Trish was going over the rest of the day’s to-do list in her head when Alison leaned over to talk. Trish had sat next to Alison in biology class throughout eleventh grade. They had kept in touch here and there throughout the years. She’d brought her toddler to brunch, and he was now sitting on her lap and reaching for Alison’s fork.
“Trish, how’s Katrina doing?” Alison asked, pulling his hand back and holding it.
Trish was midway through a sip of coffee, and she took a second to compose herself. “We broke up six months ago.”
Though she had replied matter-of-factly, she still found herself on the receiving end of a sympathetic look.
Trish scrambled to wipe it from Alison’s face. “It was for the best. It’s been a good thing for me, it’s given me a fresh start.”
“That’s good to hear. It’s such a shame, though, you were such a beautiful couple.”
Trish braced herself for Alison to start singing Katrina’s praises, to talk about how smart and accomplished she was. Katrina had that effect on people, particularly on those who didn’t know her intimately. Trish didn’t have the patience to hear it today. Thankfully Alison picked up on her discomfort and moved on to asking Trish about her work, so she had the opportunity to talk about how much she liked her new job.
Finally, thankfully, the brunch ended. After everyone said their goodbyes, Trish drifted toward Leigh. They’d agreed to catch up after the gathering and go for a walk around the nearby park.
“How’s the fiancé?” Trish asked, latching onto Leigh’s favorite topic.
She liked Andrew. He was refreshingly different from the type of men that Leigh usually dated. He had a dry sense of humor, and he was warm and supportive of Leigh. He and Trish had hit it off immediately.
Leigh sighed, smiling. “He’s fantastic. He’s over having breakfast with his folks this morning. He said to say hi to you.”
Leigh gestured toward the pond in the middle of the grounds and they sat down in front of it to watch ducks glide across the water.
“Well, tell him I said hello back.”
“I will. How’s the new job going? It sounded good from your texts.”
“It’s great. I love it, actually. I think being made redundant was one of those happy accidents. It’s worked out well.”
“I always said it would open things up for you. You were in one hell of a rut. And what’s the dating situation like? Anyone interesting on the horizon?”
Trish picked up a rock and threw it toward the pond, hard enough that water splashed onto a duck’s back. “Seriously? It took you all of two minutes to bring that up. We talked less than a week ago, how would I have found a girlfriend in the last few days? Since when have I operated like that?”
“Not a girlfriend, just…I don’t know, it’s a new job, with new people. I thought you might have met someone interesting,” Leigh said.
“Leigh, we’ve been over this too many times. You’re obsessed with the idea of me getting into a relationship. It’s only been six months. And besides, there is absolutely no shame in being single.”
“Of course, there’s not! You know how much time I’ve spent on my own. I’m not saying you should find the love of your life right this minute, I just think you should get out there a little bit. Take an interest in people, get to know someone before you write them off.”
Trish moved to lie back on the ground so that the sun warmed her face. It might be one of the last nice days they got, with winter fast approaching. Leigh did the same thing, and Trish played with the grass next to her, pulling it up from the earth.
“I do take an interest. I notice attractive women all the time. I don’t think you understand the reality of my world, though. It’s a smaller dating pool with them. I can’t always assume that if I like someone the interest is going to be mutual.”
“Oh please, sexuality has nothing to do with it. It’s not that easy to meet a good man either.”
“Come on. You know what I mean,” Trish said. “The odds of me meeting someone are much smaller than yours have ever been. Basic statistics, most women are straight.”
“You don’t even try, though. I’ve seen you when we go out, you don’t even notice when girls are hitting on you.”
Trish couldn’t answer at first. She ran a hand through her hair, watching the wind blow clouds across the sky. It wasn’t the only time Leigh had said something like that, and she was pulling the idea out of thin air. Trish had never gotten a lot of interest from women. When she’d come out in her early twenties she had hoped that something would change, that she would be able to send out signals to get their attention. Yet they just didn’t notice her, and she was more likely to be hit on by men.
“I’ll have you know I actually did meet a woman at the library who I thought might be interested in me. She seemed cool, so I even tried to talk to her.” Trish caught the way Leigh’s head turned toward her. “So, I am not acting like a nun. I do try sometimes, it’s just that it’s not always reciprocated.”
“Who is this lady?” Leigh asked.
“Nobody. Just a woman at the library. She’s working on a book and comes to my library to work, to study, too, I guess. I probably shouldn’t even be thinking about her like that. I mean, she’s a little older than the rest of the students, I think, but she’s still a student.”
“Oh, who cares about that? You’re not her teacher. What does she look like?”
Trish nudged Leigh with her shoulder. “You’re so shallow. But yes, she’s very attractive. Dark hair, pretty eyes. A bit of a bad girl thing going on that I didn’t know that I liked until now. It doesn’t matter, she’s not interested in me in that way.”
“How do you even know that for sure?”
“Just like I said, I tried to talk to her and she didn’t seem interested. She shut me right down, actually. Maybe she thinks I’m creepy, the old librarian hitting on her,” Trish said.
