by L M Adams
“Hello,” I say around a mouth full of cannoli and coffee.
“Jaevia, how are you?”
“I’m fine, where is everyone?”
“Tabari has Brandi out; he feels she needs the outdoors a lot right now to help her adjust to her senses.”
“So, she made it?” I smile.
“Yes, and three others, although they ran off to really live like wolves. Brandi wants to stay around humans. Tabari is trying to help her adjust so that she can.”
I nod my head. “Good.” I take another bite of the cannoli and a slurp of coffee.
“Peter is at Big Mike’s, Minx is goddess knows where. Lucien is doing a perimeter. I don’t think there is a need, but he’s a little paranoid.” I smile, yup that’s Lucien.
Jack’s eyes begin to swirl. “You owe me for two nights, Jaevia.”
My forehead wrinkles in confusion. He closes the distance between us and takes the coffee mug from my hand and sets it gently on the counter.
“On your knees, Jaevia,” his voice is soft. I cut my eyes at him.
“What?”
“If I must say it again, things will get bad for you.”
It comes rushing back to me. What had he said? ‘No one will ever know the things that happened here. From the outside nothing will have changed between us, but at night, every night I will hurt you.’
He meant that?
Of course.
“Ok Jack, whatever you need.” I slip to my knees. He has a right to it. To extract his vengeance. It’s the one thing all Kindred agrees with. Eye for an eye.
I watch as he undoes his pants, he’s already hard. I open my mouth to him, he stuffs himself down my throat again, cutting off my air supply. He holds my head tightly.
“Hands behind your head lace your fingers.” I do as he commands. He pushes further down my throat, my esophagus aches.
“Every breath, Jaevia, my whim.” He doesn’t move he just holds me to him, my lungs cry out, I try to jerk back, he pushes down further.
“On my nights, you shall be naked in your room on your knees and this is how we will begin every session; every breath, Jaevia, you thank me for.” He pulls out. I inhale loudly, coughing, the air burns; I claw at my throat. I fall over to all fours, coughing.
As good as his word, every other night, he comes to hurt me. But in front of everyone else he is kind and loving, although, he’s not here often. The emotional back-and-forth tears at me. If I don’t act like everything is normal, I’m punished harshly. I become afraid of my own shadow. But I don’t complain. I just accept that this is my life now, two weeks go by.
I ask Tabari to handle the rest of the cleanup, the reports, basically dumping my responsibility on him. I can’t seem to gather my thoughts most days. I’m unable make decisions. I spend my days drinking or staring at the walls in my room, I seem to sleep a lot.
If supernaturals could have depression, I’d think I was depressed. As is, I’m just adjusting to my new position as Jack’s slave. It’s taking me longer than I’d like to accept it. Perhaps he’s not hurting me enough.
My dreams are more nightmares now, one recurring theme seems to be Sheba. There’s Elder Acastus and a third male reading from a book.
“The Eventide. She will be both light and dark and all the power of the in-between will be hers. She will be more powerful than the Kindred. She will live outside our law. She will be the law and we will bow to her. The legend of the eventide.”
“Can we not control her?!” Elder Acastus says.
“Maybe, if we can break her. She will be ours. The power will be ours,” the man that reads from the book always says.
“Fool! There is no one that can break her,” Elder Acastus shouts.
“I can.” Sheba says.
I wake up, usually screaming as I remember all the ways I’d been broken. My demons aren’t destroyed, they’ve just been brought to the surface. I know it’s residual dreams, visions when I seduced Sheba’s seven; she was strong, her thoughts and memories still echo in my mind.
I put the thoughts aside as I prepare for Jack. It’s his night, I’ve left the window open to let some fresh air in, my room stinks of old booze, and despair. I love him and I’ve realized it too late. Now he’ll never love me. Pain is better than nothing at all. I nod my head.
I hear Lucien’s voice, “Jack, I need a moment.”
“Yes?” Jack answers.
