Her hands flopped back behind her head and they were not her arms. Not human arms. They were covered in translucent scales that shimmered with faint pink and purple hues, and her fingers had grown long and clawed.
“What is happening?” she gasped, through the throes of pleasure.
I couldn’t answer as I came hard inside her. My mind was lost to primal need.
As soon as it was over, all the alarm of this strange moment slammed into me and I pulled out.
I watched the scales melt away as she turned back into ordinary Phoebe.
“I felt really strange for a minute,” she said.
“Your arms were covered in scales and claws,” I said, breathing heavily. “And I feel stronger than ever.”
“What? I—“ She shivered. “Was I a monster or a dragon?”
“You were a girl with claws. Definitely not a monster.” Whatever I was feeling was such a rush that I’m not sure I would have cared if she had turned into a monster.
She looked stricken. “When I touched Niko’s sigil, he started turning into a dark…thing. But when I touched Abel’s, he turned into—like an ice dragon. He was actually—rather beautiful.”
“Niko turned into a monster?”
“Sort of. Not all the way. I never saw for sure. I stopped him.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because you don’t like him already. And he told me not to.”
“Did you tell Gilbert?”
“Well, Gilbert was there.”
“Ah.” The syllable snapped out of my mouth. “I think that is important information.”
“Yes. It is. I’m just—scared, okay? I really, really need you all to get along and be a team, that I can trust to protect me and each other at all times. I need that. I have this bond to all of you and I can’t lose any of you and I don’t want to waste time convincing you to like each other. Okay?” She was shaking.
“We are all trying.”
Her eyes welled with tears and she blindly reached for my shoulder. “I don’t want to turn into something else!”
“I’ll take the jewelry off for now. Shh, it’s all right. But we all need to know these things. The deeper we go, the more it’s becoming clear that we are missing some crucial pieces of information. Maybe the other priestesses failed because they didn’t understand something important…”
“Yes…yes, but then what?”
“Let’s see what Niko can dig up.” I turned back the covers. “Do you want me to stay?”
“Of course I want you to stay!”
On the road, Phoebe didn’t always sleep well. I tried to be there for her when she had a nightmare, if I didn’t have to keep watch. Here, hopefully there was nothing to fear. I settled in next to her, trying to ignore the faint smell of Niko that lingered in his bed and the winged cat that insisted on sleeping in the tiniest space between us.
The moment had passed, and Phoebe was back to normal. But I had a hard time sleeping. Adrenaline raced through my veins. I had never felt so strong…or so hungry to fight. When I finally fell into sleep, I dreamed of battles past, only I was stronger than I had ever been. I was grabbing men and tossing them aside like they were children. When I got up to piss, I wasn’t looking forward to trying to sleep again. I rummaged in my clothes and found my flask. It was almost empty, but knocking back my head, I could squeeze a few drops out of it.
When I lowered my hand, the flask was crushed flat in the middle where my fingers had squeezed.
I looked at the girl still sleeping in the bed, her breathing soft and slow.
We’ve only begun to scratch the surface of your powers, haven’t we, my lady…
Chapter Nine
Rin
I should have anticipated this. I, of all people, should know her better than anyone…
I opened the tiny portrait case and looked at the picture by moonlight. Himika and myself, aged twelve and fourteen. She had painted it, in one of her many idle hours. She was already a very good artist for a twelve year old, and she painted us like we really were. She was glaring straight ahead and I was looking sideways, “looking for bugs to put in my hair”, she said at the time.
Everyone back home treated Himika with pity and admiration. She was the poor, sick, beautiful, noble little princess. The girl who could never marry or do the things other girls did, but was so beautiful, like a living symbol of all the virtues of our nation. The very idea of ladies of Gaermon riding horses had fallen out of fashion—simply because Himika couldn’t ride horses.
