Dante stared at her. "You really went to a sex therapist? What's that all about? Do we need to talk about this?"
"We can talk about it later, but I'm all fixed now. And I didn't make up her name. She's well-known in San Jose."
"I'll just bet she is," Dante said.
Gillian felt a smile tugging at her mouth. She hadn't thought she'd ever smile again. "Thanks, BJ," she said. "Whether you made it up or not, that was exactly what I needed." She swung her legs off the chaise. "I'm okay now."
"Rest assured that we'll be looking into this," said Captain Hull. "I have no idea what happened, but we intend to find out. In the meantime, any extra services the ship can offer are yours for the asking at no charge."
"Thank you, but I'll be fine." Gillian's conscience was pricking her something awful. The very nice captain had a damaged deck and suspicious behavior to investigate because of her. She'd brought her problems on board this ship, complicating life for everyone.
Maybe complicating wasn't a strong enough word. What if the metal drum had missed her and hit someone else? A killer wasn't always as accurate as they could be.
If she'd been thinking of anyone besides herself, she should have notified the police right after finding Theo. Then she could have gone into the witness protection program and become a stock girl at Wal-Mart. Problem solved.
Except not really. The Mob could find her, no matter where she relocated. Things like that happened all the time. Wherever she went, she could easily put others in danger from stray bullets or exploding bombs. Murder witnesses were like some creepy virus, infecting everyone they touched.
With that cheerful thought, she stood and discovered that her legs were steady enough to take her away from this crowd of people. And away was exactly where she wanted to go. She wished the ship docked in five minutes.
"I'm going back to my stateroom," she said.
"I'll go with you." Cora stepped forward.
"That's okay." She smiled to make sure Cora didn't take her comment as a rejection. "I really want to be alone."
Lex took her arm. "Sorry, but that's not happening."
"No, it certainly isn't." Cora moved to her other side. "Benjamin, walk with me for a while."
"I'm coming, too." Dante hurried after them, dragging BJ by the hand. "BJ, do you mind giving up the rest of the limbo contest?"
"No biggie. The limbo bar was crushed like a match-stick, anyway," BJ said cheerfully.
Gillian moaned.
"Sorry, Gillian." BJ sounded contrite. "I didn't mean to upset you."
"What about the money?" Irwin called after them "What about the limbo pool?"
"I'll return everybody's money!" Dante called over his shoulder.
"Yeah," BJ said. "What was that with all the money changing hands? Were you betting on us?" "Sort of," Dante said. "Were you or weren't you?"
"Dante, I'll handle this." Little Ben hurried to keep up with everyone. "Ladies, each gentleman placed a wager on the woman of his choice. I considered it gallant, like the jousting matches in the days of King Arthur."
"Time out, professor," BJ said. "Those were ladies of the court giving their scarves or whatnot to the knights of their choice. There's a big difference between that and betting who will make it under the limbo stick." She tugged on Dante's hand. "You'd better have bet on me."
"I did."
"How much?"
"Ten bucks."
"That's all? She clicked her tongue in disapproval.
"Come on, everybody." Lex beckoned them to the elevator. "One just arrived."
Once all six of them were in the elevator, Gillian looked around. "You're not all coming to my room, are you?"
Lex pushed the button for C Deck. "I was flunking we should all go to Dante's room."
Gillian remembered the do not disturb sign and the mattress leaning against the bed frame. "Good idea. But what I meant was—"
I know what you meant," Cora said. "And I think it's time we tell Little Ben and BJ what's happening. It's only fair to them."
"I agree," Dante said.
Gillian sagged against the wall of the elevator. "I hate that I'm messing up this cruise for everyone!"
"I can't speak for the rest of you," BJ said, "but this cruise is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I don't think you could mess it up now if you tried. Unless you're about to tell me Dante's gay."
"Hey!" Dante frowned. "Just because we haven't had sex yet doesn't mean that I—"
"Kidding!" BJ said. "I'm quite sure you're not gay. You get a boner when we make out."
"Thanks for sharing that with all my friends," Dante said. "I'm sure I'll be hearing about that in the near future."