“I do not know what is going on between you and Jaevia, but it needs to stop.”
“I do not know what you are talking about.”
“No one is an idiot; do you think we don’t know what’s going on? Is this what was agreed to? She gives you to Sheba for one night and you get to abuse our Jaevia- for how long?”
“The nature of our relationship does not concern you, Beast.”
“My mate stinks of fear and defeat and shame. It is my concern! Do not force me to challenge you. She loves you. I would not cause you harm.”
“Lucien, open your eyes. She doesn’t love anyone or anything, she can’t. There is only one thing Jaevia understands. Pain! That is how you claim her, pain!”
“Why do you say she does not love you? Because she does not give you the words? Look at her! She feels so guilty about whatever happened to allow you to do these things to her, it is eating her alive. I have to beat her to get her to feed. Did you know that?! After you leave her body torn in the morning, she allows herself to sit in pain, and then I have to go and beat her to make her feed! You act this way over one night with Sheba? That was her life for a year and a day! You claim you love her but instead of being happy that you were able to help her kill that bitch, free her from that demon, you walk around punishing her for something you’ve always known she was, that you claimed you accepted. I would carry as much of her essence, endure whatever pain was necessary to help her. That is what makes me her Kindred mate and that is what makes you second best. This is your warning, this is your last night of vengeance. I will not stand by any longer.”
I plop down on the bed. I can’t breathe, this is my fault. I’ve failed Jack again. No one was supposed to know.
Jack opens the door after a few minutes, I get to my knees immediately and lace my hands behind my head. Every breath I take is on his whim. He closes the door behind himself.
“Get up, Jaevia.” Jack’s voice is soft, it’s not the voice he usually uses during these times he spends with me. I stand up slowly and readjust my robe. He doesn’t want my body, only my pain, we haven’t lain together since the night in Sheba’s basement.
“I’m sorry Jack, I’ve failed you. Maybe we can find somewhere to go more private. A hotel room? This is my fault,” I rush out.
He walks over to the bed and sits down on the edge. “It is I who have failed you. I couldn’t see past my own hatred.”
“You have every right to hate me.” I say, looking down at my feet.
“I don’t… I do not. It is not you I hate, it is me. I’ve always known what you were.”
“I took advantage of your love and your loyalty, I used you, I let others use you.”
“And I loved it.” He says softly.
“What?” I ask plopping down on the bed, the wind knocked out of me.
“Do not get me wrong, when I came back to myself in that basement I was angry at you, I felt betrayed. If you’d only asked me, I would have gladly done anything you needed, Jaevia, I always will. I started out as your slave, Jaevia; you are a succubus, everyone knows to be with your kind is to dance the beautiful dance of pain and pleasure. I fell in love the moment you leaned over that bar and ordered two beers and two shots of our cheapest vodka.” He smiles a little.
“I thought if I was loyal to you being your slave, you would never send me away. Then Lucien shows up, and the not-wolves and the fighting and I realized I need to be strong. I need to accept my birthright if I am to truly be your chosen consort. And I’m fine with that, I can be strong, Jaevia. I can be strong for you. Because I don’t wan
t to just be your whipping boy, Jaevia, I want to be a man in your eyes, too. I knew if others found out exactly what happened… none would respect me as your mate. I was angry and hurt…. You didn’t choose Lucien to give as a slave, you didn’t throw him away, you chose the one you could do without, you chose the weaker, you chose me. Worse, I loved it so much my heart aches that it’s over.”
Bat shit crazy.
“And so, you’re hurting me?”
“To show you I’m strong, that I am not the weaker one. I felt the way you reacted to me hurting you, I own you completely when I make your body shake, when I make you scream. You submit to pain, you give yourself to those that hurt you the worst.” Goddess he’s right. I love Sheba above all others, because she could hurt you like no other. I don’t say anything.
“Finally I felt in control of what was happening between us. If my love was not good enough to earn your love, I figured pain might do it. Might make you choose me. If I can hurt you better than anyone else.”
