Slumbered to Death

by Vanessa Gray Bartal

  “I subbed today,” he said.

  “In school?”

  “No, for this airline pilot I know. Didn’t go well.”

  “I didn’t know you were still teaching,” she said.

  “A guy’s gotta eat.”

  “And those Doctor Who t-shirts aren’t going to buy themselves. How much do you make subbing?”

  “A little under a hundred a day.”

  She sat up and dropped her feet from his lap. “You’re kidding me. That’s way more than a day of walking the street in the chicken suit.”

  “Maybe you should try a different corner,” he suggested.

  “How do you become a sub?”

  “You have to have a bachelor’s degree,” he said.

  “Done.”

  “You have to apply for a sub certificate and have a background check.”

  “No problem.”

  “You have to like kids.”

  “Oh.” That was a sticking point. Sadie had no experience with children. “Do you think I like kids?”

  “A better question is could you handle a classroom full of kids, and the answer is yes. You should do it. We’re in need, and it’s way better than getting trash stuffed in your beak all day.”

  “You’re the last person who did that to me,” she said.

  “I know. I’m going to miss that. What have you been up to today? You’re also wearing clothes, although you should not take my observation as a sign of my approval. I much prefer your yoga pants to that skirt.”

  “You’re supposed to pretend not to notice how good I look in my yoga pants,” she said.

  “I don’t even think Ian McKellen is that good of an actor,” he said.

  “Who?”

  “The guy who played Gandalf.” At her continued blank stare he let out a huffy breath and tossed his apple core toward the trash can. The shot missed, and he stood to retrieve it. “Gandalf the wizard on The Lord of the Rings.”

  “Is that the vampire movie?”

  “The vampire movie?” he yelled and then quickly realized she was teasing him. “Yes, he was the gray vampire. Now are you going to tell me where you’ve been all day?”

  “I went to the station.”

  “What station?”

  “The train station, obviously. I met up with the Pevensie children. They wanted me to go to the country with them to escape the blitz. Something about Narnia, I don’t know. It was all very confusing.”

  “Okay, you went to the police station. I get it now. Then what? You weren’t there all day, were you?”

  “No, after that I had coffee with Ben.”

  “Ben who?”

  “Ben, Michael Jackson’s pet mouse. What do you mean ‘Ben who?’ How many Bens do we know?”

  “Just the crazy one,” he said.

  “He’s not crazy; his psychiatrist said so.”

  “Sadie, is that supposed to be funny?”

  “To normal people, yes. To you, who knows? The point is that he’s having a hard time right now, but that doesn’t mean he’s insane.”

  “I don’t believe this,” Luke sputtered as he regained his spot at the table. “You like him. You’re defending him like you two are buddies now. How good was that coffee?”

  “I’m not defending him, and we’re not buddies. He’s my client, and I’m trying very hard to see him with professional objectivity. And you constantly labeling him as crazy isn’t helping.”

  He leaned forward and rested his hands on her shoulders. “Sade, I am really worried about you here, okay? I don’t think you’re taking your safety seriously enough. You don’t understand how guys think when they look at you.”

  She scooted forward and rested her palms on his knees. “Luke, you’re being heartwarmingly sweet, if a tad overbearing. But I’ve got this. Gideon didn’t get a lot of things right, but he did prepare me to take care of myself.”

  “I think he prepared you too well. I think you’re overconfident in your abilities to defend yourself.”

  “You want to go right now? I’ll take you down, science boy.”

  “Why do so many of our conversations end with you threatening to beat me up?” he asked.

  “I don’t know, but instinct tells me it’s all your fault. What’s on your agenda tonight?”

  “Chemistry.”

  “Yeah? You need any help with that? Sorry. Sometimes the flirting runs far ahead of my brain.”

  “An occasional slip up is good for my ego. What are you up to tonight?”

  “Abby wants to shoot things. Are you sure you don’t want to join in?”

  “I don’t want to be anywhere near Abby and a loaded gun. Call Hal.”

  “Whoa.”

  “I just heard how that sounded. Hal wants to learn to shoot. He would be ecstatic to be part of the action.”

  “Does he have to work tonight?” Sadie asked.

  “I have no idea. I’ll call him and tell him to pick up a pizza on his way over. The mooch owes us.” They were still touching, his hands on her shoulders, her hands on his knees.

  “Hey, Luke?”

  “Hmm.”

  “An occasional slip up from you might be good for my ego, too.”

  His hand slid up to cup her face, his thumb on the column of her neck. “Baby, if your ego gets any bigger, it will need its own zip code.”

  “I see what you did there—you uttered a put-down while touching me provocatively. I’m impressed by your level of jerkery. You’re almost a swoon-worthy bad boy.”

  “I’ve been practicing saying mean things to the neighbor’s cat while I’m petting it,” Luke said.

