by J. M. Walker
“But…”
“What?” I tilted my head when she didn’t continue. “Say it. You can talk to me.”
“I know.” She huffed. “I’m just shocked.”
“How come?”
“Because…you’re a guy.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry. That’s rude. I shouldn’t…God, you get me all flustered.”
My laugh deepened. I turned her around and pulled her back against me. “I know most guys would have sowed their oats and shit while in college but that wasn’t me. I did my schoolwork as quickly as I could so I could get back to you. Being with you is all I’ve ever wanted.”
She sat forward, looking at me over her shoulder. Her eyes searched my face. “What does that mean?”
“Whatever you want it to mean.” I cupped her face. “I’ve only ever been yours, Gigi. And I plan on only being yours forever. Or for as long as you can put up with my brooding ass anyway.”
Her breath caught, her teeth munching on her bottom lip.
“Hey.” I pulled her lip from her teeth before covering her mouth with my own. “I mean it, sweet girl.”
“I’ve only been with you too.” She broke the kiss, looking down at our joined hands on my lap. “I was a virgin on your eighteenth birthday. I wanted to tell you but thought it would scare you away. And then you acted like you knew what you were doing, so I never said anything.”
I was taken aback by her words. “Are you serious?”
She nodded, her cheeks turning redder.
“Look at me.”
Her beautiful eyes flicked up to mine. “Vince.”
“I was a virgin too, Gigi.” This whole time, I thought she was the one who acted experienced, but little did I know, neither of us where.
“You were?” She laughed, shaking her head. “Wow. You sure as hell didn’t act like it.”
I mentally patted myself on the back. “I knew what I wanted and that was you. I also read a lot.”
“What do you mean?” Gigi picked at a fuzz on my shirt. “Vince?”
“I did my research. I wanted to know as much as I could before we had sex. And then after that night, I continued to read. Sure, I did my schoolwork and got that shit done but most of my time was spent learning how to please you.”
“Uh…I think you did a good job pleasing me on your birthday. And this time together has been amazing.” A notable shiver trembled through her.
I chuckled. “Well, thank you, baby, but I’m not done yet. I’m going to continue learning.”
“Really?” she asked, chewing her bottom lip.
“Really.” I paused. “It has been pretty amazing, hasn’t it?”
She nodded. “It really has.”
I kissed her cheek.
She sighed, wrapping her arms around me.
My mouth found her throat, a low growl rumbling through me. “Spend the night with me.”
“Do you really have to ask?”
I took advantage of that and had her riding me shortly after. It was fast and hard, but needed.
A couple of hours later, she was passed out beside me in her bed. I knew I should have been sleeping as well but I couldn’t help but watch her.
“I love you, Gigi,” I whispered. That had been the first time I ever said those words out loud, even though they were whispered, and she wasn’t awake to hear me. It didn’t matter. Just saying them, tasting them on my tongue, gave me the strength to keep going and break down her walls until they were crumbled at our feet.
For good.
Gigi
I woke one morning, rolled over onto my back when a sharp pain erupted through my lower abdomen. I gasped, curling into a fetal position.
Taking a few deep breaths, the pain eventually went away.
Rising from the bed, I went to take a step when another slice of pain slammed into me.
I cried out, dropping to my knees.
“Gigi? You awake?” came a muffled voice from the other side of the door.
“Meadow.” We were supposed to meet for breakfast this morning.
“Gigi?” Meadow pushed open the door.
“It hurts.” I clutched my stomach, gasping through the pain.
“Oh God, what’s going on?” She rushed to me.
“I don’t know. But I can’t…it hurts so much.” Tears started streaming down my cheeks.
Was this it? Was I dying?
I almost wished I had.
Miscarriage.
That single word screamed through my head like a thousand broken promises. Why give me a gift only to take it away from me? I had no idea I was even pregnant. I didn’t get a chance to fall in love with my baby. With Vince’s baby. I didn’t get a chance to feel it kick. To hear its heartbeat. I didn’t even get to tell Vince. But now I had to tell him that I lost his baby. How could he forgive me? I had danced this whole time, drank some wine, got drunk once or twice. It was my fault.
