“I can shift whenever I like?” Levi clarified, wary.
“Indeed, brother.” Philip grinned at Levi, and then turned back to explain it all to me. “Through the years, Levi’s found ways to weaken the punishment from time to time, as I’ve done with my own afflictions. It’s how I’m able to send my spirit out, and how he was able to spend a handful of days as a human on your side before being forced to turn back into a dog.”
I was well past the point of freaking out, but when Sandy turned to Philip and engulfed him in a warm hug, all language left me completely. “Thank you, brother,” Sandy exhaled, gripping Philip with love I couldn’t understand. “How I’ve missed you.”
Philip kissed Levi on both his cheeks, and I could tell they’d both been starved for physical contact by how tightly their fingers dug into the other’s skin.
When they finally released each other, Levi stepped back to admire his friend, clutching his shoulders with a look of admiration mingled with deep hurt. “You’re different now. The isolation of this island’s twisted you, brother. You want, so you take. You can’t have my daughter, though. That must be clear to you.”
My body was plastered to the wall, as if I hoped to make my bones part of the wood. My limbs were trembling when Levi turned to me, his hazel eyes painted with compassion that Philip just plain didn’t possess. “October?” His voice was deep, stirring something in my chest I hadn’t known I needed to be able to suck in a full breath. I’d been suffocating for far too long without that sound that rang in my bones like truth. The vines and webs that had been tangled around my heart began to loosen, giving up their death grip on the organ that had never been allowed to beat in the same rhythm as the rest of the world. “Do you know who I am?”
He could’ve told me a hundred times, wore a sandwich board and rented a plane to fly a message in the sky, and I still wouldn’t have understood him. I opened my mouth, but the effort of trying to get sound to come out was one step too many. My knees finally gave up, buckling beneath me as the island faded to nothingness.
Twenty-Nine.
The Desperation of Philip and Levi
Someone was slapping my face, but my arms were too weighted to reach out and punch the offender. I hadn’t slept in I don’t know how long, and my body was begging for a pillow and a nap.
My eyes fluttered open, and flooding my vision was Sandy— er, Levi. He had hazel eyes, and long auburn and light brown dreads tied back in a leather lace. He had Ollie’s square jawline, Allie’s smaller ears, three freckles on his left cheek, and my... my everything. I wanted to run, but I was too mesmerized. Too entranced. I hadn’t let myself need a father growing up because one simply didn’t exist. Now he was here, bracing me so I could sit up while I gawked at him.
I didn’t have any words. I’m sure I should be pissed, reaming him for leaving us with Bev. But if he’d been a dog, what could he have really done? Would he have been a better parent than Bev in his dog form? Did he love us? He couldn’t be totally negligent, since he’d taken up residence right next door to be near us. Did he love us? Had he wanted us, and not walked out rather than stick around? Did he love us?
“You fed us,” I remarked, wishing the first words I was saying to my father were more meaningful and eloquent. “When we were starving, you brought us food.”
A fierce emotion beamed through his whole being while he clutched me as he knelt on the floor. “You were so small. I was afraid you might die so many times. I don’t know what happened. Beverly wasn’t like that when we were together the first time. I watched her for months before I took my chance, used all my strength and turned human for the night. She was kind, meek and funny. Then over the years she grew... I was wrong about her.”
My clumsy finger lifted up and poked at his face to make sure he was real, and that I wasn’t hallucinating. I depressed my finger to his cheekbone, his jaw, his forehead. “It was the stone. She had the sagrado stone hidden in her hoard. It poisons humans, so it warped all of us in one way or another. She was a full human, so it bent her mind the worst.”
Levi’s arm behind me froze as his expression fell into horror. He took a moment to process the blow. He swallowed thickly, his eyes filled with palpable shame. “I gave her that stone shortly after Allie was born. I thought someone was following me, so I told her to hold onto it, that I’d be back for it someday. I had no idea it would be bad for her.” He hung his head. “I did that? I turned her into a monster? I’m the reason you were beaten and neglected?” I didn’t expect tears to form in his eyes, but when his nose turned pink and his voice caught, I found I couldn’t look away.
Ollie rarely cried. Allie broke down when the dark moods struck her, but Ollie was steadfast. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad one, but watching Levi’s three tears roll down his cheeks blew my mind. Every detail about him added a new explosion to the vivid image that was my new dad. “You stayed. You couldn’t be a person, but you still stayed? Why? Was it because you wanted to watch the stone?”
Levi shook his head, letting out a nervous scoff. “I couldn’t care less about the stone. I couldn’t have used it to save Terraway if I tried. I put a blessing on Bev and you kids so you could touch the stone without it turning you to rock. Same one I used on myself to steal it in the first place. I didn’t realize it would mutate Bev’s personality.” He shook his head, his tone mournful and angry. “I stayed because of you kids. I so wanted to be there, to have you call me Papa, to take you away from that awful trailer and build you a house. I wanted to bring home firewood and take you three on trips. I wanted to do homework with you, and take you all hunting to kill a beast and bring it home for Beverly.” He clutched me with just enough fire to make me believe that someone actually wanted to claim me, to put his last name on me and work hard so I could play.
