Dudless was still spluttering with confusion.
‘Will somebody please tell me who killed the MoNsta? If it wasn’t Bottompop then who was it?’
‘Gordon the goatherd!’ everyone cried.
‘Gordon? But he’s a vegetarian. I thought he didn’t believe in killing animals.’
‘I’m afraid I lost my temper,’ said Gordon sheepishly. ‘The MoNsta killed all my goats, and I was very angry.’
‘Quite so,’ said the Duke, patting Gordon on the back affectionately. ‘But never mind. We shall get you some more goats and, and rabbits too! Do you like rabbits? I love ‘em. I’m going to get a new rabbit, and I shall call it Gordon, after you, my brave little rabbit.’ This produced more clapping and cheering, but the Duke hadn’t finished.
‘Well now, if you killed the MoNsta then you win the prize, and I hope you’ll be, ooops, there they go already! There’s no stopping young love!’ He stepped back hurriedly as Taloola flung herself into Gordon’s arms, bearing him backwards at full speed until at last they crashed into the band.
‘Ah music!’ cried the Duke. ‘That’s what we need, more dancing. On your feet everyone! Dorinda, go and put on one of the Duchess’s
outfits, they should fit you all right. Hubert, you’re fine. Hmmm, I don’t know about the Bogle. A bit of lipstick maybe?’
‘I don’t think so, Uncle,’ laughed Belinda. ‘Leave him as he is. Besides, he won’t want to dance. He gets the stitch you know.’ She hurried upstairs to the Duchess’s dressing room and there she found outfits galore. The Duchess herself was sitting in the corner, doing a jigsaw puzzle. She seemed only slightly surprised that Belinda was going through her best clothes, but was too busy trying to find a missing jigsaw piece to take the cheese out of her ears and actually ask what she was doing.
Belinda pulled out the garments one by one and looked at them. She held them in front of her and gazed into a mirror. Belinda didn’t like balls. She preferred racing round chipping and chopping and having exciting adventures, but she knew she couldn’t do that all the time. She supposed she would have to try on one of the outfits and go back down to the dance.
Belinda chose the best one, pulled it on, sighed and went downstairs. The moment she appeared she was surrounded by handsome princes, all asking for the first dance, but she only had eyes for Hubert.
‘You look stunning,’ he said, smiling.
‘I am stunning,’ answered the Karate Princess. ‘I do an awful lot of stunning. I stunned those guards outside this evening, if you remember.’
‘I do, and now you’ve stunned me too,’ said Hubert, blushing. ‘Would you like to dance?’ And the happy couple went tripping and crashing and bumping and banging all the way across the dance floor.
The reason for all this crashing and banging was that Belinda was probably the most hopeless dancer in the world. She was excellent at karate. She could speak four different languages. She could make a mean omelette and chips. But dancing was simply not one of her talents. When Belinda went dancing in a crowded ballroom, it was like watching a team of expert tree-fellers at work. You could tell exactly where she was because the other dancers were falling over all around her, like trees in a forest being cut down in one sweep. The other dancers were tripped over by her feet, nudged by her elbows, and toppled by her barging shoulders.
Within a couple of minutes the dance floor was a writhing mass of fallen bodies, and only Hubert and Belinda were still on their feet. ‘What’s happened to Taloola and Gordon?’ asked the princess.
‘I think they’re busy,’ said Hubert, grinning, and pointed across to the dance band. The two lovebirds were sitting surrounded by violin players. They were holding hands and gazing rapturously into each other’s eyes. Everyone in the room discreetly turned away and began talking about the weather.
‘What a lovely morning!’ cried a blushing Duke.
‘Uncle, it’s almost midnight,’ Belinda pointed out.
‘Quite so. I must say it’s been an excellent day, has it not?’
‘It certainly has,’ said Hubert. ‘We’ve had a fantastic adventure, not without its hairy bits I might add…’
‘Oh! You mean the Bogle,’ Uncle Dudless said seriously, and everyone burst out laughing.
‘What? What did I say? Something funny? Did I make a joke? What was it? Oh, I am a one!’
It was while they were all falling about with laughter that the Duchess of Dork appeared at the top of the grand staircase. She gazed down at the noisy throng below her, as if she’d just found a mouse in her soup.
‘I say!’ cried the Duchess, plucking the cheese from her ears. ‘People have been coming and going for days, and now there’s dancing in the hall. What on earth has been going on? Will someone please tell me?’
The Karate Princess in Monsta Trouble Page 5