My fault.
My fault.
I was vaguely aware of my phone ringing and chiming. I could hear Meadow and Shade’s voices on the other side of the door while I was currently locked away in my room.
“If you need anything, I’m here. Both Shade and I are.” Meadow pulled me into a firm hug. But I was like a statue. I didn’t cry. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t show any emotion. I kept them bottled up because what was the point?
“Don’t tell Vince,” I heard myself say.
Meadow released me, frowning. “He needs to know.”
“I know. I’ll tell him…I...” I turned away from her and started walking down the hall to my bedroom. “I’ll tell him when I’m ready.”
That had been almost three days ago.
When Meadow had helped me to my feet that cold dreaded morning, I could feel the liquid rushing from my body.
Blood.
So much damn blood.
At that point, even before going to the hospital, I knew. It wasn’t like Vince and I had ever used protection. We tested fate only for it to laugh and throw our mistake back in our faces.
***
(Vince)
Gigi and I had made plans to meet up. I texted her when I left her place the morning after our moment at the studio and let her know that I was at work. By lunch, I checked my phone and never got a response from her but saw that she had read the message. After I was done work, I called her but again, no response.
I had gone over to her place, but her car wasn’t in the driveway. I left and drove to my apartment but still wondered what the hell was going on.
Driving by her studio, I saw that the lights were off and continued making my way home instead.
When I arrived at my apartment, I still hadn’t received a text or a phone call from her. That had been three days ago.
Something was wrong.
Rory and Mason called me, but I ignored them.
Tenise showed up one afternoon with baked goods she had made for the guys. I let her in, but she wasn’t who I wanted to see. I called Gigi for what felt like the thousandth time only to get her voicemail. I kept calling just to get that greeting so I could hear her voice.
“What’s going on? Rory said you couldn’t get ahold of Jenny.”
My back stiffened, my head whipping around. “Her name is Gigi.” She knew that. It wasn’t like I had been quiet in my feelings for my girl.
“Right.” Tenise giggled, slapping her forehead. “Silly me. But here, I brought you some yummy treats.”
I had been spoiled by Meadow’s baking over the years so nothing could ever compare, but I was polite and took the plastic container from Tenise anyway. “Thank you,” I mumbled, placing it on the kitchen island.
“You’re welcome.” Tenise went to the couch and turned on the TV, making herself right at home.
I stared after her, wondering what the hell was going on? It wasn’t like I was up for company. I needed to figure out what I had done and why Gigi was suddenly ignoring me.
Had I said something wrong? We had talked a little more
about our feelings. Was that it? Did I scare her away? Did I push too hard? Was she upset that I hadn’t told her I loved her yet? There was no reason why I was waiting but it hadn’t felt like the right time.
“Come.” Tenise patted the empty spot beside her. “You need to get your mind off whatever is going on anyway. Rory is working and Mason went out of town to see his parents. So it looks like it’s just you and me.”
I didn’t want to be rude and kick her out. It wasn’t like I could get ahold of Gigi anyway and everyone I called and asked, told me shit all.
Heading to the living room, I sat on the chaise beside the couch Tenise was sitting on.
“Why are you so far away? I don’t bite.” Something flashed behind Tenise’s dark eyes. Something I didn’t like but couldn’t quite figure out what it was.
Tenise stood and came toward me. “You know, I’ve always wished I would have met you first.”
“Alright.” I jumped to my feet and put some distance between us. “That’s it. I’m not interested.”
“What are you talking about?” Tenise laughed. “It’s not like there’s anything stopping us.”
“Are you kidding me right now? You’re dating my best friend and I have a girlfriend.” Even though we had never put a label on what we had, Gigi and I both knew that we belonged to each other. And whatever was going on right at the moment was a roadblock in our path to be together. We would get through this. I would make sure of it.
