Being a Green Mother

by Piers Anthony

  "Oopsy!" Orb exclaimed. "That never crossed my mind. We'd better hire a maid."

  "We can do that the same time we go shopping."

  "Shopping?"

  "For slacks."

  Orb laughed, remembering. That overheard dialogue did embarrass her; the notion that her thighs were being ogled while she played—she knew she should shrug it off, but she found she couldn't. She wanted to embarrass the boys the way they had embarrassed her, uncharitable as that attitude might be. But of course she couldn't.

  Actually, they had no supplies for breakfast, so had to leave Jonah for it. The fish remained moored by Luna's estate. He descended at their behest, and they disembarked. Then Jonah slowly ascended to rooftop height again.

  "But why don't people stare?" Lou-Mae asked.

  "They can't see him, dear," Luna said. "He allows only selected people to see him. You are invisible inside him."

  The girl shook her head. "That's hard to believe."

  "Jonah," Luna called. "Would you show them how it works?"

  The fish slowly faded from view. Then there was nothing but sky.

  "That's easier to believe," Lou-Mae said.

  Luna served them breakfast. Then Lou-Mae went shopping, and Orb went to the employment agency. Luna's connections helped her here, too; the man had a list of prospects waiting when she arrived.

  "But you don't even know what I want!" she protested.

  "A female cook and housekeeper, competent, discreet, and unattractive."

  Orb paused, taken aback. That was what she had in mind, her pique at the boys making her want to bring in someone whose legs they would not ogle. She was abruptly ashamed of herself, but not enough to change the specifications. "I will talk to them."

  "There is only one present at the moment," he said. "Interest fell off when the applicants were advised that an indefinite period of travel with young musicians was entailed."

  "I can't think of why," Orb muttered with irony. "Well, let me see that one."

  The woman was about fifty years old and looked worn. Her hair was straggly and her enthusiasm minimal. "Can you cook?" Orb asked.

  "Fantastically."

  "Keep house?"

  "Perfectly."

  "What kind of salary are you looking for?"

  "Nominal."

  "You know that we are traveling with three young musicians?"

  "So?"

  "And don't know our precise route, or when we will return here?"

  "Yes."

  All the answers were right, but Orb felt somewhat out of sorts. Why was this woman so obliging?

  "You know that we will fire you if your representations prove to be untrue?"

  "Yes."

  "Why do you want this job?"

  "I don't."

  "What?"

  "I don't."

  "Then why did you apply?"

  "It's better than nothing."

  Such enthusiasm! Orb decided to try to jolt the woman into some more revealing statement. "We're looking for the Llano."

  "Yes."

  "You knew that?"

  "Jonah wouldn't take you otherwise."

  "How do you know of Jonah?"

  The woman sighed. "If you ask me, I have to answer. But you won't like it."

  "All the same, I think I'd better know." The complexion of this interview had changed entirely.

  "I am of demon breed. I seek the Llano. When Jonah moved, I came. I can't find it myself, but maybe someone else could. I doubt you find it, but I have to look."

  "Demon breed!" Orb exclaimed. "You are from Hell?"

  "No. Some demons are earthbound. Cursed. The Llano can abate my curse."

  "What is your curse?"

  "You will not like my answer."

  "Do you intend to harm me, or any of us?"

  "No. I can not harm any mortal person."

  "Then I can handle the answer."

  "I must have relations with a man every hour of the night. Every hour adds an hour to my age."

  "Relations?" Orb was amazed. "You mean—?"

  "I am a succubus. I have no choice."

  A fifty-year-old succubus! "You don't want to do it?"

  "I hate it."

  "Then why don't you stop?"

  "The curse compels me."

  Orb remembered the guitarist's attempt to stop taking H. For those afflicted, there was no way to stop. "Frankly, I'm not certain you would make a suitable employee."

  "I do not sleep. I do exactly what I say. I am a perfect employee by day. By night my curse manifests. In the morning I am ten or twelve hours older. In another century I will be a hundred years old and still immortal, unless I find the Llano."

  Orb experienced a stirring of sympathy. "How long have you been at this?"

