“Hey, getting yourself something instead of getting someone else to do it? Nice work.”
He just glared at me. What a jerk. God, he had awesome forearms. I’d never noticed them before.
And I’d never notice it again. Nice forearms did not compensate for his total jerkiness.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked.
“Getting a drink.” I looked down at my glass. “That seems pretty obvious, I’d think.”
“Don’t be a fool. I mean with Yumi. Putting stupid ideas in her head.”
I sat my glass down on the bench.
“Listen, Sunshine,” I said. “If anyone is putting stupid ideas in her head, it’s you. She’s not the most confident girl around and telling her she needs to change who she is will not exactly do wonders for her self-esteem. She’s perfectly fine just as she is.”
He moved closer. I could smell him, that comforting smell from the car. Comforting wouldn’t overrule his jerkiness though. And I would not be giving that hoodie back to him.
“Yumi will not ever get to be fine just as she is. You understand nothing. She can have fun and date these boys now but it’s all training for later.”
I had no idea what he meant by that. It seemed crazy to me. I’d just take my tea and go back to my room. This whole fool thing with Yumi was going too far. The girl was only in high school.
He blocked my way.
“Yumi will marry someone from a family like ours. It’s not for her to decide and it’s not for her to wait for someone who likes her as she is. That’s something people like you do. People like us have to think about more than ourselves. We have to think about our family and future generations. She will get married when she finishes college and, when she does, she will have to be an asset to her husband. She’ll have to dress in the right way and act in the right way.”
I snorted. “That’s a joke, right?”
His scowl told me otherwise.
“You realise this is the 21st century. She’s not like a cow your family is sending to market. She has free will and all that shit.”
He shook his head. “You really are stupid.”
“I’m not the stupid one here, Sunshine. That is the most hideous thing I’ve heard. Poor Yumi. What if she wants another future? What if she wants a career? Or, I don’t know, what if she’s a lesbian?”
“That sort of thing isn’t possible. Of course, she can have a career if she wants it and her husband lets her—”
“Huh? No way. That’s insane. She’s super smart.”
“That’s how it is.”
He stared at me and I stared back. My mind ticked over, trying to take all this in. In all honesty, I’d been jealous as hell of Yumi when I’d first moved in. She had a huge allowance to buy clothes and was like a pampered little treasure. She’d actually given me a few of her old things. And, when I say old things, I mean designer clothes with the tags still on. Nothing I’d actually wear. I think the whole thing had been motivated by a desire to get me looking like one of them, but it’d been a nice gesture.
I’d never even be able to imagine having that kind of money to throw around. But who wanted it if you had to be married off to some creep. God, if Dad picked out someone for me to marry, I’d run a mile. Maybe even punch him first.
“What about you?” I asked. “Are you married off like that too?”
“Of course. I have some say in it but I will select someone from one of the women my parents think is appropriate.”
“Wow, good luck with that.”
The levels of fucked-upness in this family ran deep, that’s for sure. I almost felt sorry for Sunshine, being brainwashed into thinking that was the right thing to do. Then I thought of something.
“Hey, your mother works. Is that with your father’s permission?”
“It’s complicated.”
I bet it was. I’d suspected that his mother’s family were the ones with all the money. I’m not sure why she’d married Mr Tachibana. Who knew how these things worked? But she definitely acted like having money came naturally to her. He was much more ostentatious and liked to let you know exactly how rich he was. I knew exactly how much this house and his car, even his shoes cost.
I started to push past Junichi but he grabbed me.
“Hey, watch it, Sunshine. You nearly spilt my drink.”
He backed me up against the wall. His dark eyes flashed. Was Mr Perfect going to lose his cool? That facade had a crack in it. Junichi never lost his temper. He just got colder.
“You are here for a short time and you are not one of us. Don’t cause a mess that other people have to clean up.”
Our bodies touched in three places. His hand on my wrist, his left thigh against my leg and his left shoulder against my right. In all three places, flashes of heat radiated. Those three places had become the only focus of my brain. An electric charge ran from his body to mine. I couldn’t resist him, I could just stare into those deep brown eyes, transfixed.
But he was wrong. So wrong.
“I’m not the one making the mess,” I said. “I’m just the one pointing it out. Now get your hands off me.”
I shook myself free. His grip had been strong but not rough. Stronger than I’d thought possible.
I hated people touching me without my permission. Well, I didn’t just hate it. It freaked me out. I’d lashed out at Kenji when he’d touched me at the love hotel. I’d fled from him. But Junichi had just touched me and it hadn’t caused that gut-churning feeling. It didn’t make me break down inside. The feeling was just as intense but much different.
There was no haiku in me when I went back to my room. There was just anger and frustration. I’d responded to him in a way that I never thought possible. He’d touched me in three places but it felt like so much more.
I would not fall for my shit head host brother. That would be the worst thing possible. I’d just forget the whole touching thing ever happened. I pulled out my sketch pad to plan out some new paintings but the paper stayed blank.
