BJ went in search of rope while the men held Neil pinned to the ground. She was back in no time, and Hector did the honors of tying him up securely. Neil sat in the dust, covered in cactus and moaning.
Gillian ran to Lex, desperate to hold him.
"Stop!" He held up a bleeding hand. He gazed at her with longing. "Wait until I'm dethorned."
"Oh, Lex. Your hands . . ."
"There wasn't time to get gloves."
Her heart twisted at the pain he'd suffered to save her. "I love you so much."
"I love you, too. But stay away until I'm safe to touch."
"Let me see what's available in the kitchen." She hurried inside to find the cantina owner working doggedly away on her tortillas, as if she had no interest in the goings-on outside her screen door.
"Excuse me," Gillian said. "I need something to take out cactus needles."
The woman rolled her eyes and sighed. "You gringos. Don't you know enough to stay out of the cactus?"
"I guess not. Can you help?"
"Leave it to me." The woman rummaged through a drawer and came up with several utensils. Then she marched outside, shaking her head. "Gringos."
***
EVENTUALLY THE WORST OF THE THORNS HAD BEEN extracted, although Lex thought he might be pulling cactus out of himself for weeks. It didn't matter. He was sitting in the cantina next to Gillian sipping a most excellent blue agave margarita. They were holding hands ... carefully, but still holding hands.
Crowded around the table were Dante, BJ, Cora, and Little Ben. Hector was still out in back with Neil. He'd radioed for a boat to come and pick them both up.
"I have one little problem," Gillian said. "I tossed my nametag into the ocean."
"Omigod." BJ started to laugh. "Jared will have a conniption."
"You could borrow Nancy's wig and use her nametag," Dante said. "She won't be needing it."
"That won't be necessary." Cora sipped her margarita. "I will talk with Jared. Unless he wants me to tattle on him to his grandparents about his rendezvous with a cross-dresser, he'll be happy to let you back on board and make you a new nametag."
"That sounds better to me," Lex said. "I'd rather not spend the rest of the cruise with Nancy Roth, thank you very much."
"I'm still uneasy about what will happen to her... I mean, him," Gillian said. "I think Hector should let us call the LAPD. I want to make sure Neil pays for what he's done."
Lex glanced at her. "Ever hear of Mob justice?" "Yes, but—"
"With apologies to our criminal justice system," Lex said, "I think Neil's in for a much worse time than if we turned him over to the LAPD. Our prisons are pretty cushy compared to what he's in for. And our system includes parole. Neil will never be free again."
"It did sound very grim," Dante said. "Did you hear the details, Gillian?"
"Hector's taking him off to some island, but for all I know it could be a tropical paradise."
Lex pushed back his chair. "Come on. I think you need to have Hector explain it more fully. I'm not sure you were listening closely enough." As they walked out the front door of the cantina, he leaned close. "Plus I want to get you alone and have my way with you."
She smiled at him. "You keep telling me that won't happen for weeks, until you're cactus free."
"I don't have any cactus in my tongue."
"Oh, I do?."
"Yes, you will. Shortly."
They rounded the building and found Hector sitting propped against the wall having a cigarette. Neil, although he had most of the cactus removed, was still tied up. The mesquite tree had been shading him, but the shade had shifted. Hector didn't seem concerned that Neil was beginning to burn.
Hector stood when they arrived. "Hi."
"I brought Gillian back out here because she's concerned that Neil isn't going to get what's coming to him."
Hector's laugh had zero humor. "I wouldn't wish his fate on my worst enemy."
"I don't want to hear about it!" Neil bellowed. "Not again!"
"Too bad." Hector turned to Gillian. "Phil Adamo owns an island not far from here. The terrain is about like this— volcanic rock and cactus. There's no indoor plumbing and nothing but a wooden shack with a cot and a table inside. Once a week, there will be a food drop, but it'll be mostly rations from army surplus, nothing you or I would want to eat. Every six months he'll get a new pair of pants and a shirt.''
Gillian had to admit that sounded bad, especially for someone like Neil, who was used to the good life. "Is anyone else on the island?"
"Nope. I think Phil bought the place because he envisioned having to put this guy on it someday. He's been a problem for years."
Neil glared at them. "I have not."
Hector continued as if he hadn't heard him. "Neil's mother will get a slightly sanitized version of where her son is spending his time. She'll think he's off making movies in Europe and that he's upset with her over some petty thing. That should hold her off for a while. Phil can invent something else if he needs to. You don't want to get Phil Adamo mad at you. It's no fun."