  "One century. By day I seem to age at half the mortal rate, because of the penalty of the night—but I can not die. You mortals can not know what a blessing death is."

  Orb found that she believed this. "You are fifty years old, in your body, but still you must seduce a man every hour of the night?"

  "I revert to my original form during those hours. All my aging is then—but it shows only by day."

  Orb found her feelings mixed. She felt genuine sympathy for this creature, but was appalled by her nature. What would the three boys do, if—

  Delicious malice took over. "You're hired," she said. "What is your name?"

  "Jezebel."

  The boys were up and hungry by the time Orb returned with Jezebel. For some reason they had not disembarked to go to a fast-food station. "I can take care of that," Jezebel said. She snapped her fingers and a junk-food container appeared in her crooked arm. She handed it to the drummer. "Gorge," she said.

  The three opened the package. Inside were hamburgers and bottles of cola: the ideal breakfast by their definition.

  The drummer glanced at Orb. "How'd she know?"

  "Jezebel understands musicians," Orb said. "She is to be our cook and housekeeper for the tour."

  "She housekeeps, too?"

  "I suspect you have not experienced her manner of keeping house," Orb said with a straight face.

  The boys departed with their breakfast. Orb showed Jezebel to her chamber. "Or do you need one?"

  "Certainly." Jezebel gestured, and a shelf of books appeared. "My library. I do a lot of reading in the off hours. I admit it's escapism, but it certainly beats the dull routine of my curse."

  Orb glanced at the titles. They ran the gamut from the classics to the latest junk romance. A succubus read romance for escape? Well, why not? A succubus was a creature of sex, not romance. Like any woman, she was apt to find the former more readily than the latter, and less satisfying.

  Lou-Mae returned with a package—slacks for Orb, her gift. "Why thank you, Lou-Mae!" Orb said, as if surprised. "I shall be sure to wear them!"

  Mrs. Glotch showed up with an itinerary; she had set up a tour that circled the entire nation with reasonable dispatch. Every three to five days they had an engagement in a new location.

  Mrs. Glotch had not before encountered the fish. Only with difficulty was she persuaded to visit Jonah even briefly. She glanced about the interior with vague disapproval and hastened back to her office in the normal world.

  They commenced their tour. Orb bid farewell to Luna, saddened in much the manner she had been when they parted in Ireland, and entered Jonah. The great fish lifted high, oriented, and swam vigorously through the air toward the first city on the list. Orb was about to go to her room for a rest when the guitarist intercepted her. "Yes?" she inquired.

  "I just wanted to say, uh, well maybe it's not..." he faltered.

  "Is something the matter?"

  "You know about the H."

  "Of course. You know how I feel about that."

  "Well, I'm trying to get off it, but—you know."

  "I know." What was he trying to say?

  "I haven't taken any since I got on the fish," he blurted.

  That brought her up short.
"I thought you had to take it every few hours. It has been a full day. Isn't that unusual?"

  "Yeah. And the others haven't touched it either. We don't take it unless we have to, and..." He shrugged.

  "Jonah!" she exclaimed. "Could it be—?"

  "That's what I was thinking. Big magic fish, maybe he don't go for that sh—that stuff in him, you know?"

  "If so, Jonah is an unmitigated blessing!" Orb exclaimed.

  "That's why we didn't go out this morning. 'Cause if it's true, when we go out—"

  "The craving will return," Orb finished. "I don't blame you. Fortunately we can remain within Jonah until—"

  "Until we gotta perform," he said. "That scares me."

  "Still, to be free of your addiction for all the rest of the time—I am very happy for you!"

  He nodded. "And—I just wanted to say—to thank you for saving my life. I guess I owe you. I guess that's a bad debt, 'cause there's nothing I have or can do that you need, but—" He shrugged.

  "I appreciate your thanks," Orb said, touched. "I am sure you will prove worthy. Give it time."

  "Well, if we find the Llano—"

  "Complete freedom," she agreed.

  He left. Then she suffered a wave of doubt and regret. She had knowingly hired the succubus. When night came, what would become of the Sludge? At first they might take it as a blessing, but after a few hours...

