by Arlene James
She laughed at that, repeating his words for emphasis. “Too much.”
Jake grinned. Then his gaze shifted to meet hers evenly, and he folded his arms against the tabletop, dropping his voice a notch. “So if Ryder’s the gentle giant, and Wyatt’s the authority figure, what does that make me?”
The last words she’d said fell out of her mouth again of their own volition. “Too much.” Knowing that sounded ridiculous, she dropped her gaze and softly added, “Too much of everything. Handsome, kind, generous, hardworking. Masculine.”
For a long moment, she could neither lift her gaze nor breathe. Her heart seemed to have stopped beating. She couldn’t believe she’d found the courage to say all that. Then he reached across the table, picked up her hand and pressed it between both of his. Suddenly, she could function again. Looking up, Kathryn found him smiling tenderly.
The waitress chose that moment to drop off their check. Jake sat back, picked up that little slip of paper, glanced at it and looked to Kathryn.
“Guess it’s time to go.”
Disappointed and at the same time absurdly happy, she nodded, made sure she had her handbag and slid to the edge of her seat as Jake moved to his feet. This time, when Jake reached down, she gave him her hand, thrilled beyond words when he kept it until they reached his truck.
* * *
Too much.
Jake continually pondered her words as he drove them back to War Bonnet.
Too handsome. Too kind. Too generous. Too hardworking. Too masculine, whatever that meant.
He didn’t think it was bad, any of it. He thought that perhaps he had misread her early on. She didn’t dislike him. She liked him too much.
For a woman like her, that must be unsettling, and it made this little outing a very bad idea. That being the case, he shouldn’t smile about it, but he couldn’t help himself, so he tried to focus on just how badly he had fouled up the evening.
“I’m really sorry about the movie.”
She sent him a gentle smile. “Don’t worry about it. The milkshake was compensation enough. I shudder to think how long it’s been since I last had a simple milkshake. Besides, you were under no obligation to take me to a movie after Frankie dropped out.”
Increasingly uncomfortable with that fiction, Jake shifted in his seat and came clean with her. “About that. I never really intended to bring Frankie. I just said that because I didn’t want you to think this was...”
“A date?” she finished for him.
He shot her a surprised glance. “Yeah, I guess. Sounds stupid, I know. But, look, I’m not in a position to get serious about anybody. It’s only been a couple years since Jolene. A-and the truth is, the shop is eating my lunch. I’ve got to get it up and operational before...”
“Before?”
“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but I have to get the business established before I run out of money.”
“And working on my old car is putting a crimp in things.”
“No, no, I’m not losing anything but time working on your car, and Ryder is helping me with the construction on the shop to make up for that. But what it if doesn’t work out? I think there’s enough business in the area to pay the bills, especially if I don’t have to borrow to finish the building, but it’s not a given. I could wind up supporting the shop instead of the other way around. Frankly, I shouldn’t even be spending money on movies, let alone kids’ saddles and special bridles, not until I know the shop is going to be at least self-supporting. I—I just shouldn’t be dating right now.”
“So if you didn’t want me to think this was a date, why didn’t you bring Frankie?” she asked.
Grimacing, Jake said, “He’s a disaster in a movie theater. He talks to the screen at the top of his lungs, and half the time he’s on his feet. I just said I was including him because...” He tried to think of the least embarrassing way to say this. “I didn’t think you’d go if it was just the two of us.”
“And why would you think that?” she drawled wryly. “Just because I locked myself in the car when you stopped to help me? Or was it how long it took me to look you in the eye?”
Jake realized with a shock that she was teasing, but that she was also well aware of how her behavior must have come across. He had to smile. At both of them.
“Let’s just say it’s been a long time since I asked a woman to go to a movie with me. Or anywhere else.”
She laughed softly and admitted, “I probably wouldn’t have.”
Jake shot a glance at her and caught her self-deprecating grimace.
“Go to a movie with you, I mean. Or anywhere else. Your fiction about including Frankie allowed me to make peace with my desire to go by telling myself that it was work related. I think I always knew you hadn’t originally intended to include him, but I did expect you to bring him along after you added him to the equation.”
Surprised again, but also pleased, Jake asked, “Then why did you come with me after I showed up without him?”
Again, she gave him that wry smile and tone. “Because sitting at home alone isn’t nearly as much fun as I pretend it is.”
A bark of laughter burst out of him. She laughed, too. Within moments, they’d settled into a comfortable silence.
Then abruptly she said, “I take it this is your first date since your wife died.”
He blinked at that, his smile fading. “You know, you’re right. I’ve met a few women, called them up on the phone, chatted with them, even flirted a little. I just didn’t...” He looked at her, realizing what the problem had been. “I just wasn’t ready. I’m not real sure I am now either. Or that I ever will be.”
“So I guess it was a first for both of us,” she said softly, ducking her chin. “And the last.”
The sound of disappointment in her voice cut Jake to the quick. He wished he’d made a real date of it, an actual invitation, dinner and a movie, maybe even flowers. At the very least, he should have put some serious thought into the event, especially if it was to be the only one. And it ought to be. He had no right to usurp any woman’s time and emotions until he knew they had a chance for something more.
