Slumbered to Death

by Vanessa Gray Bartal

  “Today a woman threw up in a bedpan I was holding, and that’s as close to a date as I’ve had since I started med school.”

  “Um, hello, you had a date with me a few weeks ago.”

  “That didn’t count.”

  “Ouch. Ouch for me.”

  “C’mon, Sadie. You know the score. Nothing between us counts so long as Luke’s standing in the middle.”

  “Luke has a girlfriend.”

  “Luke’s a putz, but he’s still my closest friend, and it doesn’t mean his presence isn’t loud and clear between us. And even if it weren’t, could you really ever see a guy like me and a girl like you together?”

  “A guy like you? Do you have extra toes or something? Because they have surgical solutions for that sort of thing now,” Sadie said.

  “I did some snooping when you came to town. I know who your ex-husband is. Compare millionaire football star to aspiring med school pauper, and guys like me come up rather short.”

  “When it comes to a comparison between you and my ex-husband, you’re off the charts and he doesn’t even rank.”

  “Okay, excluding him, I’d say your usual type is wealthy, brawny, power players.”

  “True. And usually self-important, shallow, stupid cheaters. I want, no, I have to do better next time. My new top three requirements for a man are kindness, intelligence, and depth. And, frankly, those qualities are now so important to me that I don’t care if he does have extra toes.”

  “So if I understand you correctly, you’re saying that all that stands between us and eternal devotion is Luke.”

  “Pretty much,” Sadie agreed with a smile. She liked Hal. She had fun with him; he was safe. He had definite potential in the boyfriend department, and she could be attracted to him if she let herself. But she wouldn’t, and he wouldn’t cross the invisible line between them because of Luke. She would never hurt Luke that way again. Even if he didn’t realize it, he would be hurt if she and Hal dated.

  Hal put up his hand between them. “Yes, the force field is firmly in place and impenetrable. Tell me something: if I do away with Luke and someone hires you to investigate his death, would you look the other way to maintain my innocence?”

  She pressed her palm to his. “I’m afraid not. An overdeveloped sense of justice is just one of the many character traits I inherited from my father.”

  He clasped her hand and laid it to rest on the bed between them. “Your dad—now there’s a whole other can of worms. After a few hours with him in the hospital, I wanted to give you hugs and kisses for the many childhood wounds you must have suffered at his hands.”

  “He wasn’t always this way,” Sadie said. “When I was a kid, we were really close. He only said nice things to me, edifying things. And he taught me a lot. He used to say I could tie a fly better than any man he knew, and site a target, too. We were buddies, and Dad made me feel like the smartest, most capable girl on the planet. Then puberty came along and messed everything up.”

  “It has a way of doing that,” Hal agreed.

  “What did it do to you?”

  “It turned me from a cute kid to some pimple-faced, coke-bottle wearing, voice cracking goofball.”

  “You sound like Luke,” Sadie said. “He was such a goober. We both were for a bit.”

  “I’ve seen the pictures. He was one bell away from being Quasimodo,” Hal said, and followed the comment with a jaw-popping yawn.

  “We should go downstairs. I can make supper.”

  “You always cook for me. I can cook for you sometime. Do you like Ramen noodles? I don’t want to brag, but I just bought a twenty pack.”

  “You must be rich.”

  “I do all right for myself,” he said and yawned again.

  Sadie caught his yawn and followed suit. “Stop that.”

  “Can’t.”

  “We should get up.”

  “Definitely. On the count of ten, we’re going to get up and go downstairs. One, two, three, three and a half…” He fell asleep mid-word.

  Sadie chuckled at his narcolepsy, and that was her last coherent thought before she, too, fell asleep.

  Luke came home a while later and stopped short in his bathroom. “Sadie,” he muttered. Her scent was everywhere, the tub was still full, and a towel lay slack on the floor. He was tired and cranky with a hunger-induced headache. Finding Sadie’s presence in his bathroom was more than he had the energy for at the moment. It was bad enough that he was stuffed in the same house with her, why did she have to invade his personal space, too? Did she have no idea the effect she had on him? Was she trying to drive him crazy?

  By the time he entered his bedroom, he had worked up a full head of steam. He was going to have a talk with Sadie. He was going to tell her to stay out of his bathroom. Maybe he would tell her to start wearing that burqa she had joked about. He jerked open the door and stopped short at the side of Sadie and Hal curled toward each other on his bed, their hands clasped between them. The sight was cozy, intimate, and cut like a knife. His anger drained away and left him weak and a little light headed. Although the sight of Sadie sleeping by herself often had the same effect. Every time he saw her curled up with her lips slightly puckered and the I’m-up-to-something expression off her face, he was transported back in time twenty years to camping trips and sleepovers where the sight of her sleeping face first thing in the morning had been his steadfast comfort.