CHAPTER 5
I avoided Junichi after the incident in the kitchen. It was easy to do. We had different schedules. I didn’t have many formal classes. I just worked on my stuff and turned up for critique sessions. Because of that, I went to uni early and left early. Then I’d fake taking Shun to cram school while we mucked around at home. Junichi went into campus after lunch and stayed late with his stupid clubs. If I was out of the house by 10 am, I’d not see him at all.
When I’d first arrived, Mrs Tachibana had made me prepare dinner but my style of cooking just wasn’t good enough for them. Ha, I hadn’t even had to fake bad cooking. I’d just cooked things like steak and vegetables.
“Where’s the rice?” Mr Tachibana asked at the first dinner.
“There’s no rice. There are potatoes.”
The entire family had stared at me like I was crazy. Potatoes are a perfectly good thing to have for dinner. Whole civilisations had survived on them. I was about to tell them about the Irish potato famine but realised they’d not listen to me.
“I’ll make some rice, we’ll wait for dinner,” said Mrs Tachibana with a sigh. She looked at me like I was a burden.
Mrs Tachibana had gone to the kitchen and everyone else stopped eating. Not me. I was happy with my steak and vegetables. When I’d finished, I wasn’t sure if I should go to my room or stay at the table. The rest of them sat in silence waiting for the rice. Their steak went cold and the vegetables didn’t look too appetising after a while. More fools them.
A few more meals like that and I’d been told that I no longer had to prepare dinner. I was still expected to clean the house, though. That wasn’t a huge issue, since they weren’t home enough to mess things up. I cleaned the bathrooms but never went up to Junichi’s rooms. He could clean his own. Ha, as if. And I cleaned the kitchen and living areas. It wasn’t a hassle and I’d have happily done it for my host family in appreciation for them if I hadn’t been commanded to do it. I imagi
ned a lovely host family where I’d have to fight them for the chance to do things to help around the home instead of being treated like a servant.
I only saw Junichi at dinner. I never looked at him at the dinner table and he never looked at me. That was just the way I liked things. I could be like a ghost in the house. A ghost who ate and drank and slept but who no one ever spoke to.
A week later, Shun and I were at home playing games when Junichi walked into Shun’s room.
“Shouldn’t you be at cram school?” he asked.
Hell. Busted. He’d not made any noise coming in. Or maybe Shun and I had just been too carried away, yelling at each other over the music of the game.
“The pipes burst in the bathrooms. They sent us home. There was mess everywhere…”
“Are you keeping up with your schoolwork?”
“Of course.”
Junichi nodded. I don’t think he’d been fooled by that bathroom story for an instant.
“That’s the main thing. And I used that bathroom story when I was in cram school so you’ll need to think of something else.”
My God, he actually smiled at his little brother. His eyes shone when he smiled and he got little crinkles. I’d not seen him interact with Shun much but he obviously cared for his brother. There was none of that cold superiority in his attitude.
After that, he kind of lingered. Maybe he wanted to play with Shun himself but we had a challenge going. I wasn’t going to screw that up by being all kind and caring, especially for someone who wouldn’t appreciate it.
Junichi sat on the edge of Shun’s bed. I could sense him there but I wasn’t tearing my eyes off this game. One lapse and Shun would kill me. Nothing would break my concentrate. Nothing. Except… I got a beep on my phone.
My sister, Belle, wanted me to call her.
“Got to go,” I said to Shun.
“Awww.”
“I’ll be back soon. I just need to make a call.” I held the controller out to Junichi. “Hey, Sunshine, you take over. And, if you get me out of the game, I’ll kick you in the nuts.”
I went to my room and fired up my computer so I could Skype my sister.
“What’s up, Belle?”
I hoped there was no emergency at home. Like Dad had pissed all the rent money up against the wall again. I’d hated leaving Belle alone to cope with things but I’d had to get out. She understood that.
“Not good, Audrey,” she replied. “Things are fucked up.”
My belly sank. There were about a zillion things that could get fucked up, mostly about money.
“Sean’s trial has been postponed. For another three months.”
“The fucker. No. That’s not possible. The plan. It’s screwed.”
The dead feeling in my belly now threatened to sink me. Money issues could be dealt with but this was a disaster. Sean was my ex. And he was the most screwed up deadbeat you’d ever meet. When I’d told Yumi not to change for a guy, I’d not been talking about theoretical feminist theory.
Sean and I started dating when I was fourteen. He was sixteen and I thought I was hot shit with an older boyfriend.
He was never happy with me. Just in tiny ways at first. He’d criticise me, and I’d change to suit him. I’d been pleased when I got his approval. I’d never had much of that at home and it was like a drug. Just to have him smile at me because I’d done something right or have him tell me I was clever or pretty. I was such a sucker, selling my soul for some false words.
Then he got more demanding. I had to grow my hair to please him. I had to quit my art because it took me away from him. I had to eat the foods he wanted me to eat. My life had to revolve around him. It’d happened so slowly over time that I’d not realised how much he manipulated me.
Hell, it’d been abuse, pure and simple. Belle had said that at the time.
“You’re just being a bitch because I have a boyfriend and you don’t.” I winced to remember saying those words. At the time, I’d believed it, but Belle had only had my best interests at heart.