The silence grew increasingly thick, not strained exactly but rife with...awareness. Thankfully, they reached her house before the atmosphere became unbearable.
“I’ll get your door,” he announced, bailing out on his side. It was the gentlemanly thing to do, after all. She waited while he rushed around to open the door for her. He backed up, giving her room to get out. As he followed her up onto the porch, properly seeing her right to her door, he kept that distance, his nerves jittering beneath his skin.
Without a word, she took her keys out and unlocked the door. Then she turned to him, smiled and said, “Can I ask you something else?”
“Sure.”
“If, as you say, you’re not in a position to be dating, why did you take me out?”
He did not know how to answer that. If he gave her the same excuses he’d been giving himself, it would sound like pity, and he couldn’t let her think that. For one thing, it wasn’t true. Maybe she hadn’t dated, but Kathryn had made a life for herself all on her own. She had a kind of strength he’d never before encountered, and he was only just realizing it.
He stood there, staring at her, his tongue glued to the roof of his mouth, and wrestled with what he knew to be true. He’d asked her out because he’d wanted to be the first man ever to do so and because she needed to know that she was lovely, completely worthy.
When she mumbled a farewell and started to turn away, he couldn’t let her. She deserved more than that, better than that. His hand at her waist, he turned her back to him. She looked up with those big, deep green eyes, and he knew what had to happen next.
Shifting closer, he brought his other hand to the center of her back, between her shoulder blades, but he didn’t pull her ag
ainst him as he wanted to do. Instead, he simply bent his head and kissed her. She closed the small distance between them, leaning forward until she met his chest, her arms at her sides. Thrilled, he tightened his embrace incrementally until she lifted her arms and slid them about his neck.
It was the sweetest kiss ever, as tender and pure as his very first. He’d been about thirteen and so nervous he’d shaken like a leaf in a gale. That girl’s face had long ago faded from his memory, but he did recall that there had been about a foot between them and they’d both blushed furiously afterward. Still, that first kiss had been one of his sweetest, most sentimental memories. It paled in comparison to this.
Everything will pale in comparison after this.
That thought jolted him, breaking the kiss and shoving him back several inches. Kathryn looked as stunned as he felt, her eyes wide, fingertips hovering tremulously over her lips. Before he could even blink, she bolted, disappearing into her house. He stood for several moments staring at the wreath on her door before he realized that the evening was at an end and he should go. Still, more seconds ticked away before he could make himself draw breath, turn and walk back to his truck.
Frowning, he told himself that he’d just done the most stupid thing he’d ever managed in his entire life, but he couldn’t seem to stop the pleasure that filled him. All the way home, he vividly relived every instant of that kiss. She’d bolted afterward, yes. As shy, skittish and careful as Kathryn was, he had expected no less, but before that, she’d kissed him back. She had kissed him as much as he had kissed her.
And his head was still spinning because of it.
Chapter Nine
Looking at her reflection in the mirror the next morning, Kathryn wished once again that she had not agreed to attend church with the Smith family.
The kiss had kept her awake all night. As a girl, she’d dreamed and dreamed of her first kiss, but she’d never come close to imagining the sensations or emotions that Jake’s kiss had evoked in her. She’d felt cherished and beautiful, as if she’d been made for that exact moment, that one man. To him it had undoubtedly been nothing more than a good-night gesture. To her, it was nothing less than a wonder.
Now, in the light of day, she didn’t know how she was going to face him. He’d been frank about the fact that they had no future, but that didn’t keep her from wishing it could be otherwise. Would he be able to read her foolish sentiment in her eyes? After all, he was a mature, experienced man. He’d been married, for pity’s sake. A spinster’s first kiss couldn’t mean to him what it meant to her. Even if he didn’t see how she felt, Tina surely would.
She and Tina had quickly become good friends. Kathryn was glad for that, but she worried Tina would take one look at her now and know. Not that she had anything to be ashamed of. A woman her age could reasonably be expected to have been kissed.
But no woman could be expected to have had a first kiss like that.
Oh, how she wished she hadn’t agreed to attend church with the Smiths this morning.
She thought briefly of feigning illness, but she didn’t want to lie, so she was ready and waiting at the appointed time. To her relief—and disappointment—it wasn’t Jake at her door. Instead, Tina, smiling and lovely in a summery print dress, looked approvingly at Kathryn’s, the same one she’d worn last night with Jake. She hadn’t had time to refashion anything else, but she was already planning her next project, if only to have something different to wear to church in the future.
When she got to the SUV, Kathryn found that the boys occupied the third-row seat. With Tina and Wyatt in the front, that left the second row for Kathryn alone. Frankie greeted her enthusiastically.
“KKay pretty!”
She smiled at him. “Thank you.” She hoped his father would be of the same opinion, instead of wondering why she’d chosen this particular dress again. Then she silently scolded herself for even thinking about Jake. He’d made it clear that he wasn’t interested in romance at this point in his life. She couldn’t let herself think of anything more than friendship with Jake. And she dared not allow thoughts of the kiss to enter her mind.
