Julie responded to a friend whose status said: ‘It’s Mommy Week! Post the day you became a Mommy,” writing: “calyx powers 9/12/94 in Germany and powers beau 9/29/97 in Honolulu!”
She marked “Like” on posts about motherhood from two different friends. One read: “If God blessed you with a child and you are forever thankful, press like.” Another said: “If you hurt my daughter, I will make your death look like an accident.”
That year, Julie reminisced on Facebook about skiing in Austria in the late eighties. She posted a new favorite phrase: “Dear Lord, please keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth … Amen.”
As 2010 progressed, Julie fell deeper and deeper under the control of her psychological demons, landing in a severe depression that caused her to withdraw from friends and family. Her descent was accentuated by a series of surgeries. When they were completed, she was addicted to painkillers, in particular OxyContin. Her drug abuse made a difficult situation even worse. Parker was aware of this substance abuse and also knew she was drinking heavily at home during the day. Parker forbad Julie from driving the car with her children because of her frequent intoxication and her obvious mental instability.
* * *
In early October 2010, on the way home from cross-country practice, Calyx was driving and Julie was in the front passenger seat. They stopped at the supermarket. Julie waited in the car. When Calyx returned with her sack, Julie peered inside it.
Calyx snapped, “Don’t look in my grocery sack!”
Julie backhanded her daughter in the face and continued to slap her with an open hand over a thirty-second period. When Calyx reached the gate of their community, Julie slapped her again. Calyx grabbed her mother’s hand to stop her. Calyx’s face was red, but her sunglasses shielded her from any serious injury.
At first Calyx kept the information to herself. However, while attending counseling for three weeks at the Children’s Crisis Center in Tampa she finally blurted out the incident on November 2. Her counselor reported it to law enforcement.
Four days later, police responded to the home to investigate the allegation of child abuse. They saw no visible injuries on Calyx, but the girl told them that her mother hit her so hard in the mouth a month earlier that it caused bleeding.
Julie claimed that Calyx told her: “Stay out of my business,” “You’re disgusting,” and, “You’re not my parent.” Julie said she “backhanded her daughter three times for being disrespectful.” And that her daughter “was not bruised or bleeding” during the incident.
Officer Julie Becker wrote: “Calyx said she was never hit like this before. She is usually disciplined by getting her privileges or belongings taken away from her.” She added that during the interview Calyx “seemed cautious of what she was saying and at times began to cry.” Calyx, she said, “was hoping for a solution between her and her mom” by reporting the incident.
Tampa Police Department spokesperson Laura McElroy said, “Parents can discipline their children using physical force, as long as there’s no injury. That’s why there was no criminal offense at that time.”
Because of this legal loophole, no criminal charges were filed against Julie although she admitted to hitting her daughter. Often in life, as in novels, the foreshadowing is missed until it’s too late.
CHAPTER 15
According to the Florida Highway Patrol, on November 8, 2010, at 11:00 a.m., Julie Schenecker caused a two-vehicle collision. She had pushed her car up to 70 miles per hour in a 55 mph zone. As her Mercedes approached a landscaping truck that was pulling a trailer filled with lawn mowers and other yard equipment, she couldn’t or wouldn’t stop. Either she did not see the vehicle ahead or she could not react in time. Her Mercedes slammed into the rear of the vehicle. The trailer came unhitched, rolling away in one direction with the pickup that was hauling it ending up on a median strip facing oncoming traffic.
The officer on the scene wrote that Julie “showed signs of drug impairment” and had “dilated pupils with no reaction to light” and “mush-mouthed speech.” She was transported to the hospital. When police finished at the scene and went to the hospital to get blood alcohol levels as well as a sample for drug testing, she had already left and they were unable to do a sobriety test. At the time, it was believed that Julie was intoxicated from drinking and also under the influence of OxyContin.
The crash caused bodily injury to the people in the other vehicle and $26,500 in property damage. She was cited for careless driving and ordered to pay a $151 fine and to attend traffic school. Had the officers been able to ascertain her substance abuse, she would have fared much worse. Once again, she slid past the worst consequences for her actions.
Parker was furious. He had told her many times not to drive while she was under the influence. She’d made many promises to quit her drug and alcohol abuse. This incident fired up all his fears and concerns that she’d cause an accident that would harm or kill one or both of the children.
In frustration he kicked her out of their home, and she spent the next two nights on her own in a local hotel. Two days later, Parker picked her up from the hotel and drove her straight to a substance abuse rehabilitation center in Clearwater where she spent twenty-one days being treated for prescription drug abuse. While she was gone, Parker’s mother, Nancy, stayed in the home with the children. Parker got other family members to help him take care of the children when extra assistance was needed.
* * *
In the midst of all this family chaos, Sara Wortman sent a handwritten note to Parker and Julie Schenecker on November 12. Its silly, lighthearted tone indicated that Calyx had not informed her friends that her mother was not in the home or anything had gone wrong in the last week.
“The time has come for the first part of the epic finale of a generation,” Sara began. She described Calyx as an “excellent student” and expressed her empathy for the stress that high achievement created. Then, she expressed her feeling that her friend deserved “a day off” on Friday, November 19, to view the movie, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part I, with Sara and the other Ostuaries.