I hadn’t played in so very long.
“You wanted us?” I knew it wasn’t wise to ask a question that could so easily go south on me, but there it was, the only thing I really wanted to know.
More tears slid down his unshaven cheeks, making his voice catch, and tugging at parts of my heart I’d thought were long dead. His answer came out in a fierce whisper. “I would have treasured you, my girl.”
Philip’s voice interrupted the tender moment, which made me want to double kill him. “You had the sagrado stone? You stole it from the Kapre?”
Levi glanced over his shoulder to his friend. “He deserved it for what he did to us. He imprisoned you first, and I knew I was next, so I took the stone with me Topside. Terraway knew he had a spare sagrado stone; he deserved to be persecuted when he lost it. Did they make him suffer?”
“No, I did. I found my first subject to control, and knew exactly where to aim him. Our master didn’t see it coming. I avenged our pain as much as I could, brother.”
Levi seemed satisfied with this answer, though he never took his eyes off my gaping expression. “None of it matters anymore. Had I known it would warp Beverly, I would never have trifled with the stone at all.” He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to mine. “I’m so deeply sorry I did this to you all.”
I didn’t have words, so I stuck to gripping the back of his neck to make sure he didn’t up and disappear on me.
Philip broke in with annoyance in his tone. “I needed that stone. I searched everywhere, raised whole armies to find it!”
Levi shrugged, still supporting my weight with his arm. “I would have given it to you, had I known you needed it. Our master banished us for being power-hungry and wanting too much control over life, and he goes and keeps one of the few sagrado stones to himself in his collection of precious gems? It was the worst kind of hypocrisy. So I stole his treasure. What did you need it for?”
Philip was incredulous. “It’s not one of the few sagrado stones anymore, it’s the only one left! Terraway gave up hope it even existed. They’ve been relying on the Omens to fuel the suns. Terraway’s been withering for the last couple years. It’s only because October
found the stone and split it between the nations that they’re alive at all.”
My eyes narrowed as my fight came back. I sat up on my own and barked at Philip. “You don’t give a crap about Terraway. You wanted to destroy the stone so everyone would have to rely on your rations.”
Philip looked down his nose at me. “That’s where you’re wrong, darling. I only needed the rations so I could send out my spirit into dulled souls. If I had the stone, I could grind it up, bless it and use it to break my imprisonment. I could be free of this island if only you would’ve brought me that stone! So many times I tried to get you to tell me where it was.”
“You’d grind it up? You’d let Terraway die off just so you could get off a tropical island?”
Philip’s fists clenched at his sides as he shouted at me. “You have no idea how many decades I’ve been here! I would do anything to be free! I don’t care if the whole of Terraway burned up under its suns. I would be free!”
Levi slowly helped me to stand, taking care with my unsteady form so I didn’t collapse again. He moved his body to position his shoulder between Philip and me as a partial shield. “You’ll not raise your voice at my daughter. And you don’t know what you’re saying. You wouldn’t let Terraway die. You must know of another sagrado stone if you were set on grinding one of them up. I only took the Kapre’s because I knew there were others to keep the suns regulated.”
“You had your family. You had freedom to move around and explore a whole world! I’ve had nothing but this island for over a hundred years! Nothing!”
I didn’t expect Levi to wrap his arms around Philip. Philip wasn’t a super huggable guy to begin with, but Levi didn’t seem to mind. He squeezed Philip and kept his voice steady with a tinge of sadness. “Brother, what happened to you? I loved your grand dreams once upon a time. Why are you chasing nightmares now?”
Philip’s voice came out mournful, dripping with utter loss. “I can’t be alone here anymore. I need to conquer, to explore, to feel a woman’s touch. I can’t do this anymore!”
“We’ll get you out,” Levi promised. “You used the Kapre’s ruby to break me of my curse. I’ll find a way for you to be free, too. Now that I can help you? You’ll be out in no time at all.”
Thirty.
What Fathers are Built For
My brain started working again, but admittedly kept hiccupping whenever my vision slid over to my father. He looked like a Viking, like Mason. I thought back over my conversations with my favorite pit bull, but couldn’t think of one where I’d confessed the awful things Philip did to Allie and me. Levi had been separated from Terraway for over a century. He had no idea the dire situation Philip had put everyone in.
I needed to kill Philip, but now had the added obstacle of getting Levi to let me do it without being able to clue him in.
“She’s not here for you,” Philip said in response to something I hadn’t been paying attention to. I’d been too busy gawking at my father and plotting how to murder his bestie. “She came to be with me.”
Levi was no longer hugging his friend, but stood between us again, his voice firm, but not unkind. “And she can stay as long as I’m here. It’s not proper for her to be here with you like this. This is the first time I can actually voice my opinion on her life, so you’ll let me have this. You won’t give me a voice only to take it away when it displeases you. Find another man’s daughter. You can’t have mine.”