“Don’t be ridiculous. You’d never come across as creepy. And don’t just give up like that! If you think you saw something, then you’re probably right. She might just be playing it cool. At the very least you need to sleep with someone. She might be down for it.”
Images of June touching her raced through her mind and Trish cleared her throat. “Why is that so important?”
“Because you haven’t been with anyone since Katrina, and you need to get it over and done with. The first one is weird, but you’ll feel much better once you rip off that Band-Aid.”
“I can’t do that. I’m not going to just go out and sleep with someone just to tick a box. I’m especially not going to hook up with a woman I’ve met through work, it would be completely inappropriate. If I meet someone and if it happens it happens, until then I’m not going to force it.”
Trish crossed her arms. Of course, she got lonely sometimes. She craved affection more than she could ever share with Leigh. Trish could acknowledge privately that she would like to get in touch with that part of herself again. She and Katrina had drifted apart a lot toward the end of their relationship, so it had been much longer than six months since she’d been intimate with anyone.
Leigh made it sound so easy, but Trish had never felt confident enough to meet a woman and fall into bed with them. It wasn’t a moral objection, but casual encounters weren’t something she was built for.
“Anyway,” she said, finally changing the subject, “tell me about the reception venues you’ve been scouting. Anything promising?”
* * *
June stood in the waiting area for the bathroom, and carefully lowered herself down onto the seat into the corner. Maybe she should go to the hospital to get checked out. It didn’t seem possible right now that she was all in one piece and that she was going to be okay.
Footsteps approached, clipping along on the floor. June glanced up, and there was the blond hair and lithe frame of the woman that she had been vaguely crushing on. Oh God. She barely knew Trish, and this certainly wasn’t her finest hour.
“June? What’s wrong?”
“I’m okay,” June said. She was unable to keep the tremor from her voice.
“You look pale.” Trish bent down to her. Even under the circumstances, June’s blood rushed with the closeness. “Are you sick?”
“Nope, I just had a minor accident on the way here,” June said. There was no point trying to deny that something had happened. Trish was looking at her too closely for that.
“A car accident? No wait, you ride a motorbike, don’t you? I’ve seen you. You had an accident on your bike? Do you need help?”
“Thanks, but it was really nothing serious. The roads are wet, and some idiot cut me off. I had to slam on the brakes and the bike skidded away from me. I wasn’t going very fast or it would have been much worse.”
“That sounds like a close call. I’d be shaken up,” Trish said. Her gaze moved up and down June’s body, searching. “Are you sure you’re okay? Are you in any pain?”
June had come down hard on her arm and her wrist was aching, but it didn’t look like there was anything wrong with it. Most of the impact had been felt in her leg.
“My thigh is a little sore. But I wasn’t going fast. It’s probably just going to be a bit bruised. I mean, I play roller derby; it’s not like I’m a stranger to getting knocked around. I should be made of tougher stuff than this.”
“Roller derby? I’m not sure I know what that is,” Trish said.
“It’s a game, on skates. It can get pretty rough,” June replied, wondering why she was babbling about her weekend sport. She wasn’t usually one to make nervous chitchat. It must be the effects of the shock.
“Oh,” Trish said. “That sounds interesting. Listen, have you checked yourself out yet, looked to see if you have any cuts or grazes or anything?”
Their eyes met. Trish was even more beautiful than June had first realized. She’d always been a sucker for a woman who wore glasses. Trish’s frames were thick, and the classic almond shape of her eyes stood out beneath them. She really did have the most amazing cheekbones.
June stared down at her own jeans.
“You’ll need to take them off,” Trish said.
June’s eyes widened.
“I meant you should go and do it in one of the stalls,” Trish said, gesturing and biting her lips as though she was trying to not laugh.
June smiled. “Right. Of course.”
June waved off Trish’s hand as she tried to help her up and went to the nearest cubicle. June unzipped her pants, feeling exposed despite the wall between them. She eased her jeans down past her thighs. There was already a faint bruise. She touched the skin lightly and suddenly felt better. It was reassuring to get on her feet and walk around; she was certain now that she was going to be fine.
“How does it look?”
June worked at pulling her pants back up. “It’s totally fine. It’s going to be bruised, but it’s not that bad. I didn’t mean to worry you. Just a little freaked out. I should get to work now, get some writing done. I have a class later this morning.”
“Don’t be silly,” Trish said, worry draining from her face as June exited the stall. “An accident like that would make anyone feel shaky. Maybe you should tell your tutor you’re unwell?”
“Tutor? Oh, no, I am the tutor. I meant that I have to go and teach a class.”
“Oh. You teach? Here at the university?”
“Yes, I do. I’ve graduated from here. I picked up the class when I was doing my thesis.”
It hadn’t occurred to June that Trish might think she was a student here, though now of course she could see that it was an obvious assumption. Was it June’s imagination, or did Trish look pleased at the information?
“Well, then you can come to the staff lounge if you like. I’ll get you some coffee or something, you can take a break and settle your nerves?” Trish said.
June walked over to the armchair to retrieve her backpack. “Thank you so much for your help but I’ll be fine. Really. I should get to work.”
