The thought of him walking away, of her never seeing him again, was like a giant hand reaching into her and yanking her heart from her chest.
“I’m going to check on Ben,” Chase said.
Lily thought she saw something now in his eyes. Something vague, unsettling and slightly sad that she didn’t quite understand. It was as if he’d closed himself off emotionally.
“Thank him for me.” She looked down at her precious baby. “Thank him for both of us.”
Chase nodded and gave her a smile. But as he turned and walked away, all Lily could think was that she was never going to see him again.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Chase had always prided himself on having the integrity to do the right thing, even when the right thing wasn’t necessarily the easy thing. He’d learned at an impressionable age to take the high road over the low. He’d always been a firm believer in the adage that adversity built character.
For the first time in his adult life he was tempted to take the easy way out. To hell with his self-imposed code of honor. But he also knew a relationship with Lily, and with his infant daughter, would be anything but easy. As much as he didn’t want to face it, Chase was going to have to walk away from both of them.
He hadn’t seen Lily since he’d delivered her baby—their baby—a few hours ago. It felt more like years. Better get used to it, a harsh voice reminded him. But it had taken him that long to muster the nerve to do what he needed to do.
He and Lily had made statements to both the police and the FBI. Chase found out later that Aidan Shea had died at the scene. The nightmare should have been over.
But Chase knew Liam Shea and his other sons were still out there. And they would like nothing more than to hurt the people Chase loved most.
The authorities were looking for them, but the Sheas were still at large. A fact that brought Chase’s line of thinking full circle.
The truth of the matter was he’d made a lot of enemies in the years he’d been with Eclipse. Too many, if he wanted to be honest about it. He had no way of knowing if—or when—one of them would reappear. All he could do now was protect what he loved most. In this case, the two people who meant the most to Chase: Lily and his daughter. In order to keep them safe, he had to sever ties with them once and for all. He had to end it right here and now.
It was going to kill him to walk away. It had only been a few hours since he’d last seen Lily, since he’d last spoken to her, heard her voice, touched her skin, and already he felt he was dying inside. She was the one great love of his life. He would never love another the way he loved her.
And then there was Chassidy. One look at his precious little girl and Chase had been a goner. She had Lily’s red hair and his nose. Already he loved her more than his own life. How was he going to walk away? How could he live his life without them?
The ache went clean through his chest as he walked into the lobby of New Hampshire Medical Center, a small local hospital just twenty miles from Shane’s house. He took the elevator to the maternity ward. He promised himself he wasn’t going to look in on Chassidy. This would be easier if he didn’t let things get too complicated. But as he passed the glassed-in nursery, the sight of a dozen or more screaming, squirming babies stopped him dead in his tracks.
His eyes were drawn immediately to the crib with the pink zebra blanket and the name “Garrett” printed on the placard. He couldn’t keep the stupid grin off his face as he ogled the baby inside. His little girl.
In the past, babies had always been more like small, mysterious and screaming alien beings. Tonight, he felt a connection to the little girl such as he’d never before experienced in his life.
A man standing a few feet away wearing blue jeans and a T-shirt snagged Chase’s attention. Disbelief swept through him when the man turned and he saw his half brother, Shane.
Chase was surprised all over again when his half brother grinned. “Which one is she, bro?”
Chase’s heart tripped, his pulse rate jacked at seeing Shane here. “Uh, the little girl on the right. In the zebra blanket.”
“Ah, the little redhead. I should have known. Too damn cute to be yours.”
“Takes after her mom.”
“Good thing, I guess.”
“Yeah.” Staring at his daughter, pride swelled in his chest with such power that for a moment Chase couldn’t draw a breath.
The baby kicked her little legs and let out a squeal loud enough to make both men jump. Chase couldn’t help it; he grinned at the toothless, screaming, red-faced baby girl.
“Takes after you, that’s for sure,” Shane said.
Chase looked into his brother’s eyes. The same eyes he’d looked into as a hurt and angry ten-year-old boy and had seen the man he’d once wanted to be someday. But that man had walked out on him. Left him alone and in the hands of strangers.
Reaching into his pocket, Shane withdrew a cigar and offered it to Chase. “Congratulations, man.”
“Thanks.” Chase didn’t smoke, but he took the cigar.
“How’s Lily?”
“Good.” He glanced toward the hall and he wondered how things would go between them. “I’m about to see her.”
“Tell her I said congratulations.”
“I’ll do that.”
Shane stuck out his hand. His dark eyes burned into Chase’s. “I’m happy for you, man.”
Chase hesitated for an instant, then grasped his brother’s hand and shook it hard. “Thanks.”
“I thought maybe I might be a real uncle…and a brother.”
“I think maybe you could.” Chase knew the old wounds would not heal overnight, but this was a step in the right direction. “See you around.”
“Bet on it.”
Chase slid the cigar into his pocket and started toward Lily’s room.