Gillian nodded. "I can see that. Thanks, Hector." She started to shake his hand, but he pulled back.
"Sorry. Still a few thorns in there."
"I understand. So I guess I won't see you again."
"Nope." Hector glanced at his watch. "I got through to the boss. The guys should arrive any time now to take us both to the boat. We'll head straight to the island from here, and then I'll go on back to L.A."
"What about Dorothy?"
"Give her my regards. Tell her... tell her I had urgent business."
"You won't see her again, either, will you?" "No." Hector looked sad for a moment. "But that's for the best."
"Thanks again, Hector," Lex said.
"Hey, I should be thanking you. I wasn't sure how to handle this situation without the use of a gun, and with security these days, that was too risky to bring on board. I wasn't allowed to kill him, anyway. Your cactus trick saved the day for me."
"And me," said Gillian, smiling at him.
Lex had a sudden urge to make her smile some more. "Ready to go back?"
"Uh-huh."
With a hand on her shoulder, he guided her around to the front of the building. "Let's walk a little." "Suits me."
They wandered down the row of vendor stalls. "So you won't be running off to South America," he said. "Doesn't look like it."
"I was wondering if I could interest you in a different plan." His heart beat faster. She could reject him, and he was prepared for that. They'd known each other a short time, but it had been packed with enough experiences to make him sure. Still, she might not be.
"Such as?"
"It's not quite as wild and crazy, but almost. I thought maybe ... instead of running off to South America... we could get married."
She stopped walking and turned, her expression stunned. "But... but you don't really know me."
"What do you mean, I don't know you? I've shared a room with you two nights in a row. Number one, I know you're a mattress hog. Number two, I know you get makeup on the towels. I love you, anyway."
"I'm ... I'm sort of a nerd."
"So what? Me, too. Sort of."
A smile tugged at the comers of her mouth. "There's the issue of my roots."
"To hell with your roots! I know what the real color of your hair is, in case you've forgotten, and I like it just fine. I love it, in fact. I can hardly wait to see it again."
That made her blush. "Lex, really."
"Yes, really. I want to spend the rest of my life getting naked with you, but that's just me. You have to speak for yourself."
Her face was bright red as she glanced around at the street filled with cruise ship passengers. "Okay," she said quickly. "I'll marry you. But let's lower the volume on the naked part of the conversation."
"I can do that." His heart had turned into a Mexican jumping bean. He'd just proposed and she'd just accepted. This was huge. He needed to tell... somebody.
>
He caught the eye of a tall geekish guy wearing a sombrero he'd obviously just bought. "We're getting married," Lex said. He couldn't stop grinning as he thought about that.
"Cool." The geek smiled back. "Apparently the cruise produced the optimal result for you."
"What result?" A redhead with freckles and a painful-looking sunburn walked over to peer at the guy with the sombrero. "What on earth are you talking about, Stephen?"
"Them." Stephen pointed to Gillian and Lex. "They're getting married."
The woman's eyes widened as she looked in their direction. "Now?"
"Well, not right this minute." Lex discovered he wouldn't mind that, though. Marriage was fine, but the thought of elaborate wedding preparations gave him hives.
"Definitely not now," Gillian said. "There's no..."She surveyed the area. "There's no place, and we have to ... we have to get a license and plan . .. stuff."
"You could do it on the ship," Stephen said. "Ship captains can marry people and you could cut through all the red tape. I researched it."
"Did you?" The redhead looked at Stephen with more interest. "And why would that be?"
Stephen launched into an explanation about contingency plans, but Lex wasn't paying attention. He was too busy concentrating on Gillian, who seemed either very scared or very excited by the prospect of a shipboard wedding. He needed to find out which, because he loved the idea.
"We could do that, get Captain Hull to marry us." He made the statement sound as casual as possible.
She swallowed. "And it would be legal?"
"You'd question Stephen?"
"Guess not. But... I don't have anything to wear."
"Wrong."
"Marilyn's dress?"
"Perfect."
She hesitated. "Do you want to?" "More than you know." "Why?"
"Because it would be very—" Just in time, he caught himself before he said the word efficient. "Romantic."
Her eyes glowed. "Oh, Lex. You understand, after all."
"Of course." As he took her into his arms, being very careful of the cactus thorns, he mentally crossed his fingers. He didn't understand squat, but he'd just negotiated a deal that would give him a lifetime to study up. He was excellent at studying up, because, as Dante had sensed all along, Lex was basically . .. no, predominantly, a nerd. But then again, so was the woman he loved.
Nerds Like It Hot Page 30
