by Holly Rayner
Eva opened her mouth to speak, but Filipe didn’t give her time.
“I’m making French toast,” he said as he unpacked the grocery bags. “Do you have a pan somewhere?”
Eva nodded and pointed to the cupboard underneath the sink.
“I pretty much keep everything there,” she said.
“I can’t believe this is where you live,” Filipe said. “Joseph should’ve taken you to my place.”
She wanted to point out that Joseph didn’t have access to Filipe’s penthouse while he was away—they’d already discussed the idea at length—but decided to keep her mouth shut. She was curious what Filipe would do next.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch more,” he said as he cooked. “You wouldn’t believe what I’ve been going through in Europe.”
“Yeah, all the social events must be exhausting.”
Eva bit her lip. She tried to stay calm, but it didn’t work.
“What?” Filipe asked, spatula in hand. He turned away from the eggs he was frying.
“You realize I can see you, right?” Eva asked. “You realize there are dozens of articles outlining exactly what you’ve been doing for the past five months? Every social event? Every date with Luiza?”
“Those weren’t dates,” Filipe said. “You know that.”
“Cut the crap,” she said. “You ditched me. I don’t care what happened in Europe. You could have texted. You could have called. You completely abandoned me. You wouldn’t even tell me whether or not you wanted the baby anymore. I’ve been here, pregnant and alone, for five months. I’m going into my third trimester soon, and you didn’t even care enough to be in the country.”
“I told you I was sorry.”
“I want a reason.”
“I’ve been busy!”
“That’s not a reason!” Eva screamed, not caring if the neighbors heard. “You promised me you would be here for this baby. You swore to me, whatever was going on in your political life, you’d be there for her. And you weren’t. You lied to me. You didn’t stay away because of your stupid career or your heartless wife. You aren’t that dense. I don’t believe it. So, I want the truth. Why didn’t you come back?”
“Is that any of your business?”
“I am carrying our child!” Eva cried. “Yes, that’s my business!”
She began to cry. For months, she’d wanted to yell at Filipe. She’d wanted to see his face when he realized what he was doing to her. She’d wanted to listen to him beg when she told him she was keeping the baby for herself. She’d wanted his face to look exactly the way it looked right now. Shocked and hurt and grasping for excuses that didn’t cover it.
But she didn’t feel any better.
Eva dropped onto the couch. She’d held it together this long. She was done being strong.
Filipe took the eggs off the stovetop and walked over to the couch. He sat down and wrapped his arms around her.
“I’m so sorry,” he said. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you like this.”
“Why?” Eva whispered. “I thought you were different.”
“My mother is very sick,” Filipe said. “She doesn’t have much time left. They’re doing everything they can, but nothing is working anymore. I just wanted to be with her.”
“For five months?” Eva asked, the tears slowly subsiding. “Filipe, you know that doesn’t make sense. That doesn’t explain why you didn’t call.”
“I heard your voicemail.”
She sniffled and looked down at the floor.
“I’m pregnant,” she said. “That was just the hormones talking.”
“I don’t believe that for a second.”
“It doesn’t matter how I feel about you,” she said. “You obviously don’t feel the same way.”
Filipe stared.
“What are you talking about?” he asked. “Of course I do.”
Eva’s heard snapped up.
“What?”
“Of course I have feelings for you,” he said. “Didn’t I make that clear?”
“No,” Eva said. “When I told you I was pregnant, you acted like you’d won some kind of prize. You didn’t seem to care about me at all.”
“I was trying to distance myself,” he said. “I told myself, if I left and let you handle things on your own, maybe the feelings would go away. But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since that night in the penthouse. And, if I’m being honest, it started before that. It started at Oasis.”
“You didn’t ask me to carry your baby because I’m poor,” she said. “You asked me because you have feelings for me.”
“I wanted an excuse to be around you. I tried to treat it like a business arrangement. But it hurt too much. I had to get away. That’s why I didn’t call. I knew you felt the same way, and I couldn’t risk making a mistake. Did you really not know?”
Eva shook her head.
“How was I supposed to know?” she asked. “You don’t make any sense. I told you I can’t read you.”
Her heart was beating fast. Her hands shook. Filipe loved her, too.
But you can’t be together.
“Why are you telling me all of this now?” Eva asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing’s changed, has it? You still won’t leave Luiza.”
Filipe sighed and shook his head.
“No,” he said. “Not now. I can’t. My mother is too sick. This can’t be the last thing she knows about me.”
“What happens after she’s gone?”
“I still can’t do it,” Filipe said. “I’ve thought about this, Eva. I thought about it every single day I wasn’t with you. But there’s just no good way to make this work. Luiza is vengeful. She’ll tell everyone the truth. It’ll be an insult to my mother’s memory.”
“But you can take her down with you,” Eva said. “You aren’t the only one living a lie, Filipe. She’s letting you. And she wouldn’t give you a child. She won’t come out looking like the good guy.”
“It’s not about that,” he said. “It’s about the dignity of my family. I told you, we haven’t had a scandal in decades. I’m not going to be the first.”