“Oh Jack, oh Jack. You are not the weaker one. I chose you because I knew you could endure, I didn’t need someone that breaks easily, I needed someone that I could break and would be strong enough to get up again. As you’ve done time and time again. For all of Lucien’s strength, he’s never been at the mercy of another, he’s never looked into the abyss and had it look back at him. In some ways he will never understand me as you do. I swear I would have told you, but Sheba has a way of getting what she wants, especially answers.”
“I’ve made a mess of things,” he says, staring into my eyes.
“We both have.”
We sit in silence next to each other. Time ticks by us both, replaying the last few days I’m sure.
“I do love you, you know.” It slips out so easily I can’t believe it myself.
“What?” Jack says softly.
“I love you,” I look at him, smiling.
“Do you mean it?”
“They are not words I give easily, Capaneus.” I let the sorrow of me killing Sheba seep through.
“I don’t imagine they are.”
There is healing between us and finally peace for me. I sleep through that night and wake up the next morning finally feeling like myself.
Jack and I made love last night, made real love that was soft and gentle. He begged me to feed from him, I did it, and he held me as I slept. He didn’t have to hurt me to feel my love, and I did not have to hurt him to give it.
I stretch, finally getting up and getting dressed in my new favorite pair of purple yoga pants and a tank top. I pad barefoot down the hall.
I hear Jack and Lucien arguing when I come down the stairs.
“You can’t put that much water on the floors, they’re wood. You’ll ruin them!” Jack yells.
“I know how to mop a floor, Bloodsucker!”
“No, you don’t, Beast! Fine you tell Minx you fucked them up.”
“I’m not afraid of a cat,” Lucien growls.
“Then you are a fool. Have you ever mopped a floor, Lucien!?”
“I have servants for such things.”
“My point exactly.” Jack sighs loud enough for me to hear.
Are they arguing over chores? Let me get this straight. A hundred- and fifty-year-old Vampire Blood Lord is arguing with a Sun demigod over the proper way to mop a floor? I laugh aloud walking into the kitchen.
They both freeze and stare at me like I’m a ghost; ok, so what this is the first time I’ve been out of my room in two weeks. I was working on some shit.
I see coffee in the pot and go make myself a cup. They watch my movements closely. I see we are going to be weird today. I sigh, and turn to them.
“I’m fine,” I open the fridge to get the cream. Instead of Jae marked on one carton and Minx on the other. There’s one marked ‘house’ and one marked ‘Minx.’ I snicker seeing it. The cat has everyone jumping through hoops.
Still they say nothing, just look at me. I lean on the counter in front of the coffee pot and take a sip. Goddess that’s good. I’m starving too. I feel like I haven’t eaten in days.
“So, are you two going to give me a good morning kiss or just stare at me?” Jack is the first to smile and walk towards me. He leans down and presses his lips to mine. I open my mouth under him letting our tongues dance a little. My heart thumps feeling him. I moan and rub on him. He backs away breaking the kiss. But he smiles down at me.
“Good morning, mine,” I smile to him.
“Good morning, forever,” he whispers to me. It’s gooey and everything I hate usually, but it feels right.
“Lucien?” I ask looking around Jack.
He sets the mop aside finally and walks over to me in a huff. Jack moves back and gives us room. Then Lucien is lifting me one armed so I’m level with his eyes and he’s taking my mouth in a very beast man fashion.
Jack takes the coffee mug from my hand and I wrap my arms around Lucien’s neck. I moan in my throat in desire. Not succubus, just a woman that wants a man. He pulls back and sets me to the floor.
“Say the words, Wench.” His eyes dance with fire.
“I belong to you,” I whisper up to him. He grunts and nods his head.
I turn when I hear the back door open. A wolf pads in softly. Not a werewolf, a real wolf. I smile to her, I know its Brandi. She walks over to me rubbing my legs. I stoop down so I’m eye level and hug her around her neck. There’s a thick white collar around it.