  She opened her eyes and smiled at him. “Hey, studious one,” she whispered. “Hungry?”

  He nodded. She slipped off the bed and into the bathroom where she drained the tub and hung her towel without apology or explanation. She hooked her arm with his as they walked through the hall and down the stairs to the kitchen. “How was the library?”

  “Quiet. Musty. Peaceful.”

  She glanced at his profile. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” Nothing rational, he amended. Unmerited jealousy wasn’t something he wanted to fess up to.

  “You have hunger-induced crankiness. Did you skip lunch?”

  “I had a package of peanuts I found in my bag,” he said.

  She wrinkled her nose. “That hardly counts. Let me see what I can scrounge.”

  He sat at the table and watched while she rooted in the freezer. “Aha! I thought I froze an extra lasagna last month. Excellent. Although this will take about an hour to cook. Can you make it that long? Do you want me to make you a snack?” She bit her lip and turned to survey him.

  “I can make it an hour,” he said. “Come sit down and stop fussing over me.” Until they became housemates, he had no idea she was so maternal and caring. He thought he knew every facet of Sadie, but she took him by surprise more often than not. She was always worrying over him and Abby, making sure they were eating properly, bringing them tea or coffee in the evenings. She was spoiling him, and yet he couldn’t find it in himself to object.

  She put the lasagna in the oven and sat beside him. Her curls were mashed on the left side and she had blanket lines on her face. He itched to touch her, and so he did, pressing his palm over the lines on her face. “You’re not usually a napper,” he noted.

  “The bath made me sleepy.”

  Now was the time to tell her not to use his bath anymore, but he couldn’t do it. She gave so much of herself around the house. Who cared if she occasionally used his bathtub?

  “You know what I was thinking as I watched you sleep?” he asked.

  “How fun it is to stalk people when they’re unconscious?” she guessed.

  “I was thinking of that first time we went camping with our dads when we were five. When I woke up that next morning, I realized I’d had an accident.”

  “Seeing me sleep reminds you of wetting the bed?” she clarified.

  “You woke up because I was crying, and you dumped a bucket of water on both our bags so no one would know. Even at five you were sneaky and a quick thinker.”

  “I try to use my powers for good instead of evil,” she said.
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  “You do. You’ve always taken care of me, and you’re still taking care of me. So when I tell you to be safe and I worry about you, that’s my way of taking care of you, but you won’t let me.”

  “I don’t need to be taken care of,” she said.

  “Liar. Everyone needs to be taken care of, even the incomparable Sadie Cooper.”

  “You make incomparable sound like a bad thing.”

  “It is if it puts your life at stake,” he said. His fingers were deep in her curls now, his thumb gently brushing her cheek. “Sadie, please, try not to rush into stuff. For once just stop and think things through.”

  She wanted to protest that she never rushed into things, but then she remembered her earlier encounter with Hal when she thought he was a burglar. “I’ll try,” she promised. “Is now a bad time to remind you that a couple of months ago you couldn’t have cared less if I lived or died?”

  “I care now, and I cared then. I just didn’t want to admit it.”

  Sadie’s heart squeezed painfully. She was a social creature, but her intimate circle of friends was miniscule. For so long it had only included Abby and possibly a couple of her college roommates. Now Luke was back and she realized she had been saving a place for him all these years. “It’s nice to hear you fess up once in a while.”

  The vulnerable look was back, the one that made him want to gather her close and beat away anything that might harm her. For so much of their childhood, Sadie had been the protector. She was stronger emotionally, wittier, more athletic. She had defended him from other kids teasing, nursed his wounds when he fell down, urged him along when he was reluctant to participate. Now he felt like the balance of their relationship was shifting as he realized maybe Sadie wasn’t as strong as she pretended. Maybe she needed someone to lean on, too. The trick was getting her to open up.

  “I’m here for you,” he said.

  She leaned into his palm, opened her mouth to say something, and the moment was over.

  “I’m here, too,” Hal said. “And something smells amazing.”

  He sat at the table. Sadie stood to check on supper. “Did you have a good nap, Hal?”

  “I never nap, Sadie. Naps are for losers and weaklings. What you saw there was a very high level of meditation. Took me years to perfect it,” Hal said. “But, yes, I feel refreshed, thank you. Why are you home before the library is closed?” he asked Luke. “You’re switching up your M/O.”

  “I felt like coming home,” Luke said. Just because he previously had to be dragged out of the library kicking and screaming didn’t meant he couldn’t occasionally leave early when he wanted. He enjoyed eating supper with Sadie. Was it so wrong to not want to eat alone? “You’re getting paranoid, Hal.”

  “Did the Illuminati tell you to say that, Luke?” Hal said.

  Luke flicked a wadded napkin at his head and missed.

  “Missed. You’re O for ten thousand,” Hal said.

