by Ted Dekker
He’d won!
I was completely lost without a clue what to say or do. It was just me, the seventeen-year-old girl who’d had her brain wiped, now cowering under a powerful man who could crush me with one fist.
But that wasn’t true. I was as fast as him, maybe faster. I was, but the world was watching. I couldn’t fight Vlad here—it would only make me look like the terrorist they thought I was!
“Hatred!” His voice echoed over the PA system. “Now . . .” He lowered his voice. “You’re probably wondering who I am. Who is this man in the white jacket who’s somehow managed to slam every door and incapacitate every guard without moving a muscle? Think of me as the angel of truth.”
That wasn’t true and I had to tell them, but I could hardly breathe, much less speak.
He lifted a finger, pacing. “Truth one: The esteemed president of these United States of America introduces you to a wonderful little girl, but when that wonderful little girl comes out, you see that she’s the monster the world has been hunting. You have to wonder why the president would deceive you. The answer is me.”
“That’s a lie!” the president snapped, standing. “A lie!”
“Shut up, Calvin.” Vlad strode to the left, eyes on the president, who returned his hard stare, face white and sweaty. “Sit down!”
Calvin Johnson hesitated but then eased back down, unable to find the right words for his own defense.
“Better,” Vlad said. To the auditorium: “Truth two: She’s here because I told the president that if he didn’t give her the floor, I would expose my deal with him to use StetNox, a nasty little piece of malware that he released two years ago. With it, the president can manipulate any bank account with impunity. My funding put Calvin Johnson in power with the understanding that when my malware brought the world to its knees, he would be there to sweep up—that was the deal.”
The president stood again, nostrils flaring. “He’s lying! The evidence will show . . .”
Vlad lifted a hand, and the president slammed back into his chair as if shoved by an unseen force.
A collective gasp broke the room’s silence. Just that one gasp as the world saw Vlad’s power.
“So sorry, Calvin,” Vlad said. Then to the rest of the hall again: “So you see, there’s a lot of nasty business under the skin of this world, but nothing so threatening as that innocent-sounding girl behind the podium, shaking in her boots because she’s now realizing that this was always my plan, exposing her failure for all the world to see. The end is here.”
“That’s not true,” I said. My little voice echoed through the room, but the anger that was welling up inside of me wasn’t little. I could feel it rising like a fast tide, fueled by an ancient ocean of frustration and grievance.
He turned, brow arched. “No? What’s not true? That the president’s a crook or that you’re more dangerous?”
“It’s not true. I’m not dangerous.” I spun to the hall. “He’s lying, don’t listen to—”
“Hatred!” he roared, overpowering my voice. “You all heard what she said at the cathedral she blew up. You’ve seen the death and destruction that followed. False religious zeal in the heart breeds hatred, which breeds violence. When a young skull full of mush comes to believe that her God rejects others who don’t believe the right thing, she becomes an antichrist, willing to kill and destroy those she thinks her God hates. This is terrorism of the highest order, and it, not war, is the world’s greatest security threat!”
The cameras were winking red, broadcasting his half-truths to the world.
“And the girl before you is an antichrist who would have brought this world to its knees had I not come to save you all.”
He was twisting the truth, rambling, confusing them with deceit and fear. I couldn’t let him do that!
“No!” I screamed. The word came from me like a wave. A rippling surge of energy hit the front of the room, toppling two of the cameras, slamming into the front rows with enough force to knock confused ushers and attendants back several feet as they gasped. The whole room saw it.
A small part of me was amazed by my power. A larger part of me wanted to use it against Vlad.
His lips twisted into a grin. “Do you despise me, 49th? Do you hate me? Do I strike fear into your heart? Fear and anger have the same root, you know.”
I knew he was goading me with truth now. I knew there was no fear in love and I had to find the Fifth Seal, which was my only purpose now.
But I also knew that I’d already failed in Other Earth. Now he was here to kill me in front of the whole world. He’d waited his whole life for this day.
“A witch!” Vlad said, eyes fired. “Hatred gives her that kind of power, and she has no trouble using it because that’s what demons do!”
I was moving at the word demons because he was the demon, not me. Two long strides and then I was in the air, throwing myself at him without concern for what he could do to my body.
He dropped under me just as I reached him, then jerked up, slamming both fists into my abdomen midflight.
The microphone clunked and whined with feedback as it hit the floor. Cries filled the room as the audience saw what defied their eyes. We’d both moved far too fast for their minds to comprehend.
My body tumbled through the air, then slammed into the wall ten feet above the stage. I twisted my head back to gain his position as I dropped to the floor, landing in a crouch—one knee, one foot, one hand. My body surged with power, fueled by a final resolve to end it all now.
Either I would kill him or he would kill me, right here in front of the whole world.
What is shown to be in the one who sees, daughter?
“Do you hate me, 49th? Do you despise those who slashed Talya’s body? Does Ba’al make you sick?”
I was already moving, streaking for him. But so was he, away from me, streaking left. I veered to intercept, driving forward with every ounce of strength and speed in my body. This time my head slammed into the side of his, knocking him into the podium, which splintered and toppled off the stage.