  “And the nerd is back,” Sadie said. She shrugged away from him and pushed her phone into his hands. “Call Hal. I’m going to go change into some yoga pants. For you, dreamboat.” She touched her fingertip to his nose and left the kitchen.

  Luke was still smiling long after the call to Hal ended. One thing was certain: life with Sadie as a housemate was never boring. Between her and Abby, Luke lived in a constant state of worry, exasperation, amusement, or a combination of all three.

  Sadie returned to the kitchen a short time later fresh-faced with wet hair. Luke was enamored with her shower gel. He had spent a long time in her shower trying to figure out which one intoxicated him one day when she wasn’t home, but none smelled the same in the bottle as they did on Sadie. He was beginning to think Sadie naturally smelled that good and he had somehow missed it over the years. He was also beginning to think maybe he was the one who was a little bit crazy.

  “Did you get ahold of Hal?” she asked.

  “What?” he said, tearing himself away from his thoughts with effort.

  “Hal, your best bud, your old roommate. Is he coming?”

  “Yes,” Luke said, although he was beginning to regret issuing the invitation. Why did he have to share Sadie with Hal? He shook his head at his own immaturity. “Someone called for you while you were in the shower.”

  “Was it Oprah? I’m going to have to change my number again.”

  “No, it was a guy named Rick.”

  He handed her the phone. She put up her hands and it bounced listlessly onto the table. “Rick called?”

  “Who’s Rick?”

  “He’s my ex-boyfriend. What did you tell him?”

  “I said you couldn’t come to the phone because you were curled in the fetal position, crying over your ex-boyfriend. Was that the wrong thing to say?”

  “No, that’s probably what he imagines I’m doing anyway.” She sank to a chair. “I can’t believe he called.”

  “He sounded nice, different than what I imagine one of your men to sound like.”

  “He’s available, if you want me to introduce you. Although I have to warn you that his beard gets really scratchy on the days he doesn’t shave.”

  “Why did you break up?” He took the chair beside her and sat down.

  “He dumped me on the day I got fired. According to him, the two events weren’t related.”
<
br />   “Is it too late for me to amend the part about him sounding nice? Because now he sounds like a pompous jerk.”

  “See, it’s amazing that you can hear that story and understand his character right away when it took me a year to figure it out. I really stink at dating and choosing men, Luke. I’ve got to do better next time around.”

  “Is there an angel beam on my head? Because I could be your man.” Hal stood in the doorway, his arms loaded with pizza.

  “Hal, you would have to hire someone to handle all my baggage, and you can’t afford that until you’re out of med school,” Sadie said. She stood to relieve him of the pizza burden.

  “Sadie, sweets, you are underestimating my ability to ignore everything but the way you look. I am willing to be as shallow as you want me to be.”

  “That’s the thing, Hal. I sort of want depth this time, but guys who want depth don’t like me.”

  She sounded serious, and that made Luke sad. But he couldn’t exactly disagree with her about the baggage since he accounted for at least a carryon in that pile.

  Hal grasped Sadie’s chin between this thumb and forefinger. “Sadie, you are the most beautiful, kindest, most fun woman I’ve ever known, and if some man can’t see past your baggage, then that’s his problem.” He gave a not-so-subtle glance at Luke who scowled in response. Hal had sounded uncharacteristically serious, too. Luke had the sense that if not for the issues between himself and Sadie, Hal might actually try to pursue her. He should tell Hal the way was clear for him if that was what he wanted. He had been intending to have the conversation for a while. Soon, he would do it soon.

  Abby bustled into the kitchen. Like Sadie, her arrival always caused a stir. They were the sort of women who could change the energy of a room with their presence or mood. “You wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had,” Abby said as she sank into a chair. Over pizza, she told them stories from her harrowing day that kept them laughing until Sadie’s phone rang.

  She glanced at it. “It’s Rick.” She shoved it at Hal. “Answer and feign outrage.”

  Luke would never have been able to pull off what she wanted, but Hal was a master, and they all leaned forward to listen. “Hello. No, Sadie can’t come to the phone. Yes, this is her phone, but she’s tied up. What do you mean where is she? I’m not in the habit of informing strangers of her whereabouts. No, I don’t think I will give her the message, Rick. Whoever you are, stop calling. Oh, you’re that ex she told me about.” He winked at Sadie who covered her mouth with her hands to stifle her laughter. “Look, the yacht doesn’t get good reception, so I’m going to say this before I lose you. Stop calling my wife. I have a team of lawyers who have nothing better to do than make sure you lose every asset you own. You’re a nosy one, aren’t you, Rick? Fine, if it will help you sleep at night, we were married last week, but it’s been building for a while. We met in Versailles a few years ago and kept in contact. The timing was always wrong. I called her a few weeks ago, and we picked up where we left off. I have no idea why you’ve never heard of me, probably for the same reason I’ve never heard of you. Sadie doesn’t kiss and tell, does she? And there was that whole confidentiality agreement, but that’s over since the marriage. I have to go because we’re heading into international waters and the signal is lousy. Don’t call again.” He pushed the button and set the phone on the table. Sadie and Abby gave him a round of applause.