He found her standing near the window, looking out at the city beyond. Her hair was down, the red tresses curling around her shoulders. If he didn’t know better, he never would have believed she’d had a baby just hours ago.
She turned then, and the sight of her face struck him like a punch to his solar plexus, literally taking his breath away. Her green eyes widened when she noticed him standing in the doorway of her room. Her lips parted, but it was as if his presence had rendered her speechless.
“Chase,” she whispered.
He entered the room and stopped. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Really good.”
“How’s Chassidy?”
“The doctor says she’s just fine.” She fumbled with the collar of her robe. “Any word on the blackout?”
“The city is still without power,” he said. “The damage at the power stations was pretty extensive. It’s probably going to be a while.”
She looked strong and capable as she stood there, contemplating him. But he’d seen her at her most vulnerable. The image of her bringing their baby into the world flashed in his mind’s eye. It was the most profound moment of his life. One he would never forget for as long as he lived.
“You look good,” he said.
“So do you.” She sent a pointed look to his bandaged hand. “How is it?”
“No permanent damage.”
“I’m glad.” She fiddled with her collar again.
“I stopped in the nursery and looked in on Chassidy,” he said.
Her full lips curved into a smile that made his heart stumble in his chest. “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
“Just like her mom.”
“Her dad’s not too bad to look at, either.”
Chase laughed outright at that. He was a lot of things, but he’d never even conceived of the idea of beautiful.
“How’s Ben?” she asked.
A shadow of grief passed over Chase’s heart. While his daughter had come into the world, Ben Parker had passed away from the gunshot wound. Grimacing, he shook his head. “He didn’t make it.”
Lily’s hand
went to her mouth. Her eyes filled, but she didn’t cry. “I’m sorry.”
“He died a hero. That’s the way he would have wanted it.”
“That’s so unfair. He saved our lives.” She blinked back tears, a breath shuddering out of her. “So did you.”
This was the moment he should bring up the harsh fact that he had also been the one to bring danger into their lives. For the life of him, Chase couldn’t do it. He loved Lily. He loved Little Chassidy. He wanted to be part of their lives. God knows it was going to kill him to walk away.
As if realizing there were too many things that had been left unsaid between them, Lily turned back to the window. “I didn’t know if you’d come.”
“I tried to stay away.” Taking a deep breath, he crossed to her. “I couldn’t do it.”
Even from two feet away he could smell the soft scent of her. Something warm and floral and sweet that titillated his senses. He wanted badly to reach out and touch her. He wanted even more to pull her into his arms and never let her go.
Finally, she turned to face him. For an interminable moment, they stared into each other’s eyes, a hundred thoughts zinging between them.
“I came to say goodbye,” Chase managed after a moment.
An emotion he couldn’t identify flashed in Lily’s eyes. Relief? Pain? Willingness to face the hard facts even when he wasn’t?
“Chase…”
“I’d like to support Chassidy financially, if it’s all right with you.” Before he lost his nerve, he cut off the protest he saw in her eyes and continued. “It’s important to me, Lily. I can set up a trust for her. For college, maybe. Med school. Law school. Whatever she wants. I’ll make everything anonymous so it can never be traced back to me.”
Instead of arguing, Lily simply nodded. “All right.”
“I wish I could do more,” he said. Like watch my daughter grow up and share it with the woman I love. “I want to take responsibility for my part.”
“I agree,” she said.
He wanted to say more, but the words jammed in his throat. He knew anything he said now would probably do nothing but get him in deeper than he already was. But, dear God, he didn’t want to leave. He couldn’t imagine turning and walking out that door, never to see either of them again.
He stood there, drinking in the image of the woman he loved more than his own life. He branded the picture of her onto his brain—soft red hair, cautious green eyes, skin as soft as velvet—and reminded himself he would always have his memories of her. They were going to have to be enough.
They would never be enough.
“I’ve got to go,” he heard himself say. “Before I do something we’re both going to regret.”
Taking a final, lingering look at Lily, he turned and started toward the door.
* * *
“DON’T GO.”
Lily hadn’t meant to say the words aloud. Her heart had been chanting them like a mantra and somehow they had bubbled to the surface.
Chase stopped before reaching the door, but he didn’t turn to her. Though she couldn’t see his face, Lily saw clearly the war raging within him. The battle between duty and love, right and wrong. Chase lived in a world of black and white. She knew reality’s boundaries were rarely that clear. She couldn’t help but wonder if there was some middle ground they might be able to find.
After a moment, he drew a breath and turned to her. His eyes were shuttered and hard. His mouth pulled into a frown. “I have to go,” he said.
“I’m not finished.”
He went rigid when she started toward him. Lily watched him steel himself against her closeness. Against all the things they’d shared. She knew he loved her. She knew he would always love her. But was love enough?
It devastated her knowing he was willing to walk away to keep her safe. To keep Chassidy safe. That was the kind of man Chase Vickers was. The kind of man who would sacrifice his needs to do the right thing. He was the kind of man she had fallen in love with.