“Come on, Vin.” Tenise came toward me but I took a step back.
“I can’t do this. You need to leave.” I grabbed my wallet and keys off the table by the entrance to my apartment and shoved them in my pockets.
“Do what? We haven’t done anything.” Tenise closed the final few steps between us, blocking me from getting to the door. “But I want to. We could be good together.”
“No.” I gently pushed passed her and opened the door. “Out. Now.” I thrust my arm out. “Now!”
Tenise started laughing. “Alright, alright. Geeze, Vin. Take a joke. Rory put me up to it. He said you would be all weird if I came on to you.” She shook her head. “Take care and I’ll see you soon I’m sure. I hope Jenny is okay.” And just like that, she left the apartment.
Slamming the door shut behind her, I leaned against it and let out a slow breath. I wasn’t sure how I would tell Rory about what just happened, but I couldn’t dwell on that at the moment. I needed to see Gigi. I needed to figure out what was going on and how to fix it.
Leaving my apartment, I locked up and decided to take the stairs so I wouldn’t see Tenise again. I wasn’t even aware of getting to my car or driving to Gigi’s. I was stuck in my head. I needed to make things right. I thought back over the past couple of months, but I couldn’t figure out what I had done. We had talked about the misunderstanding when Rory’s mom died, and how I never went to see her. She was good after that. She felt it was stupid that she had been upset but I understood. I would have reacted the same way if it had been the other way around. I finally got her talking and then all of a sudden, something happened where she was ignoring me again.
When I pulled up in front of Gigi’s place, I let out a sigh of relief at seeing her vehicle in the driveway. I parked the car and bounded up the steps. Once I reached the door, I slowly pushed it open before I stepped inside only to find Meadow and Shade in the living room.
“Vince.” Meadow stood, coming toward me. “You can’t be here.”
“Why the hell not?” I was thrown off by her words, knowing she had always been rooting for Gigi and I. “Where is she?”
Meadow looked away.
Shade stepped between me and Meadow. He was bigger than me. Much bigger. And older. But it didn’t stop me. I refused to back down where Gigi was concerned.
“Tell me where she is. Please. I’ve called her, texted her. I don’t know what I did wrong. It’s been three days. I need to know what happened.” I didn’t give a shit how desperate I sounded. Something happened and Gigi was pushing me away again, but I knew that she needed me just the same. Did I say something wrong? Did I do something? I tried thinking back over the weeks we had been together, but nothing came to mind. It had been perfect. Or so I thought.
“Vince,” Meadow said gently. “She doesn’t want to see you.”
My chest tightened. It felt like someone took a knife and stabbed me repeatedly.
“She…why not? What did I do?” I took a step toward the hall that led to Gigi’s bedroom when Shade stepped in front of me.
“Not a good idea, kid,” he murmured.
“I need to know what I did wrong so I can make up for it. Wouldn’t you do anything for Meadow? Wouldn’t you do whatever you could to show her how much you love her?”
Meadow’s breath caught.
“Yes,” he said without even hesitating. “I would.”
“Then please, I need to see her. I need to show her…I need to tell her that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for whatever it is that I did.” My heart was beating rapidly, threatening to explode from my chest the longer Gigi wasn’t in my arms.
“Vince.”
My head snapped around.
Gigi stood at her doorway.
“Baby, please.” I took a step toward her, but Shade cupped my shoulder, stopping me.
Her eyes were red, her cheeks mottled with pink like she had been crying.
“What’s wrong, Queenie? Tell me what I did. Please tell me what I did,” I pleaded, silently begging for her to tell me to go to her.
“Come here,” she finally said.
Shade stepped out of the way.
I ran past him and down the hall before barreling into Gigi.
She fell back but not before I caught her around the waist and shoved my face into the crook of her neck.
“I’m sorry.” I picked her up and carried her into her room before kicking the door closed behind me. “I don’t know what I did but I’m sorry, Gigi.”