“But you love me,” Eva said. “Don’t you?”
Filipe nodded.
“You’re more than I bargained for,” he admitted. “Much more.”
“Then why can’t we be together?”
“Maybe we can,” Filipe said. “I’ll have to bring the baby to Europe sometimes. Otherwise, people will start to wonder where I’m keeping her. We could stay in the city for school and things like that. You and I could live together in the penthouse. We could raise her. We could be a family.”
“But it’ll be a secret,” Eva said. “No one will ever know that I’m her mother.”
“She’ll know,” Filipe countered. “Isn’t that enough?”
“But she’ll be living a double life too,” she said. “Don’t you see that? She’ll have to grow up knowing her father is married to another woman. One day, something is going to slip. One day, this is all going to come out. You can’t keep prolonging it. Besides, how do I know you aren’t going to abandon us again?”
“I’ll have to go back sometimes,” he said. “I’m not going to lie to you. It’s not going to be easy.”
“You’re going to have to kiss her in public,” Eva said. “Luiza, I mean. You’re going to have to kiss her and be with her and give interviews about how happy you are together. You’re ignoring reality, Filipe. I can’t live that way.”
“Then I can’t give you what you want.”
“Then I guess we have a problem,” she said. “Because I’m not signing away my rights as a parent.”
“You meant that, then,” Filipe murmured. “I was hoping, if I came here, you’d change your mind. Being a single mom is hard.”
“It’s not any harder than being a single dad,” Eva pointed out. “This is your own fault. You disappeared for five months. I had no idea
if you wanted the baby anymore. I had to make a choice. I had to assume the worst. I’m not going back after that. She’s my child now. I started looking at houses upstate. I started shopping for a car. I started looking for names. You can’t take her away from me.”
“I’m not going to take her away from you,” he said. “I just don’t know what to do.”
“You said, if I changed my mind during the pregnancy, you’d sign away your own rights.”
“Is that what you want?”
“Isn’t that what you said?”
Filipe sighed.
“Eva,” he said. “I can’t leave Luiza. But I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I have a child with the woman I love and not be a part of their lives.”
“I guess you have a problem, then.”
“Why can’t you work with me?” he asked. Eva could hear the pain in his voice. “Why can’t we come up with a solution that works for both of us?”
“Because what you’re asking is ludicrous,” Eva said. “You’re asking me to live a lie, too. I’ve been doing that long enough.”
Filipe leaned forward and kissed her on the lips. It was soft, but emotional.
“I love you,” he affirmed. “I want to be with you. I want to be with both of you.”
“You can’t have it all,” Eva whispered. “You have to choose.”
“We could share custody,” Filipe said. “You could have her during the school year and I could take her during the summer. I could visit.”
“But we couldn’t be together,” she said. “If we’re living separate lives, I’m not waiting on you.”
“At least I could be her father,” he said. “That’s better than nothing.”
“You don’t seem convinced.”
“I want you both.”
Eva shook her head and stood up. She went to the closet to change. She was tired of sitting around in her pajamas. Filipe went back into the kitchen.
She didn’t know what to do. She loved Filipe, and it was amazing to know that he loved her back. But he wasn’t willing to leave Luiza. It didn’t help that Eva was still angry about the past five months. Even if he’d been avoiding his feelings for her, he’d left her in literal hell. Formally or informally, she couldn’t be with someone like that.
Still, just being around him made her toes curl. His kiss was everything she’d been waiting for. She could imagine them raising a daughter together. She’d be beautiful and smart and imaginative. Eva would never pressure her to be a lawyer. Filipe would never pressure her to be a royal. She’d know both of her parents. She’d have everything she ever wanted and more.
But at what cost?
Eventually, the story would break. Everyone would know Prince Filipe di Benici had a secret baby mama in the city. Their child would be the story of the year. Eva and their daughter would never be able to escape the stigma. And what if then, after his whole world fell to pieces, Filipe still didn’t want to be with her? Would it be worth it then?
Chapter Eighteen
Filipe finished making their breakfast and they sat on the stools at her kitchen counter eating in silence.
“Eva,” Filipe finally said, breaking the quiet. “I want to raise this baby together. We’d be amazing parents.”
“But you aren’t completely here,” Eva replied, stabbing a piece of French toast with her fork. “I don’t like it. I need to know that you’re never going to disappear again. I need to know that we’re going to be together—that you are completely and totally in this with me. And I don’t feel like you are.”
“But I could be.”
“How?” she asked as she sipped a glass of the orange juice he’d brought. “You haven’t explained that to me. I could hide away in the city. We could raise her together. But would she be a secret? Would you tell the world you adopted her? Would they think Luiza is her mother? Would she even get to meet her grandmother and grandfather? You haven’t thought this through, Filipe. This could be so much simpler.”
She saw a tear roll down his cheek and was surprised at his sudden show of such emotion.
“I know,” he said softly. “I know it could be.”