They stood facing one another, Trish clasping her hands in front of her. June wondered if she was crazy to refuse the offer of hanging out with Trish for coffee, but she had been steadily losing time. As well as working on her book, she had a couple of things she needed to get ready for class. Maybe she should say something else, to make it clear that she would love to have coffee when she had more time.
She wondered what Trish’s hair looked like when it was let down. While it was in that bun it was hard to tell how long it even was. She liked the way Trish looked with her glasses on, but she’d love to see her face when it wasn’t obscured by anything. Trish cleared her throat and June realized that she had been staring.
“Thank you again,” June said.
She nodded at Trish and walked past her, glancing again at her figure as she moved past.
Chapter Four
June stared out of the window of the carriage as the train flew past trees, fences, and houses. After the accident, she’d decided to take a couple of days out from the bike to gather her nerves. It had been minor, but it still shook her up enough to want a break. She bit her thumbnail and returned to her last encounter with Trish. Next time she went to the library, she would take something to Trish as a thank-you. Trish had been so kind; she had calmed her down just when June needed to be grounded.
Today, June had a meeting scheduled with Anne Adamowicz, a modernist literature professor at the university who had become a mentor to her. Anne was acting as an unofficial adviser on her book, and they needed to discuss the chapter that June had emailed to her the week before.
June knocked and pushed open the office door. The room was lined with bookcases, empty coffee mugs and papers littering the floor and windowsills. A framed black-and-white print of Virginia Woolf hung on the wall. Anne came around the desk to shake June’s hand as she always did. She was barefoot, her toenails painted bright red, in contrast with her otherwise androgynous appearance.
“I like the polish,” June said, nodding at Anne’s feet.
“A friend’s daughter. I let her practice on me. Sit,” Anne said. “Tell me how you’ve been.”
“Let’s save the chitchat for when you’ve given me feedback, you know I can’t sit here wondering what you’re going to say.”
“If you say so.” Anne put the papers on the desk in between them. “I liked this chapter a lot, it’s strong. I don’t have too much to say, except that you can cut out these three paragraphs here, you’re just repeating what you’ve already said. You’ve got a habit of doing that. You really need to watch it.”
June winced. “I’ll do my best.”
“Don’t be fragile. I’m helping make it better; that’s what I’m here for.”
“I know, I know, and I know I’m lucky you agreed to take the time and help me out with this. I’ll take what I can get. I was actually thinking about asking someone from the library to help me out with resources too…do you know many of the staff?” June asked.
“Sure, I know some of them quite well.”
“Do you know the new librarian, Trish?”
“I don’t think so. Might have heard the name but we haven’t met. Why do you ask?”
“Oh, um. No reason. So, how’s your partner doing? Wasn’t it coming up to your anniversary last time we talked?”
Anne twisted a simple gold band around her finger. June was touched by the way Anne looked right now, thoughts of her partner washing everything else away.
“It was, you’re so sweet to remember. We had a great time. We went and stayed in a little cottage out in the mountains and drank too much champagne.”
“That sounds amazing. How many years was it again?”
“Twenty-five, if you can believe it,” Anne said.
“Wow. That’s a damn long time. That’s really something. Congratulations.”
“I’m a lucky woman. We’re very happy.”
“What’s your secret? I can’t imagine spending that long with someone. How do
you make that work?”
Anne leaned back in her chair and look up at the ceiling, as though they were back in class and the question deserved deep consideration.
“Honestly? There is no secret. You’ve just got to find the right person and then you’ve got to be willing to work at it. But Jodie and I will never run out of things to talk about, that’s how it works the way it does.”
“I’ve got to say, I really envy you. You’ve got this great relationship, you’re a great teacher, you have all this brilliant work published. You know I want to be you when I grow up, don’t you?”
“I don’t worry about you at all, sweetheart. You’re going to be fine.”
June stood up and gathered her papers. “Thanks, Anne. Let’s hope so.”
* * *
Trish and Leigh were at their favorite diner, fueling up on protein after a class at the gym. Trish upended the ketchup bottle to pour a generous amount over her eggs. Leigh crinkled her nose up. “Ew.”
Trish waved the bottle at her. “Don’t judge me.”
“You’re gross.”
“Shut it. Hey, guess what, I’m thinking about getting a cat,” Trish said as she spooned the scrambled eggs onto her toast. She had spent a shameful amount of time the night before looking up cute pictures of kittens and watching funny cat videos. It had always been one of her favorite methods of cheering herself up. Trish loved animals, but she’d never had so much as a goldfish.
“Oh no, you’re not. It would just give you another excuse to never go out,” Leigh said. “You’d be like, I can’t come out for a drink because I need to get home and feed little Fluffy. Eventually you’d end up with ten of them and they’d just crawl over you while you had your head stuck in a book. The only thing stopping you from becoming a crazy cat lady is the fact you don’t actually have a cat yet.”
“Stop it. It’s just a cat, a bit of company and something to look after. I’ve wanted to get one for a long time, but you know I couldn’t because Katrina was allergic. I think I should start doing the things I’ve always wanted to do. You should be encouraging me.”
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