“She says, ‘she’s happy you’re feeling better now and thank you.’ Your aura is much better, everyone’s is. I was getting worried.” I look up. Tabari is standing there with a bit of a sad look on his face.
I smile up to him, always worried, that’s my brother.
“You can hear her?” I ask. He nods his head, “She wouldn’t leave your side.”
“What about the others?” I ask, still stooping by Brandi.
“I was only able to save three others. They left to roam the wild together. The others had lost their will; nothing I could say would make them want to live again. You did something to save her. I’m not sure what. I felt her soul pulling back, wanting to go. I felt you yank her back to us. You wouldn’t let her die.” He says in awe.
“I needed to save her. I just knew it, she was meant to live.” Brandi licks my face. I laugh, I remember feeling if I let her die I would die, too.
“She says, ‘you gave her your courage when she had none of her own.’” Tabari says as I stand up.
I run my hand on the collar around her neck and look to Tabari with a questioning look.
“I’m trying to pass her off as a dog with a lot of wolf in her.”
I scoff. “How’s that working out?” He gives me a flat look. She doesn’t look anything like a dog, she looks, well, like a wolf, gray and white pelt, not even the same color as her not-wolf pelt. She’s lovable because she has a human mind. Her eyes look somewhat human, however. Is it the color or the intelligence behind them? I’m not sure, but it’s going to take the neighborhood a little getting used to. That much I know.
“I’m hungry Jack, any food around?” I ask.
“I was getting ready to make breakfast for everyone when Lucien here decided to dump a whole bucket of water on the floor saying he would share in chores. He just keeps pushing the water around, claiming its mopping.” Jack says irritation laced within his voice.
“That is what mopping is. I looked it up!”
“No, you are supposed to wet the floor a little, not flood it.”
I snicker, grab my coffee and go outside. I’ll let them work it out. I’m not going to be the referee in that conversation, it’s too insane.
I need to be outside; feel the sun on my skin. I walk to the middle of the grass letting my toes curl in pleasure. We need to get some seats out here. Maybe a patio and a grill. I have to remember to talk to Minx about it.
Peter’s cherry red car sits in the car port. The leaves on the trees are turning color, some are falling. September will be here s
oon. I hear the call of the birds in the trees. I hold my coffee mug in both hands enjoying its warmth seeping in my hands. I feel good to be alive. I take another sip. I turn when I hear the back door open, it’s Tabari.
“Hey,” I smile.
“Hey,” he smiles back. Walking to stand beside me, I breathe in the scent of ozone coming from him. I wonder if he’ll ever smell like fresh cut fruit and the forest again? Is he past going back to just being Tabari? Half elf, half wolf? I hope not.
“You seem different, Jae,” he says quietly after a moment.
“How do you mean?” I turn a little asking him.
“I see more peace in you now or something like that. Your aura looks healthy again. I was worried you wouldn’t be able to work it out.”
“You’re always worried. I feel good. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt like this, really.” I say quietly. Tabari wraps one arm around my shoulders and hugs me to his side.
“You deserve a little happiness, sister.”
“I have to take it where I can get it. Because what is coming will not be easy.”
“What do you mean?
“I keep getting flashes of conversations. Between Sheba, Elder Acastus and one other, but he is foggy. They were afraid of me or what I would become. They kept referring to me as the Eventide. They gave me to Sheba thinking they could break me and use whatever power they think I have. All of this is because of whatever they think I am. I have to find out what they meant and who the other is. I still have enemies to kill, brother. Not to mention the human authorities know too much about the supernatural kind. As Grigori, I have to flush them out.” I take another sip of my coffee and sigh. I wish I could make out the face of the third person in that vision.
He hums like he’s thinking. “Well, we have to go home in a couple months to give a full report to the Elders. We could use that time researching the archives, perhaps.”
“What do you mean have to go home?”