Then things got darker. He wanted to know where I was every minute of the day. I had to report into him. He’d check my phone or park outside my house when I was at home. He constantly told me I was a slut and a dirty bitch. I was only good for sex. That’s what he always said. I believed him too. Why would any other guy want me? I wasn’t anything special. And my family was nothing to be proud of.
When I finished high school, I wanted to study art but he’d told me not to be so fucking stupid.
“As if you’d even get into a place like that. That crap you scribble isn’t art, Audrey. Why don’t you study something you can make money at. Like blowjobs.”
So I didn’t even apply. I tried to find a job but there was nothing going.
“You have me, that’s enough,” he said. But I think he just wanted me dependent on him. He’d buy me clothes and things like that but they were never things I wanted, they were things he wanted me to have.
The first time he hit me, I walked. I never wanted to see him again. That lasted a while, then he promised he’d never do it again. But he did. Each time was worse. Sean became convinced I cheated on him.
I got a job as a waitress but he came into the café every day. After a week, he’d tried to punch one of the customers, accusing the guy of hitting on me. I lost the job, and he hit me again.
I wanted to get far, far away from him but there was nowhere I could go where he wouldn’t find me. I was trapped. I had no money to leave home and no friendly relatives I could stay with. There was just us, Belle and me. And Dad, but he was useless. Well, most of the time he’d been useless.
One night Sean parked outside the house, watching. It wasn’t so unusual. He did it most nights. I’d go out and see if he wanted anything and he’d say no. Tell me to go back inside. Then he’d sit in the car and watch.
Every night I was on edge, not able to sleep. Not even able to sit. I’d pace around the house.
That night, Dad had enough. He got the shotgun out of the cupboard and went out. Fired a few rounds into the back window of Sean’s car.
“Get the fuck out of here. If I see you around my daughter again, there’ll be much worse than that.”
Sean became nothing but a cloud of dust, he took off so fast. I pretended to be annoyed with Dad but that didn’t cut it. The relief was too great by then. Sean dumped me.
When Sean disappeared from my life, I became free, but had no idea what to do with that freedom.
“Apply to art school,” Belle had said. “It’s always been your dream.”
“I’m too old for that now.”
“Bull crap, Audrey. You’ve had a year off. A lot of people do that. When the application period comes up at the end of the year, put together a portfolio and apply. You’ll get in for sure.”
I’d done as she’d said, working on my art when I could. Taking whatever jobs were going to get some savings together.
The day I got accepted into art school, I thought I’d explode. Dreams don’t come true, not for people like me. Dreams are for people who live in shiny houses with two perfect parents. I was a whore living in a run down house. I had a drunk father and no mother.
But I’d done it. I’d got in.
Even Dad gave me a proud grin.
“Well done, girl. It’s about time someone in this family did something good.”
I didn’t even snap back at him about maybe getting his own shit together. It was the most praise I’d ever received from him.
It was a bit of a hike, over two hours commute each way, but I wanted to stay in our house with Belle. That was a perfect year. Belle finished her final year of high school, I was doing the thing I loved most. The shadow Sean had cast over my life disappeared. There were days when it felt flooded with sunlight. I wanted nothing more than this.
I came top of my class and even sold a few paintings. Belle started an administration course. We’d both get our shit together and move away, leaving this hell town in
our distant past.
It couldn’t last.
Sean came back.
One night I woke up. My heart pounded. There was someone in my room. Even before my eyes adjusted, I could sense it. Then I started making out a shape near the curtain. He walked toward me. I froze. My entire body had no will. I wanted to scream, to cry out but I couldn’t move.
“Hello, Audrey,” he whispered.
I went dead inside. He grabbed me by the hair, yanking it. I couldn’t even scream, not with Belle in the next room.
He demanded I blow him. He grabbed the back of my neck and forced it down. His meaty hands pressed so hard, I thought my neck would bruise.
I didn’t resist, though. I knew better. If I fought him, those meaty hands would turn into fists. I moved like a robot but he didn’t care.
“Any time I want you, Audrey, I know where to find you. Don’t forget that. You’re mine and you’ll be mine for as long as I need you.”
I never told Belle but after the third time he did that, she worked out what was going on.
“We need to get out of here,” she’d said. “Let’s do it, Audrey. There’s nothing here for us.”
“We have no money. What are we going to do? Maybe when I finish university we can but we’re stuck here until then. Study hard, and when we can get away let’s go.”
“You should leave at least. I’ll drop out of my course and get a job.”
Belle clung to me, hugging me. I couldn’t let her do that, though. She needed to study. I could deal with Sean. What did it matter anyway? I was nothing but a slut. That’s what he’d told me for years.
Luckily, for me at least, one of his stupid mates convinced him that knocking over a convenience store would be a smart idea. Ha, real smart. He’d been busted and was looking at five to ten. He had priors.
My heart sang when he got locked up. Then he’d been let out on bail. Fucked up justice system. Around that time, I was offered the exchange.
“If you’re on bail, you can’t leave the country, right?” had been the first question I’d asked.
My teacher looked at me like I was insane. “Of course. But you’re not on bail. Are you?”
Seduction Game (Art and Soul) Page 3