When I landed and spun back, he was already on his feet, arms spread wide, chin lifted to the ceiling, laughing. He wasn’t fighting back . . . A pang of confusion momentarily stalled me.
“Hatred!” he shouted. My confusion ended and I moved, blinded by rage. “It’s all about hatred, and the only way to protect yourself is to hate your enemies and the enemies of God. She isn’t from this world! She’s a . . .”
My knee crashed into his jaw and my momentum carried me past him, but the blow threw me off axis and I spun wildly. I landed in a crouch at the back of the stage.
What is shown to be in the one who sees, daughter?
Vlad stood at center stage. Blood trailed down his chin and he spat to one side, eyes on me. The goading and daring was gone from them, and at first I thought I was getting to him.
I circled to my right, aware of the pounding in my head. I was faster and stronger than most humans, but so was he. I didn’t know how much more my body could take.
Vlad remained where he was, staring me down. “Rage,” he said in a low, gravelly voice. “The key to your demise has always been the rage hidden deep in your heart and in the heart of all.”
I hesitated, confused again, because I knew that he was speaking the truth. And there was something different about him now. I could sense the terrible darkness that seeped from his bones as he stood before me, face flat, levity gone.
“Rage, 49th. Drink it in. Defend your honor.”
Tell me, sweet daughter. What is shown to be in the one who sees?
I blinked. It was the third time I’d heard the faint voice. Why wasn’t I listening? And if I’d failed, why was I still hearing?
You can never fail me.
I couldn’t? But of course not.
You can never disappoint me.
But . . . Yes, but I was disappointed in me.
See yourself as I see you, and then you will know what it means to
be in the one who sees.
What had come over me? I stood still, bewildered by what had happened here in front of millions.
When the evil man comes against you, do not resist. Step into the love that knows no fear, daughter. Trust me. Let it all go, just like in the storm.
Vlad lowered his head, gripped his hands to fists, and roared at me.
“Now!”
But this time I didn’t react to his rage. I let my muscles relax and lowered my arms to my sides. No. No, I couldn’t defeat him with fear because he was fear. I couldn’t use shadow to overcome shadow. My safety was in my defenselessness, because only there could I find the power called love.
He flashed me a grin. Without warning strong arms hooked mine and jerked them behind my back. Lifted me high off my feet.
Panicked, I twisted. I was being held four feet off the ground with both arms pinned behind my back by nothing.
But I knew that nothing was one of Vlad’s Leedhan. In the sight of all I hung in the air as if by magic, but it wasn’t magic at all. I was in the grip of the shadow of death.
“Now, 49th,” Vlad said, glaring at me. “Now you die.”
38
THE MOMENT that cool, muddy water swallowed me before the eyes of Ba’al and Qurong and Aaron and all the forces gathered to see the crushing of the lamb, a current sucked me deep with such force and speed that I gasped.
And when I gasped, the water seeped past the gag in my mouth and into my lungs.
And when the first trickle of water hit my lungs, the darkness vanished, replaced by a blinding flash of hot light that dissolved the hood, the gag, and the bonds that bound my wrists as if they’d never existed. I was so stunned by the sudden shift that I instinctively sucked deeper, flooding every corner of my lungs with that water.
But to say it was water would be to vastly misrepresent the light that coursed through every cell of my body as the current sucked me deep into the lake.
My body trembled with a love so pure, so infinite, so enrapturing that I found myself screaming. Not in astonishment but with a pleasure and joy so immeasurable that I was sure my body would be torn into a billion pieces, vaporized in an instant to become one with that light.
My eyes were wide and my body arched backward, splayed out and helpless as the light sucked me deeper, deeper, deeper at breakneck speed. I had no thought of anything but the wonder that had swallowed me whole. I had no questions, no concerns, no fear, only a raw love that shook me with its power.
The first note came then, a high, pure song of only one note, just like the one Talya often sang, only now it sounded like it was being sung by love itself. A single note, but in that one note, a symphony of creative power.
The boy, I thought. It was the boy!
As if in answer, I heard a giggle. Just one distant syllable, delighted and in wonder of itself.
Hello, Rachelle. Do you like it?
In my mind I was screaming to the boy, “Yes, yes, yes, I like it!”
But there in the warm embrace of love, I could only weep.
Who do you say I am?
It was now the same voice who’d whispered to me so many times when I was alone. And I knew the answer because in that moment I seemed to know all things.
“Love . . . Infinite light.”
There were no words for the true nature of infinite, but I experienced it then, one with my origin, shown to me as Father, Mother, Boy—even though these were only simple metaphors for what was beyond all images and words.
White. Origin is Infinite. The First Seal. I was experiencing the First Seal!
I was in my infinite Father, who was the eternal light in whom there was no darkness. There was no time here. No space. No opposites. No polarity. No up or down, no good or bad, no preference or judgment or differentiation or specialness. Only infinite love spun by a single note that shook me to the bone.
I was being foreknown before time, one as light with Origin, who was far, far, far greater than me. And I trembled with wonder and awe because our union was so intimate.
Now you know.