“Think about it,” she wrote. “Would you really want Calyx at school if she could not pay full attention in class? Also, if you allow her to skip school, she will be far happier and in a much better mood.” She reminded the Scheneckers that with family coming for Thanksgiving, it would be preferable to have a “happy Calyx” in her home. She then argued that since Calyx was a teenager, it was her right to have fun occasionally. If they denied this privilege to Calyx, she warned it could hurt their relationship with their daughter. She signed the note as Calyx’s “friend, classmate and colleague.”
* * *
While Julie was away in the rehab facility, Parker contacted her physician to get information so that he would know what he should do when she returned home to reunite with the family. But the doctor said, “Because of HIPAA [Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act] laws, I can’t discuss it with you.”
Parker didn’t know how he could be expected to make the right decisions without knowing more about the nature of his wife’s current mental state. On December 3, just before Julie was about to check out of the rehab facility, Parker sent her an e-mail, hoping to convince her that disclosure from her mental health professionals would be in the best interests of the whole family. “Pls consider executing a release for [the doctor] to speak with me.”
Julie’s response did not give him much hope for her upcoming return to home: “hell no! sorry about your luck.”
Parker tried to persuade her once again. He sent her a measured and reasonable response: “I think if you asked him, he’d say that he would like to and that it would be helpful. He would help with some ideas on how to improve things while keeping your private issues private.… I believe it’s critical for us (all four of us) to get into family counseling immediately. Since you feel ganged up on, this situation will quickly spin out of control without it.” A more prescient
line had never been written.
CHAPTER 16
When Julie returned home, the same patterns emerged. She was still abusing alcohol and OxyContin despite her stint in rehab. She cut off any contact with friends or family members. She didn’t even attempt to interact with her husband or children. Typically, she spent twenty hours a day in bed, lost in a severe, dark depression. Ironically, despite the amount of sleep she had, Julie still remained tired and drained of energy—a situation quite common in a bipolar individual in the midst of a depressive phase.
On December 6, Julie e-mailed Parker. She wrote about an upcoming appointment with a mental health counselor and asked whether she should bring the children along. “That’s what rehab was all about.… Figuring out what my plan for success is … Calyx is too pissed at me—worse than before the accident.”
Parker responded by admitting that although it was possible that he was wrong when he told her not to return home and immediately ask Calyx and Beau for forgiveness, he still believed that the situation demanded actions, not a prettily worded apology. He then criticized her behavior. He took issue with the amount of time she stayed in her room sleeping and with her determination not to blend back in with the family until his mother ended her stay in the home. That, he wrote, was what was behind his comment that she was sealing her fate with the kids. It recommended family counseling and cautioned that neither she nor the kids could change overnight.
He wrapped up his email with his main concern: “I MUST protect them; they are telling me that they feel unsafe. This is the basic responsibility of a parent, especially a father..… They’ve asked their father for protection. The hard part of this is that they’ve asked for protection from their mother.”
After Julie spent a week in family therapy at Parker’s request, he said that life in their home grew stable, comfortable, and nearly normal. Together, they all gathered in the driveway to wash the cars. A playful sponge fight erupted and soon all four were engaged in a sopping-wet battle, laughing, giggling, and appearing to be a normal, happy family.
During the days before Christmas, “Julie’s energy was low, but it was peaceful,” Parker said.
In a follow-up to the child abuse investigation instigated in November, caseworkers from the Florida Department of Children & Families visited during this more serene time. When they arrived, the children were wrapping gifts and eagerly anticipating Christmas morning. The household portrayed every indication of normalcy.
Parker and Julie told the caseworkers that the family was in counseling and, on being questioned, said that there was no history of domestic violence. Parker never mentioned any of the past incidents when Julie hit him in front of the children. Both Beau and Calyx told the social workers that they felt safe at home.
Parker said, “My daughter is very angry and at times can be very disrespectful. I often play peacemaker in the home, but I don’t mind doing that.”
Julie said, “Calyx’s behavior had changed since she started attending King High School.” Brushing off the slapping incident, Julie added, “I have had to increase my level of discipline since my daughter no longer responds to her privileges being confiscated.”
The report filed by the Department of Children & Families, dated December 23, 2010, read: “The overall risk to the children at this time is low.… The mother and child have not been in any other altercations and the two have agreed to disagree.”
Calyx took on the responsibility of decorating the family tree. On Christmas day, Julie didn’t linger in bed; she rose and unwrapped Christmas gifts with the family. Beau got a new laptop from his parents and Calyx received a breathtaking gift: a trip to Thailand the next summer—the first step in making her dream life a tangible concept. Julie and Calyx prepared the holiday dinner together, working like a team, side by side, as they coordinated the preparation of dishes and served them with a flourish.
It all painted a traditional portrait of family harmony, giving every outward appearance that life in the Schenecker household was back on firm ground. All, however, was not what it seemed. Christmas 2010 was the first time ever that Julie had not participated in decorating the home for the holidays. It was the first Christmas that she had not purchased any presents for her family or friends. It was not the same Julie her friends and colleagues had known—not by a long shot.