"I, for one, don't care about that," Lex said. "But we do have to decide if we're going to reveal the situation to two more people. Are we putting them in danger by doing that?"
Little Ben threw out his chest. "If Cora is in any danger, any danger whatsoever, I want to share that with her."
"What he said." BJ gazed at Dante. "Whatever's going on, I would appreciate knowing about it. This guy is very important to me."
The elevator reached C Deck. Lex glanced at Gillian, Dante, and Cora. "So we're telling them everything?"
"I think we should," Dante said.
Cora placed a hand on Little Ben's shoulder. "I agree. You can't build a relationship on false pretenses."
On top of all her other sins, Gillian didn't want to add relationship fraud. "Then I have to agree, too. But I just want to say, I'm through having people taking chances on my behalf. Once we have this discussion, I'm using the ship-to-shore phone to call the cops."
"My goodness!" Little Ben's eyes opened wider. "This sounds exciting!"
"Yeah," Gillian said. "Especially if it's happening to someone else."
NEIL STARED AFTER THE DEPARTING GILLIAN. IF EYES really could shoot daggers, he'd have stabbed her about a hundred times. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this frustrated.
The limbo contest had been the perfect venue to eliminate his problem. He'd worked hard to set it up, coaxing Jared to stage a separate competition for the men and women. Gillian had cooperated beautifully by making it into the final five. Neil hadn't wanted to work with a larger group—too chancy.
He still couldn't understand how someone with a figure like hers could be so agile, but it had worked to his advantage. Timing his swan dive perfectly, he'd slipped out of the competition and managed to climb to the catwalk without anyone noticing him. The limbo contest had everyone mesmerized.
He'd partly severed the cables earlier. Working with a pair of manicure scissors instead of a real knife had made that preliminary preparation necessary. A few snips here and there, and one final snip when Gillian had begun to dance under the limbo stick, and Neil could see his future opening like the petals of a rose.
He hadn't counted on the rumble when the metal drum started down, or that the nerdy boyfriend would hear it. Neil had been headed back to the deck by the time the drum hit, prepared to express his great sorrow over the tragedy. Except there had been no tragedy, only a near-miss, thanks to the reflexes of Lex Manchester.
Neil wondered if the nerd had developed those reflexes playing Donkey Kong or something equally ridiculous. In any case, the plan had failed, and Gillian was still walking around breathing the sea air. She'd had the wits scared out of her, which was some satisfaction, but that didn't take care of his problem, now, did it?
After Gillian left with her entourage, Nancy listened to Jared and Captain Hull carry on a pointless conversation about how such a thing could have happened on this cruise. Wouldn't they be surprised. Neil had the urge to pull the manicure scissors out of his sports bra and click them like a pair of castanets under their clueless noses.
But after Captain Hull left, Neil had a better idea. He'd work off his frustration on Jared, who was always good for a few jollies. This time Jared might learn something new, something he'd never suspected about himself. He might discover that h
e liked boys.
"SO THAT'S THE SITUATION." LEX LEANED AGAINST the dresser in Dante and Cora's room. Gillian sat in the room's only chair, an armless one that had been tucked in the kneehole for the desk. He'd turned it around to face the beds where Dante, BJ, Cora, and Little Ben sat. He wished Gillian didn't look like she was sitting in the witness box.
BJ was the first to speak. "Gillian, that's a really tough break. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and that sucks."
"My thoughts, exactly," Little Ben said. "It's terrible when bad things happen to good people."
"And you think Hector Michelangelo might be a Mafia hit man?" BJ looked worried. "My friend Dorothy's hooked up with him. Is there any way I can warn her?"
Lex shook his head. "I don't see how. Number one, we have no proof he's actually the guy. Number two, if he is the guy, we don't want him to know that we're suspicious of him."
Gillian glanced up at him. Her color was definitely better. "There's always a number two if there's a number one, right?"
He smiled at her. "Right."
"Inside joke, inside joke," Dante said. "You two are so easy to read."
"Like you're not," BJ said. Then she sighed. "I really don't want Hector to be a gangster. I really don't."
