by L M Adams
“I’m not crazy and I’m not going to kill the cooker,” I say to him with a smile. I stand up on one leg and hold out both arms to him. He hurries down the stairs, walks forward and wraps me in his arms hugging me tight.
“Oh god, Jae, I thought you were going to die. Then I thought you’d live but had gone mad.” His voice is thick with emotion. I close my eyes laying my head on his chest. I squeeze him tight.
“Thank you for everything,” I say pulling back and looking into his wolf eyes full of worry. I reach up and brush his blond hair behind his elf ear on the right side.
He clears his throat and steps back. “Of course, your leg and shoulder still need time to heal. You should be fine in a few more hours. The leg is going to cramp with the rapid healing. I can’t do anything about it. You should feed.” He’s all professional.
“Ok, Tabari,” I say with laughter in my voice.
“Jae! Why are you standing up?!” Jack’s voice comes from behind me. I hold up a fisted hand and then extend my pointer finger, signaling one. I smell a fresh wash of cinnamon and dark chocolate from him.
“So be it,” Jack says, “but sit down and drink your coffee.” I plop down on the sofa. He hands me a cup of coffee I hold up my hand signaling two. He looks away, mouth tightening in a flat line. Yeah not so easy to boss me about anymore is it? Horny vamp boy. Cause you know you are going to pay for every order later. I smile taking a sip of my perfectly made coffee.
Tabari looks back and forth between us, his eyes going to slits. Curious much brother?
“Don’t ask,” I tell Tabari. Jack actually blushes. I didn’t know vampires could blush. That’s nice to know.
“We need to all talk again and we only have a few hours until you need to go see the Madame,” Tabari says. “I’ll round up everyone.” He turns and goes back up the stairs.
Jack gets ready to turn to go back to the kitchen. “Oh no, come here.” I say.
He sits down on the sofa beside me. I set my coffee down on the table with a thump, he actually jumps a little. He stares straight forward and puts his hands on his knees, he doesn’t move an inch. I reach under his shirt and start the lust lace, twice quickly in succession. He growls low and before I know what’s happening, he grabs me in his arms, lifts me and stomps to the downstairs bathroom.
It’s a small bath with a sink, a toilet, and a stand up shower. Every wall space is taken with the toilet, the sink, or the shower. Jack slams the door behind us and turns, pinning me to it.
“You push me too far, woman. You almost died in my arms last night. I’ll have you now or I’ll be hearing the reason why,” his syntax has gone all archaic.
I moan as my body responds, I grind my pelvis into him. “You’ve pleased me,” I reach beneath his shirt start the lust lace again.
He groans low and downright vicious in his throat.
“Fuck Jae, the Blood King himself could not keep me from being inside you right now.”
He grabs my pants and yanks at them, they rip harshly. The sounds of clothes tearing and lust filled breaths bouncing off the walls makes the sweetest sound ever. He doesn’t even pull his own pants all the way down.
Then his cock is there. Right where I want it. He pauses, I mew in need. Why won’t he fuck me?
“Open your eyes. I have the need to see you looking at me,” Jack’s voice is harsh.
My eyes fly open; his fangs are down, eyes dilated into pure silver. Then with one powerful stroke he enters me. I lose rational thought as he pounds into me again and again against the bathroom door. I yell his name as he brings me again and again
“Feed woman,” Jack growls. My succubus rushes forward, drinking it all in. It’s then I realize my Chi is empty. Completely depleted.
Jack grabs my hair and yanks my head back, kissing me harshly. His fangs pierce my bottom lip. I try to pull back as I feel the sting, but he doesn’t let go. He takes my lip into his mouth sucking on the wound. My body squeezes him again as I come apart in his arms shuddering with my pleasure. He grabs my wounded shoulder as he finds his release. I cry out in pain and pleasure.
Is there a difference?
Not today.
He shifts his arms, holding me around the waist as he lowers us both to the floor on his knees. I stroke his back and remove the lace from him, taking the power back into myself. We won’t get anything done today with it coursing through him. I didn’t know there would be a pull on me as well. But I know one thing; I’ll be doing it again.
