get better access to it with the magazine.
“Yeah. Now it won’t be so embarrassing for him. You’ll just think he’s worn the same socks for days.”
“Well I won’t know, will I?”
“Will someone tell me what you’re talking about?” Annie asked, fanning vigorously.