"I'm the one who didn't want to jump to conclusions because he's Italian," Dante said. "But that bookie talk was mighty suspect. And did anybody happen to see him around right before the drum fell?"
"If you remember," Lex said. "I told you I'd lost track of him right after Dorothy got eliminated in the limbo contest."
"I do remember that, but he would have had to ditch Dorothy to go up and cut the cables." Dante took off his nerd glasses with a sigh and massaged the bridge of his nose. "Unless she's in cahoots with him."
"Dorothy?" BJ snorted indignantly. "No way. You should have heard her on the cab ride from the airport to the dock. She was so excited about finding her soul mate, and so naive. Even more naive than me, and that's saying something."
"You're not naive." Dante rubbed her arm affectionately. "Let's call you . . . unjaded. Or would it be jade-less? What's the opposite of jaded?"
"Naive." BJ smiled at him. "But thanks for the effort. And nobody has to worry about Dorothy doing anything wrong. I just hope Hector's not the guy."
"Me, too," Dante said. "She's nice. And by the way, Lex, what was that theory of yours, the one you didn't have time to tell me before?"
"Forget it." Lex wasn't happy with himself. "Thanks to my lame brained theory, I let myself relax, and you see what happened."
"It was a perfectly reasonable theory," Gillian said. "Don't blame yourself."
"Hell, I blame myself,'" Dante said. "You at least had a theory going. I was just loafing on the job. So tell me the theory."
Lex blew out a breath. "I thought the Mafia might let her go if they thought she was running away instead of planning to tell what she knew. That's why I didn't want her to make the ship-to-shore call, because she might be seen doing it."
"Maybe they bugged your room when they stole the passport, and they heard her talking about doing it," BJ said.
"No, they didn't," Lex said. "I checked that out after the break-in."
"Good man!" Dante looked impressed. "I didn't even think of that. Thank God I have you for a partner."
Lex wondered if Dante had given that comment extra meaning, or if Lex was only imagining it because of his guilty conscience. "Thanks." Then he took a deep breath. "Now that BJ and Little Ben know what's going on, we have to be careful not to let anything slip, like at dinner, for example."
"You mean to my roommate, Nance," BJ said. "She's our only dinner companion who isn't here."
"Uh, BJ?" Gillian turned to her. "Speaking of Nancy ... I hate to cause you even more problems, but I... there's something you should know about your roommate."
Twenty-three
"NANCE IS A MAN?" BJ GRIMACED AND WAVED HER hands in front of her face. "Eeeuuuwww."
"That doesn't mean she's a terrible person," Gillian said. "I've known lots of cross-dressers. They can be wonderful friends, and—"
"She has been a good friend. Helped me with clothes and makeup. Dorothy, too! I just can't... it's freaking me out."
"Nancy is not a man." Dante shifted his weight uncomfortably on the bed. "I don't believe it. I would have been able to tell." He turned to BJ. "She helped you with clothes and makeup?"
"Yes, and if she hadn't, you wouldn't have given me the time of day."
"Yes I would. I think you're hot."
"You should have seen me before."
The discussion made Gillian squirm. It reminded her of how similar her situation was. "I don't mean to ruin your relationship with Nancy, BJ," she said. "But I saw where the makeup had worn off and a hint of beard stubble showed. I don't think I'm wrong."
"You're wrong," Dante said. "I have very good instincts. She's a woman."
"I thought she was, too," Lex said. "But Gillian's the makeup expert. If she says she saw beard stubble, then I'm sure there was beard stubble."
Cora nodded. "Me, too. Gillian's been doing makeup too long to be mistaken about that. And I know exactly what she's talking about. I've been acquainted with a few cross-dressers in my day."
"That's what makes you so fascinating, Cora dear." Little Ben squeezed her hand. "You're the soul of sexual sophistication."
Cora responded with a little purring sound that made Gillian bite her tongue to keep from laughing. Whatever else came out of the cruise, Cora had found herself a hot nerd, and Gillian was thrilled for her.
"I just don't buy it," Dante said. "The way she walks, the way she talks—she's a woman. I'd bet money on it."
BJ patted his knee. "I think you've done enough betting for one day, and besides, you'd lose."