My heart swelled. Though I didn’t much care for anyone making decisions for me, I was grateful for the extra anti-rape barrier.
Philip started pacing, hand to his forehead as he fished through the reasons he could say to my father without getting punched in the face. “It has to be her. I’ve searched through so many dulled minds, but hers didn’t have to be muted for me to get inside. I could talk with her, enjoy the Topside through her imagination. She’s shown me things that... It has to be her.”
Levi was firm. “Well, it can’t be her. Once we break you out of here, you’ll see there’s a whole world of women with sharp minds you can entertain yourself with.”
“But I can’t... You don’t understand! She’s the only one who’s been able to carry my child! All the others have died or lapsed into comas.”
My whole body forgot the master plan and started shaking with rage I couldn’t put a cap on. “Allie’s in a coma, and he’s the reason! He drove her insane when he tried to knock her up by sleeping with her in her mind, and how she’s in a hospital bed!”
Philip held up his hands when Levi rounded on him, wrapping his hands around Philip’s neck without a second thought. “You did what to my daughter?”
“Allison invited me into her mind! It was weakened with drugs, so I slipped inside.”
Screw the plan. I was done. I lunged at Philip, ready to tear his eyes out. “My sister would never do drugs! You pushed your way inside!”
Levi caught me around the ribs, maintaining his place between us. “Is that true?”
Philip was livid. “She wanted me there, just like October! She was happy when I came to be with her. It was only when she found out who I was and who she was that she started to get confused.”
Levi maintained his hold on me, but set his jaw against Philip, his hand still clutched around Philip’s throat. “Confused how?”
Philip struggled to swallow. “Confused like she didn’t want me there anymore, but I know she did! She let me into her mind in the first place!”
I let out a shriek of indignation. “That’s like, the international rapist motto! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you!” My anger turned itself onto Levi when he was calming me down instead of dealing with his assjack buddy. “Don’t you dare defend him! You have no idea what I’ve been through because of your friend.”
“I’m not defending him; I’m telling you to control yourself. Sama’s immortal, so if you do come to blows with him, you’re surely lose. I’m the only one who can deal with him. Trust me to do exactly that.”
“Trust you? I don’t even know you!” The moment the words belted out of my mouth, I wanted to stuff them back inside. Sure, Levi was new to me, but Sandy wasn’t.
Suddenly I was engulfed in Levi’s arms, his fierce love evident in how tightly he held me, shaking me at every fifth word that came out through clenched teeth. “All you need to know is that I’m your father. I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to show you who I am since you were born. I’ve loved you for your entire life. I fed you, brought you clothes, chased away predators, watched out for you and never once turned my back on you. You say you don’t know who I am? I’m your father. I was built to make sure you never have to be in situations like this. Let me handle it.”
A tear squeezed itself from my eye, surprising me that this was the first time I’d let loose such raw emotion during this whole debacle. “I can’t sleep. He comes in my mind and tries to get me pregnant. I didn’t know who he was at first. I thought he was just a dream!”
Levi cupped the back of my head and squeezed. “I’ll take care of it.”
Philip was fuming that I’d given him up, and I swear I saw a glimmer of hurt in his expression that I’d turned on him. “You come here to be with me, and this is how it turns out?”
Levi opened the door and ushered me outside. “Go back to your guide. I’ll come get you when we’ve finished catching up.”
I was so turned around; I didn’t know how to stuff all my mixed-up emotions into one sentiment. I looked up at Levi, lost for words. Then I threw my trembling arms around his neck, pulling him down so I could whisper in his ear, “My kiss made him mortal, but he doesn’t know.” I pressed my cheek to his, my eyes closing in case when I came back, he was somehow vanished. “Please don’t leave me,” I begged, voicing the insecurity that had plagued me most of my life.
Levi paused, and then gripped me in a hug that was so loving, I could barely understand the depths of it. Unending devotion flooded through me, awakening the dead ions and pumping new life through my tired soul
. “Never,” he promised with a ferocity that made me actually believe him. “Go to your guide. I’ll come for you in a few minutes.”
Letting go of Levi was one of the hardest things I’d had to do, including all the impossible things I’d had to tackle as of late. I tried to memorize each detail in case... Just in case.
Thirty-One.
Philip’s Day of Reckoning
I stumbled back the way I’d come with Philip, retracing our path through the nude trees until the dirt under my feet gave way to chalky sand. When my eyes fell on Finn, who was slashing violently at the air facing my direction, I halted my immediate instinct to run toward him.
“Finn?” I called, making my way closer to where he stood.
Finn faltered, his head whipping around to locate the source of my voice. “October? Where are you? Are you hurt?”
I was careful not to let my feet pass the protection of the island of solitude. I guessed that I’d never be able to get back inside once I stepped out. Leaning as far over as I could, I reached out and placed my hand on Finn’s arm, making him jump. “It’s me,” I assured him, grateful he didn’t up and chop my hand off. “Come on in. I think I need your help.”
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