He didn’t say anything after that. Eva wasn’t sure how to respond. She loved him and wanted to be with him. But she wasn’t willing to continue living like this.
“I love you,” Eva said. “Isn’t that enough?”
“You’re enough,” Filipe answered. “But I’m not.”
She set her fork down, no longer hungry. They looked into each other’s eyes, neither of them sure what to say next.
“You mean everything to me,” he affirmed. “I never knew I could feel that way about anyone. And it’s making me question every decision I’ve ever made. I’m trapped in this world I’ve created for myself, and I can’t find a way out.”
“We can be your way out,” Eva said. “Your parents will forgive you. Everything will be okay. And then, we can raise our daughter together. Everything can be exactly the way it’s supposed to be.”
“If I come clean,” Filipe said. “You’ll become a princess. You’ll be under the same pressures and responsibilities as me. Can you live like that?”
“I don’t care about that,” she replied. “I care about being with you. I care about the world knowing the truth.”
He was quiet for a long time after that. She wondered if he was honestly considering it. She doubted it.
“I can’t do it,” he said. “I want to…but I can’t.”
Eva opened her mouth to argue with him further when a phone started ringing.
“That isn’t mine,” she said.
It was coming from Filipe’s pocket. He pulled out his cell phone, looked at the number, and groaned.
“It’s Luiza.”
“Don’t answer.”
“I don’t think I have a choice,” he said. “She never calls. Please don’t say anything, okay? I can handle this.”
“At least put it on speaker,” Eva said. “If this has something to do with the baby, I want to know.”
Filipe accepted the call and pressed the speaker button, motioning for Eva to be quiet.
“Luiza?”
“Where are you?”
Eva wasn’t surprised by the tone. Luiza sounded every bit as demanding and whiny as she’d imagined.
“I’m in New York. What’s going on?”
“I’m outside your parents’ house,” Luiza said. “I heard an interesting voicemail yesterday, and I think they’d like to know about it.”
Eva’s heart stopped.
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t be stupid. You know exactly what voicemail I’m talking about. Are you two in love? Because that wasn’t part of the bargain.”
“Luiza, leave it alone. This isn’t any of your concern.”
“You want me to say I adopted this baby,” she said. “I need to know if you’re in love with the mother. Do you understand what that could do to my reputation?”
“My parents don’t know anything about it. Bothering them isn’t going to accomplish anything.”
“It’ll get you to come home, won’t it?”
“You kept me for five months, Luiza. Isn’t that enough? Can’t you just leave me alone?”
“You love her,” Luiza hissed. “That’s why you ran off to New York after you heard the message. You want to be with her. I’m not going to let you do this to me.”
“I’m not doing anything to you, Luiza!”
“I don’t believe you.”
The line went dead. Filipe put his head in his hands.
“She won’t do it,” Eva said. “Right?”
“I have no idea,” Filipe sighed, running his hands through his hair in frustration. “Luiza isn’t one to lie. If she says she’s outside my parents’ house, she probably is. And if she says she wants me back in the country, she’ll do whatever it takes.”
“Why can’t she stay out of it?” Eva asked. “You’re not going to leave her, anyway. It’s n
ot like she has anything to worry about.”
“She doesn’t know that,” he said. “And honestly, neither do I.”
“What do you mean?”
“Look how complicated this is already getting,” Filipe said. “She must be hacking into my voice mailbox. If she’s doing that, I can’t imagine how she’ll be after the baby comes.”
“Does she have feelings for you? Maybe she’s jealous.”
“It’s nothing like that,” he explained. “Luiza has a number of boyfriends. She doesn’t have any interest in me. She’s just never been in love before. She doesn’t understand the concept of love. It scares her. And she’s right to think her reputation will be ruined. Mine will be, too.”
“But your reputation isn’t everything,” Eva countered. “You’re a prince. It’s not like you’ll stop being a prince just because you get a divorce.”
“Maybe not,” he said. “But reputation is the glue that holds everything together. My parents are big believers in reputation. I’ll be getting a call from my father any minute now.”
“Why?”
“He’ll want to know what the hell is going on,” Filipe said. “And trust me, he won’t stop until he gets answer.”
“Maybe she won’t tell him everything. It’s embarrassing, after all. I can’t imagine telling my fake husband’s parents that he’s having a child with another woman.”
“She won’t mention that our marriage is fake,” he said. “She’ll go in crying and carrying on, telling them that I’ve been unfaithful and broken her heart. She knows what she’s doing. She knows how to play the part.”
“But won’t they be angry when they figure out the truth?”
“She doesn’t think I’ll tell them the truth.”
“Will you?”
Filipe slammed his fist down on the coffee table.
“I don’t know!”
“Filipe, it’s okay.”
“No,” he said. “My hand is being forced. Nothing about this is okay.”
Eva stood and went to the bathroom. Shutting the door behind her, she hoped Filipe would be too consumed in his own problems to follow. Breakfast was still sitting on the counter, half eaten and forgotten. She had no idea what the other grocery bags held. She guessed Filipe had brought the gifts mostly out of guilt.