"Come on, BJ." Dante turned to her. "You've slept in the same room with her. Wouldn't you have seen something ... I don't know …dangling?"
'No, I most certainly would not. What do you think, I go around staring at people's crotches to see if I can find anything interesting?"
Lex grinned. "You have to realize, Dante, that not everyone does that just because you—"
"I do not! Well, sometimes, maybe. I mean, I'm a guy, okay? And it's women's crotches, before anybody gets any funny ideas. And that's all the more reason why you should believe me when I tell you that Nancy's a woman. There is nothing there. No bulge. Nothing."
BJ stared at him. "You looked?
"She was doing the limbo in a miniskirt! It's not my fault that I'm a red-blooded male who inherited hot Italian blood!"
"Dante," Gillian said gently. "You're not supposed to see anything. They tape themselves. They're very good at it."
"Tape?" Dante shuddered. "I'm so grossed out, on many levels. The very idea of taping your... well, I don't even want to think about what that must feel like. The putting on is bad enough, but the taking off would be a hundred times worse."
"They shave," Gillian said.
"Well, duh. I figured that out, but even so ... blech! If I've been ogling the taped crotch of a cross-dresser, I’ll have to kill myself."
"That won't be necessary," BJ said, putting her arm around his shoulders. "I'll do it for you." Then she leaned in and nipped his ear.
"Ouch." Dante scowled but made no move to pull away.
"You deserve worse than that," BJ murmured. "And just a word to the wise. I don't care who your ancestors were. From now on, the only crotch you ogle is mine. Got that?"
"Got it. I'm turning over a new leaf. I have seen the light. I am taking the pledge. I'm—"
"That's enough," BJ said.
Dante looked quite subdued. "So it's true, then? She is really a he?"
"I'm afraid so," Gillian said.
Dante sighed. "Whatever happened to truth in advertising?"
'Thinking of Nancy as a man makes so much sense," BJ said. "She— I mean he was so careful about not getting too close to Dorothy when he was cutting and styling her hair last nigh
t."
"That doesn't prove anything," Dante said. "Nancy didn't want to get hair on herself. I don't know how stylists can stand that. Little tiny hairs get on your clothes, and into your eyes, and your nose, and—"
"Shut up, Dante," BJ said. "And it wasn't only that, anyway. When I reached out to touch his silk pajamas, he jumped away like he was scalded. He said something about being ticklish. Maybe he'd taken the tape off before going to bed. Then I brought Dorothy in for a makeover and he had to get out of bed and move around. He was worried we'd discover his secret."
"Very possible," Gillian said.
Dante eyed BJ with suspicion. "Why were you reaching out to touch his silk pajamas?" "I like silk, okay?"
"I'll accept that answer," Dante said. "But I've come to a conclusion."
Gillian's hopes rose. "You know who's after me?"
"Nope, sure don't. But I do know it's the end of the late, great celibacy plan BJ and I had cooked up. As of this minute, she's switching roommates."
Cora covered her mouth, as if trying to hold back a smile.
"Okay, Cora," Dante said. "I know you didn't think I'd last, but I would have, if I didn't have to save BJ from sleeping in the same room with a cross-dresser in silk pajamas."
"It's not you I was thinking about, Dante, sweetheart. It was Jared Stevenson the Third. He's been panting after Nancy ever since this cruise began. I wonder if he has any idea what he's latched onto?"
"YOU'RE A MAN?" JARED, STARK NAKED AND AROUSED, stood in the middle of his suite and stared at Neil, who had come out of the suite's bathroom wearing nothing but a smile.
"Exciting, isn't it?"
"No!" Jared jumped up and down and flapped his arms like a penguin trying to fly. His penis, which had started to deflate, bobbed up and down with each jump. "No, no, no!"
Neil paused. His eyes narrowed as he took in the deflated condition of Jared's joystick. Could he have misjudged? "I thought you were a player, Jared," he said.
"I am a player! I play with girls." He grabbed a pillow from the sofa and held it like a fig leaf. "Get away from me." He backed up. "Get away, get away, get away."
Nerds Like It Hot Page 23