  “You had such wonderful smugness in your tone, Hal,” Abby said. “I almost believed you were rich.”

  “The regret in your tone that I’m not wounds me, Abby,” Hal said.

  “That was perfect, Hal. Thank you.” Sadie leaned over to give him a sideways hug and a cheek kiss, and Luke began battling his jealousy once more. He and Sadie had only recently patched things up. Maybe his true concern was that Hal would replace him as her friend. He resented his jealousy, resented Sadie for making him jealous, resented Hal for reasons he didn’t understand. What he wanted most was a break from everyone.

  “I’m off to study for the night. Be careful with the guns,” he said.

  “Yes, Pa,” Sadie said. Hal laughed. Luke turned away and left the room before he could follow through on his temptation to wipe the smile off his best friend’s face.

  Chapter 5

  Hal was as anxious to learn to shoot as Luke had said he would be. Unlike some men, he wasn’t threatened over the fact that Sadie knew how and would be his teacher. In fact, he was fascinated by her ability.

  “It’s like I’m friends with a secret agent,” he said. “This is so awesome. Hold still.” He pulled out his phone and took a picture of him and Sadie with the gun as a prop between them. “Okay, teach me, Obi Wan.”

  Sadie hadn’t picked up a gun in a long time. She wondered how much she would remember, but as soon as she put her hand on the barrel, it all came rushing back—Gideon’s careful instruction, the many hours spent in practice. Shooting had been one of the father/daughter bonding things she enjoyed the most. What was probably an odd hobby for some had seemed perfectly normal to her. Her dad had dealt with guns every day on the job; he had wanted Sadie to learn the proper care and respect for them so she didn’t have an accident. He was wise to include her instead of making them off limits. Sadie had always been a curious and rebellious kid. If he had kept them on a shelf and told her to stay away, she would no doubt have investigated them on her own. As it was, he showed her what they could do and how to use them safely. She had never lost her respect for the weapon’s power, and she tried to instill that same respect in Hal.

  They started with a shotgun because it was easier to hit targets and because it seemed safer than a rifle. She had never taught anyone to shoot before, and she felt the full weight of the responsibility as she loaded the gun and settled it in Hal’s grasp. He listened attentively, hanging on every word as she told him what to do. Finally she took a step back and told him to shoot. He took a breath, shot, and set the gun down to see what he had hit.

  Sadie had set up a line of tin cans on the fence row at the back of Abby’s property. “I think you hit the fence. Not too shabby for a first time, Doctor.”

  “Now if business gets slow I can wound some people to round up clients. Brilliant,” Hal said. He handed the gun to Sadie. “Show me how it’s done, Annie Oakley.”

  “What makes you think I’m any good?” she asked.

  “I haven’t seen anything so far that you don’t do perfectly. Something tells me shooting is no exception.”

  “When you’re right, you’re right, Hal,” she said. She took the gun, reloaded, and knocked one of the cans off the fence. The kickback hurt her shoulder. She would no doubt have a bruise in the morning, but it was worth it. She had forgotten how much she loved target practice.

  “That was awesome,” Hal said. “Do it again.”

  Sadie smiled as she reloaded and complied. She wasn’t used to men who encouraged her abilities. She was used to men who preferred her incompetent, dumb blond act, men who felt threatened by intelligence and capability. Being with Hal made her feel almost giddy for her ability to be herself. Not putting on a show was such a relief that she put on a show and knocked down a few more cans before passing the gun to Abby.

  “That was a very tough act to follow, my dear,” Abby said. “But never let it be said that an Atwood takes a back seat. Watch this trick shot I learned from my father.” She turned around and held the gun behind her back. Sadie and Hal exchanged a glance. Sadie had never been good at confronting Abby, but what she was doing was clearly unsafe.

  “Abby,” she began, but it was too late. Abby took the shot. Hal pushed Sadie to the ground. Glass shattered, and someone bellowed. Sadie knew that howl. She dashed to her feet and sprinted to Gideon’s house, her mind blank with panic.

  She found her dad bent over the couch. He was conscious; he was breathing. Coherent thought began to filter in, and her heart started to beat again. “Dad, are you okay?”

  “I have glass and bird shot in my butt, Sadie. Do
I look okay? What were you thinking giving that woman a gun?”

  Abby and Hal joined the scene. “Look on the bright side, Gideon,” Abby said. “Now you can say I’ve literally become a pain in your backside.”

  “Make her stop talking,” Gideon commanded. His face was red, his fists were clenched, and his temper off the charts—all signs that he was in a significant amount of pain.

  “Don’t worry, Dad, I’ll take you to the hospital and get you squared away.”