“I realize I should apologize. But it would be a lie if I did, for I do not feel sorry and I’ll not lie to you, Jae.” His voice is low and dangerous. He thinks I’ll be angry for this?
“No Jack, I wouldn’t accept an apology. How long since you’ve been the dominant in a relationship?” I ask softly
“I’m not ready yet, Jae.” he responds, completely side-stepping my question. Which lets me know it’s been far too long. No need to push him right now. I’m just happy he’s being a little selfish, taking something he wants.
Me.
He stands up and sets me on my feet. I watch him as he picks up my shredded yoga pants.
“They were my favorite pair,” I say, smiling.
“Yes, I know. I won’t apologize for that either,” he says taking off his own sweatpants and pulls up his underwear. He holds out the pants for me to step into like I’m a toddler.
I lift my leg and notice it’s healed. The skin, where the wound was, is the same color as the rest of my leg. I haven’t felt a cramp the entire time either. So, fucking against a door in tiny bathrooms is good for your health. Who knew?
I kiss Jack quickly and open the door praying no one heard us.
Lucien stands there with murder in his eyes. More than murder. Hurt. Oh fuck.
He nods his head and turns walking swiftly back towards the kitchen. I follow behind him.
Yes, following the angry Lion is a good idea.
Well I have to do something.
What?
I don’t know.
“Lucien!” I shout as he slams the back door behind him, in my face.
It screams leave me alone. Fuck that, I snatch the door open and follow him to the yard.
“Turn around and talk to me. You know I’m fucking Jack. So what’s the problem?!”
He stops, I can see him breathing. Maybe he’s counting to ten.
He turns around, his Arabian sand eyes are dark with fury.
“Because that was supposed to be me! That time was supposed to have been with me, not him!” His hand shoots out pointing at the house.
“I’m angry that I turned away. I’m angry that he pleases you when I don’t. But mostly I’m angry that you keep choosing him over me!”
“You turned away from me up there! I would have been with you!”
“Because your fucking succubus was hungry, not because you wanted me. You don’t want me, you want him! You think I can’t smell the difference when it’s just you and when you are in the throes of your succubus? You wanted to fucking feed, that is the only reason you reached for me, can you tell me that is not the truth?”
I open my mouth to respond, but what can I say? Everything he just said is true. I do choose Jack over him under normal circumstances. I was hungry, my thoughts were on the meal he would provide if he’d let my succubus siphon from him the power of the sun. But he forces me to do it. I’d have them both. I reached for him in the bedroom for more than him just being a meal, but I can’t tell how much of it was because I want to be with him again.
“You’ve always known what I was; you have to know it’ll never be just you,” I say softly.
He stomps forward until he’s right in my face. I don’t back up an inch; that would smack too much of cowardice. I’m not a coward.
Yes you are.
“I’m not the only one; I’m not the second, I’m nothing at all to you, Jae. I have a heart.” He smacks his hand on his chest so hard, my own stings in sympathy.
“Do I
mean nothing to you? How much longer will you keep punishing me for Sheba!? Do you blame me? Can you ever forgive me for not protecting you?” He grabs me by my hair, yanking my head back. His eyes bore into me. Down to my core. I close my eyes against their assault.
“Please, Lucien,” I whimper.
“Please what, Jae? Would you have me fuck you with the vampire’s seed still in you?”
He kisses me then quickly and so hard, more blood from the puncture wounds Jack put into my bottom lip rushes forward. He yanks my head back again away from him.
“Tell me, Jaevia. What do I have to do to have my own chance at your heart? Or at least a place in your bed?”
I yank away from him.
“Fine, Lucien, must you know? Must I tell you? She took every memory I had of you and twisted it inside my heart. I don’t know how to fix the broken things inside me.”