That proved even more difficult than expected when they arrived at the church. Jake and Ryder stood outside, waiting for them. Wyatt stopped the SUV right in front of them. Ryder opened Tina’s door while Jake did the same for Kathryn. He smiled impersonally as she exited the vehicle, then he ducked inside to free Frankie from his safety seat and pull him out of the automobile. Tyler managed for himself, and Jake moved back to allow Ryder to shepherd the boy toward the church. Tina followed, while Wyatt parked the vehicle.
Kathryn couldn’t keep her gaze off Jake. He looked impossibly handsome in his dark jeans, white shirt and tan suit jacket, a brown tie knotted at his throat. He wore a cowboy hat as if born to wear it, and every time she looked at him, she remembered the kiss.
With those memories came awkwardness, but she didn’t know what to do about it. Running away was not an option this time. Thankfully, no sooner did Jake set Frankie’s feet on the ground than Frankie grabbed her hand, drawing her attention away from his father.
“KKay come to me,” he said, tugging her toward the church.
Jake strode after them, speaking to Frankie. “Come with me. Kathryn doesn’t need to see your classroom, though.”
“I don’t mind,” Kathryn countered quickly.
Without another word, Jake followed her and Frankie into the church foyer, Ryder and Tyler holding the door for them. Frankie tugged Kathryn down a hallway flanking the sanctuary. Behind her, she heard Jake say, “I’ll take Tyler. Y’all save us seats.”
They reached Tyler’s classroom first. He went in with a quick parting wave. Frankie’s room was tucked into a corner near the nursery suite, and he insisted on showing Kathryn every corner of the colorful space. She made the appropriate noises of approval and appreciation, until Jake impatiently swept her out of there and back the way they’d come, his hat in his hand. Music was playing by the time they slipped into the end of the pew next to Wyatt and Tina. That didn’t stop Wyatt from leaning forward, looking past Kathryn and speaking to Jake.
“So where did you get off to last night? You ran out before I could ask this morning.”
Tina jabbed Wyatt with her elbow. At the same time, Jake shushed him, a finger lifted to his lips. In that moment, Kathryn realized that the family knew nothing of the evening she’d spent with Jake. Tina might—probably did—suspect, but she couldn’t know for sure. Kathryn had told Tina that the dress she was working on was for Sunday, and it was. However, it was also for the movie, which Kathryn hadn’t mentioned for fear Tina would assume a context that didn’t exist.
Beside her, Jake fixed his attention on the front of the sanctuary and kept it there, which allowed her to focus somewhat on the service. To her surprise, the music, message and familiar rituals calmed and comforted her. She knew that Jake would not be asking her out again, and her disappointment was keen, but she couldn’t be angry or resentful with the one man who had taken her out on a date.
Jake Smith had unknowingly brought change to her life, change for the better. She had a job she enjoyed, good friends and more financial security than she’d known in a long while. Plus, her car would soon be running again.
And she’d been on a date, or as close to one as she was likely to get.
She would be forever grateful.
After the service, Tina hurried off to collect the boys while everyone else stood around the crowded foyer and chatted. The Billings family joined them, patriarch Wes with his bride, Alice, on his arm, along with Rex and his wife, Callie, and Meri and her husband, the veterinarian Stark Burns. Kathryn knew Alice best of all. The only time Mia had ever left their house after her accident was by ambulance or to visit the office of Dr. Alice Shorter, now Billings. Those visits had proved so arduous that Kathryn had been discouraged from attempting any other outings, but upon
occasion, Kathryn herself had used the services of Dr. Alice.
“It’s so good to see you, Kathryn,” the doctor said warmly, “and in such good company.”
Kathryn smiled and nodded, desperately trying not to be aware of Jake at her side. It was enough that she didn’t feel out of place, out of her depth. The sense of belonging, of being part of group, was a novel sensation for her, but she knew very well that she wasn’t part of a couple. Even if Jake hadn’t leveled with her, his cool, casual demeanor would have told her that their one date would not be repeated. Even as they left the building and Jake’s brothers teased him about his “mysterious disappearance” the night before, Jake remained calm and impassive.
“You know, what I do is none of your business,” he replied easily to their prods.
Kathryn was glad for his circumspection. Had his behavior or tone implied any intimacy between them, she would have been hard-pressed to maintain her composure.
Finally, Wyatt announced that everyone should “load up.” The whole family trooped out into the parking lot. While Jake crawled into the back of Tina’s SUV to buckle Frankie and Tyler into their safety seats, Kathryn waited outside, Tina next to her, chatting about the service. Just as Jake stepped down onto the ground and straightened, Tina placed a hand on Kathryn’s arm and asked easily, “Joining us for Sunday dinner?”
Jake stiffened, prompting Kathryn to refuse. “Oh, no, thank you. I have a lot to do.”
Flashing her another impersonal smile, Jake moved off toward Ryder. “See you in the morning then.”
Both relieved and disheartened, Kathryn got into the SUV and buckled up. She told herself that she’d gotten through her first meeting with Jake and his family after the kiss and her secret was safe. No one ever needed to know that she’d developed a killer crush on Jake, not that anything could come of it. He’d made that very plain.