“No.” A sob left her. “I’m sorry, Vince. I should have called you. I shouldn’t have pushed you away again. That’s not fair of me. I’m so sorry.”
“Hey.” I gently placed her on the edge of her bed and knelt at her feet. “Talk to me.”
She covered her face, sobs wracking through her.
“Queenie.” I stood, pulling her hands away and covering her face in soft pecks. “Talk to me.” I kissed her tears away, tasting the saltiness on my tongue. “Please. Tell me so I can fix it.”
She shook her head. “You can’t fix it.”
“Then tell me what happened so I can help make you feel better. Please.” I pulled her into my arms, needing to wrap myself around her.
She continued crying against me, words leaving her lips, but they were muffled by her cries.
“Gigi.” I held her against me, running my hand in circles along her back. “Talk to me, please.” It couldn’t have been a problem with her parents or brother. Meadow wasn’t crying, so they must have been fine. It was something else. Something that hurt just as much.
“I…” She lifted her head, wiping under her eyes. “I had a miscarriage.” She sniffled, looking at me with red-rimmed eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“Wait.” I cupped her cheek, my throat closing up. “Why the hell are you sorry?”
“B-Because I lost the baby,” she said, her chin wobbling. “Your baby.” Her breath hitched. “Our baby.”
“It’s not your fault.” I kissed her softly. My chest tightened. “It’s not your fault at all. I’m sorry.” I leaned my forehead against hers. “I’m so sorry.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks, her body shuddering with each sob she made. “I shouldn’t have pushed you away, but I was scared. I needed you but I still didn’t call you. You must think I’m a horrible person.”
“Never.” I lifted my head. “You hear me? We’ll get through this. Together.”
She nodded.
“Tell me what happened.” Not that I wanted her to relive it but I needed to know as much as s
he was willing to give me so I could help her heal. I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I had gotten her pregnant but now was not the time to dwell on that. I could worry about it later. I just wanted her better. I wanted her healthy and to help her through this.
“I…” She pulled away from me and moved to the head of the bed.
I joined her, taking her hands in mine.
“I woke up in excruciating pain. Meadow and I were supposed to go to breakfast. She came in and saw me on the floor. I was bleeding.” Gigi looked down at our hands. “I didn’t even know I was pregnant, but it still hurts.”
I kissed the side of her head, holding her. Letting her know that she was not alone in this. “I’m glad Meadow was here for you.”
“Me too.” Gigi pulled my hand into her lap. “I’m sorry for ignoring you. I didn’t even realize that a couple of days had passed already until this morning.” She turned her full body toward me. “I’m sorry for shutting you out. I shouldn’t have done that. Can you forgive me?”
I cupped the back of her head and crushed my mouth to hers. “No forgiving needed. I’m not upset with you.” I kissed her nose. “How are you feeling? Besides mentally and emotionally I mean.”
“I’m fine physically. I wasn’t far along at all and was able to pass it naturally and it went…fine.” She swallowed hard.
“Shit, Gigi. I wish I would have been there.” She needed me and I couldn’t go back in time to be there for her. But I could be there for her now.
“I know.” Her eyes shone. “I’m sorry I never told you until now.”
“No. Don’t. I just…” I scrubbed a hand down my face. “We’ll move past this. Maybe not forget but in time, you’ll heal. We’ll both heal.”
She nodded. “The doctor said I can’t have sex for at least a few weeks. They told me to wait until after my next cycle but I don’t know if I’ll be ready.”
“Geeze, babe.” I pulled her into my arms until she was straddling my lap. “I’m not even hinting for sex. This is all on your time. You tell me when you’re ready. Do you understand me?”
“I just don’t want you thinking that I don’t want you.”
“Listen to me.” I pinched her chin, held her head in place, and stared into her eyes. “What we have goes far beyond just being physical. I’m not like most guys. I’d rather go without sex, as long as it meant keeping you in my arms and at my side.”