“Do you want me to go, or will it please you to twist every memory I have of you in my heart? Will you let Sheba steal every chance you have at happiness? Would you give her the power to ruin your life? Can you never submit woman? Submit to me. I fit you, maybe not the same as Jack, but somewhere I fit you, too. I won’t hurt you like she did. Can you trust me at least?” he asks, proud and angry. “You trusted me once; can you not find a way to do it again?” he finishes softly.
Is that what I’ve been doing? Not wanting him because to be with Lucien… well, I can’t be top dog. Even with Jack and his flashes of dominance, I know I’ve always been in control. He only gives in to those urges because I basically ordered him to. Topping from the bottom.
“I don’t know, Lucien,” I answer him after a moment. He nods his head once.
“I’m going to do a perimeter around the block. I’ll be back in an hour.” He walks away quickly.
I stand in the afternoon sun, mute as I watch Lucien leap the gate in one smooth movement. I stand there and think about what he’d said to me. Would I let Sheba steal any chance I had at happiness? Would I give her the power to ruin my life? Can I find it in my heart to forgive him, to forgive myself? To move on.
The birds sing their song all around me as I stand in the grass. Winter will be here soon. The sun is high in the sky, but there’s a chilly bite to the air. I can’t seem to make myself move although I’m cold. I’m not ready to go back in the house so I sit in the grass and try to sort out my feelings. No insight comes to me, it never does. Lucien deserves an answer to his questions; I just don’t know what to say.
I’m about to get up finally, when I hear Tabari’s voice behind me.
“Did I make a mistake bringing him here?”
I turn and watch Tabari walk down the three stairs. He comes to join me in the grass.
I shrug my shoulder. “I don’t know, brother.”
“You are my sister and he is my friend. I don’t want either of you hurt. So if you can’t find a way to make peace with him, I’ll send him away. It’s not fair for you to tear him apart like this. I thought you’d find a way to accept him in your life again. But I guess even I can be wrong, so very wrong. We are running out of time,” he says, looking at me out the corner of his eye
I take my time, tucking my feet in the pants leg of the too big sweatpants. “What would you have me do? Sleep with him so he can stop being angry? Stop being jealous of Jack? Well, we started to this morning and he left not me.”
I’m glad that he did, really. I’m not going to sleep with him thinking it will fix us. Lucien has a shitload of issues and sleeping with me is not going to fix any of it.
He didn’t want me to feed? That’s his problem. I’m a fucking succubus, feeding while fucking is my nature.
So you do admit it?
“I’d have you give him a chance. I knew your Chi would be drained, but I was loath to feed more power into you after last night. I told both Lucien and Jack that you’d need one of them in the morning. I thought it would better for you to feed in your own way. Goddess’s sake, you were flirting with me this morning.”
“I did not!”
“Name one time you have ever brushed my hair behind my ear.”
“I didn’t…” and then I shut up, because I had. That trick I’d done with Jack had emptied me out. I hadn’t noticed, I hadn’t checked.
I nod my head and sigh.
“Jack offered to bunk on the sofa and let Lucien spend the night with you. Lucien was terrified last night, he needed to touch you. Even Jack saw the desperation in his eyes. But Lucien doesn’t want you because your succubus is riding you and she’s hungry. He doesn’t want you to want him because the Elders say you must have a child together. He doesn’t want you to want him because of his bloodline. He wants you to want him as a man, as Lucien. As Jae who loves Lucien. He wouldn’t let your need be the reason you take him back into your bed. He has more honor than that,” he says softly.
I turn to him. Anger tightens every muscle in my body. I’m a succubus; what does everyone expect? Can’t they give me any time to adjust? To figure out what I want? My life has been spiraling out of control.
“What the fuck do you want?! The two of you stomp in and order me to start living with the man. Well he’s living here, isn’t he?” I stand up, almost tripping on the pants I’d so carefully tucked under my feet. Tabari gains his feet easily. Show-off.
“He deserves better than that, Jae. We both know it.” Tabari crosses his arms over his chest.