  But what could she do, now? She had hired; she did not feel free to fire. She should never have allowed her private pique over a remark about her legs to influence her this way!

  Jezebel produced an excellent afternoon meal, wholesome and balanced. She set it up on the table-bone of the area they had designated as the dining room, requiring everyone to clean up and eat together formally. The boys had to go to the bathroom to comb their hair and clean their fingernails and change to better clothing.

  Orb refrained from smiling; it seemed that the housekeeper had old-fashioned values, and they were not out of place here.

  The boys stared at the food disapprovingly. "Potatoes?" the drummer inquired distastefully. "Milk?"

  "And a fresh salad," Jezebel said. "Rule of the house while I'm here—one meal a day is going to be done right. The others you can have as you please."

  Lou-Mae took the drummer's arm. She was fetching in a bright green knitted dress. "You can handle it, Danny."

  He brightened. "You want it, baby, you got it. In fact, if you want to housekeep for me—"

  "First you get off the H," she said firmly.

  "I'm off the H!"

  "Off the fish, off the H."

  "Yeh," he said, looking crestfallen.

  News spread quickly! Already Lou-Mae knew the effect Jonah had on addiction and was not deceived by it. The drummer had in his fashion just proposed to her, and she had responded with her condition—kick the habit first.

  The guitarist's willingness to take to the air in Jonah that could also be the magic of the big fish! No more phobia.

  They proceeded to their repast. Indeed, it was an excellent meal. They were becoming a family, thanks to what Orb would have deemed to be the most unlikely agency.

  But when night came...

  Before night came evening—and a storm loomed ahead. Suddenly Jonah lurched, changing course. "What's the matter?" Orb cried, as spent dishes slid to the floor. But then she remembered what Luna had told her: the fish was cursed to swim through every element but his own. Jonah could not handle water.

  The storm was expanding, and new cells were forming to the sides and behind. Jonah would soon be trapped in rain. But the great fish had an answer: he dived. He threshed powerfully down through the air, entering the ground without pause, and darkness closed outside.

  Darkness! Luna looked at Jezebel, who was washing glasses. But the woman was unchanged. Evidently it was night, not darkness, that did it. Which made sense; otherwise the simple expedient of keeping the lights on would eliminate the threat of the succubus.

  But night was nevertheless approaching. Orb was increasingly uncomfortable. She knew she had done wrong and felt guilty. Still, she saw no way out.

  The boys had a television set. They set it up in the main chamber and tuned in on their favorite programs, which to Orb seemed to consist of unremitting violence and eroticism with a smidgeon of humor thrown in. Well, maybe they were about to get what they deserved, after all.

  Except that Lou-Mae was with them. If she were present when...

  Orb looked at Jezebel—and her worst concern was verified. One moment the woman had been dowdy and fifty; the next, as the sun officially set at this spot of the globe, she was a sultry creature of twenty, in a provocative gown. The succubus had manifested.

  But Jezebel continued washing glasses. Then she started in on the dishes. Her appearance had changed, but not her activity.

  Orb joined her, drying the dishes and putting them away on the herringbone shelving that was part of Jonah's architecture. "Ah, Jezebel—" she began.

  "Yes?"

  Orb lost her nerve. She was liable to get her answer all too soon. "Where did all the food and dishes come from? Did you just conjure them?"

  "I conjured the dishes from my collection," Jezebel said. "You're welcome to use them. The food has to be new, though, so that comes from local establishments."

  "But—but then are we stealing from—?"

  "No, Mrs. Glotch gets billed for it. I leave a receipt in place of the food, and they know where to get the money. Modern electronics is wonderful!"

  They continued talking while they finished up the job. Then Jezebel paused, glancing down at herself. "Oops—I've changed! Night's here. I never noticed."

  "You changed about half an hour ago," Orb said.

  "Oh, I couldn't have! The curse—" She looked at her watch. "But it is! How can that be?"

  "You mean you don't have to—?"

  "No compulsion at all," Jezebel said wonderingly. "That never happened before."