Parker wanted to believe that Julie was improving during the Christmas holidays. He seemed to believe that Julie could resolve her problems through determination and attitude. To cling to that belief he would have to deny the immutable realties of serious mental illness and the distinct possibility that past behavior could be a predictor for future escalation.
CHAPTER 17
In early January, the Schenecker family attended an Al-Anon meeting for families where about twenty people were in attendance. Calyx rose to her feet, the first person to address the group. She said, “My mom…,” but she choked up before saying anything more.
The people gathered around her understood the intensity of her emotions. They sat, patiently and compassionately, waiting for her to compose herself and continue. She tried to start again, “My mom…,” and once more she faltered, bursting into tears that broke nearly every heart in the room.
Parker stood. Taking over for his distraught daughter, he said, “We are here because of their mother. She has a drug and alcohol problem and we are here to cope with it.”
One of the women attending the meeting exhibited the group’s positive response to Parker by saying that he “was just like any normal dad. He was there to help his kids.”
* * *
On January 11, Parker received orders for a ten-day deployment to the Middle East. Concerned about leaving Julie with the children, he talked to his wife. He wanted to know if everything would be all right while he was gone.
Julie said, “I can handle things for that short period of time.”
Parker, who had had trust and honor instilled in him throughout his collegiate and military career, accepted her words at face value. As a result, he did not ask his commanding officers for a delay that would have surely have been granted due to the family hardship. He knew his wife was depressed, but he reasoned that she had suffered periods of depression previously and this one didn’t seem any different from the others.
* * *
Julie’s brother, Dave, sent her an e-mail on January 14: “Hope you had a nice birthday yesterday! We plan on coming to Florida again during Spring Break. First full week of April.”
Dave suspected that his sister was depressed again. He hoped that news of his family’s upcoming visit would raise her spirits.
* * *
On January 15, Parker sent an e-mail to his and Julie’s family and a few close friends. Its content indicated that he had received some criticism for his decisions and how he was handling the situation with Julie.
He began his missive by expressing appreciation for their concern and their willingness to rush to his home in an emergency situation and to visit for the purpose of aiding the family with their day-to-day situation. He quickly switched gears, chastising them for their judgmental attitudes about his parenting decisions and how he was handling the family problems. “I’ll write off your criticism as ignorance,” he continued, asking them to give some thought to the issues he faced.
“Julie was broken BEFORE I met her. She knew beforehand, but did not tell me.” As a result, he said, he’d spent more than twenty years taking on more burden in the relationship than he had expected. He then asked a series of questions. “Have you ever lived with someone with Bipolar Disorder?,” “Have you ever lived with a 50-year-old who has the judgment of a 10-year-old?,” “Have you ever lived with an alcoholic/addict? I’ve lived with two of them,” “Have you ever had to deal with your spouse hitting you in front of your children? Have you ever had to deal with your spouse hitting your child in the face while your child was driving the car?” After each query, he followed up with a second question: “Did you stay in that relat
ionship or leave?”
For those who answered that they stayed, he wrote that they had his respect and sympathy and asked for their insight on the problems they had faced. He wrapped up with an admonishment to his relatives. “I don’t need folks taking shots or lobbing grenades over the wall at me or my children. I don’t want your pity, but I DESERVE your respect. What I don’t deserve is your judgment.… Just remember, the most obvious and simple solutions work in math, but usually not in human relationships.”
* * *
On January 16, Julie responded to her brother’s e-mail about an upcoming visit: “Sounds great—tho I don’t know our spring break dates yet. I hope we time it right. Did Julie [Dave’s wife] get a little box from me? Didn’t even put a note on it—shame on me!”
* * *
The next day, Julie e-mailed her brother: “Please fwd me the ‘letter’ parker [wrote] to all the family. THX. he went to [Afghanistan] today for 10 days.”
Dave wrote back a refusal to send her Parker’s email. He changed the subject, telling her that her emails had gotten sloppy, incoherent and disturbing. He reminded her that she was confined without any clothing and belongings because of the fear she would commit suicide and yet every time she returned home she was welcomed back by her husband and her children.
He wanted to know why she wasn’t grateful for that and asked why she no longer appreciated all that Parker had given her and the children. He asked why she didn’t talk any more about the exotic vacations Parker provided for her and the family. He agreed with her complaint that Parker was career-oriented, but reminded her that she knew that before she married him. He also said the whole family knew of Parker’s goal to follow in his grandfather’s footsteps and become a general, just as he had done.
He asked her to remember that Parker “has had a ‘Generals Party’ for the last umpteen years” and expressed his surprise that Parker said he would abandon all of his ambitions. “Here is a guy who is giving up his dream, after 27 dedicated years of serving our country. He’s walking away from it all. And to do what? A political agenda? Something bigger? No, to stay in one spot because his family wants him to … If Parker doesn’t make it to General…” no “… matter how close he’s gotten or what all he’s done. His opinion of himself would be, is that ‘HE FAILED TO ACCOMPLISH HIS MISSION’.”
Sleep My Darlings Page 7