I knew how much she hated all that. I knew that deep down, Himika could be sour and downright furious, and that she grieved for the life she couldn’t have. But there was no room in Gaermon for a princess with moods. She did her best to be the girl that everyone expected her to be, and only a select few ever got to see her human side.
In that way, our positions were similar. As Himika was expected to do nothing except give inspirational speeches, look beautiful and dignified, and give money to orphans, I was expected to do everything else. Since our mother had died giving birth to Himika, I was the only son of the House of Kai. I was to be the paragon of strength and masculinity, the future leader who must be powerful enough to stand up to the emperors of Capamere. I was trained in the twin blades, while Himika watched. Balls were held for me to choose my future wife, while Himika watched. I sat in on my father’s military planning meetings while Himika was taken out in her carriage for fresh air.
And through all those years it became increasingly clear that, as a manly future king, I was broken.
I liked music and art. I liked seeing men in makeup and frills. Sometimes I liked girls, but not the ones I was supposed to like. Not the one my father wanted me to marry.
I liked other boys even better.
But Gilbert was the one who broke me for good. He was so beautiful, I don’t know how anyone could keep their eyes off him (and indeed, many could not). And when I talked to him, there was something so tender and sad about him, but at the same time, something very strong that I instantly felt I could trust.
I told myself we would only sneak off to Pentia, the next city over, a secluded retreat for the rich with hot springs and fresh fish. I told Himika I would be back soon, that I just needed to get away before I was trapped forever.
I just couldn’t make myself go back. And Gilbert and I were strong enough to handle the monsters we met on the road. Just one more city, I said.
Now here I was.
Deep down, did I ever think I would lose Himika? No. I thought she would wait for me forever. I thought she would understand. I just took her for granted because I knew she would never have another choice. I didn’t really think about her at all, did I?
“You fucking bastard,” I whispered at myself.
Gilbert walked in, beautiful as ever in the moonlight. His hair was a little disheveled. I knew she had been running her fingers through it.
My stomach twisted with confusion.
“I only want you,” Gilbert said, without preamble. He was trying to convince himself.
“Come on, you don’t have to lie to me.” I walked up to him, tangling my fingers in his hair now, making him my own, drawing the scent of him into my nose. He wore only the barest hint of cologne, not enough to mask the sweetness of his skin. “It’s a great irony, that’s all. I thought I had the weight of destiny on my shoulders, and you were free. Now my kingdom is destroyed, and you’re the one who is bound by fate.”
“I can’t seem to help it…”
I kissed his cheek, near the corner of his lips. “I’m so torn by you. I can’t argue with your position, but when I heard your cries of pleasure and they didn’t come from me, I wanted to knock down the door. I wanted to cut Niko to pieces.”
“Niko wasn’t the one doing it…”
“No, but he was there.”
Gilbert’s cheeks were red. He couldn’t hide a blush. A surge of possessiveness ran through me. I shook his shoulder.
&n
bsp; “There’s something about him and you,” I said.
“No, I…”
“At first I thought you were just attracted to him. But it’s that and more, isn’t it? You know him. From before.”
“I—“ Gilbert broke off. “I was young. But I’m afraid you won’t forgive me. You’re so…high born, so noble… All the things I love about you are things I lacked.”
“I’m none of those things…”
“You’re feeling guilty now, but running away…it’s understandable. You still have a moral code. What do you think of thieves and whores?”
“You’re not a thief or a whore.”
Gilbert’s mouth compressed and he looked away. “I already know the answer.”
“Well, there’s just no excuse for stealing from other people.”
“I worked with Niko for years. Stealing and pick-pocketing. When I was a child. He saved me, when my mother died, and I was out on the street.”