“I’ll tell you this since everyone at home knows it and it’s no secret. Lucien has been living like a monk. He hasn’t been with anyone since you, Jae, not even slaves. The Elders want to pair him with someone else. He won’t have it. He says, ‘Jae is my mate. She’ll come back when it is time.’”
“I didn’t ask him to wait for me, Tabari. He can be with whoever he chooses,” I say in a huff. Well that’s probably a big problem. He hasn’t had a woman in almost two years now. The man needs to get laid, plain and simple.
Tabari grabs me by my shoulders, shaking me. I look up at him. Anger flashes in his wolf eyes. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve seen Tabari angry; most times, he was angry at me. I must have a special talent in pissing people off.
“If he had been with anyone else, it would’ve given the Elders more ammunition to declare you Rogue. Don’t you understand Jae, another Kindred woman, a slave, no one. He couldn’t be with anyone. He needed to show everyone that you are his favorite; that you would be the only woman he would have a child with. The only way you can show you favor someone who isn’t around is to abstain from everyone else.” He lets my shoulders go and steps back running a hand through his hair.
I, for once, am smart and keep my mouth closed.
“His claim that you are his mate has been your saving grace. He did it without knowing if you’d ever come back. He never asked me where you were or if you were coming back. They ridicule him and laugh at him behind his back. They say you stole his manhood. That you cut it from his body and escaped into the night with his balls in a bag! Still, he won’t give in, if he did it would weaken my claim that you were just taking a little break and were coming back. The Elders are afraid he won’t mate with another and they want the magic in his bloodline very badly. So they let you be. The best gifts are the ones you never have to ask for. Lucien will do anything to protect you. Was he wrong for not going against orders and coming to see you while you were with Sheba? Yes. But are you angry with him for that? Or are you blaming him for things that are really Sheba’s fault, the council’s fault, your own fault?”
I feel small and childish now. Everyone seems to sacrifice for me. I do nothing but accept what they give and do nothing in return. Am I blaming him for everything? Even things that are my fault?
I decided to leave him behind that night. The night that ruined my life. It was my desire to prove myself and my own pride that killed that girl and almost exposed the Kindred.
I close my eyes. A sharp pain runs through my chest where my cold heart beats. Lucien is a prideful man, for him to
stand the ridicule, never turning on me when that would be easier to do. To just give in. What have I given him to warrant that kind of dedication? Even when we were together back home, I gave him my body, not my heart. I was so concerned with proving myself, nothing else mattered. I was so selfish then.
You are still selfish.
I nod my head.
I’d only accepted his marriage proposal to please the Elders. I figured if I gave in easily on that front they’d leave me in peace to be a Reaper. I’m a complete shit.
In my defense, I hadn’t known the beast was capable of love. I figured he’d only asked me to marry him to lay claim to me in a primitive way. I didn’t mind. He was using me, I was using him.
No, I was using him while he was loving me. I close my eyes as I feel tears gathering in shame.
Tabari pulls me into his arms as the tears refuse to fall from my eyes. “Oh Jae, I don’t say these things to hurt you. I say them so you can understand the beast. So you can heal the hurt inside you. I know you; you’d just ignore the problems and hope they go away. But they never do, little sister.”
“I don’t know if I can love him, or Jack.” Or myself, I think.
I pull from his embrace and wipe my eyes before I can even give myself a chance to cry.
I understand wanting to be loved for yourself instead of what you are and what you can give someone. I was willing to take him back to my bed because I wanted to feed upon the sun, not because I was opening my heart to him. Tabari is right, Lucien deserves more than that from me.
“You care for them both. I know that as do they. You just need to try and be a little kinder to Lucien if you can. Either you’ll fall in love with him or you won’t. But don’t take him to your bed unless you know you can give him your heart someday. If you can’t give him what he needs, then don’t string him along like this. I thought you’d have more time to get to know him again, Jae. But the man is at his breaking point and I’m terrified for the world if he ever did break. He really could burn the world to the ground you know? Be beauty and tame the beast.” He steps forward, and kisses me on the forehead.