With those tender words, the hue of the water that was light began to shift. I was drawn into a sea of emerald green, and I knew that I had reentered my earthen vessel. I was still made of the same light, but now in a kind of life called body and in a creation called world.
The single note that had sung in the light now blossomed into a million notes, each distinct.
The water was green but I could see through it, like seeing through a prism. And in that fluid prism, I could see a million other colors, far more than I had thought were possible.
My heart leaped. I was experiencing the Second Seal. Green: I am the Light of the World. Inchristi is me and in me. I was that part of God that could be known in the dimension called world without the knowledge of good or evil. Like a garden, I thought. Like Eden before the Fall, rich with color and staggering beauty.
The color darkened and I was falling into a cloudy sea filled with debris. I gasped. And as the darkness grew, the high, pure tone dropped through a hundred octaves and became a low, throbbing sound that filled me with dread. The colors vanished as the water became muddy, then black like tar, sticking to me, covering my body, my face, my eyes.
Panic seized me. Oh no! No, no, no!
But it was too late. I had fallen out of the garden, and now the whole world went black. I was falling into the Third Seal and I was screaming again, this time in terror.
Black: Seeing the Light in Darkness is my Journey. But I was lost in that darkness, trembling in dread.
The memory of being foreknown in light with my Father was only a distant, foggy thought that seemed powerless to save me from the fear thundering through me. Fear, because in that darkness I saw myself only as worthless. Ugly. Wretched and undeserving of life. The thoughts of accusation in the low, throbbing tones pummeled me, mocking me, stripping my awareness of whatever glory I had known in the light, so that I began to beg for my own death.
What was the Fourth Seal? I couldn’t remember! I was desperate to remember, but in the cloud of fear my mind was no longer functioning correctly. Or maybe it was and this is what I had always been: a worthless wretch spewed out by a Father who couldn’t tolerate me.
Maybe I had always been darkness, a stain on my Father’s heel, depraved and worthless.
Far below me, a single faint but pure note cut through the throbbing tones, and I jerked my head toward it. In that distant tone, the Fourth Seal whispered through my mind. Red: Surrender is the Means to Seeing the Light.
A small shape formed before my eyes. Red. A deep red like blood, shaped like a cross, barely visible. I threw my arms over my head and let the current draw me, willing it to take me faster, desperate to enter the Fourth Seal. Nothing mattered to me now except that red water taking shape before me.
What had looked small at first now grew rapidly, and my desperation to reach it deepened. Larger, larger, until all I could see was red.
And then, for one searing instant, I was in a sea of blood.
A terrible pain ripped through my body as all that had blocked my sight of the light was stripped from me in one holy moment.
Only one moment and I was through, back into a brilliant white light.
The current dispersed and I slowed to a stop, suspended in the light.
Once more the pure note filled the water. Once more I was embraced by a love so deep that I found myself trembling. But now I knew something new. I wasn’t simply embraced by the love in that light; I was a part of that love. It was coming as much from me as from the water around me.
I was seeing more than light. I was seeing love.
I was being love.
I was love, just like my Father, just like the boy, just like Justin. I was in that likeness and it was called love. Not just any love, but a love that knew no darkness, no record of wrong, no fear, because it was beyond all judgment.
This was the Fifth Seal! I was in the Fifth Seal, and like the Fir
st Seal it was white.
I looked around, stunned by the simplicity of it all. And to my amazement, I saw another body hanging in the water a hundred feet away from me.
Jacob! Jacob was in the lake with me, eyes closed, back arched, arms limp, body shaking in the staggering power.
Now tell me, daughter. What is shown to be in the one who sees?
I jerked my head up and saw the seal shimmering just above me. The outer white circle, glowing with power. The inner green circle, me as an aspect of Elyon in an earthen vessel. The black circle of blindness to my divinity Inchristi. The red cross of cleansing, the way made by Justin.
And at the center, a white ball of light, made of the same light as the outer circle. I had come full circle, from light to light.
What is shown to be in the one who sees? But I knew! I already had the answer!
What is shown to be? Evidence is shown. What evidence is in the light?
Love. True love.
It all came back to what Talya had first told me so long ago when he’d walked on water. Understanding all mysteries and all knowledge meant nothing without love. Faith to move mountains, loyalty to creed and confessions to the point of death, speaking in the tongues of men and angels—they all were nothing without a true love that could not be provoked and held no record of wrong.
There is no fear in love. They will know you follow me by your love.
My journey out of blindness was a journey into a pure light called love, unknown by a world lost in blindness.
Daring not to breathe, I reached out and placed my palm on the center of the Fifth Seal.
“White,” I said. “True Love is the Evidence of Being in the Light.”
For a moment, nothing happened.
Then the Fifth Seal under my palm grew hot. A surge of power filled my hand, and as it did, I could see through my flesh, as I had when Justin first opened my eyes in the desert.
The light flowed into my veins, up past my elbow, gaining speed. It surged into my shoulder and glowed hot like the sun.
I had the Fifth Seal, and that seal was love.
My Father’s love. Justin’s love. My love. The kind of love that held no record of wrong and could not judge. In the end, it was the only evidence of life Inchristi. Everything else was only empty claims.