“Well—if he made you do it—“
“I can’t blame it on him.” Gilbert pulled away from me, pacing as he spoke. “We were children—at first. It’s true, he always seemed older. And as I got older too…I did have feelings for him. Niko was so confident. He always knew what to do. I knew he didn’t share my proclivities, but he still sent my mind into confusion. Sometimes I felt like he could have kissed me. Maybe I was picking up on our future destiny. When he told Phoebe to suck my cock, it was—almost like they were both doing it together. The promise I made to you was burning in my mind but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t say no. I was weak, as I’ve always been. I’ve always been lost. That’s why I became a thief, and when I left Niko, I went to a house of courtesans. I thought it was better than stealing, anyway—my mother was a courtesan, too, so I thought—I thought it was all right. I saved money there to buy my violin and my fine clothes, to convince people I had been to bardic college. So there you have it, Rin.” He turned to me, his whole face alight with emotion bordering on anger. “Thief, whore, liar. The whole story.”
I didn’t know what to say.
He had lied to me about everything, then. He had told so many stories of working at a music shop to save money to go to bardic college. And then, so many more stories of the college itself. An atmosphere of art and music and harmless debauchery that I had envied with all my heart, finally culminating in his appearance before my eyes, like he had been made just for me.
Now I rewrote everything. Niko, older than him, confident and controlling, manipulating my pretty little Gilbert to lift people’s purses. Gilbert selling himself to old rich men for gilden, and then lying his way across the country and into my heart.
I think I could have forgiven him that very moment, if I could only shake the way he was with Niko. Even Phoebe, I could understand, although it wasn’t always easy. But Niko…
If Gilbert had followed Niko’s lead once, he would do it again. I couldn’t stand the thought. I wasn’t sure I could be here when it happened.
“You gave me a promise.” I said it softly. I didn’t really want to hurt him. It was more about protecting myself.
“Yes. I’m so sorry, Rin. Niko was the last person I expected to see. I was startled. It won’t happen again.”
“It will.”
He opened his mouth, and then he stopped. “I don’t love him at all.”
“I think I need to leave for a little while.”
“It’s not safe,” Gilbert said.
“Of course it’s not safe. Nothing is anymore. But I failed my sister, and I know she can’t be your priority. I think we both knew this was coming.”
“Raio…” He grabbed my collar. Rin was my childhood nickname; I was used to it. When he used my true given name, it did something to me. It made me want to live up to my father’s name. “I’m sorry…”
“The first morning we ever spent together out on the open road, remember when we found those chairs just sitting in the middle of the forest?”
“Yes.” He smiled a little. We knew someone had probably carried the chairs with them, trying to escape the monsters. Maybe they had bogged down a carriage and been discarded along the way. They were made of such sturdy wood, they must have weighed a ton, and it was hard to say how long they’d been sitting there just off the side of the road. We had stopped for lunch, and ended up talking for far too long, sitting in the chairs. I joked about building a house around them. It was stupid, but I’m not sure I’d ever been so happy.
“But…” Gilbert winced. “I’m sorry for all the things I said that weren’t true. I made up the things I wanted to be true instead.”
“I think, if something happens to me, when I’m dying, I’ll see us in those chairs.” I kissed him, soft but tender. “I was happy with you, but you’re right. I have a duty to fulfill, to what is left of my family. And…it’s better I leave now. While…while it’s still a beautiful memory.”
Gilbert made a stunned sound that killed me. “My prince…”
“This is your fate. The things that are asked of you are beyond the world of men. You owe it to her to be the best guardian you can be.”
He nodded but there were tears in his eyes. I gave him a final embrace. It killed me to see him cry.
I always had a hard time expressing my emotions or opening my heart to anyone. He had gotten closer than most, but in the end, I felt that maybe I hadn’t given him enough in the first place. Maybe I never could. I envied him that he could cry at all.
“Goodbye and good luck, Gilbert.”
I moved to the door and grabbed the handle to give him privacy.
“No!” he cried. “I mean—don’t close the door.”
“I thought you would want privacy.”
“No. Please. I hate closed doors.”
“All right.” I let the door go.