How could he expect her to let him go? Was his work so important that he was willing to sacrifice what they had?
“I don’t think it’s going to help our situation if we draw this thing out,” he said.
She stopped a foot away from him and shook her head. “I never had you pegged as a coward, Vickers, but then this isn’t the first time in the course of our relationship that you’ve surprised me.”
He blinked. “Excuse me?”
“And it’s not the first time you’ve run.” She squared her shoulders. “You’re willing to take on some of the most vicious killers in the world, and yet when it comes to your own daughter and the woman you claim to love, you turn tail and run.”
He looked truly offended. “It’s the only way to keep you safe,” he said. “Look at what we’ve been through.”
“We’ve been through a terrible ordeal I would never want to repeat,” she shot back. “But guess what? There are no guarantees in this life, Chase. Do you think a love like what we share happens more than once?” Raising her hand, she poked him in the chest with her index finger hard enough to send him back a step. “Let me answer that for you with an unequivocal no. There are no guarantees. No safety nets. No insurance policies for tragedy. I know—I’ve seen all of those things in the emergency room. Complete strangers whose misfortunes touch me deeply. Just last week a man with a wife and two kids wrecked his car on his way to play golf. His family never saw him alive again.”
She poked him again and Chase went back another step. “Do you think he was unlucky? No. You want to know who the unlucky people are, Chase? They’re the ones who never find the one great love of their lives.”
Some of her anger leached away and she dropped her hand. “We’re the lucky ones, Chase. We found something special and precious and rare. Now you want to walk away because you think something bad might happen to me or Chassidy?”
“If it’s in my power to keep you safe, then I’m going to do it.”
“At what cost?”
Stepping close to her, Chase gently grasped both her biceps and spoke urgently. “This has nothing to do with personal sacrifice or right or wrong. It has to do with making sure that no one hurts our daughter, and that her mother is alive to raise her.”
“I have a say in the matter.”
“No, you don’t.”
“What about her father, Chase? Doesn’t he count?”
Blinking, he searched her face. “I don’t like this any more than you do. But I’m willing to sacrifice what we have to ensure both of you long and safe lives.”
“Or maybe you’re willing to run away because it’s easier than handing over your heart to us. Maybe it’s easier to walk away from us than it would be for you to walk away from your work.”
Her own words shocked her to silence.
“There’s nothing even remotely easy about any of this,” he ground out.
“Then do the right thing. Listen to your heart. Listen to mine. Give your daughter a father.”
Unable to keep himself from it, Chase pulled her into his arms and held her so tightly he thought he must be bruising her. He could feel his emotions winding up, like a giant rubber band tightening in his chest and squeezing his heart and lungs until he couldn’t breathe.
“That scares the hell out of me,” he said.
“Life isn’t about safe.”
He smiled. “There’s some irony in there somewhere.”
She smiled back. “Lots of it.”
He scrubbed a hand over his jaw. “There are no guarantees someone won’t emerge from my past. I’ve made some serious enemies over the years.”
“Get out while you can. Let the other men cover your back. You’ve given them years of your life. I want the rest of it, and I’m not willing to share.”
The dark cloud that had been hovering lifted. Could he rely on his Eclipse brothers to keep the Sheas at bay? The answer, he realized, was an unequivocal yes.
Chase stared at Lily, loving her so much he
could barely draw a breath. “You’re pretty damn smart for a civilian.”
“I like to think so.”
When she looked at him like that, with a sultry smile and hooded eyes, he never could resist her. He couldn’t now.
Chase grinned. “Honey, I think I’ve run my last mission.”
“Are you sure?”
“More sure of that than anything else in my life.”
Lily’s smile widened and she let out a contented sigh. The sound was like music to Chase’s ears. The sound of simple human joy, as fleeting and precious as a sunrise.
“This will be a fresh start for us,” she said.
“A new start as a family.” Setting his hands on either side of her face, he kissed her mouth, her cheeks, the tip of her nose. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” she whispered. “I never stopped.”
Lily glanced at the door, where two nurses stared at them, teary eyed, and she laughed at the picture she and Chase must make. “I think it’s time to go get our daughter,” she said.
“I think you’re right,” Chase replied.
The nurses both winked at Lily as she and Chase walked hand in hand to the door. Lily winked back as they strode toward their precious daughter and the promise of a new life together as a family.
* * * * *
Sarah Hampton knows that the recent murder of an old friend is linked to a terrifying night they experienced back in high school, and war-hardened Tyler Grant is the only one who knows the danger they’re in…
Read on for a sneak preview of
OUT OF THE DARKNESS
by New York Times bestselling author Heather Graham
The Bronx
New York City, New York
Ten Years Ago
The eyes fell upon Sarah Hampton with a golden glow; the woman’s mouth, covered with blood, split into a diabolical smile as she cackled with glee, raising her carving knife and slamming it down on the writhing man tied to the butcher block in the kitchen. Blood seemed to spurt everywhere. Screams rose.
Safe Before Dawn Page 15