  “Next one will hit you between the eyes and hurt,” Luke promised, although he didn’t believe the lie. His lack of athletic prowess was nothing new. He had never made a basket or hit a target in his life.

  Sadie reached over, flicked the napkin, and pinged Hal in the face. “Tag team,” she explained to Hal’s contrived outrage.

  “Not fair,” Hal complained.

  “Totally fair,” Luke argued. He shouldn’t be as heartened as he was by Sadie being on his team. He shouldn’t feel as threatened by Hal as he did. He should remember that he had a girlfriend and she was coming home soon. “How’s supper coming, Sadie? Anything I can do?”

  “You can set the table,” Sadie said. “Hal, how are your salad-making skills?”

  “I don’t know; I’ve never been able to afford lettuce. I could give it a try. How long does salad need to cook?” He stood and began arranging salad ingredients in a bowl while Sadie made garlic bread and popped it in the oven.

  The bread finished at the same time as the lasagna. Over supper, Hal wanted to discuss the case. “What discoveries did you make today? Tell Watson all about it,” he said.

  “Why are you Watson?” Luke asked.

  “Watson was a doctor,” Hal explained.

  “I’m a doctoral candidate,” Luke argued.

  “When you finish your degree, you can be Watson. Until then, it’s my turn. Now tell us what went on today. Did you crack the case? Catch the murderer? Was it the butler? I bet it was the butler; it always is.”

  “The only thing Abby and I did today was add more work for ourselves,” Sadie said. She told them of the three missing persons. “Now I have to try and find them to make sure Ben had nothing to do with their disappearances, and I’m not sure where to start.”

  “Obviously you have to start with the army guy,” Hal said.

  “Why? Statistically speaking, Ben is more likely to have killed a woman,” Luke argued.

  “Ben didn’t kill anyone,” Sadie interjected. “And I want to hear Hal’s opinion.”

  Luke frowned and stabbed at his lettuce.

  “There’s a connection. You should always start where there’s a connection. It’s Occum’s Razor: the most obvious answer is usually the correct one.”

  “Yes, but to apply Occum’s Razor, the information must already have passed theoretical scrutiny,” Luke said.

  “Being in the same army unit is a connection. What more theoretical scrutiny do you need?” Hal said.

  “What about the likelihood of a female victim? With a little research, I could make a connection based on statistics and proximity between our killer and the female victims,” Luke said.

  “If you have to do research and work to make a connection, then you’re discounting the razor,” Hal argued.

  “Not if I knew the stats off the top of my head. The only work is on my part because I don’t have the pertinent facts memorized. But men usually kill women; they don’t kill other men.”

  “Unless they knew each other and had a connection,” Hal said.

  “Now we’re moving on to Schrödinger’s cat,” Luke said.

  Sadie put up her hands to interrupt. “Guys, as a woman, I have to tell you that the longer this conversation goes on, the lower your statistical chances of reproducing will be. Besides, I agree with Hal. Ben was truly horrified at the thought of harming either of the women.”

  “You mean he wasn’t horrified at the thought of harming the man?” Luke said.

  “I think he was too stunned by the realization that they were in the same unit,” Sadie said. “The problem is that I have no idea where to go next. How do you find someone who doesn’t want to be found?”

  “You said the wife thought he was cheating. Find the girlfriend, and you’ll find the guy,” Hal said.

  “She doesn’t know who he was cheating with. She thought it was me until she realized I was a nun.”

  Luke choked on his bite of lasagna and gulped water to wash it down.

  “Ask her friends,” Hal said. “I work with over a dozen women at the hospital. Believe me, if one of their husbands is on the prowl, her friends will know every detail before she does.”

  “I think she would find it suspicious if I call and ask for a list of her friends,” Sadie said.

  “Sadie, sweets, you’re a detective now. Detect,” Hal said.

  “Oh, I guess you’re right,” Sadie said. From now on she needed to stop waiting for information to come to her. Instead she needed to be proactive, to seek what she wanted to know. “Thanks, Hal.” She beamed and slid another slice of lasagna onto his plate.

  “Why does he get smiles and another piece of lasagna for telling you to do what you’re already doing?” Luke complained. “Sit there. Look pretty.” He held out his plate, and she pushed another piece of lasagna onto it.

  “You’ve always been Mom’s favorite,” Hal said.

  “Don’t call her my mom,” Luke said. “It gives me the creeps.”

  “Why?” Hal said, feigning innocence as he leaned forward and rested his chin in h
is hand. “Is there some reason you don’t want to think of this woman as family? Fill us in, Luke.”

  “It’s weird. Do you think of her as your sister?” Luke asked.

  “No, but that’s because I find her incredibly attractive. What’s your reason?” Hal said.

  “Who wouldn’t find Sadie attractive?” Luke asked.