I wondered how I had never questioned it before. He told me he was an orphan. I guess I felt that was enough of an explanation. But now it seemed so obvious that he had lived a far harder life than he ever told me.
He straightened up, hastily wiping his eyes. “Rin. Promise me—you won’t let them kill you.”
I just bowed.
It was not the way of a royal of Gaermon to make promises that we could not keep.
Chapter Ten
Phoebe
“Rin…I wanted to talk to you—I’m sorry, you look like you’re busy.” I caught him in the hallway and started babbling before I took note of his hunched shoulders, hurried steps, and the pack he was carrying.
He stopped, unfolding his shoulders from the hunch back into a regal position, with a deep breath. Then he looked at me. “Phoebe…I’m sorry. I’m leaving.”
“Leaving? For good?” His expression, frankly, said it all. Subdued, but sad. “I’m sorry. I hope it wasn’t because of me…”
“Of course not.” He hesitated, brushing his fingers along the wall. “I was going to sneak out without saying goodbye. I don’t want to explain this to everyone else. It was my honor to fight alongside Sir Forrest, you can tell him that.”
“Is it—Niko? Did he say something to you?”
“It’s more than Niko. But never you. I think it’s about my sister and my lost kingdom as much as anything. In the end it comes down to this, doesn’t it? My place is with my people, not here. Our fates are in motion and we’re helpless.”
“Don’t say that…”
But I didn’t know what else to say. Obviously, royals and knights were creatures of duty and honor, and somewhere along the way, I was becoming the same. I knew I had to think about more than my own selfish desires; I had to be the priestess, because no one else could. It must be the same for Rin. No one else could be the heir of Gaermon. I’m sure thousands of people were hoping that he would save his sister and return home.
It hurt more than I expected to see Rin go. There had always been something unsaid between us that I couldn’t quite define. I wasn’t sure if it was romantic or chivalrous or respectful. Maybe it meant so much to me because I
had no easy way to label it, not like the guardians.
Despite all that, I couldn’t treat him like a proper priestess now. I had to be a regular old peasant girl. “Oh, Rin—can I just give you a hug in case one of us doesn’t make it?”
He looked surprised, but shifted the pack from hand to shoulder. He swept an arm around me. “I’m still fighting with you,” he said. “Just from farther away.”
I nodded, biting back tears. “Same here.”
“Rin’s gone?” I knew Sir Forrest wouldn’t like this; he and Rin fought well together. The next morning at breakfast, everyone was aware that Rin had snuck off.
Gilbert nodded as Niko put a glass of something in his hand.
“I expected it,” Gilbert said, sounding a little numb.
“Is it because we wouldn’t rescue Himika? Augh, damn it…”
“I don’t think it’s only that.”
“But it’s not safe out there!”
“Rin doesn’t say much,” Gilbert said. “He just does things. So it’s hard to say if the reason was Himika, or…something else.”
“Not Phoebe,” Forrest said.
“No, not me,” I said. “Maybe someone else who made Rin a little uncomfortable…” I was looking at Gilbert, who just pressed his forehead into his hand as he poked at his porridge with cream and honey, but of course I meant Niko.
“Phoebe, my pet, I think you should leave the poor man alone. No use speculating if no one is willing to confront the reasons head on,” Niko said, his tone managing to somehow be light and yet also scary.
Plus, I told him not to call me his pet.
Then again, maybe I should take it as a compliment. I was starting to suspect there was nothing Niko loved more than a pet. Wretch was always following him around and yowling until he gave her attention. If she didn’t want her ears scratched, he always had some little thing in his pockets—the dice or a coin or some mysterious bauble—that he would toss into the air for her to bat down onto the ground and paw back and forth. Even now she was sitting on my shoulder but she was looking at him. She gave him what I called a ‘yawn-yow’, when she started with a yawn and ended with a “yow?”
Priestess Bound: A Reverse Harem Fantasy (Guardians of Sky and Shadow Book 2) Page 8