  "Jonah!" Orb exclaimed. "He nulls the H addiction! He must null other curses, too!"

  "You mean I can actually relax at night? No added hours? No grimy men?"

  "So it seems."

  "I knew the big fish was a rare one, but I never knew that! What a—" She cut off abruptly, choking.

  "What's the matter?" Orb asked, alarmed.

  "Just certain words I can't say. I get associating with mortal folk, sometimes I forget. I tried to say, you know, that word you use for something good from a certain party."

  "A blessing?"

  "That's it. I guess the fish can null the involuntary stuff, but not the voluntary. I mean, I can choose what to say, so I don't have to say that word, so I still can't. Still, that's a little thing. The big thing is wonderful!"

  Orb felt similarly relieved, albeit for different reason. She liked Jonah better yet.

  Lou-Mae came out for a glass of water. She paused as she spied Jezebel. "Who are you?"

  "This is Jezebel," Orb said. "Her appearance changes at night."

  The girl's eyes narrowed. Evidently Jezebel reminded her of something other than a cook.

  "I am a succubus," Jezebel said. "Recently retired. I have no interest in your man."

  Lou-Mae's gaze flicked back toward the room where the boys were. She didn't trust this. "What's a creature like you want here?"

  "I want the Llano. It will free me forever."

  "I thought you said you were retired."

  "By courtesy of Jonah. Outside I fear that is not the case. As with your man's problem."

  The girl assessed that. "Then when we perform, you stay here."

  "Gladly."

  Lou-Mae thawed somewhat. "Why don't you come and watch the TV?"

  "Is it worth watching?"

  "Hardly."

  "Good. That's the kind I like."

  They went to the other room. Orb hesitated, then shrugged and joined them.

  The drummer turned to look at Lou-Mae and spied Jezebel. His mouth fell open. The other two turned and star
ed.

  "This is Jezebel," Lou-Mae said. "What are you staring at? Never seen a cook before?"

  The drummer put his face back together and returned to the television. The organist and guitarist hesitated, then did the same. Jezebel paid them no attention at all; she was definitely not interested.

  The night was quiet. In the morning Jezebel was back at age fifty, and breakfast was cooking.

  "Say, Ms. Kaftan—" the succubus began.

  "Orb."

  "Very well. Have you noticed—"

  "About the sounds here?" Orb finished. "I gather the boys were talking about you when they were alone."

  "For an hour, it seemed! I was reading War and Peace since I don't sleep anyway; first time in my life I had the night to myself, and it was strange. Then these voices—those kids have some big ideas!"

  "Are you sorry that your situation changed?"

  "Never! All kids have big ideas, but none keep them long with me, and they aren't very original anyway. It was just that I couldn't understand why they said them in my hearing."

  "Jonah lets the subject hear," Orb explained. "The boys didn't know you could hear."

  "Nobody told them about this effect?"

  "Now who would want to do a thing like that?"

  Jezebel smiled. "All I wanted was the Llano. But this tour is beginning to be fun."

  "Just don't talk about anybody," Orb said. "We're lucky they sleep soundly in the morning, or they would have heard this dialogue."

  The succubus nodded, touching her finger to her lips.

  The storm had passed, and Jonah was swimming in the sky again. He seemed to be doing about fifty kilometers per hour, which would get them to their first booking in plenty of time.

  In midmorning they staged a rehearsal. Jezebel listened raptly from the rear of the room, obviously impressed. The group really got into it, running through their entire repertoire before pausing to consider new additions. They now had songs of every type, making it a variety show, with a number of them acted out in the manner of "Danny Boy." It seemed to Orb that the magic was getting stronger, though she cautioned herself that she might be imagining that.

  Then Lou-Mae glanced out a window-scale. "It's dark!" she exclaimed.

  Orb looked. "We're back underground!"

  It took some time to verify it, but it seemed that Jonah had been listening, too, and had simply tuned out the outer world and sank blissfully down until they were horrendously deep under the earth. Yet there was no harm done; when they stopped their performance, the big fish forged back to the surface and resumed his travel toward their destination city.